Sigh. Here’s the deal… I watched the last episode of Project Runway back when it aired originally, on December 21st. That same night, Martha Stewart’s wondrous “Apprentice” finale aired and I made the difficult Sophie’s Choice to do the Martha recap first. I was up against the clock, as I was slated to go away for the holidays and recapping wouldn’t be so easy. I tried… I really, really tried to get it done before the long holiday hiatus. Then there were parties and bowl games and snow to shovel (and shovel… And shovel) and on and on. (Not to mention losing my original recap over a week ago to a jittery “do not save changes” gaffe.) Boo fricking hoo.
Alas, I did not get the recap done. As a result, here we are, nearly two weeks later with only the faintest memories of Santino’s embarrassing lingerie ode to “Heidi’s Homeland” still lodged in our brains – right in that weird spot with things that are supposed to turn us on, but somehow repulse us. Kind of like having outdoor sex and being caught by a relative (or EdHill) or broccoli flavored ice cream. Such was the mad creation of Mr. Santino – lingerie that made me feel icky. Two things come as a result of this absurdly late recap: One, a really chintzy shortened screencap-heavy version of the genius recap I had in my head 2 weeks ago while driving through New Jersey headed home for the holidays and two, a New Year’s resolution: Get the goddamn recaps done quicker. As eluded to, the challenge was to create a “line” of lingerie. Each designer had 30 minutes to sketch his or her idea and then Heidi picked her four favorites of the 12. The best sketchers, by far, were Daniel F(rantic) and TVgasm’s official choice, Diana Eng. Next time you watch the show and the Engster is on screen, envision someone’s hand up her ass making her mouth move. Your enjoyment of an already enormously enjoyable show will be increased 10-fold as only her lower jaw moves when she talks. It’s totally freaky. Heidi chose those two plus Daniel V(alium) and Santino as the top four. Santino’s was odd from the outset – I don’t know about you, but when I think of German underwear I think of either the classic lederhosen or some hardcore BDSM schietzer-type stuff. Not the goofy rufflely crap Santino ultimately came up with. But I can’t forget Guadelupe’s sketch (below). Her Underoos-rehash called to mind the unparalleled sketchwork of our resident artiste, B-Side.

After Daniel made some sort of skeevy pass at the flawless Ms. Klum, each team was selected: Daniel Valium chose Andrae and Zulema, Daniel Frantic opted for Kara and the increasingly likable Chloe, Santino went with Nick and Emmett and Diana took Lupe and Marla. This last team drew the ire of Santino: “I think the three of them are so f*cking lame. They haven’t had sex in their entire lives.” Whoa? Where did that come from dude? I couldn’t make it out, the wholly asexual Emmett followed up with some comment. These guys are just being dicks now… And besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if Diana is indeed a virgin – but you damn well know she’s built one kick-ass automated mechanical sex machine back at her apartment that responds viscerally to her every sexual ache and whim. Christ, it probably even makes her upper mouth move once in a while.


Each team bought their fabric and had 2 days to put the 3 pieces together. There were lots of sewing scenes and harried designers not getting exactly what they wanted from their teams. Emmett, it turns out, can’t sew for shit… Prompting Santino to refer to him as, “A sack of potatoes” and, “Dead weight.” Daniel Valium remained calm and focused while Daniel Frantic drove his two charges nuts. Props to Chloe, who did her best to keep Mr. Frantic in line. This proved to be an impossible task, but at least she tried. I imagine his hairdresser has the same problem every visit; “Daniel, dude, I can’t let you leave my salon with this horrible ‘do again,” but it’s all for naught.
Tim Gunn showed up as per usual and expressed concern over Diana’s whole concept. But he reserved his most cutting remark for Frantic; “It’s looking like Joan Collins to me.” “Really, that bad?” queried Frantic. That’s why Tim Gunn rules – Frantic’s conservative creations were shaping up to be EXACTLY what Joan Collins would wear… Better than Mrs. Roper and her robes I suppose. *Shudder* Santino didn’t need Tim there to tell him he was in trouble. Emmett hadn’t done anything in the way of production and the deadline was fast approaching and… What’s this? Santino crying? The delicious irony of him laughing at tender little Andrae two week’s prior was pungent in the air. Oh… Wait… That’s just Santino’s nasty body stink.

The next day the models arrived and with one hour remaining, the fittings began. And, of course, Daniel Frantic began changing his mind about his designs left and right. Kara came close to stabbing him with her scissors a few times, as he snipped here and undid there. Diana had another problem – a model who wouldn’t wear anything she regarded as, “Skimpy.” Um, what? Your job is to wear the clothes your paid to wear. Since when does a the lowest level of the modeling caste get to dictate what she will and will not wear? I predict she will be booted on the next episode – and good riddance. She made our Engstress add a bunch of fabric to her “lingerie” making it more like a deconstructionist cocktail dress of sorts. The fitting portion of the show was particularly enjoyable for, um, fashion mavens like myself:

Merry Christmas to ME
To their credit, Santino’s crew (Nick and Emmett) were not exactly confident in their work. They knew it was too tacky and corny and overdone. Time would tell how the judges felt about the four collections and damn, there’s Victoria Secret Angel Alessandra Ambrosio judging. This show RULES.

And a Happy New Year!
I actually liked Diana’s design despite Tim’s reservations. In her words, it had a playful bondagey sort of vibe and actually looked kind of pretty on the runway. Daniel Valium’s were simple, classic, and actually lingerie that a human woman on earth might actually wear once in a while. Frantics were fine, but all from the same old lady mold as Tim mentioned. Then there was Santino’s collection, dear Lord. A mixture of gingerbread man, vaudeville, and Santa’s reindeer. (Incidentally, here’s an interesting explanation of the reindeer names from snopes.)
Without any fanfare, Valium was declared the winner for his “normal” designs and Diana was passed through as well. This left Santino, Frantic, and their teams on the runway for the final judging. Judge Nina lit into Santino telling him, “It’s just not aesthetically pleasing.” Hey Nina, in my neck of the woods we usually just say, “That shit is ugly as hell.” Despite her politeness and obviousness, Santino still became defensive with a mocking, “Oh, I’m sorry!” You know what? Santino really is just a dick.


On the other end of the spectrum, poor li’l Daniel Frantic was dealing with incredibly hot supermodels mocking his vision. Alessandra laughed and told him his designs were for, “Old ladies.” As has become almost custom now, Daniel began crying and simpering – but at least he rightfully martyred himself as he said he would. The deliberation was heated, as Nina wanted Santino gone based on his latest abomination – past successes be damned. In the end, it came down to Santino and Daniel Frantic and I must tell you, I was eager with anticipation.
Santino… you EEN! This meant that Daniel Franco has the distinct pleasure being OUT twice on “Project Runway.” Now please, dude, take that hair of yours and Run. Run so far away.
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44 Comments
the wife tivoed three of these last week and made me watch them over the weekend.
i started off liking santino, but by episode three (this one), i was hoping someone would dress him as a deer just so i could shoot him.
and i don’t even hunt.
That was hilarious. I love the Diana Eng puppet imagery. She’s my favorite.
Yeah just the way Santino spewed I’m SORRY NINA… Talk about going from the early fave to the most vile in the shortest time frame.
Another reason to love this show: The fact that Daniel was out even after his emotional taking of responsibility. Any other show would have lapped that up that with drunken glee!
What I don’t get is they claim Daniel was out cuz he played it safe, when hello? Daniel V’s was as safe as you can get — it looked to me like they simply went shopping for underwear before hitting the runway. But hey, what does a mere viewer know about being fashion forward?
And our little Diane explaining her collection was reminiscent of a dominatrix — who knew?? I will have to check the mouth out next time…I knew something was up but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Btw sg-dub you get extra perv points for the image you selected of Ms. Ambrosio…
*shudder* indeed!
This show should always be screencap heavy. Don’t sweat it. I think Diana’s upper lip is completely unanimated and I’m so excited to try the hand in the ass puppet thing next time. That came out wierd, huh? I think she is one of those people who think the definition of smiling is to show your teeth. I like her anyhow. Her collection was fun. I liked those wispy pieces of brightly colored fabric trailing out of the futuristic dominatrix undies.
Santino, what a turd. I can’t believe he got away with selling his team down the river. He was the anti Daniel F. And his underwear was like chopped up WWII unis and Salvation Army curtains. I don’t know about you but when I’m thinking of qualities I like in my bra and panties, itchy is at the top of my list. Yeah.
Am I missing something from the last line: “Now please, dude, take that hair of your______ and Run. Run so far away.”?
Coconut – think 80′s music, think Flock of Seagulls. And I runnnnn, I run so far awayyyyyyyyyy….
I feel bad for the Santino’s middle model – she looks like she’s thinking “if I slouch enough no one will notice me”. Gosh his clothes were ugly. And you know the ONLY reason Heidi picked him was to see her tagline on panties – and then he failed on the execution of them. You could barely make out the “Auf Wiedersehen” for all the ruffles.
Great recap sg-dub. Glad to know you survived the holidays and the snow – snow – snow.
Oops – forgot to mention – LOVE the title!
1) Whether Diana and her team have had sex or not, they a) beat Satan-o in the challenge and b) haven’t had a childish meltdown between them, both of which are SLIGHTLY more relevant to the competition.
2) Nina was right — Satan-o’s collection was also derivative. Jean Paul Gaultier did the same thing about 10 years ago. You might remember Madonna in a fetching mini-dirndl, with her hair up in cinnamon buns on the side of her head and carrying, I think, a teddy bear, and with her eyebrows shaved. To really drive the look home, she had a fake gold tooth in front, so the overall look was kind of “Sound Of Music” meets “Deliverance.”
P.S. I’m surprised “Springtime For Hitler” didn’t come up in your recap — or maybe “Bedtime For Hitler.”
coconut: it should have read “Now please, dude, take that hair of YOURS and Run. Run so far away.”?
picky..picky…
Santino: “I think the three of them are so f*cking lame. They haven’t had sex in their entire lives.”…
“…the wholly asexual Emmett followed up with some comment.”
Actually, Emmett followed up with “Oh, like you have.”, which I thought was great =) Jesus, this show is turning me gay.
I love the T & A shows! All that frilly crap on Santino’s stuff looked like ice cream cake decorations. It’s not good when your models lingerie makes her look like Cookie Puss. And his little tantrum when they didn’t love his stuff was great. Watching them sell their stuff to Heidi was disturbing. Flirting with a pregnant chick is just wrong man. Especially the ones with wierd accents.
I felt the same way with the model wo refused to wear the outfit. She probably just doesn’t ant to be on the show anymore and is just figuring out a way to get booted. They should send the losing models to the gauntlet and have them battle it out. But knowing some of them they may just decide to surcumb.
Daniel was an idiot. The whole “I will take the blame so send me home please� gambit is such a lame reality show “I’m a stand up guy� gimmick, so of course it backfired. You know he was thinking “Gosh, when they see how selfless I am about my teammates they will see my true character and they wont send me home!�. Meanwhile on planet earth the judges were like, “Umm, OK, go home them.�
That last paragraph reads very guna like for some reason.
At first I thought Santino was the best designer but just looked a little stinky. Now I think he is just a stinky ass. What the hell did he throw on the runway? – it was awful.
As punishment for choosing Santino’s absurd and hideous travesties over Daniel’s infinitely better designs, the judges should be forced to actually wear those monstrosities during the next runway competition.
The Engster has some strange ideas, but somehow they translate onto clothes. She could be the suprise upset of the season.
Tim Gunn is my hero – I want a shirt with his face and a voice bubble saying: “Make it work!”
I developed a newfound respect for Emmett in this episode.
1)As #12 said, Emmett followed up with a comment that took Santino to task for his bitchy comments about Diana’s team, when it might have been easier to just go along and agree and giggle like that tool Uncle Nick did.
2)When Santino had his 11th hour meltdown when he saw how ugly and tacky his lingerie was turning out, Emmett was there comforting and encouraging him, saying something like Santino is a good designer who shouldn’t doubt his vision. Me, I probably would have been like, suck it up you big baby and let’s get back to making these ‘not aesthetically pleasing’ clothes.
3)Finally on the runway, Emmett maintained his composure and didn’t stoop to Santino’s and Nick’s level when they turn on him and blame him for the failure of the line. (This was despite the fact that tool Uncle Nick told Emmett earlier than the lingerie was shaping up to be campy with a capital C.) Even though Emmett said that Santino should be the one to go, he backed it up by pointing out that Santino was the team leader and that he was only carrying out Santino’s vision.
Maybe it’s because he’s older but Emmett strikes me as being the most mature and professional of the bunch. I know that doesn’t mean much in terms of the show because it is, after all, a fashion competition. But Emmett is a nice balance to Santino, whose ego is out of control. What’s with this guy? What’s the basis for such arrogance? Yeah, up until this week he was consistently one of the best designers, but so what? Santino acts like someone has annointed him the next Tom Ford and the plaudits he gets on PR are his just due.
i agree aries, i was impressed with how emmett handled the whole thing, can’t wait for the next ep “who the HELL stole my chiffon?”
There is something about Emmett that makes me just want to take a shower – or at least force Santino to take one. He just skeeves me out, very “It rubs the lotion on it’s skin.”
I too was even disappointed with Santino’s work this time. Oh well, I guess every great designer has a screw-up every now and then…as creepy as he is though, I still love him…
Santino’s concept was really clever,but he failed miserably in its execution…it could have been really cute and flirty, but there was just too much embelllishment on everyhting which just took away from the original concept. He can’t delegate but doesn’t like to micro-manage, so no wonder it came out all wrong. Also the “deer” makeup was just absurd…why not just do “doe eyed” and leave it at that? Too Too Too Much!
Emmet never seems to blink, which creeps me out….
Heidi’s deer in headlights look was so great when Daniel was flirting with her. I was letting out peals of laughter while I ironed my own unfashionable clothing for work the next day.
That model is lame. She seems to forget that we already had Morganza to shock and delight last season. this new one will have to do better than ‘this is too skimpy’ whines.
Please tell me somebody else has noticed the terrifying resemblance of Santino and General Zod. And you just know the guys smells like BO and patchouli.
Abbenomal (I like that) we have discussed Santino being the look-alike of a few people, including: General Zod, Mick Fleetwood, and Richard “The Shoebomber” Reid. Truly, he is an amalgam of all of them. He does look very b.o.ish. I can’t believe he’s as young as he says he is (33?). He looks around 40.
holyterror,
Word on the Gaultier matter. But I will go so far as to say everything that comes out of the fashion world is derivitive. However, some things are downright stolen.
I don’t get why people dislike Daniel F. so much. I like him. I felt badly for him that he was let go. I mean, to have him be “out” against that hideous line that Santino put out. I mean, really. I just cannot comprehend that.
Hey LQ – Stop using the dictionary to write your posts. We will like you just the same if you use plain ol’ English.
I completely agree on the Emmett love/respect. He was a contestant that previously was laying low or at least didn’t stand out to me. This episode I LOVED the fact that he said something back to Santino. It seems as if no one else is willing to and they just kind of go along with Santino’s gang mentality of ripping apart the other contestants. Let’s just hope he can create designs that are distinct and will impress the judges.
I don’t see how Santino (and Nick) could blame the disastrous results on Emmett. The lingerie was Santino’s “vision” and Emmett just followed directions. I wonder how bad his sewing is in order to be worst than the actual design.
Daniel F.’s crying for some reason was a little less awkward for me than say, Andrae’s. Maybe taking the blame was a bad move for the competition but I respect the fact that he took responsibility for his designs (SANTINO!!).
Go Diane!
I think the Engster was robbed! I liked Daniel V.’s collection too but I think Diana’s was more interesting. The judges had to have been taking Santino’s past successes into consideration this week because his collection was WAY worse than Daniel F’s. Daniel’s looked old but at least someone, somewhere would wear it. Who the hell would ever wear Santino’s crap?
Scorpiella – Maybe as a Halloween costume I would!
Amalgam? That’s 8th grade science, babe. I admit that I’m a linguaphile, but not a phony. Though I love learning new words I get that not everyone does. Sorry for doppelganger the other day. I’ll remember my audience next time. Also, I prefer the thesaurus, but not for here. Smooch!
there is a link to an article with santino on http://www.trent.blogspot.com or maybe you can get it from queerty.com, anyway…after reading it I dislike him less after his tantrum on the last epi. anywho if anyone is interested he rports he is bisexual, i don’t i’m allowed to post the exact quote.
Can they get Jedi Janie as a guest judge?
8th grade science? So when you said, “Truly, he is an amalgam of all of them” you meant a mixture of mercury and silver?
)
Precisely, my dear. With a touch of petrified funk. ;}
Lizardqueen….NO! Do NOT dumb down your posts… using precise words is EEN! Even if they are beeeeeg words.
Now, our all of our next posts must be in Iambic pentameter–okay, class?
i do have to agree, watching santino on PR is like smell-o-vision. i get the feeling that he always smells like whatever he just ate, or like some kind of ethnic food. or worse, grease from that nasty-ass uncle chens chinese place. meanwhile, i do have to question his sexuality. at times, he is so manly i feel he is part ox. at other times, he is such a wimpy girl that i want to offer him a hankey from my bra.
anyway, great re-cap as always. i would like to see chloe sweep this thing. her designs are gorgeous.
also, lizardqueen, love of my life, don’t go changing for anybody baby. you’re one of my fav posters and you got a set of brass ones. don’t pawn them.
Santino “Onion Pits” is really getting on my nerves. That sex comment about Engster’s team was straight outta junior high. I couldn’t believe a grown man of 30 would actually make that statement. No one as ugly as him should be that arrogant.
I am sorry to see Frantic go though. He’s super cheesy, but also earnest and I think he is a talented designer, but desperately needs to learn when to leave well enough alone.
Somebody must have smacked Andre around. He’s been rather low-key and doing well since the crybaby incident.
Thank you Helenann sweetiepants and glam0sunshine! I believe in precision, what can I say. These balls are my “titanium testes”. Light but strong.
I missed the show last night. Blessedly Bravo shows constant repeats. I also want to let anyone who cares know that they have a very user friendly website. Also wondering if any of you are playing the game they have on the website. I’m going to bid on at least one of this weeks dresses. If I win I’ll send some pics.
haven’t played the game yet, but i love reading tim’s opinions of the designs, as someone who can’t sew a button, i find it helpful
i only caught diana dancing on the most recent ep. can’t wait…
i’ve been enjoyin ths show, hvn’t read any of the comments until now but 2 whoever said that abt Santino lk’g like Gen’l Zod, THX YOU, i couldn’t rem’br that dude’s name fr Superman! & yes, i agree, esp. in that Lingerie challenge, his own outfit & beard were dead on. The Shoebomber ref. also fits, love it. (his lingerie ensemble was the worst & he knew it—’Lingerie is supp’sd 2 come off is what i thnk!!’ Yea, esp. whn it’s that ugly!)
i thnk they gave Zod the nod whn they chose him ovr Frantic—i ddn’t agree w/ the decision but i thnk in ths case, at least Zod had won 1 challenge & came in a close 2nd on that Barbie 1. I don’t get y he’s such a miserable sore loser, such a prick! & y pick on that team of 3 (engster, Guad, etc—) such an a**hole remark.
Eng’s problem is that she talks as if her nose were stuffed up, a permanent cold or s’in. That & she sounds as if she were a li’l kid, esp. whn she thx the judges—her ‘thx you’ brings 2 mind a 5 yr olds. But i like her comments abt the stupid models (‘maybe she should get anthr job’) it’s true, if Marc Jacobs had ask’d that model 2 wear a tinfoil thong & Saran Wrap bra i’d doubt she would complain in the same way, she dsn’t have that kinda leverage yet, as say Heidi K. gimme a brk! She’s Marla’s model (who should go soon nywys since she’s so lousy, so maybe the model will go as as well).
Watched the repeat of this episode last night with my sister, who hasn’t watched the show before, and she immediately pickup up on Diane’s weird immobile upper lip. Santino is such a jerk – I have to agree with all the BO comments. He looks so rancid.
Alas, fell asleep during the new episode, so I missed seeing Nicky Hilton.
When we see an update???
What happened sg-dub? Where are the new eps? Hope you’re ok:(
Season 2 is really strong so far, and I think they chose some crazy cast members again which should make things really fun to watch.