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Thursday, October 27, 2011
10:48 pm
50 Comments
Tagged: baseball, congrats you can make the same dress thirty times and make money, flipit, french wrench, funny, heidi klum, hilarious, icktor get some sun, internet sex workers win for once, justice is served, Lifetime, michael kors, mylifetime, nina garcia, project runway, recap, spoof, tim gunn, TV, tvgasm
Previously on Project Runway:
Icktor let Jersey Chore touch one of his trademark jackets and it got warts,…
Himberly hinted at her nutsack by giving one of her models a boner,…
And everyone got a pass to fashion week, even though the girls were terrible and Jersey Chore wore a vest I saw Blanche wear on the Golden Girls, but with chain link fence inexplicably glued on. So what did we learn? Life isn’t fair. Or tasteful.
The girls get the show going. Miss Trinidad tells us that last week she didn’t show “the best work I’ve ever done.” Well that’s one way to put it. I’m all for self forgiveness, but it might be a little soon. That shit was terrible. She knows that Jersey Chore is pissed that she got to stay, but just shrugs it off and says that’s just him. Sweetest internet hooker ever. She’s like Mary Magdalene and Jesus rolled into one. Guess what Jersey Chore is doing right now! If you guessed showing off his amazing trick where he crosses his eyes and rolls them at the same time, you win!
Chore, of course, wishes that there were fewer people so the chances of his terrible clothing actually winning something would increase. He also wishes he’d get banged by a boat full of marines and that Care Bears weren’t so fucking happy all the time. Wishes are a rip off. Fountains came up with them to rob you of your change.
The designers get to the workroom with 2 days to go. Miss Trinidad says that she’s having an identity crisis and agrees with the judges that she should never have listened to Tim. OK they didn’t say that, but they should have. Tim comes in to kinda apologize that his advice didn’t do anyone any favors. He doesn’t apologize to Miss Trinidad, though, cuz she sent out some unforgivable ass suck and he refuses to take credit for that. Sure, he told her all of her fun bright fabrics were wack, but it’s her fault for listening. And not sewing her collection until five minutes before the runway show. I’d love to say that lazy people never win, but I’m lazy and look at me! Wait….
Tim tells them that with enough work, any one of them could win. He says it while wagging his finger back and forth. It’s like the producers are making him say one thing but his natural reflexes are like oh HAYELL NO Y’ALL’RE AN EMBARRASSMENT.
The saxicolous among us will cheer your unparagoned suckage.
Tim has a HUGE gift for them. Unfortunately, he can’t get it working without fifteen minutes of doing the helicopter on it, so instead, he zips up his pants and gives them all five hundred bucks to spend at mood. Maybe talent will be on sale today!
Himberly decides that she is going to change the color of her giant booty/boner skirt to black. She can have the color criticized or the shape, but not both. So she’ll just let the shape get in trouble. What the hell? Nina flat out hated that booty and Fat Bitch Heidi called it “a carthooneded”. Redo the whole thing! Sad that the only goal here is to suck just a little bit less.
Jersey Chore is gonna change his jumper thing. He’s leaving the plastic flea collar, but plans to expand the butt for his heifer of a model. That cheap jerk is going to buy a new zipper and pocket the rest. Miss Trinidad doesn’t have many ideas yet, so she gets her boobs on the table and hopes that they come up with something.
A whole new line for motorboaters.
The boobs decide to just wander through mood and buy lots of cool shit to bring back and make a whole new line off the top of her head. It seems to have worked in the past, so good for her. Icktor decides to remake that flowy gown thing that Nina loved. No idea why, but I guess he has to come up with something to do for the next two days. He should spend that money on a trip outside. Maybe get a ticket on one of those tour busses that’s open on top. I realize now after seeing his boyfriend that he might just keeping himself as pale as possible to not make the poor little fella feel less pasty, but looking like a corpse never spared anyone’s feelings. Sun.
Let’s take a moment to examine Jersey Chore’s outfit. If traffic cones started a gay marching band, they would think this outfit is too much.
For the easy breezy ruthless queens who wanna clean their clothes with a handi-wipe and call it a day.
The first thing Himberly does back at the workroom is check her new material for a nutsac.
Miss Trinidad bought every cheap print she could find and plans on remaking all three of the looks she showed to the judges. It sounds like it could be a disaster, but this girl is touched by an angel. An angel that hates sleeves and loves summer dresses. Chore has bought what he’s wearing, but the “under a microscope” version. Not a real microscope. There are just bigger horizontal stripes. Not scabs and bedbugs.
I have watched every minute of this season (well except for hair and makeup. Even I have limits), and I still can’t for the life of me figure out wtf Jersey Chore is still doing here. Dear Casting, PLEASE MAKE AN EFFORT. Lovekinda, Flip.
The eighth dwarf, Leather Bear
Jersey is totally invigorated by his new hideous neon fabrics. His line should be called “CAUTION: CHILDREN CROSSING” or “PLEASE DON’T HIT ME ON MY BIKE”. He is planning on making a ton of new stuff that you can see at night on an unlit street, but then Icktor asks him the perplexing question: “Um….are you even done with your line?” This sends Chore into a tailspin. He starts crying. LOL!
If this doesn’t get finished, lines of children being let out of school will be crushed by oncoming traffic. WAAAH!
The best part is that he’s whining to Miss Trinidad, who he’s basically called a no talent bimbo skank for the past two months. He sobs “I don’t have anything! I don’t even have a job when I go back!” LOL!!! You stupid whiny bitch. Like everyone else has mansions they’re subletting to come on tv. Granted, it will be easier for the non pleather/mascara/drag queen eyebrow/orange contenders to find work than Chore, but he victimized himself with those flaws. I know bartending jobs are like really hard to come by and require tons of education and stuff, but joo can do eet! I would shout at him to man up, but I’m thoroughly enjoying his eleven o’ clock number.
Glue-gunning just isn’t the highly paid skill it should be. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Now he’s squealing and inconsolable. Miss Trinidad knows how to stop those gunky black tears, though. She starts talking about how she’s hurting too. He dries up immediately, which makes me laugh my ass off.
Do you not see my uniform? Children are crying. DO NOT CROSS. DO NOT CROSS!
That was very sweet/smart of her. One day til runway time! Icktor is on a gay cliche roll. “Oh Lord of the RINGS!” “But cha ah in that chair!” “No more wire hangers!” “You gotta stir the….motorcycle!” ??
Why, stirring motorcycles isn’t a gay cliche. Luckily, he’s giving two imaginary handjobs, so he pulls this off. Literally.
Today, Jersey Chore is wearing his little girl pink hoodie and his little girl ice skates without the blades. I am only pointing that out because it’s the last day of this shit. I live in West Hollywood and am surrounded by queens, and I never get this much gayness in one sitting. It’s like candy. Candy that you should only put in your mouth with the wrapping still on cuz otherwise it will kill you.
Where’s Tanya Harding with a crowbar when you need her?
Everyone’s nervous, but no one’s squealing or sobbing about losing their barbacking job, so it’s not as fun as when Jersey was nervous. Hair and makeup! SMOKE BREAK!
Tim comes in to check on progress. He gives Himberly shit about her pink boner dress again. She says she was gonna redo it, but now her plan is just to rework it. Jersey is grossed out by her skirt, but he’s…him. So who cares? Miss Trinidad shows Tim all of her wacky patterns and says that she feels more herself, but that it’s still not her best work. She says she has had a great time and if she loses she’ll be ok. It’s a concession speech, but every episode she’s cried and or worried that she’s not gonna finish or blah and she ends up winning. I suspect today will be no different.
Icktor has made a new gown out of funeral lace. And it’s see through. It’s like he’s creatively visualizing the death of Miss Trinidad. Tacky! Tim is loving Jersey Chore’s line suddenly, except for that same print he went on the “homeliest I’ve ever seen. Ever. Ever. Disgusting. Fugly. Poop. It looks like total poop.” rant he went on about last week. This throws Jersey off, like he’s never heard that critique before. Are you guys watching After the Runway? Did you see the one where Laura Bennet came on and called him a drama queen bully and he hissed at her and told her she better hope they never run into each other in LA? LOL! That has nothing to do with anything, but I have to remind you he’s a terrible person as many times as possible before this is over for the season.
Miss Trinidad is making yet another new look. She’s on a roll. She figures the judges loved her when she was pulling shapeless and flowy out her ass, so why not just do it some more? They’re stuck dressing skeletons, so she’s just picked out a skeletal fabric as an homage to the homely anorexics. She really is a sweet girl.
Meanwhile, Icktor mourns his childhood loss of melatonin.
The models come in for fittings. Jersey Chore tells one of them that his goal is to make her look just like him. She runs out of the room screaming and sets herself on fire near the soda machine. God bless her. No matter. He can get any ole average girl off the street to wear his shit. Since it all looks like it’s coming off the dollar rack at Wal-Mart, it’s more fitting that way anyhow.
He blahs in wonderment at his own talent for making whatever it is he thinks he’s making, and to really sell it, he adds in some jazz hands.
Miss Trinidad is still cutting out new dresses with forty five minutes to go, which cracks me up. She does her “I donna know eef I feeneeshsuckyfuckyfivedolla” routine, but we all know she will. And the new line is looking pretty good. There’s no reason muumuus should ever have gone out of style in the first place. It’s early morning of the runway show now, and Martha Plumpton is outside trying to set the hotel on fire.
I know that’s you, Martha!
Miss Trini tells Himberly that this whole line is inspired by her dead brother, which makes me wonder if he passed away from being unprepared. Icktor is worried about the whole public speaking part of the runway show. You’re already dressed like PeeWee Herman. Just talk about the Alamo and have someone arrest you for cutting the tags off a mattress or some shit. Jersey Chore practices his Norma Desmond monologue and tries to figure out who he’s gonna leave dead in the pool by the end of the show.
If Mirrors Could Talk:
Jersey gets teary eyed and tells us how proud of himself he is for learning editing. LOL. You’re wearing a lesbian key chain, mascara, and a plastic Gucci knock off diaper bag. Editing begins at home.
The final four show up to the runway and hug and give each other love. AW! Time to get shit ready. Himberly is the first to start crying, cuz she forgot her toolkit and has a lot left to sew. Woops! It’s been left behind! Now you know how your penis felt.
Miss Trinidad comes through and gives her what she needs. I have tried my best to hate Trini, but I just can’t do it. Sowwy. Fat Bitch Heidi comes out on the runway looking like she saw Chris March backstage and ate him as a snack. The real news here is Dollivier. Good Lord, woman! He needs to start a Beige tribute band.
Earth, Wind Earth, and Fire Earth.
Fat Bitch intros the judges. Hi Kors!
Hi Nina!
Hi Guest Judge L’Wren Scott! I don’t know what her deal is, but her dumb ass made up name makes me just shrug her off immediately. She sounds like a French wrench.
Fix my l’sink
Himberly’s line is out first, and she’s super emotional. In case you were wondering what that looks like:
First up is her cookie monster pants and striped shirt. It looks better than it did the first time we saw it. The new pants are now causal chic and perfect for a cookie brunch.
The back is pretty cool and improves the whole look.
Look two is a mini skirt with a prettyish blouse. The little mermaid grew up to be a streetwalker. I mean that as a compliment. Kinda.
Next up is a simple cookie monster top with capri pants. Meh. Cookie casual.
Again, the back is better. She’s designing for women who only want to make an impression as they walk away. Her line is called Fear of Rejection.
Next up is another cookie monster dress with a giant sack. WHY? CM would never do laundry in such a fancy outfit.
She’s veering into Jersey Chore hot pink territory now, and just as I type that, she says she feels like she’s sitting at home looking at someone else’s collection. The jacket’s pretty cute, even though it looks like something Icktor’s made about twenty times this season.
Icktor on top of Jersey Chore. And….nightmares.
Now for her tribute to Miss Trinidad.
The next is her best so far. I’m sure Dollivier the Biegian agrees.
I appwoov
She didn’t fix the pink boner skirt, but she did add a much prettier top. Way classier chick with a raging hardon.
Now for a glitter top that Fat Bitch always wears, which is a good strategic move. The pants are pretty fug, though. Are we expecting a lot of rain this season? Cuz highwaters are all the rage.
Global warming = bad fashion
Sparkly gown that looks pretty and hides the Adam’s apple. Love this one.
Just to solidify her brotherhood with the trannies of the world, she bows in her giant clunky silver drag queen shoes.
She did a pretty nice job overall, but I don’t think she has a shot in hell. Nina is bored, and that’s like rule number one. She’s making a list of shit she needs to buy for her baby stew later.
Cilantro, mustard, rosemary, chives, baby, pepper.
Guess what Jersey Chore is doing right now.
He comes out on the runway crying. SHUT UP. He dedicates his collection to dead mom, and his dad gets that “stop calling me for money if you’re gonna keep giving your mom credit for everything, you ungrateful twit” smile.
Matlock rip off alert!
What about “This is the homeliest fabric I’ve ever seen” don’t you understand, ya queen? Tim must be clucking and grimacing backstage at this next one.
And now for capris, a tank, and a really poorly made church lady jacket.
And now more “homeliest fabric I’ve ever seen” paired with a poorly made skirt in road worker green.
More neon green. This time ripped up shorts with chains glued all over the place and a really cool t-shirt. It looks like a super tacky Saw contraption.
Hot pink capris and that tuxedoish jacket. I don’t know if Himberly ripped him off or if it was the other way around, but the saddest part of this season is that there’s no one good to even copy off of.
You know what’s even grosser? Chunk is sitting next to Wretchen!!
Ah, Chunk. You’ve had plenty of time to learn taste. Shame!
And now for his “Pander to Fat Bitch” little black dress.
A plastic top with blood spatter all over it. How…comfortable.
He changed his jumper into a witch dress. He kept the flea collar.
Next up is the sluttiest judge robe I have ever seen. Take notes, Judy!
The PeepHole’s Court
That line was cheap, tacky, and pointless. Glad to see people learn to express their personality in their work. Icktor’s next! He’s scared of public speaking. You’d think a grown man who goes out in clip on bowties, shorts, and shoes without socks wouldn’t be afraid of anything.
Dollar Store Mondo
His collection is “inspired on” Mexico. The first is his purple tie dye top with a flowy waitress skirt. Jetson sleeve things again.
Next is his zipper leather skirt (cute) and see through blouse (hacky. Please don’t let those hideous things come back!). I love that they show a shot of Quaker Oats as the slutty one walks. LOL, editors.
KNEES! SIN!
Now for the dangerous hug/dangling mirror shards top with some short shorts.
Now for Texas mixed with Mexico with a little ombre in there for good measure. Just in case you didn’t get that this was Mexican inspired.
We should give this dress government money to help with college.
Another see through top. This is too nineties for my taste. Why is that see through thing back? Or is it only on this show? I remember in high school my Spanish teacher got into this look. It was disturbing as hell. These need to not be made for women over three hundred pounds. Sorry, Heidi!
Next up, a see through gown for a porn funeral. The best thing about this is that model’s body. God wins!
So is it all funeral wear? Looking dead doesn’t mean you have to mourn yourself all day long, man! I thought for sure last week he had a shot at taking this, but zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
The Black Yawn
Now for a pretty dress with coffee spilled down the front.
Now for the period pants and violent hug top we’ve already seen.
More see through. Ugh. Leather pants and anal warts jacket.
Yawni, put down the flute. That was so boring! I’m not really even being picky here. I just don’t wanna fall asleep before this shit is over. The return of the see through blouse with the bra underneath is what you have to offer fashion? GO HOME! And give Mondo his clipon back you robber!
Miss Trinidad dedicates her line to Caribbean sex workers. She’s already better than everyone else, just for using color.
She’s done some work on her rusty pipes Wretchen tribute, and it looks a lot better. It still reminds me of Wretch, though, so I can’t help but hate it.
She’s switched out her terrible saggy titty bathing suit for a pretty one with a nice flowy robe.
I’d like to think Mrs. Roeper would have worn this when she was still young and sexy. And I LOVE Mrs. Roeper, so yay.
Did UPS start shipping Asians? Cuz this one looks like she’s just waiting to be signed for.
Trini says she can’t believe that all of this is by her! Really? Cuz they’re summery flowy dresses with no sleeves. You’ve done that every single week and you’re still not used to it? OY. Still, pretty.
Gold short shorts and a flowy brownish skirt thing. Not sure about this, but it’s the second time tonight Matlock’s felt robbed, fo sho. I do love that there’s a model on this show with some normal thighs. YAY for that!
Carbarella
More short shorts and a casual summer top. It’s all beachwear, and I could see people actually buying this stuff. I think that means she can’t win, right?
Another Wretchen dress. UGHstillhateher. This one has a formal sixties collar, though, for whatever reason. The stuff Trini came up with in three hours is better than the stuff she had months to make.
And now for the possibly chunky lady x ray dress.
I think she won this. It’s been pretty obvious for awhile, but last week they tried to trick us and make us think it wouldn’t happen. The only thing making me think she won’t win is that I think she will win. I never ever ever guess right. EVER. Jennifer Love Shrewitt loved it, so that’s all that matters. What the hell has happened to her face? She looks like a squinty Janet from Three’s Company. And why is Three’s Company in this recap again!?!?
Jay hates Jersey Chore’s guts (LOL JAY!!!!) but loved his tacky ass line best. As he would. I love me some Jay, although the new fauxhawk is making me rethink that one hard.
Girl you should know better. This was out during your damn season.
Betsey Ronald McDonald Johnson likes Chore best too. Of course. I wonder how she feels about apples in Happy Meals instead of french fries. Can’t get over it and never will.
As tacky ass Ronald McDonald loving tacky ass Jersey Chore’s line should scare anyone with any kind of taste level, so should Himberly be scared that Quaker Oats says that she would wear her line. Yikes.
Sad pasty cover my elbows or I’ll go to hell horns.
In unrelated news, Nina’s Soul Sister in Split Ends washed her hair! Can I get an AMEN?!?
Mila liked Icktor’s work best, which is surprising. I thought she’d go for Jersey Chore because of their crosseyed bond and all. Crosseyed birds of a feather run into fence posts together. Or not, apparently.
Judging time! The judges start with Himberly after Nina pulls her finger out of the light socket.
Kors likes that she listened to their random advice from last week. Guest Wrench likes the Little Mermaid hooker look, and everyone loves the hot pink dress. Heidi loved her tribute to Beigeian and wishes she had more of that kinda stuff. Jersey Chore is next. Fat Bitch liked his work, and even the “homeliest print I’ve ever seen” look. Kors says he’s like a schizo, but it worked well for the line and he should drop the histrionics. LOL. Wrench was overall impressed. WTF? I could never be a judge cuz I would just say EW and the show would be over. Nina says that he’s the most improved, and even compliments the neon shorts with chains. LOL I can’t take these people seriously or I will bash my head through my TV.
Icktor: Kors loves his printed pieces and his tailoring, but didn’t like all the see through crap. Thank you. Wrench repeats her compliments from her Chore critique. She wasn’t into the sheer either. Fat Bitch liked the mirrors, the period pants, and the printed gown. She hated the see through stuff too and calls it cheap. Nina likey prints. Hated the see through.
Miss Trinidad: She says “easy and sexy” as many times as she can in her pitch. This isn’t craigslist, skank! Keep it in your pants. Fat Bitch loved the prints, but says she did way less work than everyone else and eight out of ten looks had the same neckline. Kors loved her first look the best and calls it his fave opener even though she needs some variety. Wrench couldn’t wear any of it, but she liked the work. Nina compliments the bathing suit, but says nicely that she’s a one trick pony. So why should each of them win?
Trinidad says that she started as someone who couldn’t sew and ended up as someone who couldn’t sew and is still smiling. Jersey says that he’s a vile human and his mom died and if they don’t pick him he’ll squirt mustard gas out of his death flower.
I win or you ALL LOOOOOSE!
Icktor is dressed like Mondo, who was robbed, so they should make it up to Mondo by giving him the win. Himberly says that black people need a decent designer too. I will be equally blahed no matter who takes it. I’m just glad crazy ass Mila will be back on my screen soon.
In alone time, Kors says he liked Him’s clothes, but it wasn’t a cohesive collection. The other judges agree, but Wrench says that there were some clunky pieces and Nina thinks Him needs some time. None of the judges were too psyched about the see throughiness of Icktor’s line, but they all loved the printy stuff. It would be cool to give the first dead looking person in PR history a win, but Nina says that four of his looks sucked so….Fat Bitch sticks up for him half heartedly, but no one buys it.
Kors is shocked that Trinidad got it together at the last second, and Fat Bitch tattle tales that she had nothing done on Tim’s home visit. That works to her advantage because so much in fashion is done under the gun. Kors agrees about the identical necklines and that she needs more than one look in different prints, but it was at least consistently good.
The judges fall over themselves complimenting Chore, and it makes me wanna throw up. So they’re impressed that his line was a tad bid less hideous than his usual work, and they were impressed that Miss Trinidad’s line was sewn at all. And those two are in the running for the win. I wonder if all the guests that the casting department invited over for their finale party are all looking at each other in awkward silence right now.
Kors says that he could imagine a Miss Trinidad line, but Jersey had more work and ideas in his line. If Jersey Chore wins I’m gonna eat an entire pizza and smoke a bowl. Which I will also do if he loses. But I will have an angrier binge if he wins I MEAN IT. Fat Bitch tells all the designers that none are losers. Um, I think it would be equally as fair to say they all lost equally, but why nitpick now?
Himberly is first out! She is sweet about it. She adjusts her nuts and gets the f outta there. She’s super grateful and really emotional about it all. In case you forgot what that looks like:
Icktor’s next out. Poor little guy looks like a dead child rapper.
He’s not too sad, though. He says something about not winning the cherry but eating the whole tub of ice cream anyway. I don’t know what he means, but at the same time I know exactly what he means. At least he gets a hug by a giant tube of whitening toothpaste.
Miss Trinidad WINS!!! YAAAAAYYYY!!!! I thought Dorothy was a little bitch, but I was still glad when she dropped that house on the green evil skank! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! I just wish she would take off his shoes and wear them, but I can’t blame her for one second for not doing it. Of course, his parting words are dissing Trini’s sewing skills and complaining that he’ll have to take more depressing calls from bill collectors. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! SUCKA!
Miss Trinidad is gracious and sweet, which means I don’t really have anything to say about her. Except that she’s gonna be able to afford a damn fine handicam now! Congrats, girl! Wow. A winner I don’t hate. It feels….odd. Thanks so much for being with me all season! I will be back for All Stars in the new year, and until then you can find me over on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. LOVE!
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50 Comments
Wonderful recap as always Flipit! You have the best reviews on tvgasm. Thanks for all of your hard work. I literally laugh out loud and sometimes snort when reading your recap!
I was shocked I tell you… shocked! I never expected that skinny balded-headed buck-teethed bitch to win! I thought for sure of all of those awful sewers, that Viktor would at least get the win for sewing clothes that someone might actually wear. This goes down as the worst season EVER. That’s for sure. I watched a Season #2 marathon on Style last week. It was fabulous. Those were the days…. I can’t wait for the All-Stars!
Dear Flipit,
I have become so spoiled by your fast recapping that I was annoyed at the idea of having to wait even two hours for your usual recap to appear. I signed on figuring I would just wait it out…and there was your recap! Not only was it done quickly, but it was well-written and funny too! I loved the lines about Nora Desmond and your Dorothy and Wicked Witch analogy! I agreed with everything you said except for one thing: I LOVED Icktor’s first look. I found the colors on the print to be fresh, and I loved the femininity of the little purse and shape of the skirt juxtaposed against the stark color of the skirt and the severe structuring of the shirt. I would have changed the shoes, but overall I really thought it looked lovely.
I also loved Miss Trin’s first look. It made the model’s body look spectacular, not that it wasn’t spectacular to begin with, but it really highlighted her figure (especially her upper body) to perfection. And while I HATE anything Wretchen, I liked the look with the sixties collar too.
Like you, I had no problems with Miss Trin winning. For this season, and considering who her competitors were, it wasn’t a bad choice. Of course had it been any of the previous PR seasons, Miss Trin probably wouldn’t have made it past the third episode, but for today’s show–I have no problems with her success.
Is it my opinion or have the judges all taken on stereotypical roles in their judging? Nina has become all things “editorial”, because she works for mags so her focus is about how the outfit/look will photograph. Kors is all about merchandising so he sees the clothes from a retail point of view, and Fat Bitch Hiedi, because she was a model, is all about what some skinny woman wants to wear. I remember the judges crossing over more, making a cohesive judging table. Now, it feels all chopped up. Maybe that is why the judging has been so shitty this year? As far as the new judge is concerned, I looked at some of her clothes online and thought they looked elegant (http://lwrenscott.com/index.php) but how did she see the season before they filmed today’s episode?
In conclusion, I agree with Flipit: At least Jersey Chore LOST!!
So enjoy your pizza and smoke Flipit, because you deserve it. You did an AWESOME job recapping this season, and I thank you for all the laughs, despite nearly chocking to death so many times…see you in RHBH!
PS AMEN!
PSS This comment came so late because I accidentally erased my first three versions–stupid captcha and turning pages and losing everything rule!
Oh …was I suppose to tell you how much I love you? Damn, I forgot!
Great recap, as always. I think they definitely gave them the extra $500 to give Anya a shot at winning. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked, but how could they love Joshua’s line? I haven’t seen that much ugly go down a catwalk since Jay Carroll’s line. Oh, wait a minute…
Anyway, Anya’s line looked a lot better in motion than in the stills that were leaked from Fashion Week. And it was fun to watch Jersey Chore (such a good name) try not to implode and pitch a huge bitch fit.
I haven’t watched it yet, but is someone going to recap Project Accessory?
I guess I don’t hate Anya, but damn – she only has one look in her arsenal (albeit a pretty look). Where is a coat? How about seperates? How about sleeves?! What about the large busted woman who can’t wear a deep v neck?
That said, I didn’t like any of the other lines either. None of the four finalists would have ever been cast on the Bravo seasons. I hope Lifetime wisens up, or a lot of fans will leave.
Oh, and giving everyone $500 and a trip to Mood with no caveats was a sweet present intended to help Trinidad win or at the very least shore up everyones crappy lines. In years past each finalist got fifty bucks and the directive to make a thirteenth look. Not a shit load of money with the hopes they will take the judges criticisms to heart and fix their shit. At least they didn’t bring back failed designers to help the finalists sew. Methinks Trini and Jersey were counting on that.
Still, wonderful recaps this whole season, Flipit! Thanks for making my Friday mornings before work a lot better.
I don’t hate Trini either, but what a weird result. If Victor hadn’t gone all see-through I think he would have won. I did like how Tim obviously didn’t have much to say to Trini during the runway show or the “sorry about my bad advice” session. Whatever. Worst season ever. Except for your recaps Flipit! They were awesome.
P.S. If I ever see Chore’s green chain shorts again I may stab myself in the eyeballs.
Okay, I’m mad. Not surprised, but mad.
The mere fact that the main objective here was to “suck the least”…wow…that’s some lofty aspiration. And Chore, “editing” should not be a designer’s primary goal. All it says is that you acknowledge that you are a tacky-ass bedazzlewhore, and have to ignore your every impulse in order to produce something tolerable by society.
This entire season was utterly lacking in drive, excitement, innovation, and, most notably, high fashion. Even the best of the designs looked like things you could already find on the markdown racks at TJ Maxx (next to the Kors finery), while the worst designs looked like a 2nd grade arts n’ crafts project (“Listen up children, here’s 2 yards of rayon, a clothespin and some paste – now MAKE IT WORK!”). And through it all, there was Miss TitsnEarrings, tossing out unhemmed, stitch-free v-neck caftan after v-neck caftan. And we ALL pegged it from the start…her “I just learned how to sew 4 months ago” mantra was a dead giveaway that she had it in the bag.
Even then, I can’t believe that, with her obvious lack of skills and vision, they could still hand her the prize. (Did Heidi lose a bet?) Anya was the first one to admit that her final “collection” was not her best work. (Hmmmm…maybe because she threw it together in the cab on the way to the show?) Remember that she had 5 weeks, but couldn’t come up with a new “shape”. All she did was sit in a boat and be inspired by the sea. Ahhh, that’s nice. At the final, the judges kept complimenting her on her wonderful patterns – BUT SHE DIDN’T DESIGN THOSE FABRICS!!! Maybe at least then, it would’ve shown some underlying talent. (Icktor created his own prints, and they were pretty cool.) Ms. BoobsnFringeBoots bought them at Mood with the “we’ve gotta throw these hacks some money, otherwise the runway will be a laughingstock” that Tim looked SO embarrassed to have to hand over. Weren’t they supposed to have their collections ready to go when they returned? I don’t recall Emilioth or KaraSaun sitting in the sewing room, crying that they didn’t have a collection to throw on a model. Giving them that $500 “safety net” was totally unfair to every finalist in every previous season, who worked their asses off to have everything ship-shape in time for the show.
No more Project Runway for me. I’m really disappointed, because I love art and fashion and creative competition – and this show has generally (except for Wretchengate) been a solid combination of all three. And no, I haven’t always agreed with the judges. I accept that. But this last bit of shit just pissed me off beyond repair.
One final comment to SuckyFuckyFiveDolla: “Easy and Sexy” doesn’t describe your “vision” so much as it describes you. Good luck selling those shapeless schmatas online…because, except for the Royal Carribean gift shop, I don’t see that happening in much abundance.
PS. I’ll miss Tim, and I’ll miss you, Flipit. Your recaps made it worth the pain of sitting through this season.
My cats would have loved playing with the strings on Chore-boy’s green shorts. They both have claws so I hope he would be wearing them at the time. Heh.
Flipit, you rock so hard with your recaps. I was laughing aloud and I’m at work and it’s early in morning and I’m Swedish/Lutheran/Minnesotan so that’s really something remarkable.
What was up with Icktor? I had high hopes until he trotted out all that flimsy black crap. It just didn’t make sense. Himberly, oh, Himberly. I loved the beige outfit and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but none of it would have won a week one PR Season 2 showing.
I knew the fix was in for Anya. I wasn’t upset that she won as I’m numb to the corrupt machinations of the producers and judges. By the end of this season I really just did not care. I wanted it to be OVER already!
If Tim Gunn has any scruples he will leave this show in the dust and go on to better things. They are wasting his expertise and making a mockery of his good taste. And Swatch should go with him! Bah.
ohralphie…I was thinking the same. There was no real construction to any of Miss Trini’s pieces. Drape at neck…either cut a deep V to let it all hang out, or make a simple collar…wash, rinse, repeat. Did she even make a sleeve during the entire season? Most of her stuff looked like beach coverups.
It was fun to see Jersey Snore’s face curdle, and reflect on how all season he said he would be so angry if Trini won it all. But I don’t remember in past seasons contestants getting so much advice on what to change for their Fashion Week line. I was under the impression that by the time they got that far, they were supposed to know what they were doing. Silly me.
Flipit…count me as one of those who loves you.
Everyone knew that Miss Trinidad was going to win. She’s sexy, has style, has a sultry accent, and put out sexy clothes. So who cares if she didn’t send out a jacket? I have to say that Kimberley’s collection looked great for a change, but Jersey Chore sucked donkey dick. In the end I don’t care who won, as long as he didn’t! Yay, to me!
I just noticed that the coverup on Trini’s first swinsuit is the exact same material as Himberly’s Trini Tribute piece. The only difference is Trini’s material is black & white and Himberly’s is a cascade of ugly colors.
There was an awesome shot of Dolliver Beigian staring off at nothing blankly during the show. I wish I could remember whose stuff…
Icktor, bad, bad with see through black stuff. You could have won! I loved his print and am surprised he didn’t get more kudos for it. And loved his first look.
Himberly, just not my style but definitely suits her intended customer.
Chore. Just no. Entitlement is no answer.
Anya did good. And I do agree she is a hustler, can supply in a crunch and will read up and educate herself for new shapes. She really seems to get the business side of it and I see her going far. Will be interesting to watch.
And flipit, you’re recaps of BH and this are so awesome and quick! I miss the Lost recapper (when I first fell in love with tvgasm) but you are right there!
I meant “your” (sorry).
My captcha code is PEEU (ha ha funny)
The worst part for me is knowing that all four of those hacks actually think that they are in the same league as any of the other top four contestants from previous seasons (well, except for Jersey Chore who thinks he is better than all the past winners combined). It was like a kindergarten class come out on a field trip to a major league baseball field, and then ran around pretending they were real major league ballplayers (“Yay Teat-chah! I’m a pwofethinal ball playah, I hit the bally and wan all the batheth!” “Good for you Timmy, you are a real ball player, yes you are!”). Sure, they are on the same field using the player’s equipment–but that sure as heck don’t make ‘em anything more than children playing grownup (or in Jersey’s case–whiny baby assholes playing Diva whiny baby assholes!).
The past two seasons have really clinched the switch to Bunim-Murray for me. It’s now just The Real World with sewing machines. I still watched (online) last season and cussed a lot, but this season I just lost interest after a couple of episodes and stuck to your recaps, which are far more entertaining. I’m annoyed but not surprised by the results. I’m pretty sure that Seth Aaron will be the last legitimate winner of this show (and the abortion that was the season in LA will not exist in my mind) and I’ll stick to recaps from now on. If I want to watch the Real World or Challenges, I’ll go ahead and watch those. This hybrid has just gotten boring with the predictability and blatant producer manipulation.
Amazing recap as usual, Flipit. Surprised you didn’t comment on Chore’s own self-aware comment during his meltdown with Trini. Trini to him, consolingly, “You’re tired.” Chore: “Yes, I’m tired. [Lightbulb moment] But, if I’m tired, I should take a nap.” (Echoing his famous mean words to Martha.)
Suckyfuckyfivedolla sooooo had the fix in for her to win. In previous seasons, the designers were always give MORE to do with less, not just handed a bunch of money and given plenty of time. SFFD would have been O-U-T in previous seasons within a few episodes, and had she put a “one note” collection down the runway back then, Kors and company would have been all over her. Where were jackets? Where was anything fitted? How interchangeable was the clothing? “Schmattas” is the right word to describe most of her looks. And, I agree with other posters that that MIGHT have been okay if she’d been the one to design the fabrics. Her whole “design” process reminds me of my freshman year in college after “Animal House” had been THE summer movie, and toga parties were everywhere. We practiced pinning and tucking our sheets every which way and people like me who had cool patterned sheets were the “standouts” at the party.
@Judges, and you commentors who keep saying that Anya is smart and will pick up skills and expand her talents as she goes along — she had five weeks to do all that and she FAILED. She can make one dress. And sometimes she can’t even pull that off. Remember when Laura Bennett didn’t win because she had only dresses in her show? And now someone wins for sending the same coverup down the runway ten times? Even if you prefer Anya’s aesthetic to Victor’s (and I actually do; I think there is something stale about Victor’s clothes), you have to fail her for not coming through on it.
I think that Icktor looked like Pinocchio the way he was dressed, maybe a Rap Pinocchio. All that was needed was some strings attached to his arms and legs and mouth with someone holding a crosspiece of wood over his head.
All I can say about this whole season is . . . at least the All Stars are coming up!
P.S. Didn’t Wretchen look HARD with her hair bleached and that garish red lipstick (which only emphasized how thin her lips are)
Flipit – how I love thee. Eat ya pizza, smoke ya cig and keep on writing your wonderful recaps!
Didn’t bother me two much about Anya winnning – I have a feeling that she could make a line that is more than just flowy dresses. I like her pieces. And the fact that she is lovely and seems sweet (even for a dirty girl filming her bang bang time)makes it ok. Beats watching Jersey Chore prancing around screaming “I won! I won!!”
And really, Nina? You could do something with those hideous shorts? So could I. I could go to a local Walmart and hang them up. I guarantee you, a week later, some 300 pound person would have them on while shopping at Walmart and that would end up on “People of Walmart”. Just go away, ya big Queen!
Icktor – what was with the funeral floozy look? He had some great pieces but I am not into the see through 90′s look. My one shirt like that sits idle in the closet and now I know why.
Kimberly – kinda liked her stuff and I liked her in this episode.
Disappointing season, which is becoming a pattern for this show now that it is on Lifetime.
Final question: Did they have to fly Wretchen in or just draw a pentagram and summon her by name three times?
Does anyone remember ULI? She did prints and flowy, only much, much better and got crap for it over and over again. I am so done with this show. Thanks for the recaps Flipit, you rock, letme buy you adrink at Revolver:). Oh, at least that Jersey didn’t win!
Brigitte: all season I’ve been wondering how pissed Uli is right now. Her stuff was gorgeous AND well made and she worked her ass off and got shafted.
LAC, that was a GREAT final question.
Mondo was ROBBED!!
“Final question: Did they have to fly Wretchen in or just draw a pentagram and summon her by name three times?”
LAC…this comment deserves to be enshrined in the TVGasm Hall of Fame.
Thank you, Catty… LOL!! There was a collective “yuck” sound coming from my fellow couch potatoes as the camera settled on her for that moment.
Thanks to Flipit who’s turned into my new thought form and word writing role model, I can’t see anything orange now without thinking of Michael Kors.
Who I now can’t see without thinking of Philip on A-List Dallas after he got pushed into the pool wearing his watch he got at Marshalls because he’d spent all his $ on Ferragamo shoes saying “Thank God Michael Kors is waterproof”
Himberly’s tribute to Trini was my favorite thing she’s made!
OMG! I didn’t even recognize Wretchen. I totally saw that person and went wow Kim G from RHoNJ must know somebody to get such a good seat!
I tried but I couldn’t pick a scrap of Mexico out of Dollar Store Mondo’s collection. To me it just looked like he got ahold of some fug velvet cake and ate a mess of it and was influenced.
I’m glad Miss Trini won too! I actually like her and hope she’ll do some of her stuff in cotton for people who want to go outside in the “Kribbian” because unless you stay in your air conditioned tourist resort silk chiffon doesn’t flow pretty once it gets all sweaty.
@ LAC – I think you just have to look in a mirror and say Wretchen’s name three times to summon her.
How horrible was this season that Trini won? Not that I don’t like her. For a little while I didn’t, but then she kept morphing into a good person and I had to follow my damn morals and stop hating her. Himberly and she were so gracious. It sucks when you want to hate people, but can’t.
I was just elated that Jersey didn’t win. I was going to lose my shit if he did. I honestly expected him to burst into flames, give a deep evil laugh (or maybe a shrill one, since he is a walking cliche), spin around, and disappear into the catwalk.
I KNEW someone would like those terrible lime green biker shorts he made. I just knew it. You know why? Because I thought they were the most horrid thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And I fucking WORE shorts like that back in the day. My defense, though, is that I was 9 at the time. I can’t believe he sent those out. Well, wait. I can. I just can’t believe Nina liked them. She should be kicked off the judging panel.
We need to bring in new judges who have taste and designers with talent. I long for the days when that was what this show consisted of.
Incredible recap, as always. Had me in stitches the entire time. Flippy, you’re the best recapper evah.
vallegirl – LOl! I would rather see Candyman and Bloody Mary waving at me in the mirror than ole Wretchen…
My number one pet peeve in women’s fashion is that cheap clothing stores (Kohl’s, Target, Wal-Mart, etc) always carry shirts where the stripes don’t align from front to back. Looking at your stills, it is no surprise that Chore made a shirt where the stripes don’t match up. Typical! Hate him!
Skittles–totes noticed Chores unmatched shirt lines!
And I AGREE ABOUT ULI. I remember thinking about her and how they judged her. I bet she is laughing right now, hopefully to the bank and back with her cute Miami stuff!
This contest was SO fixed!
I noticed that the judges used a different tone of voice when critiquing Trini – it was significantly softer than the one they used on everyone else.
Whatever. All Stars is coming!!
I too lub you, Flippy.
http://www.uliherzner.com/Site_2/Portfolio_2.html
and this is how it is done kittens:).
Chore’s unmatched stripes are perfectly understandable. After all, matching stripes takes time, and he only had…what..five weeks?
“Final question: Did they have to fly Wretchen in or just draw a pentagram and summon her by name three times?”
Too funny! She used conditioner and/or a brush, though.
I knowed Trini was a fix, but heck . . . not sure it was deserved. She did three looks in a day, Viktor probably spent three days on one. The wart jacket trumped everything, and his variety alone were argument enough for his win. I didn’t hate the see thru’ s as much as everyone else. Pity he removed the long dress and the other pattern piece for the funeral slut look.
I also kind of liked the plastic and neopryne of Jersey’s line, (barf) but fair is fair, and Judy Jetson could have rocked those. As much as I love neon green, those shorts were fug!
Ah well . . . another season done. I’m glad they are showing the dummy lines next week. I also liked what I saw of PA . . . guess I’ll check it out.
I don’t mind Trini, and have liked her through the show, but I honestly didn’t think she deserved to win. IT’s no where near as bad as Bloody Gretchen (great comments guys!) but it’s still hard to justify.
Flippy, Love Hearts and Flowers!!! XOXOXOXO!!! And you do NOT look like the Colliar whatever his name is-I’ve seen you both in person. He was nice, but you are the bomb!!!
I haven’t even read the recap yet, because I just finished the show, but all I can say is NOOOO. NOOO THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT.
I love Miss Trinidad, but she did not deserve to win over anyone on that stage tonight. NO. Whatever the judges are smoking, gimme some.
Okay, time to read the recap.
Okay, read it and it was fabulous as usual. Thank you for such awesome recaps all season long, Flipit. It’s really made a season of pure suck bearable.
I really don’t think my lady love deserved to win, but now that I’ve calmed down and had some time to think, I’m not so upset. At least she’s a good person, and after some past winners (oh hi there Gretchen and Irina), I’m willing to count my blessings.
However, I really did want Chore or Victor to win, based off their collections. Many of Victor’s pieces were great, even when he went into porn at a funeral mode. I thought the violent hug shirt with the shorts and the genie looking outfit were beautiful. I’m just so annoyed with him, because he had it. All he had to do was not take out so many printed looks and that gorgeous babydoll gown. Ugh.
And I thought Chore also had a more interesting collection than Anya’s. Those neon shorts and the outfit with the striped top were tragedy, but the first look (that he copied from the bird challenge), the neoprene LBD, and his redone maxi-catsuit looked great.Also, I liked the plastic tank he was wearing. He looked like a gay plastic stegosaurus, and they’re one of my favorite dinosaurs. I just like him and hope that he’s really successful going forward.
Anya’s collection was boring and one note. The only pieces of hers that I was really impressed with were the first look (gorg) and the Mrs. Roper one. I also had issues with some of her choices of models. This whole time, everyone’s been screaming that the competition was fixed and I didn’t believe it, but it’s so clear now. Because how can the judges unanimously agree that Chore’s collection had more thought, design, and craftsmanship to it and that no one could wear Anya’s stuff anywhere except South Beach and the Caribbean, but still give her the win? Shit just don’t make no sense.
@reality THANK YOU for mentioning Ollivier’s blank stare!! It was when Kimberley’s black gown was walking and I was ROLLINGG because he was so blatantly not paying attention to the show. Just staring off into a random corner like he was alone in his (what must surely be) beige apartment.
I’m not watching any of those shows, I just read Fli’s recaps..and there’s nothing better! THANKS, FLI!! Love, Val
I haven’t read the recap yet or any comments. Just watched the finale. I have to say that this was my least favorite series of all. I felt so deflated when Anya won. Sure, I can see that her clothes have a market and yes, she could have a brand, but ultimately, I do not feel that she has the passion that the others displayed and I feel that she is one of those unique individuals who is pretty good at a lot of things and it was kind of a vanity project for her. A kind of redemption, even. Maybe I am wrong, and that would make me happy. Maybe she’ll go off and learn how to construct and experiment and make pants and even jackets. But it was a bummer. As much as Josh got on my last nerve, I would have been happy to see him win. And Vic as well. And Kimberly did pull out a really decent show too. Argh. Anyway, off to read your recap now.
@Shana:
‘PS AMEN!
PSS […’
Acutally PS stands for Latin Post Script, meaning ‘after the letter’, so the next one is not PSS (post-script-script) but PPS – Post-Post-Script.
I took 4 years of Latin, and it is so completely useless in my life, that I just had to jump at this chance to put it to some use. And, or actually to be honest, it just bothered me to see the ‘PSS’.
I know, still useless, but I feel beter.
I think I must be pissy because, although Trini was the right choice for the win on THIS SEASON, still it does not change the fact that the final four were all talentless and/or skill-free hacks who, not one of them, deserved to show at the Fashion Week. What a waste of time. Really hope the All-Stars will make it all better. Catch you there, Flip – awesome work hon. You’re the only reason I made it thru to the end, and do not feel personally cheated , like each previous season with a ‘…-gate’ ending. This time they all got fu@ked, but they all deserved it. Thanks for the laughs and joy you gave me, hope the memories’ll fade fast…
Jersey Chore should have won… if this were a competition for dressing 12 year old girls in 1991. Those shorts! WTF!!! Also how exactly do you wash those outfits with the plastic on it? Viktor edited himself out of the win. I loved that purple flowy dress and he gave it up for the kind of sheer shirt i wore in 8th grade and bought from Kmart. Edgy huh? I’m totally fine with a Trini win because the alternative was a Jersey Chore win. Can’t wait for All-Stars. Mwahs Flipit!
How to tell the season was rigged and a big, fat FAIL: the winner made things that I would be able to make with my 7th grade Home Ec experience. Seriously, they seemed to give her the win based on her choice of fabrics. If she had created some of those patterns I would have given her a little more credit, but not even having anything ready when Tim came to visit tells you a lot about her process.
Icktor blew it with the see through stuff because this should have been his win. Maybe he didn’t want to – he sure sabotaged himself.
Fuck me. This show went from being a great experience of talent and creativity to a show someone from middle school can win. I’m done with this, but not with the recaps. Kudos to you, Flipit!
Yeh, I’m over and done with PR. I didn’t even watch the final 2 episodes. I’m going to give Allstars a try, though. Yay Anthony!
The good thing about Trini’s line is you don’t have to buy it since every piece would be so easy to copy and make yourself! Even my subpar sewing skills are better than hers.
I agree Lindaw. I’m done with it, too. Except I do want to see the All-Stars, other than that witch Kenley. She was worse than Gretchen, Irina, Wendy Pepper, and Vincent all put together.
I’m pissed at all the finalists. WORST FINALE EVER! But even with that, VICTOR SHOULD’VE WON! Seriously, Michael. You didn’t like all the see-throughs? YOU DID LAST YEAR WITH GRETCHEN, YOU PAID-OFF HACK! And Heidi?! Victor, cheap? REally? With the poor hemming and sloppy sewing and PINNING THE MODELS INTO THEIR “DRESSES”, isn’t cheap?!!!!!!!
;A;OEOIAHT98QO4H5J YOU ALL, B/M & PR!
@ polk8dot: I actually do know that it is PPS. I used the PSS because it is an inside joke with my former classmates (it had to do with our school initials and an idiot teacher we used to have). I tend to use PSS when I am tired, having fun, or am slightly drunk, because I am used to writing like that when in free form. When I am proofreading or writing an important document, PSS wouldn’t show up. The night I used it I had watched PR with an old friend and it kind of got stuck in my head again, so when I commented I ended up using it. My apologies to your grammatical sensibilities.
I think that regardless of which side of BOOBGATE you stand, we are mostly all in agreement that Jersey Chore is a greasy, whiny, hissing/vicious brow-queen with marginal-to-minimal talent, and we’re glad he didn’t win.
I agree with Furious Flipper – I’m disgusted that Trini won. Some people say she has the “best vision” and that may be true, but she didn’t deserve to win THIS contest b/c she didn’t put any effort in. She did nothing in the first 3 weeks home? Why the hell not??? The crap she showed at the mini-collection should have gotten her kicked off for sure. Yes some of her dresses were pretty, but other than opening a shop on Trinidad, there is no market for them. And I could sew those and I’m a hack on the sewing machine. She didn’t deserve to win PR.
“Crosseyed birds of a feather run into fence posts together”
I LOL’d so hard at that that I was gasping for air. I heart you, Flipit.
Not surprised Trini won, but I was completely shocked that Chore placed second. How??!!!! Do you get anything for second on this show? Please say no.