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Thursday, March 15, 2012
10:00 pm
34 Comments
Tagged: finale part one, flipit, funny, lame ass bullshit, make it stop, no home visits, project runway, recap, spoof, TV, tvgasm
Welcome to Part One of the Project Runway All Stars Season Finale! I am two hours away from sitting back and making fun of people not on my TV again. Sure, I get the occasional bruise and or/slashed tire, but it’s fun making people cry. These idiots on TV can’t seem to hear me properly. Sit back, enjoy, and prepare to be disgusted. I haven’t watched yet, but I have eleven hours of experience to inform that there prediction. Let’s do this.
Previously, Chunk swallowed a battery,…
I miss Nina’s bed head so much right now.
…Mondo won the first ever “Spongebob Loses All His Money” Challenge,…
…and Kenley beat the shit out of the sky like it was a out of line fiancé and got sent home for being a bitch.
Poor sky! Not saying those bruises are your fault, but maybe you could rain less.
We open on the runway. Angela HideMe Lindvall comes out looking like she just sharted and is hoping no one in the elevator smells it.
Austin Scarlett O’Scare has shaved his mustache, so he no longer looks like a woman transitioning into a man. Now he’s back to looking like a lesbian.
Carpet: The breakfast of champions.
Just so we don’t forget that he is, in fact, technically a man, he wore the proudest gay shirt he could find. It looks like he went to a Fairy Bukkake party and let a whole realm of fae jizz glitter all over him.
Mondo isn’t impressed. He thinks Scarlett went from “Earl” Flynn to Kermit the Frog. Mondo’s aware that he comes off as a Benadryl addicted five year old girl, right?
Bora the Explora
HideMe is only saying congratulations with her mouth, but her face is saying “Bruce Willis has been dead this whole time?!?”
The challenge is to design five looks for a full runway show. “VIP” guests have been invited. I’m crossing my fingers for Meredith Baxter Birney, but it will probably be the cast of Army Wives. They will get to choose their own models, and they also get to visit the cave that Hagatha lives in! Wear a jacket and a scarf. It’s gonna be cold and bloodsucky in that place.
The designers arrive at the glass and steel tower that Hag makes her evil plans in, and Chunk says that just being here makes him feel like Hag on her way to work.
TXT from HAGCOL: I’m running late. Stopped by Burger King to make sure their “new fries” were as new as they said. They weren’t so
TXT from HAGCOL: I stopped by McDonald’s for some of their old flies.
TXT from HAGCOLE: GD autocorrect I meant fries. I don’t eat flies. iPhones sake.
TXT from HAGCOLE: Suck I meant. But sake sounds good. I’m stopping for Chinese.
They are forced to wait in a conference room while Hagatha tries to figure out how she’s gonna walk all the way down the hall while stabbing her arches bloody.
No wonder she’s such a bitch.
She’s in another Tweetie Bird dress. It makes her look like a melting creamsicle. You know she never uses this conference room because it has windows. That is the whitest living person I’ve ever seen.
The designers can ask her anything they want. Chunk wants to know what she eats. Despair and fear, of course. Mondo asks what Nina’s jayjay tastes like, and the answer is the same. Then he says that “we’ve all been criticized of being theatric.” Is English his first language? I would suggest he play some pictionary to improve his communication skills, but he can’t draw, either. Hopeless.
Chunk asks if lunch is provided along with the Guest Editor position. Food isn’t allowed in the building! Chunk is disappointed, but “Marie Claire is a foot into the fashion industry.” I root for Scarlett to win. He can at least talk. No one has any questions worth a damn, so to fill the time Hagatha does her favorite Gollum monologue.
We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
The guys are set loose in the park to be inspired by stuff. Chunk is inspired by green. Deep, that one. He can see apartments from where he’s sitting, and they all have drapes. I just can’t imagine where this is going.
Scarlett gets laid in this park more often than not, so he’s going to make a wedding dress. Mondo isn’t too inspired yet. Hopefully, he will start noticing some miserable people. Misery always works for him. Over at mood, Chunk decides that he will go with a safari theme. Unless one of the Real Housewives is there showing off their Prada to starving orphans in an African village, I don’t care.
Scarlett wants to make stuff based on Hassidic Jews. LOL! I hope he forces his models to shave their heads and wear terrible wigs then enter through the back door so as not to offend the menfolk. There’s no one on Earth who hates fashion as much as the Hasidim, so this should be interesting.
Diddler on the Roof
Today they don’t have to share a workspace, and are kept in their own rooms. You gotta love that the producers watched this season and said “We’re short on drama. Let’s suck any possibility of future drama out now so it looks like we did this on purpose.” At lunch, Mondo is depressed and whiny. Scarlett tries to comfort him by being nice, but Mondo just gets bitchy and rude and goes back to his workroom to whine about wanting to quit. Byeeeeeeee! Downer Diaz.
Scarlett is designing four things he’s already made, so it looks like Chunk is the only one going insane to take a chance. “Dis is for a lady who’s goin on a crusade wit Indiana Jones and da last Costello!” LOL. Sounds ridiculous, but Kate Capshaw helped out Indiana Jones and ended up marrying Steven Spielberg. Is Chunk gonna win this thing?
Let’s check in on Mondo to see what he’s come up with.
Oh just curl up into a ball so I don’t look like a total dick when I kick you.
Chunk, working on his Real Housewives of Atlanta Safari line, tries to make Mondo feel better, but a positive attitude would take away any shred of personality he has. Mondo sighs “It’s a lot of pressure.” Um, you know Chunk is doing the exact same challenge as you, right? With high blood pressure no less. This guy’s full of more whine than a Junior Leaguer at a backyard luncheon. “I feel dead inside.” You’d never know it.
Chunk tells the little girl that she can come into his room whenever she wants, but Mondo says he doesn’t wanna go to the zoo. HAHAHAH!! Chunk, not knowing if his line or his grooming habits are being dissed, isn’t happy.
Hag already punched in once today, so Georgie shows up to the workroom to check on their progress. Mondo is annoyed by her stupid voice. LOL. I’m liking him more and more today. Georgie tells them that she got her start at Neiman Marcus. It’s where she first blew the bloated old rich dude who made her famous. The finale should take place in a super seedy dressing room. Mondo is all pissy through her reading of the cue cards, and she finally asks him what’s up. He’s a horrible little man.
Mondo, you must be angry, because we all know that you don’t care about grooming.
He snaps that he’s sick of everyone telling him what he’s capable of. Um…she never said you were capable of dick, dude. Georgie answers with a robotic generic kindness. This woman puts up with Harvey Weinstein every day, and she’s showing us how she does it. This bitch has earned every penny she’s got.
She tells the whiny little idiot that back when she was an amateur, making a collection would freak her out, too, but now she’s fine. HA! In other words, buck up ya fool. There’s a reason you’ve not been able to get a career since leaving this show.
Most angelic “Grow the fuck up” in reality history.
So she’s talented, gorgeous, and graceful. She doesn’t belong on reality TV. Nina needs to get here to eat the head off a baby STAT!
Mondo isn’t inspired by her words at all, so he decides that he’s gonna lie around all day and do nothing. If he wins this thing I’m gonna…nothing. I won’t do anything. But still, gross. He would be wise to skip the iced tea at lunch and have what Scarlett’s having. Vodka is the road to being a better person. It’s why I won’t leave the house without chugging at least one shot. And people love me! Or at least I’m drunk enough that I think they do.
Atta girl!
The next day, Mondo is still in a c wordy mood, but at least he’s drawing! The inspiration for his line will be errant sperm and fucked up lines of DNA. Now THIS is what you should have given your mom for her birthday.
He figures he needs therapy, so that’s what he’ll call his collection. You also need steroids and humility, but I guess that makes for a less exciting time on the runway. During model casting, Scarlett makes one of the models try on his dress. HAHAH. The other two are pissed, but Scarlett’s the scariest so they let him win. Smart move. Mondo tries to snag a model, so Scarlett calls for a coin flip and wins. Mondo whines “Good for Austin. That’s become my motto. Good. For. Austin.” Really? Because if anyone has been handed a shit ton of wins for doing some seriously shitty fugly work, it’s you, foo. Your motto should be “THANK YOU JESUS.”
Mondo’s anger gets him to sew stuff finally, and he says he’s inspired by acupuncture and shock therapy, but it looks more like he’s inspired by Kenley…
…and Chunk.
EyeSack comes to check on progress. Why be a terrible Tim Gunn knockoff on one Fashion Show when you could ruin two? His advice is as useless as usual. If you wanna be a success, get a funny personality and don’t actually worry about the clothes you make. Works for him! PS I LOVE Unzipped.
EyeSack’s left them all CDs of approved music to use in their shows and Scarlett and Mondo choose all their songs and leave Scarlett with scraps. Why doesn’t anyone take him seriously? And then he answers his own question.
Scarlett thinks Mondo’s theme is pretty cool but he’s not so into Chunk’s habit of only designing for tiny models with no tits. Scarlett’s all about the real glamorous woman! Who wants to dress like a misogynist man. ?? One thing I love about this show is that after so many seasons recapping it, I still have no idea what any of it means.
HideMe comes by today to mock Scarlett for his big hair and bowtie in the workroom and give them a twist. One more look! They’ll have to use discarded scraps from the season to create them, but they’ll also get discarded crap from the season to help them!
Mondo takes Mila, and Gordana Beaverhausen looks pissed. Hehe. Mondo chooses who goes next, and Scarlett jokes that he can choose Chunk. Everyone laughs at him, so Mondo chooses Scarlett. Now Chunk is pissed. It’s the little things that make me happy. And Scarlett takes Anthony the Flamíngay! YAAAAY! Poor Kenley! Bwahahahahah. Chunk takes April Rains, the gloomiest ass of the bunch. Poor thing came back as a bluehair. I wonder if April loves Luby’s as much as she looks like she does.
Flamíngay listens calmly and quietly to Scarlett describe his line as rocker chick lesbian summer dress ball gown Hassidic chic, but this is what he’s doing on the inside.
Mila was actually a good pick for Mondo. She’s already put two fabrics together that shouldn’t even be in the same room, and of course, black and white it is. Chunk’s just remaking his white Greek dress, Scarlett’s using some black leather, and Mondo’s using a piece of scrap from every challenge ever. The fuglier it gets the further he gets so who am I to judge? Flamíngay gives the most help, warning Scarlett that some of his stuff looks like it belongs on an old white lady. HA. I wish Flam could still take this thing.
So we should be at runway right now. Does this mean that THIS is the final collection? COME ON!! No home visits? I really wanted to see what ascot Scarlett would wear to his hot mom’s car. Boooooooo! Laziest finale ever! I guess that’s fitting. LAME.
Hag comes by to check on progress and offers no help or insight. Hair and makeup! At least they left that in for me. SMOKE BREAK! At the end of the day, the final three sit around awkwardly together and tell us how they’ve earned the win. Scarlett will save his mom if he wins. Mondo will buy poppers and avoid drawing class some more, and Chunk will take a vacation to meet Ben and Jerry in Vermont. Flashbacks of the judges giving critiques. I was bored enough the first time, editors!
That’s it for the biggest half assed finale in PROJECT RUNWAY HIIIIISTORRRRRYYYYY!! See you next time!
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34 Comments
Wow, Project Runway Allstars. You made me hate Mondo too. Surely your work is done now?
Chaim Potok is converting to Mormonism as we speak.
@MaryEdith. I hate him, too, especially since he throws fake-ass pity parties, after which, he wins the challenge. Even Chunk saw through his bullshit and we all know he’s the most self-absorbed queen this show has ever seen (and I’m including Jersey Chore in that category, as well).
Haven’t read the recap yet but just watched the show and had to comment. I USED to really like Mondo. I was so upset when he lost to Wretchen, and I was pulling for him this season. Until now. He is self-absorbed, overly dramatic, and just plain mean. For example, most people when having just won the most coveted model by a coin toss would have let the other person have his second choice instead of getting his ass on his shoulders, shouting “NO” and then acting pissy when the other guy won the second coin toss. At this point I care more about self-righteous Mondo coming in third than in which of the other two win.
Now to read the recap.
I turned against Mondo when he told Hagatha he LOVED collaboration. It’s one thing to struggle with moodiness; it’s another thing to flat-out lie about your capabilities. The first thing Mondo said about himself on his own season was that he has a hard time getting along with people with people he’s just met. If he does make it in the fashion business it will be because he finds a PR guy/boyfriend to interface with his clients a la Yves Saint Laurent.
Also, I hate to be such an Isaac defender but they did completely cut all of his advice except what he said at the very end, so of course he sounded banal. And although I love Flipit I have to stand up for Isaac’s clothes. My Isaac Target clothes got more compliments than anything else I’ve ever worn. In fact, I still wear a lot of his clothes from his time at Target and I still get compliments on them. There was always something a little unusual about the cut that made the jackets and dresses both edgy and timeless. And I’ll stand by that statement!
“It looks like he went to a Fairy Bukkake party and let a whole realm of fae jizz glitter all over him.”
This made my entire morning.
I’m less impressed with Mondo than I was in his season. He’s moody and self-pitying, not good with people, and he can’t sketch. It seems like he wants to become a designer, but he doesn’t want to have to deal with people or communicate his ideas. He wants to be successful on his own terms, and I don’t know if he has the self-awareness to see that’s exactly why he’s NOT successful right now.
I really, really liked Mondo on his season. As for this season, not so much. It can’t be that Wretchen was so awful she made Mondo look good in comparison. Chunk is more of a dress maker than a designer, so I guess that leaves Austin for the win. Sigh. I was so excited for this season, and it has been a total let down. At least it was great to have Anthony on again. If PR does another All-Stars, I think they should let the fans decide on some of the designers.
I would love to see the season winners go head to head. I wouldn’t mind if they started out with a smaller pool and let them last longer so we could see what they can do. But I imagine the editors and ad execs could make that boring as well.
“Neiman Marcus is such a supportive company” — that almost made me vomit with its total irrelevance.
@maryedith…I wa thinking the same thing last night….why not let the winning designers from each season go head to head for the ultimate PR All-Star. But I’m sure B/M Productions would screw that up as well. This show hasn’t been the same since Magical Elves left.
Sigh. You’re right, @caligal. The surface is the same but there’s no soul underneath. Is the problem maybe that they have to try so hard to make it look like the original production team that they can’t afford to make necessary innovations?
Sorry to go on and on, but I remember a season that began with Tim Gunn saying that they had their most professional crop of designers so far. I think the show started to lose it at that point (and it was pretty early on). “Professional” designers who haven’t made it in the business are simply mediocre designers, aren’t they?
@maryedith….I really think that when this show first premiered, the production was really looking for the next break out fashion designer. If you think back to the early seasons, some of the talent was amazing, even if I wouldn’t wear it or didn’t particularly like a vision. Remember Jeffrey’s avant garde yellow plaid evening gown, from Season 3, I think? There really hasn’t been break out talent on this show since Christian Siriano won. Since Magical Elves left, Tim Gunn has become the soul of the show. Without him, it really isn’t the same.
Oh, and did anyone else catch that Hag could barely walk in those shoes she had on? I think those are definitely “limo to seat” shoes! lol
Speaking of that scene, what the HELL was the point of making the designers wait all that time for Hag to show up? Was it supposed to be “Wow, Hagatha must be a very busy, important person”? Because what I got out of it was, “Wow, Hagatha must be way more insecure than I thought if she needs to pretend to be this busy and important.”
Agree that Mondo is a big Debbie Downer this season, but really, put him next to Austin with his incessant hand flipping and blow drying, and Mondo’s far more palatalbe. Personalities aside, you have Mondo the funky one, Michael the draper, and…. Austin. I don’t know. I think they’re all meh. Austin kinda blew me away in his season, and Mondo was much more impressive as well in his. Michael, I’m with Flipit, cry and I’m happy.
Agree about Mondo. My lil guy is so unlikeable it hurts. And because I need a reason, I’m wondering if he’s having issues w/his health or something. Otherwise… I just don’t know.
I’d always assumed that “bitchy, moody, oddly dressed troll-like drama queen” was part of the fashion designer’s job description? So … Mondo for the win!
Although it seems to me this season was set up for him to win, considering they allowed Wretchen to take his season. I think that’s why he feels under more pressure than the others, since the producers are probably slapping him all the time telling him they put this show together just for him and all he’s giving them is his same old mis-matched crap.
They should have let the designers work through the night! At least there would have been some drama… Who takes a nap? Who gets so tired they lose their shit? This thing with separate sewing rooms was a drama killer.
I also kept wondering how they handled all those “visits” when it came to work time. Are they scheduled in ahead of time? I hope so. Cause I would’ve been waay more of a bitch than Mondo.
O. M. G. I just started reading, but I HAVE to ask why for fuck’s sake anyone in their right mind would wear those SHOES?!? I absolutely adore heels and own far too many pairs, but those are not only horrifically uncomfortable looking but they’re UGLY! Why? WHY?
Also, Flipit, dude…that picture you caught of Ang is fucking PRICELESS. I never realized exactly how ridiculous she looked until you started posting photos. HAHAHAHA! Back to reading.
Sigh. I used to be a huge Mondo fan, too. I am super bummed he’s coming off like an asshat this season. Can I pretty please blame editing?
I’ve also always adored Michael, and yay I still do! If Mopey Mondo doesn’t win I sure hope Michael does. He’s just a doll! Love!
Question: I’m not particularly well acquainted with Austin, but didn’t he like, have his own SHOW? Why the flip was his own mother evicted from her home? If someone could educate me I’d appreciate it
I never saw Mondo’s season, but Austin got screwed over by Nancy O’Dell deciding to redesign one of the designs and wear that. So, Wendy Pepper won the next to last challenge… which if not for Nancy wouldn’t have happened… and so Kara Saun came in second, Jay McCarroll came in third, and Austin was out. I don’t know if Austin could have designed a collection to beat Jay and Kara, who both did a wonderful job… especially Jay, but he certainly deserved the chance more the Wendy.
Of course, since then, there has been some awfully bad designs/seasons. I can’t believe the crap we’ve seen in the last few challenges of All Stars. I guess going by the way things have gone so far, the caftan king will make a bunch of caftans for supermodels (otherwise known as people who have virtually no interest in wearing caftans and zero interest in buying caftans) and win.
Also, what is up with Mondo’s interview ensemble complete with sucker? Is he making a statement or just hoping a rave will break out?
In case someone doesn’t know… Jay McCarroll won s1 and Kara Saun came in second. Wendy was a grumpily distant third.
I think we’re being edited up for a Chunk win. Mondo’s moody side was always there but almost edited out of his season. The fact that they’re now playing it up makes me think Chunk’s going to win. So now we can choose between Chunk’s One Grecian Dress and Anya’s One Beach Wrap when we all rush to shop at bluefly.com or wherever the hell it is they’re selling the stuff this time.
And, yeah, @AmyOops, I don’t get why Austin’s mom in on the street either. I do think Austin made a terrible decision when he came back on PR. We were supposed to be pretending to take him seriously as someone who’d made it. He needs to fire his agent, or hire one, or whatever.
Did they keep the ‘out’ designers locked up until the end of the season this time? If so, the girls apparently gave one another makeovers.
@gun kata, I was laughing during the aftertalk show when everyone was callling Austin out for being a diva and Mondo was sitting there with more makeup on than Austin and Kenley combined. What I don’t understand about him is if he’s going to go to wax all his body hair off, why leave the underarm hair?
Austin said his mother was a real estate appraiser. I guess she’d recently bought a house and, when the market dried up that adversely affected her cash flow until she wasn’t able to continue payments. It could be she had really high house payments and didn’t tell him until she needed so much money that he couldn’t help her.
Maryedith, I didn’t notice his underarms, but I did see the makeup! I guess they wrote that bit and advance? But, Mondo joined in with his Lancombed face. And no one said one word. So strange.
“Lancombed face.” Ha!
Thanks for your help with my Austin questions, guys. @gun kata that certainly could even be the speCIFic reason. It just seems crazy that he’s a minor celebrity with some talent, and at one point had a TV show for cryin’ out loud, and his momma’s homeless! Terrible. I like Austin and I hope it all works out for him.
Gooooo Mondo! Or Michael! Or Austin!
Apparently on the After the Runway show it came out that Mondo had just broken up with his partner of 11 years. So that might have something to do with the increased bitchiness, which makes me a tiny bit more sympathetic to how he was acting. But only a tiny bit.
“Weird little elf” is the description we use for him. And his wardrobe is very Pinnochio to me.
I was a fan…but like so many of you, Mondo has lost me this season. I would still prefer he win over Austin, though. And Michael? What’s he still doing there?
HideMe’s perpetually surprised/startled/sharted face makes no sense to me – you’d think models would have lots of practice at composing their faces into pleasing expressions. Is it the complication of talking at the same time that causes her to completely lose control? In American Sign Language, raised eyebrows indicate a question (the higher you raise your brows, the more intense the question) so it’s additionally amusing (and disturbing) from that perspective. Anyhow, yeeesh . . .
I’m with you on all these points (I was pulling for Mondo so hard his original season too), but I actually still hope he wins. Grumpy bitchness aside, I feel like a Mondo win at least rights a wrong from a previous finale. Austin creeps me out too much to root for him, and Michael’s loser breakdown from when he got cut on his original season is what I’ve been looking forward to a repeat of since All Stars started.
L-Money, good point… that would kind of explain why he kept having “I don’t care” moments.
I really just want to belately complain about MC lady’s shoes. I really think she kept them waiting because she was trying to walk on those dumb things.
Shoe designers sometimes try to mix things up, but there is a reason why shoes look the way they look: the human foot.