Previously on Project Runway All Stars, the designers made fugly clothes and blamed the four seasons,

Don’t like mom waisted jeans? Blame God.
…Chunk stole a half eaten KitKat out of the trash on Jerell the Hobosexual’s side of the room, which caused a huge fight,…

I marked that trash can. Why he couldn’t smell the pee? I don’t know. But NO ONE ROB DA HOBO!
…and Hobo was accused of stealing the Art Teacher Pancho design by every art teacher in America. Unfortunately, it wasn’t televised but you know they were pissed.

Pottery wheels heal broken souls, chillrens.
While we’re talking about blatant stealing:


I think you owe Flo an apology.
We open with Austin Scarlett O’Scare doing Kenley’s hair. Sadly, he left his personality brush at home.

So he suffocates her with his arm.
Hobo is excited that one of the best designers was eliminated, because he’s one step closer to getting that check, now. Girl, please. Check cashing places don’t even deal with checks that big. It’d be wasted on your ass.
The designers are all brought to a Broadway stage, and Kenley takes it as a chance to get a Norma Desmond number in.

Patti LuMoan, I know why I’m frightened.
Shocked and awed Angela HideMe Lindvall is dressed like a Diet Pepsi can.

Enough with the product placement!
Meanwhile, Scarlett O’Scare and Janky Jankx are presenting their homage to the Amish.

Stay on Rumspringa. We don’t want you back. Love, The Amish
Tonight’s Guest is Stephen Schwartz, composer of Godspell, Wicked, and a really bad piece.

Talent doesn’t excuse bad rugs.
The winner of this challenge will get their work featured in the show! The loser will have to watch it. Really, Godspell AGAIN? Are there ANY composers out there these days? ANYONE?!? The director and star are also here, and the main request is that the character looks rich with clothes found in a thrift store or out of a trash bin. Hey! This is slanted towards Hobosexi! He must give really good head when he takes out those meth mouth dentures.
The designers spread out all over the theater to sketch. Chunk, this isn’t Boxing Helena, the musical. Give the woman some legs.

A model who can’t run away is the best kind.
Kenley is going to make a couch cover, and Hobo’s goal is “very lamé”. Take out the accent over the e and you’ll totally get there, buddy! Scarlett got the impression that the diva star has afro bush, and is designing accordingly.

Kenley and Janky are back at their giggling, dancing around ways. They compliment each other’s brilliance and teehee and stuff. Mila hates it, and it’s not often I’m with Mila. She says that when one of them is out, the other is gonna have a meltdown. HAHA. She’s so right. It’s a creepy kind of love. Like those two girls in Heavenly Creatures that kill the mom that stops letting them hang out together all day.

Here’s to a violent lesbian breakup!
The next segment is devoted to the designers picking out the perfect piece of tupperware off the GLAD wall. I have faith that eventually, something will fucking happen this season. Since Godspell is about faith, I will hold on to that. It’s a theme!
Hagatha Coffee comes in to announce that this is one of the most exciting challenges in PROJECT RUNWAY HISTORYYYYY! She looks really, really excited.

You better watch out. Never wear a necklace that looks like loose change around a Hobo.
She starts at Scarlett’s table, and he says “conthpicuous conthumtion” for the tenth time tonight. Did he just learn that phrase today? He’s awfully proud of it. He should go to an online thesaurus and find a substitute without tho many etheth. He’s got a pile of shine, and Hag says it’s tacky as hell but she’s sure he’ll make it fab. She says it in that “please stop sucking so much” tone, and when he laughs, she threatens to unleash whatever is hiding in her bags on him.

Hag stops by to visit Janky next, and tells her flat out that her work is boring and too unimaginative to be from an all star. Get your head out of Kenley’s cooter and sew something that doesn’t suck, Janky! You’re the only one left on reality TV that’s committed to never getting botox and I’m rooting for you! Janky fights back by vowing to work harder and win this thing. Kidding! She sobs in the diary room because Hag said she wasn’t an All Star. LOL!
Hag goes over to Mila and they snicker and cackle evilly about taking over the world and banning moose. Mila is doing a see through top with a wacky skirt. To pencil skirt or not to pencil skirt?

Pencil skirt. Now let’s discuss eugenics and tricking poor people into taking deadly vaccines.
Hag moves on to Mondo, admitting up front that she has been in Godspell. Wait. Is Satan a role in that? Scariest production evah! Hobo’s using what looks like those plastic leis as trim. Oh lawd. Still terrible. You gotta appreciate consistency. Hag approaches Kenley by saying in a shockmock tone that it’s the first time she hasn’t seen polka dots on Ken’s table. HAHAH! I don’t know who asked Hag to be a raging c word today, but they deserve a raise. Kenley acts like it was a total compliment.
Hag leaves by announcing that she’s impressed with the level of talent here, except for you Janky. Sadjankycan’tcatchabreakhorns. Hag leaves and Janky sobmutters about how hahd hahd hahd it all eez. Chunk gives her a nice hug, but when he leaves she realizes the fun pack of peanut m and m’s from her back pocket is missing. Sucka!
During fittings, Mondo realizes that his work is gross. It looks like Hobosexi made it. Well, the challenge is for a character who steals from the poor, so you and Chunk should be in the top 2. Just keep it!

Kenley tells us how awesome and perfect her work is, and it must be really annoying for the other designers. LOL. I am kinda starting to like her. She knows she’s an asshole and everyone hates her and is just rolling with it. Wait. I just typed I like Kenley? I think it’s time for me to start looking for a new gig. I don’t like what this one is doing to me. I used to be so young and cute! And thin! And…not hateful and sad. Just kidding. I was never any of those things. Still, though, customer service sounds fun.

Mondo got criticism last week, and he’s never been able to take that well. He’s starting to break down. YAAAAAYYYY!!! The other designers pat him on the back and tell him it’s all gonna be ok, which seems to just make him more and more depressed. I smell tears coming and I’m really excited. Mondo explains that negativity fuels him, so when he needs to do better he just tells himself how much he sucks. I might have found a new job! I’ll follow him around and call him “Mija” all day.
Mila is trimming her fur. The fake fur on her fabric, not her lady fur. Just the thought that Mila might have an actual vagina has me completely disgusted with myself, the world, and whoever made the world. She thinks Janky’s work sucks, Janky thinks Mila’s work sucks. Jank makes a comment about how Mila’s fur isn’t even real. LOL. Did you already forget that you are also using fake fur? Please stop talking and cry more. You’re the closest thing to man tears we’re gonna get.
Jerell steals Scarlett’s machine and they get into a little tiff. Jerell, though, fights by referring to himself in the third degree. That makes Scarlett remember that he’s fucking crazy so the fight ends fast. “Jerell didn’t take yo machine!” LOL. Fuck with that guy and you’ll get a forty filled with pee thrown at your head.
Hair and makeup time! YAY! SMOKE BREAK! HideMe comes out on the runway and Scarlett speaks for America.

HideMe announces that the Guest Judge is a leading lady who starred in Anything Goes, and I clench up and start sobbing. Cut to Sutton Foster. EW!!!!! YOU’RE NOT PATTI LUPONE!!!!!! BITCH!

Patti would never smile earnestly! FUCK OFF!
Is it fair to hate someone cuz they’re not Patti LuPone? Probably not. I can’t help it. It’s the same reason I hate the rest of humanity, too. I’m working on it.
Chunk is out first with a tribute to those little strawberry candies. Hey, at least they’re fat free.


Kinda Drag Race-y, but for the older queens. Drag Mall Walk. Kenley’s work feels like someone is whisking my eyeballs. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. She’ll probably win. This is how a whore addicted to Anthropologie would dress.

I spot Scarlett’s model before his name even splashes on the screen, because he’s given her the hair he wore in the opening.

I think NotevergonnabePatti’s face says it best:

WTFrick?
Hobo’s also going Victorian, but his is more secretary than Scarlett’s. These guys know that the musical doesn’t take place in that era, right? It’s like they’ve only seen Oliver.

Take a memo and for chrissakes, comb your hair. It’s like two giant eyes judging everyone born after 1837.
Janky’s work turns out much better than we were led to believe it would. That doesn’t make it good, but she’s the first to not totally frump out her anorexic. Broadway stars do yoga. They don’t wanna look fat. Tacky’s fine, hiding a pregnancy bump with a giant fug bow is fine, but fat is a huge nono.

Mondo’s work is pretty badass. His negative attitude helped. Just in case, he force Willy Wonka hair on his model to distract the judges. Maybe NotevergonnabePatti could appreciate a knock off of a much bigger star.

Mila’s model would benefit from tossing that jacket. Rabbit fur isn’t even cute on working girls any more. The rest is pretty decent, though.

Hobo is safe! Strong gums save the day. The judges start with Chunk. His work is good but a little blah. Eyesack says that Kenley’s dress is too East Village, “Like living in a doorway in the East Village.” Kenley cackles like it’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to her. She has a great way to fight criticism: be even more annoying. Seems to work for her.
Georgi loves Scarlett’s work, and the other judges agree. Eyesack thinks it’s too young. Huh? She looks like a trashy old lady. Eyesack likes the rabbit fur on Mila’s model (ew) and the skirt, but not together. NotPatti calls it hookerish in the whitest way possible. Mila looks at her like she’s best friends with a squirrel.

I’ll get you, Bullwinkle!
Eyesack calls Mondo’s work “sexy in a passive aggressive way.” What the fuck is this guy ever talking about? The judges all like it. Janky’s fucked. Her pregnancy bump bow is dissed, and Eyesack says this is her best work so far. Ouch. Gerorgi just wishes that she tried to hide the giant hemorrhoid popping out of the model’s butt.

The Judges repeat themselves in alone time, and give Janky credit for trying not to suck even if she failed. HideMe seems downright angry about Kenley’s, which is funny because Kenley’s the only thing that’s ever brought out any emotion from this block of wood. The winner is….Mondo! Yayay! He didn’t man cry, which pisses me off, but I hope that we’ve all learned to be a little more negative.
There’s no way they’re canning Mila before Janky, is there? Nope! Mila’s safe! Poor Janky! Ah well, at least we finally get some man tears.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Next week, Eyesack calls someone a communist. I’ll be there!
Check out all of my TV spoof videos on YouTube here.
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. For my tweets, follow @flipit! Thanks for being here!
If you like it, spread it!:
28 Comments
I knew it was Starlette O’Freaks outfit immediately after the model stepped out on the runway; he made the same basic color and style for the ‘wear the clothes off my back’ challenge. His outfit, specifically the hair, was more reminiscent of Henry VIII, than the Victorian era, in my opinion.
I loved how Kenlley laughed when she was insulted. Idiot.
I believe the purpose of this show is to have Mondo, Scary O’Hairy, and Chunks in the final three, with Mondo winning all (to make up for the big mistakes of the past–which unfortunately, is not for the first time in Project Runway history).
Nice job Flipit, recapping this season must have been a chore. Thanks for the laughs!
I loved how pissy Austin got when Eyesack called him “Starlet”, too freaking funny. I thought Kenley’s looked like a bathrobe, and either Janks or Mila deserved to go home. I really didn’t like anyone’s outfits except for Chunks. But I thought Chunks really didn’t fit the challenge.
Flipit, I cannot believe the words “I’m starting to like Kenley” would ever pass you lips. Shame on you!!
Great recap as always. I love the insinuation that Mila and Joanna are actually collaborating on evil plots.
Loved Mondo’s jacket! I thought it was one of the prettiest things he’s made in two seasons of PR.
What’s up with all the messed up hem lines? I know asymmetrical is supposed to be hip, but it’s getting a bit ridiculous. Mila’s anorexic looked like she’d had a quickie and didn’t tie her wrap around skirt back on correctly.
Gah! The “smackdown” they’ve been hinting to all season (the whole “It’s Austin SCARLETT!” thing with Eyesack) was such a let down. They kept showing previews that it would be this huge confrontation, and it was just…a joke?!?!?!
I feel cheated.
I knew Mondo’s was “the one” as soon as it hit the runway – very “Godspell-ish.” Agree with you Flip – where the f**k are the new plays/musicals? Is Broadway now as lazy as freaking Hollywood?
@Shana – agree completely about this season being righting wrongs. I also think you are right about the final three, even though I am no Chunk fan.
@kczar – hahahahah! I thought the same thing about Mila’s hem, though not as eloquently as you!
I swear, when not Heidi says Mondo’s name it sounds like she calls him Mundo! “Well done, Mundo!”
Liked Mondo’s and glad he won. I also like Chunk’s if “Godspell” were set in 1950 Brazil.
I noticed the same thing about the hemlines. Hobo’s was all over the place. And, some of those outfits didn’t look like they could have been put on the actor on stage. I thought that was one of the requirements. Knew Mondo would win but thought Mila was on her way out. Totally looked like a cheap hooker outfit! That skirt was atrocious!
But my major disappointment was…where the F was Patti LuPone??? I got my hopes up when they said, “Anything Goes.” Talk about sad horns.
Godspell is a sucky musical, and I’ve never understood the appeal. It only has two decent songs (“All Good Gifts, and By My Side.)
That said, Mondo didn’t seem familiar with Godspell, but he’s the only one who came close to the flavor of the show in his design…and in fact, his design improved on what is normally the costume direction for that show. They should let him do the whole thing.
Hagitha’s necklace looked like a camp art project gone wrong. THAT’s fashion? Who knew?
And Mila’s skirt…I thought she was doing a pencil skirt, but apparently she ran out of time and just pinned a scrap around her model. The character should look like she pulled clothing out of the garbage, not a giant ugly napkin from a dumpster behind a failing restaurant. And did you see the “hem” on Hobo’s skirt? How drunk was he while sewing that? I thought one of the requirements of this show was that people could actually sew.
I’m glad Janky got the boot. Seems to me she tried the giant bow trick earlier in the season, and it didn’t work then, either.
Lastly, I don’t understand Austin Scarlett. Why would anyone choose to live life as a caricature? It must take a lot of energy to maintain such a ridiculously artificial personality…energy better spent on designing something that doesn’t suck.
I will admit to not being familiar with Godspell, but when the direction was given to do a ‘vintage rich women, who looks like she picks up pieces in a thrift store’ – I will admit to having a picture of a 50ish Gretta Garbo in my head (classic, but understated).
What came down the runway all looked like 20ish crack whore caricature. It was all just fug.
I did like the cut of Kenley’s jacket, but the feathers – oy. And with that printed skirt/top – ugh. As designers, shouldn’t they know how to make something that won’t run together on a stage? Too much too much, all the prints just blur together.
GREAT recap and too funny about the Not Patti LuPone chick. Surprised Hobo was safe. When I first saw his model, I thought it was Aunt Bee.
“Gerorgi just wishes that she tried to hide the giant hemorrhoid popping out of the model’s butt.”
Hahaha! You are seriously demented–my favorite!
I think all the new musicals were destroyed by Spiderman. They’ve spent like $100 million last I read; and they haven’t even opened yet, or almost opened but killed Spiderman and started over, or opened and closed and are opening again one day in the near millenia…when they’ve settled all the lawsuits in which the former director/playwright/choreographer/designer/BroadwayGoddess wants her money! When the show makes a profit in year 2100. lol
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thought Mila’s “design’s” hemline was just plain FUGLY and unflattering. Janky’s dress actually began life as really cute. I don’t understand how she fucked it up so badly.
Alas, yay! Mondo won and they liked Michael’s. Rami is gone so I’m down to two favorites. Sigh.
@cattyfan: Apparently the ability to sew is NOT a requirement as evidenced by one Miss Anya Ayoung-Chee. My panties are still in a wad over THAT atrocity.
AmyOops…excellent point.
It’s a requirement to hate someone for not being Patti LuPone. Even Patti LuPone when she was decidedly NOT Patti LuPone in “Life Goes On.” I get wanting an image rehab, but that was one step too far.
I’ll take the Janky/Kenley playful friendship over the Mondo/Chunk “let’s take turns saying we suck so we get screen time” bullshit week after week.
Flipit! Like Kenley? (puts on Cher wig) SMACK!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
Bless you for recapping this show. I also am of the opinion that Mondo got the flavor of show with his design and I am glad he won. Did you see that bag he walked out with? You could put him in that bag it is so big! Cute!!
Not cute – Kenley. She is like a Monet. From a distance with no sound, kind of attractive. Up close, talking, shrieking, gruffawing like an idiot, just hideous! All I got from that outfit was a bad Carrie Bradshaw vibe.
Issac and Austin catfight? More like kitten fight. Darn, I was hoping to get a “take your ass back to glitter town, queen!” moment, but I will have to get that from “Drag Race”.
I can’t imagine Mila as a successful designer – she seems to have no interest in making anyone happy.
what is with Chunk and the bangs?
Bye Janky, your tears and jazz hands when describing your work will be missed.
@cattyfan: Right? LOL.
@LAC: “Mire like a kitten fight.” BWAHAHAHAHAH! Oh, and I totally forgot about Michael’s new, er, look. He needs a stylist, STAT.
I loved this challenge – innovative, imaginative, it had so much potential. But it seemed that the designers and the judges didn’t understand it. What was with Mizrahi pissing on Miss Scarlets dress because it looks a tad young for his buyers — hello! Its a costume for a rich hippy bitch! I was so frustrated by that.
I am continually reminded I know zero about fashion when I watch this show. I actually thought Janky’s hit the mark in looking like a caricature of “rich” and could be thrown together in the style described. I was OK with Mondo’s win (especially after the commenters agreeing it fit the play’s vibe) but I thought Chunk’s was horrific on all levels. The best comparison was Flip’s strawberry candy!
I think Jank was ready to go home and her stuff is generally pretty lackluster but at least she came close to what I would think the challenge asked! And execution seems to be an afterthought- Anya, glueing everything… standards are gone.
Flip, your recap was too good for the actual episode, bring back Andre!
Sadly, I’m kinda with you on the Kenley thing. I hated her so much, but she’s really owning her “bitch”. Meanwhile, Mila is just a raging sea hunt with awful bangs and a lifetime supply of hideous lipstick that walks the fug line between scarlet and coral.
I adore Sutton Foster. I don’t think she stands up well next to La Lupone but the role isn’t a great fit for her. I didn’t really get the point of bringing her on as a guest judge since they didn’t show her talking much and the other judges seemed to cut her off as much as possible. I loved her in the Drowsy Chaperone and at least on the soundtrack for Shrek. She has a killer voice.
I don’t really have anything else to contribute. This week was pretty boring. Mondo made the only really good outfit and the only thing which looked like it would work for Godspell so I knew he was going to win. They really should have given them better instructions on what the show is about because I don’t know anything about it and would probably have designed a costume for Hair or Jesus Christ Superstar from the prompt they were given.
@LePetiteChanteuse, when they were describing the character, I was like dear God, everything’s gonna come out looking like Jesus Christ Superstar LOL.
For the first time in a while, I almost completely agree with the judges. Michael’s was so cute, it reminded of the Whos from Whoville, if they were to go up the mountain, skin the Grinch and wear his fur. Which, as a peace-loving, beautiful little community of people-esque beings, they would never do. But still.
And I also loved Mondo’s work, but objectively, I really think Austin should have won this. His inspiration for the challenge was so spot on and he did a great job with translating it. Plus his reaction would have given me so much life.
Mila’s girl looked exactly like a hooker.
And I bet she’s the one with the communist outfit next week, with her Bullwinkle-hating self.
I’m thinking the reason this season is so boring is that the emphasis is more on product placement than competition. We’ve never seen so much of that damn accessory wall before — it’s played a role in every episode this season. And Hagatha can’t enter the room without bringing an air of corporate sponsorship with her. The whole thing is like one of those ads in a magazine that almost tricks you into thinking it’s an article.
Product placement is what it is all about on some of these shows lately. Ugh.
And Speaking of ugh– When I look in the mirror first thing some mornings, that is what I say. Then I look at Hag and– Wow! Lookin’ gooooood, me. Luv, SSC
I thought whatshernames necklace looked more like cross sections of bone with the bone marrow still inside. It looked like things you would toss to your dog. Scary.
Oh and HI FLIP!
Tink where you been girl? Good to see you!