This week’s safety dance is performed by Christopher, Dreads, Elena and Tara. Christopher proves it is Bizarro Day by exclaiming that he thought he and the others would be in the bottom so thank god the judges didn’t think they sucked as bad as he did. He sing-songs it however so no one looks offended.
Dmitry, Unibrow and Skunk are the high ballers and Blorpheus, Sonjia and Urkel are chopping block bound. Blorpheus flubbers and farts in the backroom about how he is in the bottom because his model sucked. The sympathy is overwhelmingly absent.
Dmitry is up first and gets a huge endorsement from his model. She credits him with changing the way she sees herself and her life. My hard little heart can barely take the growth spurts this episode is bringing on! The hipster friend is praising of the outcome too. Heidi hits on the client and tells her that she is about to be stalked and attacked by hordes of horny New Yorkers. Everyone likes the accessories which add a little edge, but the guest judge, Alice, would like more tits. She wishes she had four hands so she could give the lack of titties four thumbs down!
“I give it opposite poetry clap, you probably haven’t heard of it”
With the haircut and shy attitude this chick reminds me of Jennifer Jason Leigh a lot for some reason.
“I would never subject myself to this”
Unibrow wears a dress to make his model more comfortable in hers. She praises the look and highlights that he made a dress she feels powerful and comfortable in. Heidi does an adorable fake “hood” accent that I could listen to over and over again. It is senseless and amazing just like Heidi herself. Everyone is pleased except the guest judge who gives the orange belt four thumbs down.
Now, swap dresses!
Skunk and his client are widely loved. The dress is great and her body was just as challenging as Blorph’s, but Skunk managed to make her look amazing and also feel great. Heidi tells her she had the best runway walk and Kors says she could teach Giselle a thing or two. Awwww. Nina borrows spare hands from the guest judge to give the lack of cleavage four thumbs down. The judges are hungry for tits today!
“I can totally redo the runway topless…”
Sonjia is up and her model and the sister defend the look as something versatile, comfortable, sexy and wearable. Sonjia herself gives a great defense and I have to say, this little sporty spice is so short she must have trouble finding clothes but she is stunning.
The confidence is great but may never reemerge as the judges rip into every facet of the design. Too short, too slutty, too prostitutey, too child trafficking-y. Alice Temperley wants to take some scissors to the shoulders and pull down the front knot. Presumably to see more tits.
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