Project Runway: Natural Disasters and Tugboat Traumas

This week, the final four designers on Project Runway blow the judges out of the water and prove to America that this isn’t the worst season ever. Why else would Nina be making this face?

She’s brought out the cow print. We’re screwed.

The editors get tricky this week and show Rich Bye’s name with two of the contestants so we can’t tell who’s getting kicked auf. They’re on to our tricks!

Battle of the bad bangs.

CutToe tells us that she’s thirty three years old and has a kid and a husband and ran really far from Africa and followed her dream and doesn’t hunt but believes in the right to own a gun with strict background checks and is against parental notification for pregnant teens looking to get an abortion and she’s for Universal healthcare. The campaign is still a month away, girl! For now, just sew things that don’t suck, k?

Leanne, the master of the Squircangle, starts off the show by telling us that Kenley should have been eliminated a long time ago because she’s disrespectful to everyone. Oh, Squirc. This is reality TV. She won’t get a boot up her ass. She’ll get a spinoff.

Horsey Giggle’s Sweatshop Takeover

Kenley puts the paper plate with feathers glued onto it in her hair and tells us that she’s not talking to Squirc anymore because last week she made Kenley’s outfit (tight jeans pulled up to the nips and giant clunky Meemaw goes to a church fundraiser jewelry) “look like a fool’s outfit.” Alright, Kenley. I think we can blame Squirc for a lot of things. Trying to bring split ends back in, letting her eyebrows grow into The Secret Garden, inventing new shapes that will only deepen the stress on our already troubled school system. Seriously. How are you supposed to teach what a squircangle is in Spanish? Point is, that outfit looked like it belonged on a Kath and Kim poster. Shut your face, Kenley.

Nice package, Molly Shannon.

She says that she isn’t even going to pretend to be nice to Squirc, who doesn’t seem like she cares, as she tells CutToe in a whiny voice “I’m not even gonna smile today!” I don’t know if they’re jabbing at Kenley, but the editors imply that they are so I’ll just roll with it. Over in the boy’s apartment, Jerell the Hobosexual puts on the same sports coat/sweatshirt/hoodie/muumuu creation he wore yesterday and stretches in the mirror so that his nipples are only implied. Why is he always showing everything but those nips? Is that his form of humility? He says that he’s lonely being the only boy left and then he pulls out an apple and an Aunt Jemimah bottle to complete his tea party. As he points out, at first it was fun, but it’s getting kinda sad. Apple Suede just started talking to his dead apple relatives. Awww!

Straight Guy: That’s the ticket!

Pleather: Wackadoodle!

Tim: Where’s Andre?

Aunt Jemimah: White people are wack.

On his way out, he tells his friends bye and asks them “not to rot on the counter.” LOL. When they get to the runway, Fat Bitch is waiting for them looking fatter than she’s ever looked.

This is why they banned trans fat in NYC. Thanks for killing the fun for everyone, FB.

CutToe stays with her model, which means the girl that plucks her eyebrows into permanent cry-ey face is out. She smiles. Or cries. Or laughs silently. Who can tell with that one? She’s like a pet rock with lots and lots of hair. Tim shows up and shoves them all in a short bus and promises to take them somewhere special. He pats Kenley on the head and promises her they’re not going to the glue factory. She has no idea where they’re going but since she was given a hard time last week, she hopes that this week they will get to do something she’s good at. Woops, sorry. You just passed Johnny Rocket’s. Ah well.

CutToe thinks it will be a wedding dress challenge, and Hobo adds that it will be for Hedda Lettuce and will have to be made out of groceries. HA. They all look like they’re having a really great time.

The Boys Next Door Challenge

The short bus turns into the Botanical Gardens, and Squirc thinks they might have to make a dress out of flowers. That’s very astute of you, Squirc. I wish they went to the zoo. There hasn’t been a panda challenge yet and those little fuckers are just asking for it.

I want my two hours back you bastard!

They walk around the gorgeous garden and Hobosexi says that it’s very therapeutic. Tim retorts “Unless you’re Joan Crawford.” Silence. “And a control freak.” Silence. “And you don’t want the bloom to fade.” Come on, does the man have to take you people to gay college? The youth of today! (shaken fist to the heavens)

They get to the middle of the garden and guess who’s waiting for them! Collier Strong! Don’t remember him? He’s the dude from L’oreal Paris who somehow manages to get every last piece of hair out of his nose. I don’t know why, but it’s always bugged the shit out of me. I imagine getting stuck next to him on the bus when he’s having a sneezing fit and getting his gunk all over me.

See? It’s not natural, I tell you!

Collier tells the designers that he comes to the garden for inspiration because there’s so much color and texture there. Also it’s a good place to cruise on weekdays when all the breeder families are at work and school. Hobo is having trouble keeping up.

I miss the apple.

Collier tells them that to combat the rough economy, their challenge will be to sell L’Oreal products door to door in the Bronx. They will get their friends involved, who will get their friends involved…nope. He just says he likes flowers and goes. Thanks for coming by Collier! Poor guy. He’s probably in a cab right now thinking “I put on a full face of makeup and waxed my nose for that?”

The challenge is to take inspiration from the garden and make and evening gown. Darn. They don’t have to use real flowers! What a rip! On the other hand, you have to give the producers credit for remembering all of the tablecloths from the Gristede’s challenge. Not creative. Check. We’ll just work around it. When go is called, the designers are given cameras and told to snap away.

Most everyone goes for the flowers, but Hobo starts picking up candy wrappers and cigarette butts. Squirc is chased around the whole time by a bee, which is sad and hilarious. It either means that she sweats sweet, she’s got bad karma, or the bee is anti plaid shirts from the seventies with tight cotton t-shirts over them. Go, bee!

Bees against bad fashion.

CutToe says that she loves being in this garden because it reminds her of the garden her mom planted in Africa. Oh really? Your mom had a garden just like that? Your mom was busy. That place is gorgeous. AND HUGE. No wonder the oppressors wanted your land. Probably built a mall there or some shit.

James Bond villain music plays as Kenley tells us that she likes bright bold crazy colors, which come from flowers. Flowers? Color comes from flowers? Sometimes I have to pause the DVR because I get this feeling of…of…of being staggered. Deep breath. And….play. Kenley looks at the flowers and plays around, not being offensive or rude. The editors keep using the James Bond villain music anyways. Love them.

Back at Parsons, the designers are given half an hour to pick one pic. Hobo chooses purple flowers because he likes the color. Deep thoughts by Hobo Handy. These people know that they’re supposed to do more than match a flower to a color, right? Surely they get that. CutToe chooses a weirdo flower called the Flamenco. It looks like one of her formless fat chick dresses, which is a good choice. I can totally see her wearing this.

But with arms.

Kenley has picked a multi purpled leafy plant. This is gonna be war, because Hobosexi is doing purple as well. At least Hobo’s roses are pretty. Kenley picked leaves that look like little bruises. Squirc is going against the grain and using…PURPLE. Come on, guys. You have thirty minutes and no one noticed that you’re all using purple? Congrats, CutToe! You win for not using PURPLE. The end. Hobo finds some fabric that doesn’t really go with his original plan and Tim is there to smack it down. Tim seriously doesn’t get enough credit. Look what Hobo almost bought.

He decides to listen to Tim because “there’s a thin line between luxury and low class.” Speaking of, guess who’s on the cover of Elle you guys?

What?

CutToe notices that someone left their stuff on the counter, and she is a really good person so she says something. So quietly that she needs subtitles. LOL CutThroat.

Damn. That’s cold. As the designers leave Mood, we see that the fabric was left on the counter. Snap. Back at the workroom, Cut concentrates on her design. She doesn’t know what she has in mind, exactly, but she picked a pretty flower so she’s confident. I’m rooting for her to use more from the flower than just the color. There’s a great opportunity for a water balloon dress here. Go, CUT!

Hobosexi, on the other hand, has to figure out how to make plumb, maroon and deep purple work together. OY. Dye? Squirc gets to inventing new shapes on her dress form, and it looks kinda like really dry skin so far. Michael Myers music from Halloween starts to play as Kenley realizes that she doesn’t have her second bag of black tulle. HAHA it was hers! Love it. CutToe must have known that.

Kenley sidles up next to Hobo and goes on and on about how she’s gonna kill herself over her missing tulle. Cut to his giant pile of tulle on the table. He just shakes his head like “grrrrrl” and doesn’t offer her any. She says very loudly that she is going to have to resort to using drafting paper, and he just smiles. When she leaves, he and CutToe laugh about having tulle they aren’t going to use but oh hayell no it’s not going to that wench. Cut says that when you’re ugly on the inside everything you do is ugly. They go on and on laughing about Kenley being an ahole. This is usually the part where I jump onto Kenley’s side because I hate seeing someone get ganged up on, but surprisingly, I’m with Cut and Hobo. As long as they don’t hold her down and try to shave her head, I’m ok with this. Actually, now that I mention it, a good shave is what the girl needs.

Where’s Cliff from Top Chef 2 when you need him?

The next morning, CutToe, Squirc and Hobo play around in the bathroom while Kenley looks on from across the room. Again, should feel bad but I so don’t. I actually think she’s making the right move here. You should never be in the same proximity as a hobo who never changes his pants. When there’s something stinky in the room it’s like breathing germs. At the workroom, Kenley asks Hobo if his tulle is for sale and he says no, but she can buy the straw hat he found in the dumpster behind Mood for two fifty.

Uh…no thanks.

CutToe holds her pink tulle up for Hobo to see and then slams it down in her bag. Dang! When Tim comes in, Kenley tells him about her tulle problem and he says she can go back to Mood after the model fitting. The other designers are really pissed, and I kind of am too because I really like seeing Kenley scramble around freaking out. On the other hand, when she gets kicked off I would rather not hear her blame Squirc or tulle. Kenley’s fabric is a purple scaly mess, and Hobo talks shit about her with his model, calling her “Kenley the Dragon Slayer”. Meanwhile, he’s dressed like, well, a hobo.

You don’t get to talk shit about clothes when you’re wearing jorts, acid wash and a straw hat, you douche.

Everyone is wearing a yellow ribbon today. What gives? Did someone get prostate cancer? Is it in support of our troops? Someone please explain it to me, because I keep looking around at everyone’s nuts. Collier Strong comes in to give hair and makeup consultations and prizes for whoever signed up the most friends to sell product. Kenley’s up first, and she tells him that she is going for high fashion. When Collier gets a load of her material, he assumes she means stoner sitting in front of a Playstation high fashion and rolls with it, suggesting a bib and a gallon of water just in case her model gets cotton mouth.

High Fashion

Squirc brings him swatches and a sketch to work off of, and Hobo brings him a peso. WTF? Hobo is one resourceful guy. Collier suggests making her face up to resemble a WIC card and Hobo tells him that he loves him. Man, with four contestants left they are really forced to stretch the time.

Later, Hobo babbles on nonsensically to Cut and Squirc, but he’s doing it in that sassy gay voice and rolling his head so they assume he’s being funny and giggle. Kenley is across the room watching them. She tells us that being across the room from people who are having fun and giggling at her is the story of her life. Awww! I feel sorry for…the kids you annoyed so much that they were forced to turn evil and ostracize you your whole life. Poor giggly kids!

“I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.” – Lucy VanPelt

Tim comes in later to tell Kenley that she can go to Mood. Sad music plays and she gives him sad tear filled eyes. He ignores it and leaves. She says bye to everyone and the second the door closes Hobo screeches that she needs to get her fabric to finish her “Purplezilla costume”. Gay people everywhere put their heads in their palms and wonder what happened to homo wit.

The sad music continues as Kenley walks out of Parsons all by herself and tells us about her family. Her dad was a tugboat captain and half of her childhood was spent on that tugboat so she didn’t ever learn to act like a normal human being. Wow. I wonder if her dad used to cut her hair and that’s where the bangs came from. Damn tugboat Willies and their menacing ways. I take a moment during the commercial break to think about how annoyed I get by Kenley and Hobosexi, and then this happens:

It could be worse. It could be much, much worse. If there was ever someone who deserves to be abandoned on a tugboat it’s this tool.

Tim comes around to check on progress and starts with CutToe. He snaps his finger and tips his beret. “Hated it!” The front of her peach dress is pretty, but the back is covered in a lace tablecloth and must go. She agrees and says she will do her best to fix it. Kenley’s next. She tells him that she loves her work.

Uhhhhh….

He tells her it looks like a dead fish and she says that’s what she’s going for. Oh, Kenley. That tugboat ruined you. He tries to talk her into making something botanical but she shrugs him off and tells us that she’s totally complimented by his scales comment. I’m trying to be less bored and root for you so this isn’t all so predictable, Kenley, but you’re making it hard.

Hobo is next. Tim likes the layers but thinks it looks very unfinished. There is potential for greatness, so if Hobo can just learn to sew in the next few hours, he’s gonna be a winner. Tim thinks Squirc’s dress looks “Hello Dolly”. I think it looks like psoriasis prom. To each his own “fug”.

The only advice he can really give her is “ullllgh.” LOL, Gunn. What do you say? Before leaving, he tells the designers how proud he is of them for making it this far when there’s been so many excellent designers. Just kidding. He says congrats with his fingers crossed behind his back and leaves. Squirc starts crying and tells us that she’s wanted to go to fashion week since she was twelve. I imagine her being twelve and getting her hair pulled by the mean girls and thinking to herself “I have a shape inside of me that will change. The. WORLD.” The next morning, Hobo starts crying because he’s so close to never having to survive an entire week on chewed up gum from under benches ever again. Wahwahwah. Hey! Now we know why he never shows his nips! How does a boy that skinny have man boobs?

Calm down with the hormones, tigress. You’re looking thirteen again.

Then CutToe starts sobbing and reading the Bible and telling us how bad she wants this. Everyone thinks they deserve to win because they want it the most. I closed my eyes and begged the universe the loudest! I win! As the old joke goes, you know what The Secret is? You just lost twenty bucks. Sucka! Still sobbing. Oh for chrissakes. Where’s Leatha? She wouldn’t be crying right now. She’s be hammering. CutToe says that she’s been told no so many times in her life that this time she wants to be told yes. And she’s never eating radishes again. Has no one told them that they will all be showing at Bryant Park? Even Straight Guy got to show. A moment of silence for us all to hang our heads in shame.

By the time they get to the workroom, all eyes are dry and Hobo is dressed to steal from the rich and give to the po.

Friar Suck

During model make up and hair styling, Kenley erases any good will built up from the other designers being mean to her by telling us that how untalented everyone else is. Squirc just does pleating detail in muted colors and Hobo just takes shit out of the trash and hot glue guns it to people. Agreed, and thank God the world is about to be blessed with your new and original work that we haven’t seen before. After this episode, I am convinced that Kenley’s reason for thinking that she invented the fifties is that she’s never been told about those times before. Not many I Love Lucy reruns on a tugboat.

C. Only if she cut her bangs. And shoved a wad of the fabric in her mouth. And swore to never giggle again.

Time for the runway show! The guest judge tonight is Georgina Chapman, who is absolutely stunning. She is co-founder of Marchesa, but I had to Google her to find out what Bravo/NBC/Magical Elves product she was hawking. Does she have something to do with Elle? Nope. Did she pull up in a Saturn? Nope. She’s married to Harvey Weinstein. EEEEEWWWWW! This girl just beat Padma Lakshmi and Katie Lee Joel with one fat, hairy, punch. I’m glad she’s able to control her gag reflex so well. She’s gonna need it tonight.

To all shlumpy gross guys who dream of having a hot wife everywhere: MAKE SOME MONEY.

Just kidding. I’m sure they’re together because of his awesome personality. CutToe is up first. Her dress is really beautiful to me. It’s peach with long flowy orange in the back and a lace trim. I don’t know how in the hell it looks anything like the flower she chose other than being the same colors, but well done. She says she hopes they love the silhouette so much that they don’t notice the janky beadwork.

Squirc’s model looks like she’s being strapped in to a parachute ride at Disneyland on gay day. The top is pretty, but the ruffled seatbelt is hideous and the skirt is way huge. I can’t believe the poor girl didn’t fall down. The worst part is the back. Darker purple fabric is coming out the top of the skirt. At least let her wear toilet paper on the bottom of her shoe so she looks complete.

Hobo’s model looks like a cheesy pregnant actress in the audition room for True Blood. He’s basically made an eggplant wrap dress. It might have worked without the red and black underneath. Sorry, but she’s a vagina. A big, scary, pregnant eggplant vagina.

Kenly did a weird tight form fitting turtleneck dress with upside down, flattened pope hats as the trim. The model looks like she’s gonna start spinning around at any second to polish the runway. Grodie? Yes, but it’s not fifties. This decade has yet to come. Hopefully it will come after I’m dead and buried so I don’t get smacked for laughing at the woman who wears this dress in public.

The only one of these that isn’t fug is CutToe’s, and it was bore snore. Squirc tells the judges that she was inspired by a lavender plant and describes her work as soft and organic. And safe. The model will never go through a wind shield if she crashes. Yay seat belts! Buckle up people. It’s the law. Harvey’s Trophy loves the balance between the soft and organic. Huh? Nina is happy to see that she did something feminine. Well, it’s a dress, that’s for sure. I don’t think Nina is qualified to judge today. She showed up wearing a rug from Sarah Palin’s living room.

If you hear a helicopter overhead, hide.

No one likes the back, but they think if it had a little more work it would be fabulous. Kors thinks CutToe’s dress is beautifully made but looks like a beauty pageant. Heidi agrees, and Cut starts sobbing. Harvey’s Trophy doesn’t like the colors, and Nina says it’s not sophisticated and she doesn’t see any Cut there. CutToe responds “but it’s meeee!” Oh no. They just called it tacky and unsophisticated. Don’t own that! She keeps crying and Nina so doesn’t care and keeps on about the suck factor. Which is why Nina must live forever. Anyway, they’re being a bit harsh here. I can see where that dress would totally work.

I smell a crossover!

The judges all love Hobo’s work. WHAT? Come on! This is getting ridiculous. I feel like they’re trying to cover up for their bad choices during the audition process and convince us that these fools actually know what they’re doing. Over the weeks, we have gotten to know the designers which makes us like them and sympathize with them, but let’s be real. For a final challenge especially, this was a massive FAIL. Kors thinks that it’s good but sloppy and Hobo says that it was a time thing. Harv’s Trophy asks how it would have looked had he had more time, and Hobo pitches a gorgeous billowy number. Hulleow? HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR? You can’t be safe on a pitch! And when has the time factor ever been taken into consideration before this shit season? That gown is a giant gash. The end.

Kenley says that she chose odd leaves and wanted to produce something scaly and cool. Harv’s Trophy says that it looks non organic and Nina says it looks scaly and creepy and not cool. Kenley argues that she heard the word “gown” and thought EW. OLD. Nina says that the model does look old and not like a modern woman at all. Kenley goes on, saying that she wanted to do something that’s not cliche and Kors scrunches his orange face and says “I wrote cliche”. LOL. Kenley screeches “It is NOT!” and practically jumps to the side. Heidi doesn’t think the upside down pope hats are elegant and Kenley snaps the she wasn’t going for elegance, HEIDI. Why would she try to make something elegant in a gown challenge? Ignant kraut.

And then Heidi’s all OH HAYELL NO BITCH! And runs up to the runway and pulls the paper plate with feathers glued to it out of Kenley’s hair and tries to shove it down her horsey throat. And then Kors takes off his jacket and starts to run to help Heidi but gets tired and sits Indian style on the floor spraying self tanner on his sweaty face while Nina throws her heels at Kenley’s head. Then Harv’s Trophy makes a call on her cell and says “Harv, this season is officially the most pathetic ever. Bravo will never want to keep us now! Bwahahahahahahaaaaaa! That’s what they get for not buying the broadcast rights for the string of crap movies you’ve made over the past three years! WE WWIIIIINNNN!!!” Ok none of that happened. Everyone told Kenley to stop being a defensive little twat and she cried. Seriously though, Heidi looked like she wanted to beat her senseless.

Whaaaat?!?

Heidi asks everyone why they deserve to go to fashion week and who should go with them. Hobo answers first and sobs and says that it’s his dream to actually have a budget and not have to rummage through dumpsters for materials and try to make women’s t-shirts into job interview outfits. Then he dries up right away and starts rolling his head and saying that the whole fifties look was done in the fifties and Kenley should be out. Way to take a positively worded question and turn it into the most immature bitch slap, Hobo. Eggplant gash.

He continues that they shouldn’t let her crap work on the runway and she interjects that he’s being an asswipe. “They asked!” She says they didn’t ask him to elaborate for twenty minutes and he shuts her up and says she’ll have her chance to speak. Then he rolls his head and says “Hobo Squirc and Cut and the TEAHNT! AT THE TEAHNT!” This guy is a jackass. A jackass who has proven over and over again that he doesn’t know how to put colors together or sew. He will probably win. HATE.

Squirc answers that she isn’t going to do a boring show and it’s clear cut that Squirc and Cut should go with her to the tent and Kenley just does the same thing over and over. CutToe starts balling again and says that she may be the oldest but she still has her dream and she will show her background and culture on the runway. I am hoping she means bright colors and not starving children with flies on their face running from rapists. She would take Hobo and Squirc because she thinks they’re good designers and good people. SNAP! Kenley looks like she’s gonna explode.

In a perfect world, she would compose herself and be graceful, but it’s Project Runway and she’s Kenley so instead she cries about being trashed and says that she’s the biggest risk taker there and she would put on a great show. As far as being annoying, she’s had to fight her whole life. She’s had to fight her father, she’s had to fight her brothers, and she’ll be damned if she’s gonna fight in her own house!

You tode Harpo to beat me!

She says that she grew up tough and being an ass is a force of a habit and then, sobbing, she apologizes to everyone. You know, Kenley’s annoying, but she’s not an evil villain like most of the villains on this show. She’s just a girl who thinks she’s being cute. Yes, still an asshole, but come on she’s not as bad as the others have made her out to be. Am I a flip flopper? Yes. Yes I am. She says that she would take Hobo and Squirc with her because Cut would put on a boring show. Then she rolls her eyes and cries and stamps her feet and starts humming the Tugboat Willie theme and rocking back and forth.

Blow some snot rockets at everyone and tell them to suck it.

In the holding tank, the clique sits together and Kenley sits across the room facing away from them. CutToe gently says “Kenley…” and I was expecting it to be followed with “I’m sorry that was really really bad. Are you ok?” Yes, I am a dumbass. She says that every time Kenley gets defensive she dogs CutToe and it’s not fair and she didn’t say anything about her. Except for that part where she suggested that she wasn’t a good person. Kenley cries and says that she went through that times ten. Then Cut continues on and Kenley cries more. This is sad. YOU ALL SUCK. ALL OF YOU. K? This will go down as the most pathetic season ever because of ALL OF YOU. You’ve already started paving your roads to oblivion, do you really need to make them stretch all the way to hell, too?

Kors says that this show wasn’t anyone’s best moment and Nina just throws her hands up in disgust. HAHA at least they’re not completely delusional. Nina says that shitty construction aside, she liked seeing a softer Squirc. Harv’s Trophy says that when Squirc stood next to her model, she could tell that she made the dress. Could it be because they both had ruffles and were from the same color pallet? And that both are beautiful, confident black women?

Kors says that the rouching is overdone and sad, and Heidi says that that’s Squirc. Nina emphatically agrees. LOL. I have to mention that in the urban dictionary, the term rouching means: taking your left hand, make a cup with it, cradle your balls and massage your right nut with your thumb and index finger. I totally found that on accident when I googled the spelling of the word, and it will never leave my head now. Thanks, Squirc!

Harv’s Trophy thinks Hobo was the most intriguing. This woman was born to a millionaire and has never spoken to a hobo so close up and so I get her fascination, but what’s with Heidi? She says he’s elegant with an edge. Yes, a frayed stained edge that’s unevenly cut and badly finished. Nina chimes in that he’s sloppy and Kors says they can’t have a mess at Bryant Park. Too late for that, but I’m glad you said it.

CutToe gets “beauty pageant” across the board. Kors thinks she has great skills in general and Nina appreciates her use of color, but she sucked it today. Kors also says that Kenley has the fifties thing down but really bombed. Trophy doesn’t understand why they are raving about Kenley in general from what she saw walk down the runway. Heidi doesn’t care about any of that. She wants to talk about her attitude. Kors says with an attitude like that she will cut a buyer who doesn’t like her work and she’s rude. Heidi agrees but says that she wants to see what she would come up with at fashion week. I am actually rooting for Kenley. This show is f ing with my head. I agree though, at least she would be interesting to see finish.

Everyone is called back to the runway, where Heidi tells them that they were all so lame that it was the closest runway show they’ve ever had to judge. Suirc and Hobo had the highest scores and Hobo wins. Then he sobs and Squirc looks like she is gonna kill him.

What shape did you invent, BITCH?!?

Heidi says that it’s too hard to pick a loser so they are all going home. To create collections! No one smiles. Including me. Come on! I wanted to see a breakdown! I suffered through that hour for THIS? Wait. This means that we will get to see Kenley at home! Never mind! YAAYYYYYYY!

Do the dish or you’re grounded, brat!

They will all come back for fashion week, but one of them will still be get kicked off for a three person finale. Kenley breaks down. In the holding tank, Tim calls for a group hug and Kenley sits down and watches everyone hug. He tells her to let bygones be bygones and she rolls her eyes. Come on, stupid, you’re on TV. Next week, Tim goes to visit everyone at home in the first part of the two part finale, and CutToe makes a giant gold vagina. What is with this show and vaginas? It’s so not helping me get over my fear of them.

And….nightmares.