Project Runway: Shooting Fish in a Barrel

This week, on the season premier of Project Runway, Lifetime culls personalities from seasons past and does their best not to f up the best show on TV while Tim shows off his bottom teeth.

Funny how time can change your perceptions, ain’t it? When it was announced that Bravo let this show go to Lifetime, you, me and the rest of the world were like HUH? LIFETIME’S GONNA KILL IT!! Any network that gives Jo from Facts of Life her own show can’t have anyone’s best interests at heart. Then The Fashion Show happened. Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn could come out, stare at each other for an hour and then poop on the floor, and I would still give it a standing ovation at the end. I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO HAVE THIS SHOW BACK!! Now please, Lifetime. Don’t fuck it up.

When we see our first shot of Tim and Heidi on the pre show marketing pic, I get all excited. Even Tim’s smiling. Well, he’s trying to. I think Tim’s totally discovered Botox, you guys.

Can anyone frown smile better?

We jump right in by meeting our first designer. He says his name, but I rewound four times and still couldn’t understand him. I went to the stupid Lifetime website to find out, and it’s Ra’mon-Lawrence. Not Ramone or Raymond. Ra’mon. Like ya mon with an r. Yay for having both an apostrophe and a hyphen in one name. My meemaw’s name is Ramona, and she wouldn’t seem like such a hick if she just added an apostrophe. I’m totally telling her that in the next Shoebox Greeting card I send her. She’s not gonna like it.

Ra’mon (I’m gonna giggle every time I write that) is 30 and wears plastic white sunglasses, cuz 30 is the new 15 on reality tv. He tells us that he’s always been ambitious. We already knew that, silly. Nothing screams ambition like a braid mullet, a bowling bag as a purse, and a member’s only jacket. He was gonna be a neuroscientist, and as he tells us this, his face is like “got that? I’m smart.”

Sorry, but I don’t think you’re allowed to brag about going to med school unless you, you know, FINISHED. I wouldn’t even bring that shit up. He did, though, and I have a feeling he will remind us that he was physically in a medical school building at least five times before he’s kicked off the show. He says that his goal is to go against the grain. Then we get a snapshot from his portfolio. Been done! Like, decades ago.

At least when Scarlett O’Hara used drapes she made them look like an actual dress. You’re not just supposed to take the curtains of the pole and throw them on a pasty hungry girl. DUH.

Oh damn. My bad. Ra’ doesn’t have a mullet after all. He’s got braids that go down his back. I was actually happy to see a mullet. NEVER MIND. Next up is Logan, who says he’s not a “typical designer”. In other words, he thinks he’s straight. There’s always one of these, eh? I’m not buyin’ it. That’s a bottom if I’ve ever seen one.

Subtle, Straight Guy.

I hope we see less smiles from him. His teeth are whiter than Carrie Underwood.

We get a clip of his Bio Video, and he looks all gruff and manly in it.

Not buyin’ it? Then watch him drive his Mustang really fast!! Still no? He says that if his limo breaks down on its way to Fashion Week, he’ll pop the hood and fix it himself! You know, cuz he’s a MAAANNN! The producers probably watched this ridiculous video and made a bet on who among them would get the first blow job from Logan.

Johnny has finally made it on the show after three previous tries. He knows why he didn’t make it the other times, though. He had a crystal meth addiction. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That would probably put you towards the back of the line. I know we just met, but some advice? “Hey, I’m Johnny, nice to meet you” is probably what you should open with from now on.

Inside voice. Shhhhh.

He talks to Straight Guy and Ra’mona about his darkest hour, and battling back to live life to its fullest. Straight Guy almost falls asleep.

That’s awesome. I can fix car engines.

I can’t properly judge Johnny until I know whether this portfolio pic was shot before or after he was wasted.

Gordana Gelhausen is a badass cougar with a thick Yugoslavian accent. Why badass? She walks all sexy down the street and her first line is “Eef you geeve me a sheep, I can make you a swayther.” LOL. She had to leave the former Yugoslavia because it just felt kinda wrong to be making glittery dresses among people who had to raise potatoes in their backyards just to survive. She ended up in Charleston, South Carolina, another place with thick funny accents. I bet everyone she meets there tells her “wayell aren’t you funny?” at least once.

I wouldn’t fuck with her.

She owns her own store and says that she’s here “for all the girls out there with a dream but they are starting with small steps.” You better take some bigger steps, girl. You’re already in your mid forties, and time has a way of running us over when we’re least expecting it. Sorry, but I am about to get older next week and am not taking it well. Anyway, nice to meet you Gordana Gelhausen. Our next contestant is Malvin. Malvin raises the age old question “do people get beat up for who they are or does getting beat up make them who they are in the first place?” Only one way to find out.

Beat him up.

A young pretty blonde girl with two names is next. Carol Hannah. Like Daryl Hannah. Did she do that on purpose or is that her real name? From now on, call me Mulia Roberts.

Qristyl is next, and I already love her cuz she spells her name Qristyl. Also cuz she’s a big girl who designs for big girls and she looks like she can snap Carol Hannah in two.

Qristyl doesn’t like the term “plus size”. She likes the term “plus sexy.” Ok I’ll let you get away with that if next time I have to buy pants that actually fit me and don’t half suffocate me to death, I can say I’m going to the “long and girthy” store.

Next up is Shirin. That means sweet in Farsi, in case you’re wondering. Whatever you say. Shave your sideburns. You’re on TV.

Elvis

Elvis is into making multifunctional clothes. Look! A skirt that turns into a cape. For the sophisticated woman who likes to play Harry Potter while her mom’s at work.

Our bitchy delusional uberqueen of the season is this guy.

Everyone together now. Eeeeew! “I’m known in New York City as The Feather Queen.” He needs feathered hair. Anything would be better than what he’s rockin. He’s like totally already designed for the cover of Vogue, k? His resume is way too long and detailed to go into here, but I have a feeling he’s to blame for the costumes at the end of Mama Mia where all the drunk middle aged ladies have a concert for all their friends.

Mitchell is next in, and I kinda like him already cuz he has a normal name and cuz he reminds me of Rick Moranis. Question Moranis’ abilities all you want, but he’s very likable.

Ari Fish is up next. She is played by Agnes DiPesto.

Fish finds her designs by saying “hello, fabric! What would you like me to make you into today?” So this is our fruit loop of the season. Lifetime totally won the cookie cutter in the lawsuit against Bravo. Fish is into jeans that go up to her ribcage and “transformative” fashion. At first I think she means cross dressing, cuz she kinda looks dudish and so do all of her designs.

Happy Mother’s Day, Cher.

But no, that’s not what she means. Her designs turn into tents and water purification systems. LOL. I’m totally trading in my Brita for the lez in the above pic and spending the week in Joshua Tree. A hot blonde named Althea is next, and Fish is first to greet her.

Your boner’s poking out.

And now let’s meet Irina. She has a tiny dog that she designs totes for. She tells us how much she loves her little baby as he growls at her nastily. The dog? Hates her guts.

If you put me in one more goddamned purse I’m shitting in it.

As people arrive, Carol Hannah asks Gordana Gelhausen if she remembers her and Gelhausen’s all “eet was dat moovie, Plash?” And Carol Hannah’s all NO that’s Darryl Hannah in Splash. I’m the girl who you let sell dresses at your store a few years ago! Surprise! Gordona Gelhoausen tries to change the subject and is all me likey schnitzel.

Hmmmmm…..no.

Carol Hannah designs for wood nymphs on their way to cocktail parties. She describes her style as part pixie and part…SQUIRCANGLE!!

Carol Hannah says that everyone’s always surprised when they meet her cuz she’s blonde and Southern, which people don’t usually associate with intelligence or…anything…I mean…she lost her train of thought, little smart Southern girl. I wish I was there to pat her gently on the head.

Stevie Wonder’s forehead has shown up twice this week in reality TVland. First on Big Brother’s Chia and now on PR’s Epperson.

Epp’s a window dresser trying to get back to following his dream. He has a wife and kids, so I want him to win.

Dream Killers

The designers are all here, so now it’s time to meet Tim and Heidi on the roof! Heidi, knowing that she is still the most gorgeous woman EVAH, opens by thanking God for keeping her twenty seven forever.

This prayer could have been used to ask for help for starving children or some shit.

Heidi welcomes them to LA and when she introduces Tim they applaud. It totally throws her off, and she’s like “uh…line uh huh? CUT!” Tim’s all dour and sexy as ever. I don’t think he’s gonna adapt to the sunshine very well, though. By the end of the season I hope he’ll be a sour, cranky, frustrated mess.

They toast to the season and mingle. Heidi tells a girl named Louise that she’s so surprised her hair isn’t big at all, being from Texas. Oh, Heidi, you and your charming ignorance. Louise likes vintage. Ya don’t say.

UGH. Why would they purposely remind us of Kenley? WHY?!?

If she starts whining about being raised on her drunk dad’s tugboat I’m turning this shit off, I swear to God. Malvin tells us that he thinks he comes off as androgynous. LOL. You’re way past that. You look like Yoko Ono in a Jaclyn Smith wig.

He says that he designs “toward both masculine and feminine elements.” He doesn’t want to deprive anybody from his art. Boobs or wiener, if you want to walk around in a bed sheet and short shorts, Malvin’s the Andro for you.

Fug isn’t gender specific.

Heidi comments on his hair, but says she likes it and she’s always excited to see what new and inventive ways that new cast members find to blatantly emulate previous contestants. Althea and a dude from Minnesota named Christopher chat and become instant besties. She interned for some big guns and is convinced that she can be the best designer ever! One of the best things to happen to her was when one of her bosses was like “Althea you’re the best!” and she was all “OK! HAHAHAH!” Then he was like “now please hurry and get the extra sugar cube I asked you for the first time or I’ll find another slug to fill your shoes, k?”

Christopher is totally deep too, so it figures they would hit it off. He has a saying. “Someday, you’ll be amazing!” That’s not a saying, it’s a wishful thought, but I can’t focus right now cuz I can’t stop staring at his fanny pack. How did someone who wore a fanny pack in their audition video get on this show?

I’m starting to worry for this season.

I kinda like him cuz he sketches a bunch of dowdy Cathy type cartoons and dresses dowdy Cathy cartoon-like women in his creations. I don’t know if he’s being funny on purpose, but I doubt it. And I find it irresistible.

Only thing out of place here is the smile.

Heidi tells them to drink up while they can cuz in the morning is their first challenge! What?!? You’re not making them do it buzzed and travel tired? BOOOO!! That’s breaking the rules!

Someone’s sponsor is super pissed right now.

The next day, the designers all go to meet Tim on a red carpet at the Nokia, where the Emmys were held. I wish Joan Rivers was here. Her head would explode.

The first challenge is to make a red carpet dress in their own style. With coffee filters? With manure? With placenta? NO! With whatever they want! Huh? Come on now. Johnny tells us that he’s totes excited and he’s gonna push himself to the limit. Don’t push yourself too hard. Wouldn’t want you getting mush mouth in the first week. I predict a breakdown. Too easy.

Tim shows them the new workroom and gives them the rules. They have two days and two hundred bucks. Christopher the cartoon designer is going to make something for Judy Jetson’s long awaited arrival for the Best Supporting Actress in a 60′s Hanna Barbera Cartoon Emmy.

Malvin tells us that he doesn’t watch the red carpet because he doesn’t like to differentiate between carpets. That would be bigoted and mean and he doesn’t want to make the woman or man who will be wearing his dress or pants to be offended. ARGH. What kind of designer avoids red carpets because the carpeting is racist?

Don’t be such a penginis.

Fish, the fruit loop, shouts out “what if we don’t sketch?!?” LOL. No, she’s not kidding. Well, Fish, how bout the producers just serve up some skinny bitches that you can stick pins all over until you figure out how to turn their pee into kool aid with a belt. Ya fuckin freak. She tells us that she meditates on the mood of the piece and who will be wearing it and she does her best to never walk around with change in her pockets to avoid getting hit in the face when she’s acting spiritual.

A handstand? Why, that’s wacky!

Tim takes the designers to Mood and watches Fish wrestle with bolt of black fabric. His face is priceless.

Bend to me, heathen!



I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Qristyl is running around sweating all over everyone cuz there’s only one clerk cutting fabric, so Tim tells her if she buys the scissors she can cut the fabric herself. I am going to love this girl. Elvis is gonna do something old Hollywood.

Jailhouse Rock?

Ra’mona tells us that having someone wear something he designed on the red carpet is a lifelong dream. And then he starts trying to cry. Why do people on these shows have to be so lost, pathetic and needy of attention? And how scary is it that this dipshit could have been handling brains?

Who’s gonna tell him that no one’s wearing his crap to the Oscars?

Johnny Mush Mouth is the first one to start freaking out and trying to change his design. He tells us it’s because he was an addict and he needs someone there to hold his hand and tell him everything’s ok. Thank God, then, for Qristyl, cuz she spouts off gems like “don’t second guess yourself!” and “always go with your first instinct!” How long will it be before she says “Stop taking crystal and start thinking Qristyl!”? Minnesota lurks around waiting for her to say “some day you’ll be amazing!” but she doesn’t. Still not a saying, sorry. Johnny really starts to escalate his whining and fretting while Qristyl does her wise big woman routine. You can give him all the positive encouragement you want, but his dress form’s still buck ass naked. It’s awesome that Lindsay Lohan’s staring at him from the wall right now, tempting him.

Give him some meth already. This is painful to watch.

He goes off to “rest” and Ra’mona sits with him. Johnny cries and whines and says he doesn’t have the stones for this and he didn’t imagine it would be like this. LOL. You’ve auditioned three times for a show and you didn’t know it would involve SEWING A DRESS?!? Get the fuck out, weakling. Way to inspire the addicts, YA WUSS! If Whit messes up her comeback this Fall I’m holding you personally responsible!

We take a commercial break, and when we come back Johnny is still waaahing on the couch. Tim comes to talk to him, and Johnny sobs and talks about how hard it was coming through drug addiction and he doesn’t want to fail. Tim, wisely, doesn’t remind him that you don’t win because you cry the loudest. Instead, he presses a little button on his wrist and “Make it work!” blasts out of his mouth. He says that it’s very emotional for everyone including him and one time he tried to wear jeans instead of a suit and felt like a peasant for months afterward, so he understands addiction. Johnny’s like OMG TIM TOTALLY GETS ME!! WAAAHHHH!

The director comes on and tells Johnny that he’s reached his allotted camera pandering time for the episode, so Johnny dries up and gets to sewing. Next open wound! Yoko talks about how original his creations are. “There’s not a vocab for them yet.” Sorry to break it to ya, Yoko, but there is in fact a word for what you are doing.

Done.

This group is making Season Five’s cast look talented and emotionally balanced. The next morning, Johnny tells us that he’s all better now and it’s important to stick with things and not quit. Unless you’re talking about drugs. Those you should quit. Did you guys know he did drugs?

In the workroom, Minnesota and Gordana Gelhausen bond over having no education. Minnesota tries to also bond over their strong cheekbones, and Gordana Gelhausen is polite enough to not point out that her facial structure is real and his is shaven on.

He’s the guy who wore a fanny pack, which is unforgivable. I like what he’s working on, though. It looks like a mascara wand.

Tim thinks that this could look like a cruise line cocktail waitress uniform if he doesn’t get it right. Fish the fruit loop is next, and Tim says he worries that her metallic halter dress is gonna look like a halter diaper. HAHAH. Someone should totally make those. No reason babies shouldn’t look fashionable while they poop themselves. Ra’mona says he likes “doing things that are like architectural elements.” Tim scowls and warns him against making his model look like she has a big butt, “cuz that’s a big but.” I don’t get it. Moving on. Rick Gayranis seems to be going for a Victorian suicide look. His dress form looks like she’s walking into the ocean with stones tied around her ankle. Do you blame her?

If you’re gonna kill yourself, that’s the dress to do it in.

Tim says it looks Victorian and it needs to be 2009. Who wears sleeves and necks up to their chins on the red carpet? This ain’t the Iranian Oscars, k? This is America. You need boobs and arms to win anything here.

Qristyl greets Tim with a hearty laugh. She was going for Oscars but is switching to the Emmy’s cuz her dress looks less dramatic than she wanted. Tim scrunches his face and says that it’s plenty dramatic. She asks if it’s dramatic enough and he pauses for like five full seconds. HAHAHAHAH. She laughs and says that pause was way too long and he says “I don’t want you to ask me that question, I want you to ask yourself.” Thank you, Herman Hesse. What is it in LA’s air that turns people in to pop psych spouting hippies? Somehow, it’s never gotten to me. Anyway, this dress would work for the Emmys.

The Latin Daytime Emmys.

The models come in for a quick fitting, and the only one falling apart is Rick Gayranis. Poor guy got all his measurements wrong and is freaking out. He’s even making Fish the fruit loop look good, and she’s mess.

He has to start all over, and is only keeping the really really poorly conceived collar. Nooooo! You’re nice and sweet! Please don’t be as terrible as you’re coming off! Fish needs to go home before she blinds someone.

Fish tells her roomies that she was expecting to have to fight for her right to be ORIGINAL but is almost disappointed that no one’s paying her any mind. Poor girl’s literally doing handstands as the world “meh”s. Only two hours til the runway show, and Rick Gayranis has nothing. So he starts over and decides to sew his model into something. All he has is pantyhose material, so she will look nekkid. I am crossing my fingers for him. I don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with loving Little Shop of Horrors.

The models get into hair and makeup, and Fish starts messing with her model’s hair herself. The model looks super pissed, but Fish assures her that she’s trying not to damage her hair. Witness Fish trying to not damage hair.

First designer murder after this short break.

Heidi comes out wearing…who cares? That outfit’s only purpose is to remind you that you will always have a flabbier ass than Heidi Klum.

One thing that hasn’t changed this season is the stumbling incoherency of Heidi’s cue card reading. She could read the phone book out loud and I’d listen all day. And tilt my head. And shrug confusedly. The Judges!! I wish I could get up and hug them!

Wait. No I don’t. I’d get pancake all over my Waterloo t-shirt.

Woah. Kors. Sloooooow down with the anti aging regimen. His face and his hair match, like God ran out of crayons. He is starting to look like the front of a penny.

He makes Nina look human. Except for that cold, calm, soul eviscerating glare.

It takes a bit for Nina to show us that angelic smile, but in her defense, it’s probably the first time she’s had a good look at this:

And there’s a guest judge tonight! She’s spent a lot of time on red carpets, passed out in the back of taxis, and on probation.

Lo!

The fact that Johnny has the control not to tackle her while sobbing and asking her to feel his pain is astounding. I’m proud of him, in a disgusted, annoyed kinda way. Lindsay Lohan has her own line? And it’s not made out of powder? That’s called resilience, Johnny. Take notes. I checked out her website. Her line is all leggings. The featured leggings have built in knee pads. Not kidding.

Are you sick of trying to hide bruises you can’t explain? 6126 is here to help!

All RUDENESS aside, I love seeing Lo healthy and happy. Parent Trap? She will always be those sweet innocent little girls to me. WAAAAH!! Show time! Althea is first, and she did a pretty blue/silver dress with a flowered, Southern top. It’s hot.

The silk is pinched looking at parts and it’s not the most original dress in the world, but It’s a good start. Gordana Gelhausen is next. She’s made a top out of those folded up question answerers we made in fifth grade. I wanna stick my fingers in there and separate the triangles and find out how many kids I am going to have one day. It looks pretty awesome.

Under the top is a light blue, short dress, though, and it looks more cocktail party-ish than red carpet. Malvin’s out next with a tennis uniform from 1932.

He’s saying something deep about the sport, though, cuz in the back he’s created an exoskeleton.

Tennis kills.

Rick Gayranis is next. He’s kept the Victorian collar and made a long flowy church robe. Since he’s used the super light and semi transparent material, though, the robe clings to the model’s body and it’s pure sex under the choir attire. This design has me feeling guilt, anger and confusion. Just like church!

Then she turns around and her undies are super obvious. Woopsie! Don’t think he pulled that off. Nina looks like she’s fantasizing about making a coat out of puppies.

Kenley did a two toned silver dress from the thirties with a silver termite hive on the shoulder. I wanna spray the model with orange oil.

Minnesota’s dress looks like it’s being devoured by cockroaches.

He is stunned and amazed at his own talent, and starts to fake cry. I’m glad you moved yourself buddy.

Ra’mona made a long flowy silk gown. Another silver dress. What gives? His is constructed way worse than Althea’s and has a lot more silk dimples. Her left shoulder looks like it’s trying to hide something and the strap on her right shoulder is out of place. If I didn’t know better, I’d guess her bra is showing.

Elvis also used silver and she also went short. She’s also made a little sweater cape thing. For a red carpet. Luckily, she has one badass model. This girl bobs and pops down the runway like she owns the world. Too much, actually, but I think it’s cuz they cast for personality this time around for the Models show.

Peg leg!

The sweater cape thing comes off and now the dresses are all starting to look the same to me. Spoke too soon. Epperson’s dress is next, and it’s a total rendering of The Raven.

Irina’s dress looks like what Rick Gayranis’ should have.

It’s hard to tell what the judges are thinking.

If Sam doesn’t get back home tonight in time I’m throwing a phone at her face.

Fish made a turtle shell silver halter top with short shorts and a cape. LOL. She’s turned her model into the young Bette Midler character in Beaches.

I’m so winning this thing.

Johnny’s made a stingray shaped dress. The front is flowy and extremely unflattering, and the back only goes from the ass crack down. Dang, ho!

Heidi smiles at this, seeing yet another way to make every woman on earth feel inferior. Carol Hannah’s dress is the most original so far. It’s bizarre, but it works kinda. After the pool loungewear we just saw, this is a masterpiece, although I don’t think the model will appreciate being given a flabby hanging tummy.

The boobs look like puppets, no?

Qristyl’s model looks like she’s serving up cocktails at the Rio in Las Vegas. Have you ever been there? The waitresses all look like Chiquita Banana.

She is worried because the back is the best part and the judges couldn’t take their eyes off the front. How could they? And now for Straight Guy with ANOTHER silver dress. YIZAAAAWN. What is this, the fifth silver dress? And isn’t there a steamer backstage?

Now for Nicholas, the feather queen. His model is in a simple black casual cocktail dress with ribbon shapes on the front. ARGH. With a personality that grating, I had high hopes that he would be good. WRONG! WTF red carpet would this be for?

Nicholas needs so degreaser. For his whole body.

Always cover yourself in Vaseline. You never know when a chola fight is gonna break out.

Heidi calls Elvis, Epperson, Jordana Gelhausen, Carol Hannah, Straight Guy, Althea, Irinia, Malvin and Nicholas Grease Monkey to the front line. They’re safe!! That leaves six standing for the top and bottom positions. Heidi starts with Qristyl, who says her dress is for a young star at the Emmys, like Hanna Montana or Lindsay Lohan. Lo looks downright offended that she would be nominated alongside Miley Cyrus for anything.

Lindsay likes the dress in the back but says the front would get hammered. I wonder how many drunk references she’s gonna make without even realizing it. Heidi says it’s a mess, Nina says her seam is crooked, and Kors says the press would eat her model alive. Woops. Heidi likes Minnesota’s dress but for the color and Kors thinks it’s appropriate. Nina calls it dark romance and Lindsay is anti ruffles.

Ra’mona was going for Academy Awards and Heidi likey. So does Lo, but agrees with Kors that it’s too safe. Nina looks like she’s ready to eat Fish alive.

Finally. Lunch!

What red carpet did Fish design for, you ask? Why, the VMA’s in 2080, of course! Or the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony. LOL. Kors calls the model a disco soccer ball, and Nina stops at “it’s out there.” BOOOOO! Thank God Lindsay’s here to fill in for an obviously medicated Nina. She says that Fish can love her work all she wants but someone has to want to buy it. HA. Model looks sad.

She damaged my haaaair!

Nina appreciates that they’ve found a genuine fruit loop even though she sucked it today. Johnny says he was going for Oscars, and Nina thinks his pool loungewear is sexy and subtle. Lo likes it, and Kors thinks it would have been better in black. Don’t get it. Rick Gayranis starts by sputtering out excuses. Heidi says his model lying about her measurements was to be expected and he needs to add five inches to whatever measurements he gets. Hilarious. Nina likes the dress even though it’s sheerness makes it unwearable. Kors says that it’s a cool nightgown, but it looks whipped together. Private time!

They start with Ra’mona. Nina thinks he needs to show more self confidence, and Lo says his is the closest to red carpet. Everyone likes Johnny’s dress, and I still don’t get it. Heidi says the only she would wear is Minnesota’s cuz it has youth. Qristal’s work is called a nightmare, and Kors is worried about her lack of taste. No one can tell if Fish was kidding with her dress, but Kors thinks her “intense spaciness” might mean she’s secretly brilliant and they just can’t tell yet. Yeah, that never works out. Gayranis made something unwearable, so that doesn’t bode well.

Minnesota wins with his Cockroaches Devour Model dress!! I wish he was wearing his fanny pack right now. Ra’mona and Johnny are safe too, and Ra’mona whisper squeals “I LOVE YOU!” to Lo as he leaves. Qristyl is safe, leaving Fish and Gayranis as the bottom two. Heidi tells Fish it’s one thing to aim outside the box and another to miss it completely. Gayranis is on PR now, where there are no excuses. However, he’s safe! Fish is out!! Didn’t see that coming. I thought they’d keep her around for the crazy factor, but I guess they’ve got plenty to work with as far as that goes. Fish takes it well and then covers her head so she doesn’t get stoned on the street.

Assalaam-O-Alaikum, fruit loop.

Next week, for the first time ever on PR, Tim says “Oh hayell no!” HAHAHAHAH. Can’t wait. Overall, it seems to be the exact same show, which I am thankful for and annoyed with. The cookie cutter crazies are starting to get a bit stale. If you’re gonna rip someone’s personality off, bring on a faux Jay. Kenley and Suede knock offs? F you, Lifetime!

Thanks for being at the gasm for another season. The two hour All Star Recap will be up on Monday!