Project Runway All Stars: Tim Gunn Gets His Perv On

Tonight on Project Runway All Stars, Jeffrey is forced to design for Drop Dead Diva!! KIDDING! But if LIfetime wanted to use its power for good, that’s what would have happened.

She wouldn’t cry like Angela’s mom. She would snap your bony cracky ass in two.

TONIGHT! ALL NEW SHOWS! ALL NEW NETWORK! First there’s Project Runway AllStars! Then it’s time for Project Runway! Then it’s time for Models of the Runway! Then is Cameramen of the Runway! Boomguys of the Runway! Runway of the Runway!

Three and a half hours of PR programming in one night. I’m tired before I even begin this recap. But then I press play and I’m immediately into it and thankful to be alive.

Enn vone howah, I will get to announce who looces again! Cheeahss! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Eight “fan favorites” are coming back, and it’s hard not to question that wording.

Nothing’s even happened yet, and CutToe looks like she is about to cut someone. Or take those giant boulders off her neck and swing them around, taking out everyone in a six foot radius. Tim comes on the screen and drolly informs us that this will be the highest level of competition we’ve seen, and it will have the most extreme personalities. In other words, there will be lots of scenes with Syphylia tying babies to train tracks and laughing villainously as he twirls his greasy mustache.

And Santino doing major damage to the hotel room….sheets.

He’s gonna braid that thing into a toga and call it a ball gown.

Kors pops on screen and he’s not as one toned as he was in the premier of the new season. My video for this episode is a little stretched out, and even though Kors looks a little rounder, the accidental stretch job saved him a lot of money at the doctor’s office.

You’re welcome.

We are assured right off the bat that these “fan favorites” won’t get softer treatment just cuz they’re famous now when we cut to Kors telling someone their dress looks like it belongs on a hooker crawling through the garbage. LOL. Who wants to bet who’s dress that is? I’m going with Syphilia. As Uli drops stuff and Santino acts wacky, Tim tells us “this could be a fashion cataclysm!” Oh, PR. You’re the best. There is no other reality show cast member on TV to use the word “cataclysm” properly. And especially not while making this face.

Heidi’s preggo again in this episode. Jesus woman, slow down over there! This woman lays more eggs than a salamander.

After a wacky opening with the all stars that makes me Windex my TV screen, we’re off!

Syphilia is the first to arrive back in New York. He says that we all probably remember him as the dude who made someone’s mom cry and then against all odds won the whole shebang. Actually, I remember you as the little rat who stole the costumer gig on the Bratz movie from Paula Abdul, which led to her now infamous “I’m sick of people not treating me like the gift that I am” line. He can’t be all bad! It would be easier to not re-hate him right off the bat if he didn’t show up looking like a midget extra on My Name is Earl.

That’s one tall taxi.

It’s been three years since he won PR, and in the meantime, he’s designed lots of dresses for sad women.

Frowning Womb – 90% off!

Soon after his season ended, Jeffrey dumped the chick who supported him as a starving designer, so it’s kinda delicious to meet his new girlfriend. She looks like a starving homeless mime trying to stick her fist in her mouth for a dollar.

Syphilia, meet Karma.

Jeffrey has started a band with this chick. If his music career is as successful as his fashion career has been, he’s got a long, fun life to look forward to.

Daniel’s next. He’s so cute. OK I’m done with that. He tells us that he calls himself the first runner up of Season 2 because it’s better to say first runner up than first loser. Yes, Daniel. That’s called proper English. The first loser was Kara Saun. Daniel is very focused as a designer now and has made a fashion book called Fashion Inside Out. Daniel’s still as boring as he is cute. Shhh. Just be quiet and lets make out. After you get rid of your Beatles hair.

A halfstache! Someone’s hitting puberty!

Daniel isn’t too happy to see Syphilia there, cuz he’s a winner and cuz he smells like an antique couch that a gang of cats has peed on for decades. Next up is CutToe MooMooLoo, She thinks she should have won her season, but it’s ok cuz the morning after the finale she was the number one searched name on Google. You share a title with Kim Kardashian’s ass! Congrats, MooMooLoo!

How dare you put me in a room with horizontal stripes! I’m on Google, dammit!

We get a closeup of one of her dress tags, and I take it as a personal pat on the shoulder. I have never seen one of my nicknames taken to a national level! I have arrived, people!

Hey, it’s no more delusional than her thinking she won cuz she was googled the most.

She’s designed for all sorts of (unnamed) people, has a purse and jewelry line that will be sold at Dillard’s (I will ask my Mom how that goes) and she’s even been on the cover of magazines!

Next stop, Highlights.

And now ULI!! YAAAAYYYY!! I love me some Uli, mostly cuz she’s taken her time since winning to do everything but learn English.

I wass da foot runner up!

She’s such a sweet heart. She tells CutToe that she “look prettier!” and even compliments the whole baby calf bag she made.

This thing is gonna sell like veal cakes at Dillard’s.

Uli’s designs look really beautiful, and she is the first one today that looks like she’s doing better work now than she did on the show. Chris March is next!! HOLLER! He says that he doesn’t think he deserved to win his season, but he would have at least liked to show at Bryant Park. All that hair freaked people out, and that’s why I loves him. Also cuz he takes naps every hour, like Thomas Edison. He’s spent his time since his season ended by doing some seriously high fashion.

If you have no problems living day to day with these, we’ll work on getting you a vagina, k?

March just did the costumes for Beyonce’s tour! NICE! He says that he got to make a mold of her body and wrap her in aluminum foil. LOL. She’s really pulling out all the stops to cover up the fifteen horrid songs from her last album that balance out Put a Ring On It. He’s also designed fierce little elf costumes for Prince. Love this guy, and love that he has better names to drop than Hedda Lettuce in 2009.

Mychael Knight is next, and he’s been designing for ladies in Atlanta, releasing a unisex fragrance, and eating. I don’t really remember much about Mychael, except that I was shocked to hear he dated Brandy before she ran over that baby in a crosswalk or whatever and got fired from America’s Got Talent. Do you have trouble remembering him too? Then let’s let Syphilia remind us of who we’re dealing with. “The last thing I remember of Mychael is a collection that I don’t consider worthy to be called All Star.” Greasy Earl mustache aside, he’s kinda got a point there. A very rude point, but a point. Man I wish Laura was here to make this prick sweat a little.

And now for Sweet P!! She warns us right up front that she hasn’t changed at all since Project Runway. Bad start, Sweet P. Bad start. She’s spent her time coming up with a new invention. Boobs on top of boobs.

You should get that checked out.

Oh God now you’re bleeding. Seriously. DOCTOR!

Sweet P says that we would remember her as the nice girl who makes feminine clothes. I remember that she’s nice, but I don’t recall one single dress she made. That either means that A. She never made anything worth remembering or B. I’m too old to be smoking so much weed. Both are probably true. Uli remembers her. She says that she was very excited to see Sweet P “becuss I have good shance of beating her.” LOL you bitch! Sweet P smiles big and says how nice it is to meet Uli, and the editors make it super awkward and crickety, which I’m sure is all an editor lie. And I approve wholeheartedly.

I make hear creeket.

Santino is next. UGH. I saw him at Whole Foods once and he gave me a dirty look as I heaped mac and cheese into my little container. I wish I had the guts to wad up a dollar and throw it at him and tell him to get a job, but alas, I am weak. He looked all stinky, unkept and addicted, just like on TV! He hasn’t taken a shower yet, but now? He has eyeliner. Way to evolve. He tells us that he didn’t win his season, “but you wouldn’t know that.” He adds that he’s stopped on the street at least once a day by admirers and that Project Runway didn’t make him, he made Project Runway. He also made this woman. Look really really fucking fat.

More to Love: Prom Night

He comes into the apartment laughing like a jackal and ordering Knight to make him a drink (which he does). He is loud, obnoxious, and rude as usual. He says that he’s here for his fans, cuz he never wants to hear “you should have won” ever again! Hopefully that won’t even be a close call this time around. HATE. The designers all go up on the roof for the champagne toast. CutToe is bitter that Syphilia is there cuz he already snorted his hundred grand and someone else should get a chance. Tim and Heidi blah as Tim awkwardly corks the bottle. She makes it very clear that she’s gonna drink the fake stuff, which no one pretends to believe.

The designers compliment each other and smile and laugh as Heidi gets drunker and drunker. Syphilia says that everyone was all friendly to him in his season too until he won, then no one would return his calls. If you want people to call you back, you need to not blatantly ask for money on their voicemails. It’s called subtlety, Syph.

Angela, sorry bout your mom. Please call me back. It’s important I get cash for my girlfriend’s hormone injections. Help a brotha out!

The challenge is to make a three piece mini collection and the winner will get a hundred grand.

Sometimes, God needs to remind us that life is unfair.

The next morning, we learn that Santino sleeps fully dressed. Poor guy. They should have promised him that no sprinklers were gonna pop on at five in the morning and wet the sidewalk. He needs his concentration, people! He plans on keeping it by refusing to change his socks.

I know showering is out of the question, but I hope he at least carries around some baby wipes. He’s got dingleberry written all over him.

Chris March has bought a new morning robe! it’s less Mrs. Turnblat from Hairspray and more sensible and down homey. I don’t approve, but as long as he’s still making bras out of disco balls, I’m still on his side.

Sears for Queers

Everyone, including America, is pleasantly surprised by the new fancy workroom. Lifetime has one thing Bravo doesn’t (besides gays), MONEY.

Anyone still upset that this show moved to Lifetime?

Tim comes in to welcome them to Cult Studios. At first I thought he said “Colt Studios”, which would have been awesome.

They have a budget of $1200 and one of their dresses needs to be Oscar worthy. March stares off into space for awhile, draws some circles, and then takes a nap. I was just kidding when I wrote that, but then Chris seriously falls asleep. HAHAHAH I love him so much. They all go to Mood, and they have to buy for all three looks in one shot. Mood has changed a bit. Mychael notices that the aisles are rearranged, but all I notice is that the little Asian bottom has been replaced.

Yikes. Goin downhill, Mood.

Tim warns Uli against not doing patterns, but she doesn’t listen. She thinks that she was a one trick pony last time so she’s gonna spread out. Boooo! The one trick was a good trick! She loses. Next! Time is called, but Uli and Sweet P have their leather all mixed up. They decide to share. OK they both lose. Wow this is really going fast.

Back at the workroom, Sweet P and Uli realize how similar they are. They’ve bought the same colors. They also wear giant necklaces. They don’t bring that up, but it’s all I can look at.

March tells us that it was never noticeable on TV just how loud Santino is. He walks around shouting about how “Tim Gunn’s Black Cold Heart” should be the name of a band and messing around with his fabric, which is loud too. CutToe puts it best. “Santino’s what I like to call….a fool.”

Unamused

Santino says he’s bigger, smarter, faster, dirtier, stinker, skankier, and nastier than anyone who wants to tell him to shut up. I agree with the last three. Mychael is the first one to get sick of his bs and says that he needs to shut his ass and his face before they both get sewn up. Santino continues on with his Tim Gunn impression, and I have to admit it’s still pitch perfect. “Designers, look at what Jeffrey’s making. It looks like something Nell Carter would wear on Gimme a Breeeak!” Bwahahahah.

Unamused.

Santino moves on to Sweet P with his Tim droll, saying “Sweet P you look wonderful! California’s treating you well! You don’t look a day over 52!”

Unamused.

Please let this be the day Santino finally gets stabbed. PLEASE. He tells us that Sweet P’s work is looking like a very subtle muted home ec project so far. Still hate him, but again, have to agree.

Woah. That’s one giant model. I hope giant models are the twist.

Tim takes them all to the lounge and introduces them to a TV that Nicole Kidman pops up on!! WTF? She’s on TV!! I thought when she wasn’t in movies she was hooked up to a feeding tube somewhere while marinating. She’s only on the screen and not there in real life, so my theory could still prove to be mostly right. Stay tuned.

She’s shooting Nine, which is all about fierce women, so they get to make her a red carpet dress for the premier. Ok WOWEE!! Lifetime is pulling out all the bony ass stops on this one. Daniel explains to us why it’s good to have your stuff on the red carpet as boringly as possible. Shhhh now. Shhh. This challenge is amazing. Hello awesome musical. I think March is the only one who really gets the gravity of it.

Tim comes to forklift him off the floor and March says he’s just stunned, but not too stunned to add “I’ve met her once.” LOL. And now it’s time for Tim to come check on progress. He’s suddenly loving that Uli got rid of the prints and is trying to make a splash with actual construction. His face is all scrunch when he gets to CutToe. She knows by now what that means. Santino welcomes Tim to his nest and hands him a mouth mask before insisting that he has the best taste level and blah blah grodie blah. Sweet P has a lot of fabric laid out on her table, but not much of it is sewn. Tim thinks her line looks matronly and home sewn. She’s mortified, and tells him he looks matronly and home sewn.

Chris is doing some Donna Reed goes to the Emmys dresses and Tim’s all about him. Daniel’s got some electric blue going on, and I’m interested to see how he makes that work. Daniel doesn’t “do gowns”, he does stuff for the every day woman. Wasn’t Daniel’s thing doing high end rip offs of the designers he used to work for? I should have known he turned into a man of the people the second he walked in without hair gel. Tim loves Syphilis’ work and calls it alluring, and Syph totes agrees. Knight isn’t as lucky.

Cataclysm face.

Mychael mumbles a bunch of nonsense and still has no idea where he’s going. My guess is the sale rack at Hoever 21. And now time for model casting! It’s pretty boring. Especially for Chris.

He’s dreaming about inventing the lightbulb.

Santino is disgusted. And disgusting. Sweet P and Uli have to argue it out cuz they are basically making the same stuff, and that’s all that happens there. I was freaked out about a two hour episode, but it’s mostly just….sewing. ?? Back in the workroom, Santino breaks the needle on his sewing machine. Jeffrey offers to help him, but Santino tells him to use his tweezers on his dick. LOL. If he had shut it for two seconds, he would have heard that Syphilia has replacement needles in his toolbox. Too bad so sad. How in the hell did I get on Jeffrey’s side? Santino is that horrid.

The next morning, it’s time for model fitting. Uli’s models are all late. Mychael has much better luck, but he knows the trick. Pick horse faced ones, cuz their insecurity leads them to show up for the work they can get.

Sweet P’s models aren’t showing up, either, which is another thing they have in common. Poor Uli. None of her models show up and none of her backups are available. Luckily, she’s got a bangin bod so she tries everything on herself and prays in a funny accent. Tim comes in to tell everyone they’ve planned a celebration for them, but no one looks happy cuz they know they are probably about to get screwed. He can’t understand why they’re not excited, but they’ve been through his bs before. CutToe is annoyed cuz she has work and she just ate a pounder bag of Frito’s so dinner is useless to her.

They go to STK to eat, and I suspect they make vowel-less steak, and without vowels what’s the point? The twist? Is that they will have one more day for one more look! Tim says that they might have forgotten how to design shows without using garbage or paper towels or scabs, so their new look will have to use materials from…the restaurant!! Everyone is horrified, except March. If anyone can figure out how to tie a wicker chair to someone and make it look fabulous, it’s him.

They have five minutes to grab crap, and the designers rip the room to shreds. Uli rips down curtains and beaded curtains, so of course Sweet P goes for beaded curtains too. Come on, P! Twenty five percent of these new looks can be fabrics from the rest of their line. Chris is working the hardest on this one. As he sleeps.

He’s dreaming about eating Beyonce’s body mold.

The other designers make fun of how much he sleeps, but they don’t have too much time for that cuz they are all freaking out and unfinished. Uli isn’t even close to being done. Sweet P compliments one of her fabrics and asks if she can have it. And she’s not kidding. LOL. Uli says she won’t help her win and this isn’t about friendship. Sweet P just stares at her for awhile, waiting for a mind change. I think she is going to finally make Uli lose her shit. Fingers crossed.

Sweet P is the first to finish up, which doesn’t bode well for her. Santino wonders if his clothes are too whorish, and Syphilia assures him that yes, yes they are. And he means it as a compliment. Tim brings in Collier Strong and some hair stylist dude. Daniel tells Collier that he wants his model to look like a bong just blew up in her face and darnit if Collier didn’t whip that right out. What a talent.

Tim is annoyed that no one is taking the fourth look seriously and comes in and drolls everywhere. Sweet P seems to have some fun stuff, but CutToe is working with Brillo pads. Her idea? To make them look…like Brillo pads. Brilliance!

Daniel tells Tim that he found his long squishy tube in the back room, and Tim pervily gushes “it looks like something you’d find in a back room”. Ew. I have to take a break, cuz all I can think about is Tim growling and writhing around with a popper jar up his nose while screaming “don’t disappoint Nina!” and riding this thing.

And, I’m back. Tim goes over to Mychael, who mumbles incoherently about a little dress. Tim reminds them all that they’re the all stars and he believes in them. He’s like a football coach. With Bells Palsy. When he leaves, CutToe decides to start working on her fourth look. She’s gluing lava beads to black material, and everyone’s looking at her. She thinks they’re just jealous, but it her dress looks like an almost full sheet of fly paper. Santino is running around like a maniac and not finishing. The day is done, and now it’s time for the designers to spend some quality time together.

Probably a condom from 1998.

Santino whines about how he’s so far behind. Yeah, I feel sorry for you, k? I feel sorrier, though, for Mychael Keaton.

Next stop on the Keaton train.

The next morning, Mychael mumbles at us a little. Gawd was he this snooze inducing the first time around? Time for another day of work. On her way out the door, we get a shot of Sweet P’s back. Yikes. She looks like a Ninja Turtle.

They’re called sweaters.

Chris starts the work day off right.

He’s dreaming about the three cheese macaroni in a giant bread bowl from Dominos right now.

Tim comes in a shrugs at him. LOL. The models all get to hair and makeup while the designers scramble to finish. Some of the makeup choices are…questionable.

Painted on herpes scars are soooo Fall 2009.

Poor Uli is informed that she will be missing a model, and she sighs and says “dat girl wass trouble from da beegeeneen!” HAHA. Runway time!! YAAAY!!! Heidi comes out dressed in actual maternity clothes instead of the skin tight shit she usually wears when she’s about to pop out another litter. I wonder if Lifetime made her wear this, cuz you know it wasn’t her idea.

Heidi welcomes the judges, and she has another surprise! The guest judge is Diane VonMrToadenberg!! YAAAYYYY!! She smiles, catches a fly, and jiggles her arms at them.

Santino is up first. The first look is silver leggings and a glitter top with cowgirl spangles cris crossing the back. Meh. I live in Little Armenia so I see this outfit every time I go to John’s Market.

All she’s missing is a Mercedes and a WIC card.

Next is a really hideous silver catsuit. I didn’t get tickets to Liza at the Bowl, so I’m glad I get a little bit of her here.

What did I have that I don’t have?

His restaurant challenge look is a pregnant whore clown outfit, and it needs to be stopped right now.

His Oscar look is the same as the catsuit, but in gown form. He cries when he sees it. The model’s gonna cry when she sees this shit too, cuz she looks like a cheap heif.

For all Santino’s blathering, he’s still a hack. Mychael’s up next. He opens with a blue mini dress with triangular pattern work all over the front. It’s gonna be a big hit. At Dress Barn.

Nina’s already choking on her tongue, and it’s only his first look.

His restaurant dress is next. It’s made out of plastic sheets glued to a white dress, and it looks like it’s made out of…plastic sheets glued onto a white dress.

Did she just eat three stks? Damn Mychael.

Mr. Toad ignores his collection and reads some amphibian trash novel.

If the lily pad’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’.

Next out is a tight yellow top with a blue skirt. Meh. He knows that this is being televised and that the winner gets a lot of money, right? MAKE AN EFFORT, HERE!

He couldn’t even finish the back of the skirt right. OY. Was Wendy Pepper busy?

Nina does a closed mouth yawn. LOL. His red carpet gown is the most him. The color is way off and too bright, and the model looks like she could be going out, or running a mile.

Uli time. Her first look is a very pretty peach summery dress with flowery ruffles coming down the front. Hate to say it, but she should have a bangin pattern here. The color is the same as Kors’ face and hair, which is the same color as a band aid.

The next look is a cocktail dress with a clown ruffle detailing on the front, and it’s pretty too. But kinda blah.

Her next look is another cocktail dress. This one is silver and more matronly, and there’s a little glitter sweater vest. It’s severe, but pretty in a hardass kinda way.

This is the lady who made us stand a foot apart during Catholic school dances.

Her restaurant challenge dress is the best so far, in my ever so humble opinion. The leggings are lame, but it’s cool to see her make use of so many textures. Bring back the patterns, Uli!

And now for CutToe. Her first dress is pretty and poofy, and has been done many many times.

She tells us as the model walks that she wants to win to make up for the judges’ mistake last time. Yeah, not making them regret it much with this dreck. This top doesn’t even fit and the front pant seam looks like a landing strip.

Her restaurant look is a black dress with sparkly stuff on it. No one can tell what it is, which is good. The black shine on black gives kind of a slimy lagoon monster look though, and that’s bad.

The last dress is a simple short dress with a wacky pattern. YAWN. These are the best of the best? And this is the second designer in a row with no obvious red carpet contender. Unless Nicole Kidman wants to show up dressed like MJ’s skin disease.

March is next. His first look is kinda cool, in a rebellious Alaskan teen kinda way. It’s at least different.

He says that he can tell by looking at the judges that they’re not having him, and is sure they’re gonna call him costumey and kitschy again. Who gives a f? You did Beyonce’s tour. What are you even doing here? His second look is almost exactly the same as the first, with different tights.

His restaurant dress is cool. It’s silver leather and he’s given the model giant Madonna cone boobs and injected her herpes scarred lip with a gallon of silicone. I don’t know if this is good or not, but it’s at least different.

The back of the dress is a bit shadier looking. Is it supposed to close like that up the back? Cuz it’s busted.

If he didn’t use the exact same fabric he used on his Alaskan teen outfits, I would probably love his red carpet gown cuz it’s gorge.

And this bone thing sticking out would make Nicole Kidman look less all over the place in the skeleton department.

Daniel’s up first, and he, as he said, has found his voice. It’s of a lesbian who can’t decide whether she wants to be lipstick or not.

Next are tight blue pants, a t-shirt and messy vest. WTF happened to Daniel? BRING BACK DANIEL!!

His restaurant challenge look is just downright horrid. It looks like he stole the hostess stand and force his model into it.

That’s what you get for sticking me with a crappy section, biatch!

Mr. Toad seems to agree with me.

His red carpet dress is the best and most detailed, but I still kinda hate it. Daniel was the best of his season, and now he’s trying super hard to be young and fresh instead of just concentrating on gorgeous like he used to. We get it, you’ve grown. Yay you. Now make something pretty and shhhhh.

Now for Syphilia. Remember, he called Santino a whore designer.

His next look is a silver dress with a slit to the slit and a jacket. What is with silver and why is it 90% of everything we’ve seen on both episodes? The jacket looks well made, but I think the only person who would wear this is the crackho lead singer he’s banging.

His next model is coffee shop goth. Love the pink footies, though.

His next look is pink, black and gigantor shoulder pads. Spangles on the back. I feel like he’s making fun of Stevie Nicks right now. And how pissed off is Nicole Kidman as she watches this?

Sweet P’s first dress is oddly shaped and baby poo green. It looks like something Chloe had in her collection back in the day. Compared to what we just saw, though, it’s golden.

Next up is a pink Anthropologie type dress with roses around the collar and ruffles on the bottom. Cuteness!

Her next look is insane child star stuffing her bra with bricks. Did she actually use one of the backs of those wicker chairs as her top?

Mr. Toad is smiling, but she might be supressing a laugh. The red carpet gown looks a little fancy shower curtain-y, but overall I think Sweet P did a decent job. She and Uli are in my top 2, which is bad news for them cuz I have yet to guess right. This was a very stressful challenge. You can tell cuz CutToe gained five ass sizes in four days.

Nina starts off the judging. She tells Mychael that she loved his red carpet dress and thinks he knows how to make a woman sexy. Kors thinks his restaurant dress looks like the ho who walked through the garbage. Darn. I thought that was gonna be directed at Syphilia. I told you I always guess wrong! Mr. Toad liked everything but the yellow t-shirt. Heidi is disappointed that there were no patterns in Uli’s work, and Nina thinks that it looks more sophisticated but lacks the fun Uli spirit. Agreed. Why is Uli wearing a swiffer sweeper on her shoulder?

Eef I ween I clean your house for week.

Kors likes that she moved on, but she went too far away. Kors didn’t see any polish in Syphilia. Mr. Toad liked his first dress but thinks the rest is messy. Heidi also thinks he’s lost it.

Kors thinks Santino took the easy way out with all the metallic and thinks one of his models looked like she was going to a disco pool party. Toad calls his line vulgar. LOL. Santino, Mychael, Syphyilia, and Uli are outsies!! Damn that was short and harsh. Wow. So Sweet P and Cut Toe made it to the top?!? Uli should have Daniel’s spot. His line was ridonky. So glad March is still in! He’s first to get judged, and almost hyperventilates. He even has sleep apnea when he’s awake. Heidi gets on his ass for being insecure and not expecting to be here when he is just as talented as everyone else. Mr. Toad seems grossed out.

Iz he zleeping?

Kors can’t believe he did American sportswear and loved the opening two looks. Nina thinks that even his restaurant piece was awesome, but his red carpet dress was a bit bulky. March says that he fucked with them on purpose by making a ball gown entirely out of wool. LOVE. Toad thinks his line is consistent, elegant, and perty.

Heidi loved Daniel’s red carpet dress, and Toad does too. I think it’s gross, but my time to speak is done. Nina thinks he’s come a long way, and Kors calls him out on the iffily constructed bubble skirt even though he loves it. The judges are fawning over his line, and I am totally confusededed.

Heidi asks CutToe what she made her restaurant challenge dress out of, and she says placemats, lava rocks and c wordiness. Nina thinks she’s bold, and Toad and Kors thinks her line would be flattering and buyable. Toad loved everything about Sweet P’s line, calling it sweet and fun. She thinks it’s homemade looking, but doesn’t think it’s the worst thing in the world. Heidi says that she wouldn’t wear this stuff but a lot of women would. HA. Nina loved the first dress cuz it mixed hard and soft.

In private time, the judges start with March. Heidi is impressed that he didn’t do a carnival float full of drag queens, and Nina says she is pleasantly surprised with him. Kors didn’t mind that he used the same fabric for everything, and Toad didn’t either cuz it was strong. Heidi thinks Daniel’s first model needed a bra cuz her boobs made her dizzy. LOL. They all loved the pants and his subtlety. Kors says that’s what turns women on, cuz if Kors knows anything, it’s how to turn a woman on.

Toad thinks his red carpet dress was perfect and amazing and it only takes one hot dress to make you famous. Kors thinks Daniel’s grown the most. Nina thinks CutToe’s line was the most polished she’s shown, and Heidi loves her. Nina takes a minute to shuffle her feet on carpet to get her hair to stand up just right.

Nina says CutToe’s restaurant dress was the best out of everyone’s, and Toad thinks she’s special. Kors thinks the restaurant dress would be better on the red carpet than the red carpet dress. Toad thinks Sweet P has a message and a sense of humor, and Nina thinks she was never this good on her season. Kors loves that she’s a biker chick who loves Anthropolgie. Sweet P for the win! Even though you KNOW they’re giving it to Daniel cuz they LOVES him. Heidi tells March he should be proud and he’s OUT! Chris still cries cuz she complimented him and respected him. AW!!! Then he falls asleep and dreams about making out with the Where’s the Beef? lady.

Sweet P was original and romantic and fun and she’s out. Sweet cries too cuz Toad loves her. CutToe tells Daniel de ja vu and says he’s cuter than her. LOL got that right. Heidi says he left them wanting more and Cut has come a long way. It’s weird to see CutToe smile.

You need to practice that more before it’s believable.

Heidi sits in silence for almost a full minute, and Daniel wins! Cut’s smile? GONE.

There’s our girl!

She says “number two again” and walks off shaking her head and muttering. She’s hurt and pissed and she’s over it. LOL. That’s what you get, skank! Be nicer! I’m glad Daniel won cuz I liked him during his season, but I have to say HUH? His clothes today kinda blew.

Daniel turns into a kid, and it’s cute. He thanks toad for being such an inspiring teacher (RIGGED!), and Kors says he’s growing up. Heidi wasn’t sure he would pull through, but he proved her wrong. Heidi is one of the biggest bitches on TV, but she’s so cute about it that it never comes off that way. Tim comes out to hug and kiss him. AW! Daniel says stuff, but he’s still too boring to listen too. Thankfully, he at least gives us a butt shot.

Finally, some personality!

This week was a fun one. What did you guys think? Were Santino and Syphilia always overrated hacks or did they become overrated hacks in their time off? Is CutToe a c word or just a strong woman? And did Mychael always spell his name that way? Cuz it’s ridiculous. LOVE