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This week on Project Runway, the judges smoke a bong, Cranyons are handed a new color for free, and…
…Milla is forced to watch her own movies.
We open with Carol Hannah applying an entire tube of mascara.
Spiders are scary. Get me a fly swatter.
She is kinda sad to see Elvis go, but hey, one less person so CYA. Now that there are so few of them left, she says, the wolves are starting to circle the stray sheep. That’s what this season could use. Some good old fashioned slaughtering. You made a witch dress? Bring in the wolves! They really need new mirrors in this place. Feather Duster is gonna be horrified when he sees the show and realizes that his bangs are the only part of him that look decent when he leaves the house.
Minnesota is wearing a shirt with some cartoon character on it. Dennis the Menace? Dunno, but it’s frightening how much he resembles that character. Especially in the overwaxed six inch apart eyebrows department. When he finally gets kicked off, he should audition to be on an Ovaltine canister.
Some of the designers talk about Mood, and MN tells them it’s “le Mood!” and cracks up at his lame joke. Wait until he hears “Tarjay”. He’s gonna laugh himself into a lung collapse. Fingers crossed. He proudly informs us: “I’m. One of. The TOP 7 designers here!”, as if that has something to do with his talent instead of the producers’ obvious fascination with the eyebrows on his temples.
Fat Hooker Heidi comes out in frizzy ends, a simple black dress and earrings that will put an eye out if she makes any sudden movement. Ooooh danger! She’s like the Evel Knievel of earrings.
You’ll put an eye out, kid!
Heidi tells the contestants that they’re going to hook up with Tim on Rodeo Drive to meet a super famous designer. Then she goes off and hopefully does a hot oil treatment.
Straight Guy is excited, cuz Rodeo drive is so high end so they must be doing a high end challenge!! Yes and no. There’s also a Starbucks over there. Maybe they can design new VIA aprons that don’t make we want to knock the baristas down for trying to push a product on me so actively when I already spend more there monthly than I do on my utility bills. Jerks. I’m thirsty. BRB.
Minnesota tells us that Rodeo drive is a stunning walk of power. He works in mall stores, which means “we don’t have an Yves Saint Laurent! We don’t have a Gucci!” Yes, but you have a Claire’s and an Orange Julius, so stop your whining, poor person! Speaking of Orange Julius, guess who the mystery famous designer is?
Actually, Kors isn’t orange today at all. He’s brown? Mocha? Bronze? I don’t think there is a name for what color he showed up as, so let’s just call it Burnt Old Person. He looks like he was left too long in the bagel toaster. Tim tells the designers that the Kors flagship store “personifies taste and style!” Whatever you say. I see leopard print capes and big brown kaftans.
I was wondering if you can help me. I have an important event coming up and I need something brown.
Kors says that his designers come up with their inspirations by traveling all over the world, and today’s challenge is to be inspired by pictures of far away places.
Carol Hannah won last week so she gets to pick her location first. She takes Palm Beach. Smart, because the ladies there were leopard print capes and kaftans all the time, making her a shoo in with Kors. Feather Duster wants New York, cuz he’s totally known there you guys! Instead, he takes Greece cuz he wants to grow. I predict he will make a white shiny dress with feathers on it. Althea snaps up St. Tropez, and sad dramatic music plays when Gordana Jellybellyhausen chooses New York. Uh oh. Does that mean she bones it today and gets sent home? NOOOO!! Well I hope she at least has the decency to give us a shot of her smiling knees before she goes.
Irina the ice queen takes Aspen, which isn’t a surprise. Then a boulder rolls into the room and crushes her like a bug. Minnesota takes Santa Fe, leaving Straight Guy with Hollywood. Goofy clown music is playing and the other designers are tittering, but it seems like a perfect match to me. He could use any one of the ho dresses he’s already made this year.
Carol Hannah sketches out a swimsuit. ? Althea does too, at first, but then decides that it would be harder to make the model look like she has giant hips in a swimsuit. Whether she chooses a dress or a skirt or a blouse and pants, there is one idea that won’t get out of her mind. Muffin tops.
Gordana Butterpopcornhausen is going for Park Avenue, cuz “eets da rrreech off da reechez!” She sketches out a dress for a successful divorced independent woman with two adult children that still ask her for money daily. Over at Mood, she picks out so many plastic jewels that she only has thirty dollars left for fabric. It’s all about the jewels, anyway. The only reason those Park Ave bitches wear anything at all other than diamonds is because they would horrify children and/or get arrested otherwise.
Show us your diamond tassles, skank!
Feather Duster works on “this idea of a woman that lives and breathes.” Uh…could you be more specific? Cuz I don’t think anyone’s designing for dead women. From what I can tell, it means he’s making the same damn thing he’s made twice already, but this time in cotton.
Carol Hannah has ditched her swimsuit sketch for a dress made out of outdoor furniture covers. Well, it’s very Florida I’ll give her that. I think Dorothy Zbornak wore this at least once.
Irina is dismayed by the sense of joviality in the room. People laughing, cracking jokes, being kind to one another. Morons. Then a Mexican midget from Apocolypto comes in, takes off her head, and throws it down the side of a pyramid while the natives cheer.
Minnesota does a pretty hilarious impression of Kors. “I wanna like it I just don’t.” LOL. I start to like him, but then he goes back to gluing tiger stripes on a piece of brown material and my like vanishes. Thank goodness. That was worrying me. He rehashes his story, for those of you just tuning in. He started on top…
And ended up with his ankles behind his ears.
His goal today is to show the judges that he’s sophisticated and has a modern style. He plans to do this with a fauxhawk. Head slap. Just don’t suck, k? Gordana Chilimangohausen knows her sketch is super simple, but she’s gonna make it special…in some udder way, which she’ll come up with later.
Tim comes in to check on progress and starts with Cottoncandyhausen. She hasn’t even started making her dress yet, because she’s been focusing on a necklace. Oh no. Come on, lady! Tim begs her to start sewing and not leave him on a show without a pair of the cutest dimpled knees on the planet. She doesn’t know how to take that.
Vass ees deempel?
Tim likes where Althea is going, but he’s all scrunch and scowl when he gets to Minnesota. He warns against going for the cliche, but MN says that it’s all about the belt. Tim argues that if his skirt and blouse are hacky no one’s gonna care about the belt. Minnesota over-eagerly nods and repeats “yes” over and over. Finally Tim says “do it. Okaaaay?” Scowl. Minnesota blinks blankly.
Maybe just write down what I say so you can let it dawn on you later, kaaaaaay?
I was just kidding, but Minnesota actually does have to tell Tim that he’s writing it down so Tim will go away and scowl at someone else. Hilarious. Anyone wanna know what Irina thinks of all of this? No? Well let’s find out anyway! She says Minnesota is a hack, she can’t believe he’s still here, and his dress looks like something an Amish woman made herself. All of this is true, but it doesn’t matter. She’s Irina, which means she must die. On cue, a horse enters and kicks her in the face.
I don’t know what the heaven Carol Hannah’s doing, but it’s hilarious. It looks like the swamp thing finally got sick of killing people and decided to retire gracefully in Florida.
Tim warns her against being cliche and then literally backs away from her with his hands up, like “wadn’t me.”
Feather Duster tells Tim that he’s doing something “fashion forward.” Yes, grey slacks and a ruffle shirt are totally new, Feather Duster. Next he will claim to have invented the Hula Hoop and mayonnaise. Tim loves what he’s doing, but after looking at Minnesota and Carol Hannah’s work, I think a pair of jorts and a tank top would make him happy.
Irina has some fabulously tailored slacks and a sweater that she’s based on the current state of Kors’ neck.
Wow. That’s following a challenge!
Feather Duster thinks Irina’s outfit is costume-y and he doesn’t like it. I’m sure she’s gonna be crushed that the greasy haired pasty queen who makes the same fug outfit over and over again doesn’t approve of her work. It’s difficult to know what side I’m on now.
The models come in for fittings, and Gordana Carmelcornhausen only has a necklace. That thing looks like a wreath. This isn’t gonna end well, is it?
Straight Guy’s jeans don’t fit his model, and Feather Duster is having some trouble with his pants too. Irina says that she tries to get better with every challenge but no one else gets better ever and they’re all a bunch of loozas. Then Iran unleashes a tiny nuke up her nostril and her head vaporizes.
You bastard!
Feather Duster knows he’s in trouble cuz he hasn’t ever worked with jersey before and his draping is starting to look very Rami. Feather Duster is up and down and he always thinks he’s in trouble, but today he’s probably right.
Althea says that if Minnesota can send the crap he’s made down the runway and not get eliminated then she doesn’t know what’s going on with the judges. See, we aren’t the only ones noticing that the judges have become drug addicts. Minnesota stands back and looks at his dress, and then it hits him: it’s fug. He turns it into a mini-skirt. I hope he’s craving a Hot Dog on a Stick, cuz his ass will be back at the mall by next week.
Later that night, the designers go home and spend quality time together. Feather Duster tells us how close he feels with everyone and how much he loves them all. Huh? Remember when you had the title of detestable bitch and you gave it to Irina without a fight? Those were the good ole’ days. They clink glasses and then drink silently and awkwardly.
The next morning, Carol Hannah realizes what she’s missing. More mascara.
Dang girl no wonder your eyes are always half shut. Ease up!
Feather Duster tells us that he had a nervous breakdown last night. Really? Then how come we had to watch you awkwardly bond with the others? Come on, camera crew! You’re slackin! At the workroom, everyone is working furiously and silently freaking out. Models come in for fittings. Gordana Tuttifruttihausen has made a way too simple dress, but it’s at least pretty and fits, unlike Minnesota’s work, which is even uglier than it was yesterday, if that’s possible. Straight Guy got his jeans to fit, but unfortunately he still doesn’t know how to properly construct pants. Why does he keep making pants if he can’t make them? The girl is one giant dimpled seam.
Feather Duster must have heard that Grecian women are always on the rag, because he’s included a giant maxipad with his outfit.
He admits that there’s no Greece here, but hopes that the grease in his hair will save him. Delusional Don, or Minnesota, says that being on Project Runway will finally get him taken seriously on job interviews cuz he doesn’t have a degree. LOL. Yes, reality show hackdom is the one thing all great fashion directors look for on a resume. When you go to H&M and are helped by Epperson, you can ask him how that theory worked out for him. You know what? If having a degree is that important to you, GET ONE. For chrissakes already. He has bitched about being uneducated every episode, like everyone else got school under their trees one year and he got a bag of dog poo. Those eyebrows might keep you from getting laid at school, but you’ll still be let into the building.
Time for the runway! Heifer Heidi comes out dressed in leatha after a hot oil treatment. All better! Kors, of course, is here, and it seems he’s stopped concentrating on overall face work and really focused in on the lips. Those things look like fat fingers dipped in crisco.
The guest judge is Milla Jovovich! And she’s as cute as ever.
Although not cute enough to get me to sit through The Fourth Kind. That movie looks retarded.
Straight Guy is up first with Hollywood. No. North Hollywood, maybe. Way north.
Like Van Nuys Target North.
He seemed to be on track with his loose cotton shirt from before, but he’s watered it down and it looks like he bought it at TJ Maxx. Althea made some fancy casual beachwear. Short shorts and a transparent ruffle jacket. Meh. She said earlier that she can’t believe no one’s designed this before, and they totally have. You can find this in hotel gift shops all over the beach cities next to the eight dollar bags of M&Ms. Snore.
Feather Duster’s work turned out way better than we were led to believe it would. The detailing on the bottom of his slick pants is great and he went out of his way to do something different to the simple white tee.
Is it kinda boring? Yes, but that’s how it goes this season and in Feather’s case, boring is actually a step up. Carol Hannah made a plain jane stopping at Publix dress for her model that we’ve seen eight million times in way better fabric. BOooooooo!
Minnesota’s dress actually does look better as a skirt, but the colors are hidey and that belt looks like a preschool craft project. Come on. Four in and still nothing great?
Irina’s next. I could do without the fur vest, but her Kors neck sweater is cute. Done, but cute. And she definitely went for as many browns as she could.
Gordana Topbananahausen has put as much static electricity into her dress as scientifically possible and even in a pony tail her model’s hair is standing on end.
Whatever you do, don’t put gas in your car wearing this outfit.
Once the tissue paper pashmina thing is gone, the dress looks pretty good. Simple, but detailed and refined. Still not sure about the wreath around her neck, but considering we were being convinced this was going to be a disaster, it’s a nice surprise. The knees are staying.
Have some shoulders.
Althea was mediocre enough to be excused from the runway, safe. Milla doesn’t think Irina’s girl would ski at all, just play the grande dame of Aspen. Kors loves the eighties version of Aspen, and Heidi calls the pants impeccable. Irina agrees wholeheartedly.
Nina says that Minnesota missed the whole inspiration of Santa Fe. Milla loved the 80′s belt, but Heidi argues that it’s the only interesting thing. How come the eighties has already been used twice as a compliment? They’re trying to brainwash us and I won’t accept it! It might just be cuz the only brand I had access too in that decade was Huskies.
Every judge loves Carol Hannah’s dress, which confuses the hell out of me. Kors says that the only Greece he sees in Feather Duster’s outfit is the movie Grease. Ha. Nina, downright offended by the outfit, says there’s no fantasy and she wouldn’t spend her money on it. Milla likes the top, but thinks he should have made it a dress.
Verycherryhausen’s work is pretty, sexy, sleek and sophisticated, but Milla thinks it’s not simple enough. Man, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Straight Guy says he was going for the Lindsay Lohans of the world, and Nina’s like uh no. Too plain. Heidi thinks it’s decent, and Kors thinks decent is boring. In private time, the judges say they like Irina but she had way too much brown going on. Milla didn’t like Gordana Sunkistlimehausen’s lack of confidence, but admits that she’s very good. Most judges rave about Carol Hannah, but Nina calls it out on being snore.
Milla loved MN’s belt but calls the rest of the outfit sad. Heidi stops her with “it’s just ugly.” HAHA. Kors repeats his Feather Duster Grease joke and then says he can’t believe he would go into a fabric store and choose menswear fabrics. Heidi tries to stand up for Straight Guy, saying she didn’t mind it, but Milla says this isn’t “Project I Didn’t Mind It.” HAHAH. Milla is wearing dog bones around her neck, which kinda kills her credibility but I still love.
Please spay and neuter your movie stars.
The designers are called back out, and Carol Hannah is safe. Irina wins!! Ugh. She says that the only problem with being so awesome is that it’s really hard to top herself. Then a bee stings her and her tongue swells up and she chokes to death. Go bee! Sizzlingcinnamonhausen is safe, but Heidi tells her to stop being such a pussy. Heidi tells the bottom three they’re all talented but they need to not suck as much. Straight Guy’s safe. Oh man please kick off MN!!!! NO!?!?!? AAAAAAARRRRRRGHHGHGHGHGHGH!!! WHO IS HE FUCKING? WHOOOOO? Feather Duster’s outfit was boring, but Minnesota’s was HIDEOUS!! Seriously wtf is going on here?
As he leaves, Milla cries. LOL. Feather Duster says this is the last we’ll hear of him and he’s gonna move to London and become a sheep herder. HAAHA. Tim tells him that his work was executed well and it was a matter of taste. I can’t believe this bullshit. Feather does the Color Purple “I had to fight my daddy, I had to fight my brother, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna fight in my own house!” speech and then gives us a big CYA. Ridiculous.
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Leeloo!!!!
Great recap, Flippy!
HAHAHA! I actually liked Peppermint Patty’s top, but the pants were a big NO! Not for Greece. The women would be dying during most of the year wearing those.
Those pants would actually look good on Logan’s outfit instead of the boring ones he made. But the vest was kinda cool, and I definitely saw the influence.
But Logan? If you want to design for losers like LiLo, maybe you should change your career goal.
And MN? How many bj’s is he giving Kors? That was one fugly dress. He made a Simplicity pattern for chrissakes!
I have to admit that Irina’s was very cool, but I was waiting for the cowel to come alive and suffocate her.
What was cool about CH’s was the braiding. Ditto w/Indiancornhauser & the necklace.
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!! HOW could they keep MN and kick off FD??? What’s going on here?? They picked the right top three this week but I don’t get this at all. I think FD was shocked too.
I was thinking the exact same thing when he was whining about not having a degree. THEN GO GET ONE. Apply then attend school. It’s not that difficult and maybe you’ll even learn something.
LOVED the “hope you’re in the mood for a corn dog” line, Flipit. It’s going to be an all girls final this time. NO WAY could they put MN or SG into the final three over any of the women.
Dear Flipit,
I am completely flummoxed by the judges this season. Maybe moving to Lifetime was too much for them . . . Nina was wearing the weirdest necklace I have ever seen, Kors wears the same outfit every week, and Heidi is suddenly dressing like she shops at garage sales. Their decisions have been really odd! Well I guess that is really nothing new (Sebalia!) In any case I miss the good ol’ days where Nina was bored and Kors was less tan. Great recap though!
“Carol Hannah has ditched her swimsuit sketch for a dress made out of outdoor furniture covers… I think Dorothy Zbornak wore this at least once.”
LOL. Personally, I think CH was channeling Uli. Uli should sue.
Fantastic recap!!! Laughing out loud and my dentures popped out.
Loved the photo of you in the sombrero by the way. Was that a bullet-necklace?!
Oh my goodness, a Huskies reference! I moved in the middle of fifth grade from Rexburg, Idaho to Orange County, California. I made the mistake of wearing my Huskie jeans the first day of school. May all those bitches that made fun of me share in Irina’s many gruesome deaths! Thank you for taking me back to that scary place. I now need to hide in a dark closet where I’ll assume the fetal position and hum nonsensical tunes
Yeah, yeah, I’m going to have to take Irina’s side here (not only because she’s good-looking…great legs…bet she was even prettier with her real nose).
Sure, she may be bitchy, but remember that she’s surrounded by the likes of FD and MN and SG(not to mention the other hacks that are already gone), who are clearly no where near the level of competency you’d expect from a competition about designing and dressmaking.
Would you be able to resist laughing at the crap Cartoonhead Boy (excellent call, Flipit, so true!) has been making?
And wouldn’t you be pissed off that, after years of effort –actually learning how to sew, for example– you have to compete against this crop of losers?
Besides, it’s clear she’s been given the bitch edit, especially since FD turned out to be a limp noodle. Being bitchy only works if you’re actually good at what you’re doing.
And Straight Guy may be there just because he’s a token straight guy, but he really sucks at this. So does the giant Amazon blonde, who is consistently boring.
The only three who have a chance are Irina, Raccoon Eyes, and Gordana Hemminahamminahausen.
But of course they’re going to keep at least one of the guys in the final three.
My guess is it’ll be MN, because he’s so damned laughable when he cries — maybe it’s because of his silly putty nose and the way he always puts his hands up on his face like he’s checking to make sure his nose hasn’t fallen off.
The only plus side to him staying is, of course, that maybe he’ll keep Matar for another week.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Milla Jovovovovovich’s voice… I can’t recall ever hearing her speak before (I know I’ve seen a couple of movies she’s been in). I wasn’t prepared for her to sound like a Mob goon.
The low budget horror movie Milla Jovovich is in is The Fourth Kind. The other one is Paranormal Activity.
Love your recaps, Flip!
Dear Flipit,
I don’t know how in the world you’re going to top the head down the pyramid steps or the nuke up the nostril next week in coming up with Kenny-style deaths for Irina, but I know you will, and that makes me very very happy.
I must admit the theme for Gordana Forever21hausen’s name went over my head this week. I guess they must be Jellybelly flavors, but I’m not a fan of the brand. Do you like those, Flipit? What else do you have in common with Ronald Reagan? With all this talk of mall stores, I’m paying homage in my post: Claireshausen, Gymboreehausen…
I can’t even remember if Nina was there this week, and I can’t find it in the recap. But I’m getting to a point where I really don’t care, because Gordana JCPenneyhausen should have won this week and MN should have left, so it’s not like having the regular judges (if Nina was even there) is a magic bullet to right all that has gone wrong with the judging this year.
And one last thing: after seeing this week’s episode, I watched a HIMYM that I had taped before it, and they were advertising PR promising all these dramatic confrontations – “after Michael Kors gives them a secret project, friends will become enemies!” (cut to CH and SG arguing) “Tim tells someone to tell someone else she’s being a bitch!” (not sure, I think it might have been about FD and Irina). This was also on the lame-o Models show, talking about the rerun right after. But I didn’t see any of it. Given that they said Kors would be giving them the challenge, and that I don’t think they would do that two weeks in a row (or maybe they would, this season has been anything but imaginative and surprising), I don’t think they were the previews for next week. So WTF? Where’s all the promised drama? Are we going to have to add false advertising to the list of this season’s sins?
And for chrissakes (whichever way you spell that?) can they give them something wacky to do? You know, like create a dress out of Legos or out of office equipment like pencils and staplers? Where’s the fun? Although this bunch, they could tell them to design for Lady Gaga and they would put her in jeans and a T-shirt (yes, I am looking at you, Logan…)
Wasabipeas, the filming for this season, was finished before the Lifetime contract was signed.
Lifetime & Burnim/Murray have nothing to do with the boring season. The problem with the judging lies because they filmed at a bad time (when Nina & MK had to be in Europe)
Totally a mistake on Heidi & Weinstein’s fault. As was the casting.
OMG, I so agree with all the comments, especially that Jellybeanhausen? should have take tnis one–I wasn’t a fan of the hairy faux diamond thingy either, Flip–but that rocked in comparison to the others. Uli-yes, MN putty, yes, even Irina’s bitchy plight–but keep killing her girl, she so deserves it! And the hate is not spot on always–she was wrong about CH, and I still think Shirin should be in, the judging is wonk-yes!!!!
Love to the Flipit always and forever!!! XOXOXOXO
man, why do I have to be one of those !!!!ers . . .
ohyeah, Flip, you dissed my town (North Hollywood) and the movie I can’t wait to see (the Forth Kind) all in one paragraph . . . sniff . . . and I the only one . . . sniff . . . granted, if they don’t get off the couch throughout the movie it will be a snore–but I think in the trailer they do. I read all the stories these are based on as a teen, so, yeah, can’t wait!
Go ‘head and judge . . . maybe I was abudcted before, maybe that’s what it is . . .
Flipit – truly great recap!
I finally figured out what is bothering me so much about this season – there is like ZERO DRAMA (in the fashion, not the attitudes). It kills me to use this as an example, but look at Jeffrey Sebilia, even when I hated his designs (which was most of the time) I appreciated that they were full of drama and craziness! Like you just never knew what the F he was going to send down the runway (each season has some of these Austin Scarlett, Stella, Santino, Kayne, Suede..memories..Chris March…human hair gowns..so fun!)
But this season, I got nothing! I mean, it’s like they picked up an entire group of designers who have the same dream job: Fashion Director of Talbots. FeatherDuster had promise, but he proved just as boring as everyone else.
At this point I always have clear favorites – but this time, I could care less who makes it to Bryant Park, cause you all know we’re just going to see a lot of black cocktail dresses, pantsuits with shorts, and mono-color schemes –
carmelicious (love that sn!) – I couldn’t agree with you more. Where’s the drama and entertainment? Will there ever be another couple like Andre and Santino? I should hope so. Not only were they hilarious – but, had interesting garments, ta boot. And, Kayne – loved him! So many great “characters”, and this season is just bleh. Feather Duster was showing promise, but he fizzed. Irina makes a decent bitch, but she’s so dry.
I want my favorite show back!
All I can say is, thank goodness for Flipit – his recaps make this all worth it!
Hackesota stays and FD goes???? HOW?!?!?!? FD at least showed some competent outfits over the season. Hack nods earnestly, flounders and genuinely has no clue at all why his work gets such bad feedback. “It’s ugly”, the judges say. Fine – then next week, he goes even uglier. This man needs his hearing tested.
This season has been so boring. Only a few more ‘aufs’ before Bryant Park and how many memorable outfits have we seen so far? They’re told to go all-out stage-y for Bob Mackie and they wimp out. They’re told to do boring for the Macy’s inc. challenge and barely achieve a minimum of boringness. You can’t do boring, you can’t do crazy, what can you people do??
Flipit….GREAT recap as usual. I agree with the other posters here, this season has been really boring. It’s almost like the producers thought “okay, this season is going to be tied up in court for almost a year, who cares, lets just cut our losses and get it over with and move on to the next season”.
I can’t believe MN did not get auf’d. I am so tired of hearing him whine about not be “educated” like the other designers. Look, I know how tough it is to work and finish college at the same time. But hello, has he ever heard of a library? Can he not read “Fashion 101″ on his own? Try Correspondence school? I know the state of Minnesota is not the fashion capitol of the world, but come on. I really thought he had potential in the beginning and I liked him, but now it’s just the same old fugly design each week and crying on the runway.
Sigh….at least Nina is back!
Again, great job Flipit…you da best!
Congrats to you Flipit, for coming up with new and inventive ways to kill Irina-Kenny every week! Then again, we don’t really want her gone, because, despite the fact she is a bitch, she is a bitch who is right. There’s not a lot of talent left amongst these hacks. Only a few of these designs actually evoked the city/country in the photo, and even then it was a stretch. As in, it’s cold in Aspen, so I’ll make a sweater and fur vest. I thought Logan’s auffing was harsh, though justified by the sheer craptitude of the gray pants.
Christopher: HATE! Why is Mickey Mouse still in the house? WTF? Slightly less volume than his usual bubble designs — thank goodness — but still doesn’t evoke Santa Fe. That skirt is especially not Santa Fe. Shirin and Louise must be ripping their hair out. They are so much more talented than this guy. Yes, he’s cute and looks like a puppy, but I am willing to kick the damned puppy. Get out, mongrel!
OK, right, Santa Fe. Yeah, sure, if a fashion-challenged teenage girl borrowed her mom’s Chico’s belt to go out in, then this is Santa Fe. Zebra print does not evoke Santa Fe to me, but Chico’s is very popular in retirement areas, so maybe he has something going.
Logan: Why does he keep making ill-fitting pants? Why? And why do the judges/producers keep him in the competition when it is clear that he is NOT GOING TO SHAG ANY OF THE MODELS/CH’S EYELASHES? He’s already in love with himself and how he looks in skinny pants and there is no further room in that relationship with a carrot-stick eating insect or spider lash wearing blondes. Ha, figured him out. He makes skinny pants because he’s a narcissist: the models look fat in them and he doesn’t, which this somehow makes him look better. I liked his top, very Urban Outfitters/Anthropology. Hated the pants. See? He hates models: if white jeans add five pounds to the figure and the camera adds fifteen, then ill-fitting white high-waist jeans will add 20 pounds to Celine’s figure. Ouch. And black suspenders and white jeans? You will not sell those on me, pretty boy.
God, Kors was so right, these are just clothes. *ALL* of these designs are just clothes. I miss Christian. Oh to hear him lisp “Fierce” one more time. I’d even settle for a Rumi draped dress at this moment or No-Neck’s high-concept-in-his-pot-smoked-mind’s designs then deal with these hacks.
Nicholas: Ah, Feather Duster, the ONE EFFING TIME YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE AN EFFING WHITE DRESS!!!@@##@$#$%#@^@@! Right. Too much grease from your hair dripping into your ears and clogging up the gears a bit? And what was with the pants? Pants? In Greece? Why not some cute cargo shorts to go with the white, drapy top? Add some lace up gladiator stilettos and let your model go to town! Instead, sad gray pants. Why not Aegean blue pants? Or harem pants with the gladiators laced over them? And if those aren’t tight enough for you, then cropped pants, with the Greek key scrolling across the bottom? Then you could at least get a job at Coldwater Creek post-show.
Instead, you have a bunch of feathered/lacey ice capade dresses and gray pants with white piping that are supposed to be Grecian. Sad. I am sad.
Irina: Now normally, I’d hate on her for being a bitch, but considering how sub-standard the competition that is left is, it’s hard to knock her for being right. The fur vest/cowl neck is sort of done, but it did look Korsian and Aspenian, so well done, bitch queen. The color palette was hideous, but I kind of liked the sweater. If only it weren’t the color of baby poo ¦ the 80s thing doesn’t bother me so much as the baby poo colors.
Gordana: Love her. I liked the necklace dress. It wasn’t a huge statement maker, but it was pretty, especially compared to everyone else. Honestly, I don’t get the personality thing. I have met plenty of designers with personalities one-step up from slugs, but who design beautiful things, consistently, year after year. (I think they burn their personalities away when making their collections).
Althea: My favorite outfit; it’s those shorts. They are seriously cute and look like leather. I want. And the floaty top is a little twee, but I like the over all look, even if it doesn’t fit very well. Althea is not too great on fit is she? That blue dress she did a while back would have been super lovely if it has fit. I don’t understand why the judges won’t call her out on it, but then again, look at who she is designing alongside. Anyway, the outfit is very chic and St Tropez. Naiomi would totally rock this look there with her super-long legs.
CH: Gee another long dress. Uli did these sort of dresses so much better. I didn’t like her much at the time because of the amount of float long patterned dresses, but I am missing her now. Then again, Forever 21 does these dress so much better. Seriously, the seams were mismatched and the fabric was just gross. And it was boring. Really boring. Someone compared it to patio furniture covers and I have to say, I have those covers on my present deck chairs. Blends in nicely with the wood patio but fades from the runway. It’s a nice enough dress, I guess. I wouldn’t have minded some sort of accents on it. Terribly uncomplicated design.
This is where I start to get pissed off. How on Earth do they cut Feather Duster for his admittedly ugly arse outfit and yet keep around Logan and Christopher with their EXTREMELY AND REPEATEDLY ugly arse outfits? Who are they blowing? Seriously, this makes NO effing sense to me. Nicholas can at least design — if you like ice skater dresses and repeated lace mistakes. But MN isn’t that good “ in a season where none of these fools would have made the top six in the last couple of seasons, this is sad “ and Logan ISN’T THAT CUTE. In a season where the judging seems impartial and whimsy-based, this is a stupid auffing. After all, NONE of those Xtina outfits looked like Xtina, only a few of the outfits designed for the surf bunnies looked like something a surf bunny would wear, and those bridal recreations were fugtacular fug for the sad sort of Cougar who hangs around her son’s 16th birthday party with a pitcher of ready-make margaritas trying to get one of his friends sloshed.
*sigh* I was happy to see Milla. I loved her label with Carmen Hawk and was sad to see it went under. I’m a collector, though, so it made my wardrobe more valuable. Ha. Fashion is fickle. And she should stick to fashion, really, because while I love The Fifth Element, everything afterward has been some variation of the theme: monsters/aliens/zombies taking over the world! Milla looking hot and taking the world back! (And The Fifth Element has Gaultier, which upped the class factor.) And now she is sitting next to Kors — who could be a zombie invader for all we know. A permatanned zombie invader.
Flip,
I nearly fell off my chair laughing so hard at your Orange Julius Michael Kors comparison. Thanks for the laughs!