Project Runway: Meet the Cast

It’s been two whole months since we last saw a decent Irina death scene, and I know you’re all pleased as punch to be back here. This season of Project Runway doesn’t have a title, so I’m going to give it one to make me feel better about last time: “Season 7: Oops, Our Bad Sorry We Call Do Over!” I was a little hesitant at first, but then I saw the commercial. Whatever Lifetime is up to with this one, I’m liking it already.

Girrrrrrl!!

This recap comes to you courtesy of Lifetime’s website, which informs us that it’s two days, eleven hours, forty four minutes and twenty six seconds until the premiere of season 7 at the time of this writing. I think the man/woman in this shirt has less time to live than that.

Gaping Hole in the Chest: The new V-neck

In addition to ads, games, fantasy games, facebook and twitter links, portfolio links, Harrison Ford trailers, free wallpapers, Tim Gunn musings, lottery numbers, horoscopes, sudoku and coupons, the Lifetime website has some videos of the new designers shooting super cheap videos at home. Let’s watch together, shall we?

First up is Amy Sarabi, 26, from Plano, TX. Profession: permalancer at Old Navy. Did you guys know that permalancer is a real word? I was totally confused when it wasn’t underlined in red after I typed it. That’s the fanciest way of saying “Don’t judge me for working at Old Navy, but I work at Old Navy” I’ve ever heard.

Before we get to see Amy’s video, we have to watch the Lovely Bones preview. I read the book cuz Oprah made me and it was depressing enough without Stanly Tucci’s creepy dye job and Marky Mark wearing a shirt. Yuck. When the video finally starts and Amy walks into her house, I half expect her to be chased around the place and murdered and then her sister could sneak in and try to find evidence or some shit. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Me either. It feels like it’s been twenty years since I last wrote a paragraph.

Focus. Amy is from TX but lives in Oakland now. She shows off her little bedroom sewing space. When she needs a break, she goes to her living room and shows off her Iranian-ness. OH NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!! She’s very proud of her Persian rug (in my part of Texas we call those Oriental rugs. Stop stealing from the Orientals, Iran!) and her papazan chair. So basically, she’s like “hi I’m Amy and I have zero taste so just look at my nice teeth k?” Are you guys worried that there isn’t enough material to fill a recap? Don’t!

Next up, we’ll go look at the cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink.

Amy likes to wear black mostly, but she’ll occasionally throw in some patterns together that look like the windshield after a really bad car wreck where no one was wearing a seatbelt.

Amy also likes to go buy tools from the hardware store and wear them around her neck. She shows off a small wrench. Lame. If you’re gonna go that far out of your way to be original, go ALL the way. I want to see a chainsaw or some shit, you wuss.

Now let’s check out her casting session. Tim is there with Nick (ugh) and a large orange crayon to represent Kors. Amy shows off an outfit that was inspired by mushrooms. It looks like a used toilet seat cover crumpled up on a bathroom floor. Just because mushrooms are organic doesn’t make them NOT DRUGS.

This just needs a couple flecks of dried pee to make it real.

Nick loves the little top she made herself, especially the fin on the back. Just don’t ever sit down.

The judges applaud a couple of her dresses and hire her. Nick gives her the two cheek kiss. Then he whips out a sketch book and tries to figure out how he’s gonna make all that shit Barbie sized.

Emilio is next. He’s from the Dominican Republic. I hope there’s a Puerto Rican this season so we can watch them go at each other. He’s a costume designer, and the ad before his video stars a “real life Army wife”. Yikes. The Lifetime show makes them seem so glamorous, but I actually feel bad for this lady. She has kids that throw spaghetti all over the place and she has to do laundry.

Emilio’s just renovated a new apartment for himself, and as he talks about hith fabulous kitchen and hith fabulous refrigerator. That place is like five square feet. You can get into bed, watch tv, cook breakfast, shower and shave all from the same spot. Then he shows us his shower fixtures. Wow, Lifetime, glad you took the time. I could be….I was trying to think of something else I could be doing right now but all I could come up with was nothing. So I’ll shut up and press Play.

Yay showers!

Next, he shows us his living room accthethorieth. You gotta hand it to Emilio. He’s really integrated well. He’s lisping like a native.

Emilio doesn’t believe men should own very many clothes. Just jeans. He shows off all the different jean washes that he likes, but adds that when he wanths to be flashy he whips out some special pietheth.

I can’t be the only wondering which side that thing zips up.

Christian Sirriano is at his casting session, and he looks really excited to be there.

Fucking contracts.

I don’t know how in God’s name this piece got Emilio on the show, but somehow it did. With just a little paint and some glue on plastic jewels, you too can look like the gayest brick wall ever built.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a face.

Ben Chmura is from Connecticut. Wow. I didn’t know they let people with last names like that into Connecticut. Way to progress, crackers! Another Lovely Bones ad. Molestation and murder is kinda bringing down Season 7 for me, Lifetime.

Ben lives in Tampa now, and he collects little toys to put on his bookshelves cuz Marie Claire magazines just don’t look right. He says “we” a lot but there’s only one pillow on the bed. Hm…delusional? Crazy? Or just a positive thinker? He has a lot of wacky gold shoes and kooky shirts. He’s also HUGE on tank tops right now. LOL. He likes sleeveless polos and wears v-necks that show his twink cleave.

The orange crayon couldn’t make it to Ben’s casting session, so some other orange gay is filling in. The only thing he says is “yeah, I mean like I mean yeah I know!” I don’t know why, but I have to watch this segment three times just to giggle at him.

I mean yeaaah!

Ben shows off his latest line, which is based on venomous snakes. Because how many times can you say “I’ve come up with an entire line of tiny black dresses”? Zoe looks like she just woke up. From a coma.

Get this woman a cold mask.

In his audition tape, he’s sitting at a tea party in his backyard wearing short jorts. His guests are all blindfolded. It’s very artsy. Or serial killer-ish. I’m fine with either.

The Jorts Killer

Mila Hermanovski is a forty year old costumer from Dallas. She’s got the first bangs. Bangs are the new fauxhawk.

Mila lives in LA. Like skid row or some shit. She says that looking around crack alley you never would guess that she has an oasis! Her oasis consists of a tiny little back porch with some potted plants and a little patch of dirt for her dog to poop on. There’s also a table big enough to invite people over to brunch. Come to my place! Don’t worry, the smell of crack head pee is totally overshadowed by my dog’s most recent load. Pancakes?

Her closet tour is insane. It’s bigger than Emilio’s apartment and has racks hanging from the ceiling. It looks like a good will store. Mila explains that she never throws clothes away, cuz being forty and all, she’s learned that shit just comes back in fashion a few years later. Good point, but ew I smell mothballs. She’s proud of her collection, but she needs to purge that junk. Old clothes are more telling than the rings on a tree. You can see not only how old a person is, but what weight they’ve been every year. It’s just not ok. Do I still have 30 inch waist pants in my closet from the nineties? Yes. Yes I do. Do I still try to wear them even though I’m like ten inches bigger now? Yes. Yes I do. What’s my point? I’m a fat hypocrite. Let’s just move on.

It smells like 1982 in this place.

Her casting session is all about black and white. Even her head is black and white. She looks like a Shirley Temple movie. But with bangs. And more rings on her trunk.

What do you mean my daddy’s dead? I won’t believe it! I WON’T!

Her audition tape is about how her grandpa was a “radical modernist architect in Latvia imprisoned for his non conformist designs.” I don’t know what that means, so I googled “Latvian non conformist fashion 1920″ and this popped up.

So basically, your grandfather was a terrorist.

Mila is a costume designer, but recently she’s decided that she wants to start making things. Don’t costume designers make things? I’m confused. Make a leash so your dog can stop shitting on your patio, k?

Seth Aaron Henderson is very very talented. You know because he has three names. Lovely Bones. ARGH with this ad. Next time any of you kill a little girl, kill her soul too so there won’t be a damn sequel. Seth likes to be called Seth Aaron, he wears a kind of greasy fauxhawk, and has a neck tattoo. So basically, hate. But then he shows us his kids and his wife and that makes me like him. I don’t know why. Loneliness? He is wacky and tries really hard in his video, which makes me not like him. He shows off lots of black suits and he even has suit shorts. LOL. Like him. Soup Nazi impression. Hate him. This guy is a conundrum. A conundrum that makes me ponder what Adam Hambert will look like in retirement.

The other videos are pretty boring. He makes menswear but can translate it into women’s clothing and his goal in life is to be an icon. Well, my goal is to be Sandra Bullock. I’ll race ya!

Jay Nicolas Sario also has three names. That’s one more name than actual Asian people who have appeared on this show. Nice! All hail Jaysian! He’s from the Phillipines, and he’s the lead stylist for Gap Inc kids division. So wait. Does that mean he’s responsible for this ad? Cuz if so I hope he wins. This commercial kills me every time.

Jay lives in San Fran now, and he starts off by proudly showing off his library. From what we can see, Jay likes to read a lot of vases.

Let me guess. You don’t have a Barnes and Noble Members Card yet.

Tour of his and his bf Rolando’s apartment: disco balls, Audrey Hepburn photos, and posters of Broadway musicals. He even has a stereo that actually types.

His closet is filled with giant belts and gold shoes. I have to say, this is the first gay we’ve seen so far with an actually CUTE apartment. I have faith in him. His sketches look great too, and I look forward to the first time he’s crashing on the beanbag chair and sobbing on the Sidekick to Rolando. We are shown his closet, which bores me. He must have felt the same way cuz I suspect he came raging out of it before he could speak.

He brought models to his casting session. The clothes look good, and he even put a vag patch in some tights for one of his models. If he can’t find a girl with a big enough labia for the look he’s going for, he’ll make her one, dammit.

His audition tape is him talking to all of his creepy headless dress forms. Then the dress forms turn into wacky blondes and he has to chase them through the halls and stuff. It’s like Benny Hill. But gayer. If that’s even possible.

Jazz hands!

So Jaysian has the best apartment, clothes, closet, and audition video. He’s my pick to win this thing. Unfortunately for him, I’m always, always, always wrong.

Ping Wu is from Chengdu in China. I hope she marries a man who’s last name is Pong. You know I had to say that. She is the second Asian of the season, and also the second girl with BANGS. I predict she will come in second, because I believe in signs.

Pink shows us some of her nutty ass stuff, and I am in love with her already. She’s the wacko of the season. Sorry, retired Adam Hambert! Here is a piece she made when she couldn’t figure out how to wire a chandelier in her dining room.

To get inspired, every day when she gets out of the shower, she makes a water print of her foot on the bath towel and stares at it. Somehow, this has led her to believe that slippers only need to cover part of your feet. When you’re done walking around in those things, you can also use them as a washcloth when you bathe. Her words, not mine. I suspect Ping walks around smelling kind of athlete’s foot-y.

Ping doesn’t know what ADD is yet, but she describes herself as having it. The only book she’s ever finished is a Chanel photo book, which inspired her to be a fashion designer. I’m glad she doesn’t get the Crate and Barrel catalogue or she’d aspire to be a cute couch. That’s a much harder goal to achieve.

Her closet tour is fascinating. Her favorite thing in the world are pants. She’s got giant tupperware boxes full of them, and she insists that the pants say things. I’m sure they do. Most likely “HELP! THIS BITCH IS CRAZY!” These pants were made in China by a “very special ethnic group.”

Overeaters Anonymous members aren’t an ethnic group. They’re just fat people who like to talk a lot.

She tops those by showing us a pair of pants she got in India. She says that men wear pants like this because Indians believe men are “messengers of God” and that one day they will have babies, too. The pants are meant to catch the babies. LOL. Just in case they’re too stupid to realize they’re going into labor. She said God would make men pregnant, not smart. I hope women could wear those pants too. We could use them in this country.

Newest pants all the rage at ghetto proms.

In her casting session, I’m pretty sure she’s wearing a sweater as a hat, and wears it in like three different ways. Tim is horrified, Zoe is amused, and CutToe, the guest judge, is still pissed at not winning the two times she tried. So pissed that she will do anything to get Ping through. You know how sometimes in America, Asian people wear medical masks so they don’t have to breathe our nasty air? I’ve always found that to be pretty rude. Like if your air’s so much better go the hell home. Well, now it’s less offensive and more fashionable. Thanks, Ping!

Ben will be inviting her to a serial killer tea party in no time.

Tim is bright red through all this, especially when Ping starts taking off her clothes so she can serve as her own model. LOLOLLL. She wasn’t kidding about the ADD thing. Here is her skirt, towel, pajama pant apron bathrobe.

Was someone bathing with their socks? It smells like vinegar in here.

Anna is is from Wisconsin, and she mentions her boyfriend in the first sentence, so all the guys in this show can just back off right now. Just kidding. Anna likes to draw, which translated into pattern making, which somehow translated into not eating ever. I predict she will start losing her teeth by week two.

You know she’s calling that dress form fat in her mind right now.

Her closet is tiny and she has lots of librarian sweaters and slacks. Anna’s gonna be a real partier. She’s sweet as apple pie. Wait that’s a bad comparison. Apple pie is way too ethnic for Anna. Not that there’s anything wrong with being white.

Well….

Tim asks in her casting session why she didn’t get a degree in apparel, and she syas that that’s a recent love. She used to be into patterns. Everything she shows is super simple and way done. She explains that she’s into the private school girl look. If this was Rock of Love she’d be crowned the winner right now. She’s just learned to sew six months ago and Tim says she has a blandly incredible career ahead of her.

Christiane is from a place I have never heard of. I know this makes me ignorant, so instead I’ll just resent her from being from a place that’s obviously made up. It’s called Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire. Riiiight.

Christiane has a gorgeous huge backyard and a husband who obviously has a good job and a really pretty home. Also, she’s super nice and down to Earth. Who hates her already? Raise your hands! Wow. Everyone. OK just wanted to make sure you’re paying attention. She is one of the only designers so far who actually has a closet full of cute clothes. This must mean she sucks, cuz what I’ve learned so far from this show is that fashion designers dress like crap. She says that she doesn’t have any of her own designs in her closet because “I’m too expensive.” LOL. Christiane is a very girly girl who’s obsessed with shopping. I will take a stab in the dark here, but I’m gonna say that she will be the villain. At least in my apartment.

In her casting session she shows off some slinky, tight, very bright work. Nick says he an see Michelle Obama in one of the dresses. Shut up Nick. Just because the model is tall and black and shows off her arms. You know who I see in that dress? The Real Army Wife. But it might just be because she’s been on my computer screen like a hundred times.

In her audition tapes, she says she’s all kinds of fabulous and has had work on the red carpet. Doesn’t say what kind, but I am picturing her with a cordless vacuum a couple of hours before showtime. She asks us why we think she would need to be on PR if she’s so successful. She doesn’t tell us, but she does give five reasons she should be cast: She’ll stop stalking the producers, she’ll be stylish, she’s got good hair, Tim Gunn wants to bone her, and she’ll bring drama, which means she’s basically saying up front that she’s gonna take a stab at being the bitch of the season. Told ya!

Janene was fourteen years old when she was murdered. She’d left Earth, but not her unfinished life. Her father tried to solve her murder, but he needed her help. Wait. Sorry. Lovely Bones again. Janene is an Oregonian. Her husband works at home, which is why she’s applying to leave for six months. He doesn’t look bathed. She shows off a painting she did. You can tell a lot about a person from their art, so I say…. Daddy issues!

I predict she will be friends with the dude who collects toys. Her closet is a mess. She doesn’t have nice clothes and just wears t-shirts and jeans. Which means she’s probably talented. Are you seeing the pattern? In her casting session, she shows off some pretty dresses. She’s into shoulders. Shoulder pads, shoulder pieces, shoulders of the road. OK not that but I couldn’t think of another shoulder thing. The point is, I’m really bored with her. And now I’m paranoid that my shoulders could be hotter.

She’s more interesting (read: fucknuts crazy) in her audition video. She shows sketches of her fall line, entitled 2028 because that’s when NASA predicts we’ll be living on the moon. So expect lots of shiny, lots of oxygen tanks and possibly some pooping in tubes.

Next up is Jesus. Relax, Christianity! He’s back and the world didn’t explode or anything. Drama queens. Turns out, Jesus is not Christ or a gardener. Well, so much for profiling. He’s actually just a Mexican ten year old with lots of hair gel.

Get to school, you little brat!

Jesus lives with his mom, cuz that’s where children live. So basically, he gives a tour of his mom’s house. I wanna see mom! She’s probably working at her third job so she can buy him glittery fabric and shit. This gets me thinking about how lazy my mother is….and now it’s twenty minutes later and I still can’t stop thinking about it. For mother’s day I’m sending her a box of job applications.

Jesus has lots of scarves. Every guy this year has lots of scarves. In his casting session, Tim gets a giant boner. Jesus shows off a gown that looks like a picnic blanket and a seal fur jacket. Tim is mortified and says it’s illegal. LOL. LA ruined Tim. Zoe looks exhausted. Just a sidenote. Jesus is cute and little and really bubbly and it’s funny when he talks, so he’s in. In his audition, he says he’s a “big deal” in Mexico and San Diego. So big that he’s living with his mother. Ugh.

Pamela is our cougar of the season. That Texan woman is in her forties too, but she’s more Wendy Pepper/SweatPea dowdyish forty. Pamela’s Laura. With a strong sex drive. I don’t know why I’m getting that vibe from her, but it might be because my screen is frozen on all her candlesticks.

Pamela’s a Pennsylvania girl, and she has a hunter’s house. Swords, tusks, masks. Love it. I’d like to think she has moose heads and just hid them for the cameras. She describes the place as her “fairytale cottage”, and by the end of the vids she has called it that many many times. And…crazy. Wow, the deck is really stacked this season. In her workroom she has some dead butterflies that she “found”. In a net or on some fly paper, most likely. Violent cougar. Me like. Her designs are costume-y and bizarre. One looks like a swimming cap from the Depression era. Well, the other Depression era.

I’m interested to see what she comes up with. In her casting session, she shows off what she calls “architectural” pieces. I call them “that makes me look like my fat is square.”

Tim doesn’t know quite what to make of her. His eyes are rolled back half the time, but with him that’s not a bad thing. He doesn’t know whether to be impressed or horrified, which makes for a great PR contestant. He compliments her construction and lets her in. To his credit, he hasn’t heard her call her home a fairytale cottage or referred to herself as the princess in some kind of fairy tail about ten times.

WTF? You’re in!

In her audition tape, she says that she makes square clothes so women can be all slouched over and sloppy and still look like they’re standing like this:

Uh…..

Jesse is the guy I want to marry on sight but then later find out he’s a flaming, crying sociopath who makes me want to throw things at the TV every time he comes on. There’s at least one a season. It’s good, cuz it teaches me that there’s more to a book than its cover. It’s easier to just not read. Wait. Did I just admit that I’m frigid? Well, there you have it.

Jesse meets us wearing Clark Kent glasses and he’s not flaming at all. LOVE. He’s into kictch and Americana and IKEA. Wait. Is he straight? YES!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRGHGHGHGH!! NO FAIR!!! Alright. Well, we needed a Straight Guy for the year. So nice to meet you, I guess. He talks a lot but all I hear is “not this time no you never gonna get it my lovin no you’re never gonna get it”.

He shows us his “inspiration board”. He puts things there, stares at them, and thinks.

Cock rings. I’m so confused.

He has some stuff from wars and says that World War 2 is important to him “cuz I grew up with it.” HUH? You’re twenty five. I don’t know what to make of this guy, and I’m sure you don’t either since all I’ve told you is that he likes cock rings, war, and vaginas. Sorry about that.

He’s wearing an American flag on his t-shirt, so I’m surprised by how cute the clothes in his closet are. Preppy, sleek, and he shops his ass off. He’s also a big fan of jorts, which is frightening and dangerous to our culture. But then, so was the Holocaust and he grew up with that and all.

In his casting session, he shows dresses that can be worn in summer and winter. Zoe doesn’t get it at all, but Straight Guy argues with her. Zoe asks if she’s young and sophisticated. Awkward pause. He answers yes, and she snaps that she wouldn’t wear those clothes. They like the drabbest dress out of all of them and say that’s the only one they like but they need to fill the Straight Guy quota so he’s in as long as he just does drab and grey. That was the harshest yet, and I’m just glad this year’s SG doesn’t look like John Lovitz. In his audition video, he is in bed having a nightmare. He says that he’d be perfect cuz he’s young and talented and straight. Then a dude wakes up in bed next to him and kisses him. LOL. Is it too soon to call him my favorite Straight Guy evah?

I know what you’re thinking. WAIT. There’s only been one fauxhawk. Calm down! There’s more where that came from!

Jonathan was given a makeover for this segment by a pack of lesbians. Poor guy looks like Lea Delaria. He’s from Woonsocket, Rhode Island and has the best “occupation” answer of the pack: “Technically, unemployed, but I prefer ‘independent freelance womenswear designer’” HA.

He has a lovely green kitchen and a huge pantry with no food and a fridge full of vitamin water. Being gay? Is hard. He sleeps on the couch. That is so not his house. He’s really funny and cute and probably owes his roommate thousands of dollars in back rent. I hope he wins. He shows us his sock drawer, for crying out loud. For awhile I was wondering why they don’t turn these clips into an hour long show. Jonathan is pretty much letting me know why.

In his casting session, he freaks Tim out with this.

LOLOLLLLLLL

Tim says that he’s obviously talented but he’s hurting himself with his vagina obsession. In the end, though, he made it. Obvs. I hope he puts that exovag on every single thing he makes this season. It’s worth noting that this is the second vagina stitching of these preview clips. That is all. It might be kinda confusing as to why he got in, but then I see his audition tape.

He’s singing soprano in Lonely Goatherd from Sound of Music. To a real goat. Asked and answered.

He goes on to say that he will do anything to win this competition. He holds a hoe and says he’ll be a ho and blow the competition…away. HAHAHAH. Hacky, but hilarious. And since we now know Tim is casting this whole season, I hope his ass is ready to put out cuz he will be taken up on this stuff. Tim’s got this shit recorded on a VHS tape in his living room. You know he does.

I think right now you and I are asking the same question: HOW MANY FUCKING CONTESTANTS ARE ON THIS SEASON?!! THIS RECAP IS FIVE HUNDRED PAGES LONG. Two more is the answer.

Maya is next with the third set of bangs this season. Three bangs and you’re out. Why is everyone so ashamed of their foreheads? Discuss and get back to me.

Maya has a large gorgeous apartment and she’s wearing some feather boa thing. She is a designer and a dj. She also has like a million pets. Man that place is nice! And it’s in the Bronx! I have the wrong impression of that place. I think cuz I used to get made fun of in Spanish every time I went there. I deserved it though. That was when I was in my beret phase. Bronx, you’re forgiven. Berets, you’re not.

Maya shows off all her fabulous clothes and her fabulous shoes and her fabulous place and whatever heather. Her most recent collection is called “Fascism”, so she can’t be all bad. There’s a purse that looks like a spiked torture ball. LOL. In her casting session, she shows off Fascism. Wait. It’s spelled Fashism. Lame. You can’t cute-ify fucking fascism, k? It’s fitting that Christian is her guest judge, cuz she shows off this piece, which would go well alongside his ugly duckling dress from his season.

Christian is in love with her stuff. It’s bizarre, but also really well made. And you gotta love the purse.

I think Tim is scared, cuz he doesn’t say much, but Christian is all about her. In her audition video, she tells us she lives in Boston. So I heard wrong, which means I’m back to hating the Bronx.

And now, last but not least, we have my favorite contestant of the season so far:

Anthony is the only one who’s had any kind of screen time in the commercials, and it’s because he’s like a bright, shiny ball of homo. He needs to testify at Supreme Court gay marriage case this week to prove once and all that yes, people. YOU ARE BORN WITH IT.

He welcomes us to the “luxury ghetto” and shows off his living room, which he painted chocolate against everyone’s advice. He’s pleased with the results. Then he shows us some little black angels and wonders what Oprah was thinking when she planted that seed into women everywhere. He thinks they represent the Children of the Corn and will try to kill him in his sleep. LOL.

Kitchen tour. He only cooks for the first date to bait men, but otherwise he just keeps it clean. Then he shows us his bottle of Jergen’s, which keeps him from getting ashy. LOL x 2. His closet holds his “burial insurance”. It’s a suit he bought to die in so his ass won’t look fat in the coffin. He has some bright red shoes, but says that no matter how many times he clicks his heels he still ends up in the ghetto. OK the whole season needs to just be this guy. I don’t even care if he ever sews anything.

In his casting session, he wears a bright pastel sweater jacket from Anne Taylor Loft and a purse. He starts talking a doesn’t stop for a loooooong time. Tim and Zoe are not looking as amused as I am. His model is dressed in a big broomy skirt with a tank and a very big turquoise necklace. Tim says his work is derivative. Anthony takes a moment and then asks if derivative means done before. Yes, Anthony, yes it does. He explains that where he come from, you find da bess, you copy da bess, and den you beat da bess. LOVE HIM. He’s gonna beat the shit out of who ever invented the broom skirt. How can you not root for that?

OK so I thought this was going to be a two page intro, but Lifetime gave us so much to watch that I went through a pack of smokes and a pot of coffee. What do you guys think? Last season was pretty bore snore for the most part, but it sure looks like they’re going to make up for lost time this week. Glad you’re back, PR! And please, people. Go see Lovely Bones.