Project Runway Reunion: Exthplain Yourthelf!

by PottyMouth and Flipit

Project Runway came back for a reunion with the Models, and since PottyMouth and I teamed up for the season, we thought it was only fitting to team on the recap.

Flipit: This looks like it’s gonna be bitchy! Flamingay’s already calling Mila a petty fifty year old and models are crying! Love it!

PottyMouth: I know. Jaysian already has his bitch face on.

Flipit: Seriously. What’s that guy’s problem? He’s like a mail order bride. He’s all charming and funny and “hehehe” at first and then once he knows he’s got you he turns into a raging bitch.

Me hate you long time.

Flipit: The best thing about the move to Lifetime is the absence of Bobblehead Andy Cohen. I’m so glad I don’t have to see him today. His big toothy smile and bobbing head makes me seasick.

PottyMouth: Where’s Heidi? Working on her next baby Seal?

Flipit: Yeah. She’s somewhere getting knocked up again. That woman can’t stand not to be pregnant.

Tim introduces the only judge to appear tonight, NINA.

Flipit: Tim: “How lucky are we to have Nina?!?” HA. As long as there are no toddlers around to much on. Cuz they wouldn’t consider themselves lucky. Old Ham’s hair is fucking giant. Fame went straight to his hair. You know he stole lots of hair product from the Pantene people.

PottyMouth: It’s frightening. He’s trying to stab the people upstairs. Dance, fuckers, dance!

Flipit: His ring looks like a giant mole.

PottyMouth: Or dust from the volcano.

Flipit: He seems very proud of that ring. We see the ring, Old Ham! You can put your hand down now! What is he waiting for a hall pass?

So, Emilioth, how did it feel to LOSE?

PottyMouth: Aww, is Emilioth gonna cry?

Flipit: I hope so. His crying was the best part of the finale.

Emilioth has a bone to pick with the judges’ decision.

Flipit: You complimented my collection! How could I not have won? He’s a sociopath. They complimented everyone.

PottyMouth: Nina: “You had memorable outfit but your show sucked BAWLS.”

Flipit: I love how shell shocked he is that his tribute to First Ladies didn’t win. That line was fug.

PottyMouth: It was gorgeous if you love outfits that look like they’re made out of felt.

Nina asks the cast what it’s like to have sudden fame.

Flipit: I wish Nina would tell stories about what it’s like when people recognize her in stores and start running for the exits.

PottyMouth: Flamingay can’t go anywhere.

Flipit: He’s like Justin Bieber now!

PottyMouth: Is he wearing eye shadow?

Flipit: Like I said.

Flipit: Why are they asking that model stuff? I can’t understand what she’s saying. She needs to learn English. Speaking of…Pong!! She’s so cute! She looks like a Build a Bear.

Pong says she is always shocked when people recognize her cuz she barely remembers being on the show.



Flipit: Of course she doesn’t remember! LOL!

PottyMouth: Idiot.

Flipit: To remind you, you were adorable, insane, and showed some butt on the runway. The show will never forget about her, that’s for sure. This girl, on the other hand….

PottyMouth: Who?

Flipit: Exactly.

Clips of the models getting dumped.

Flipit: Model/Designer loyalty questioned! I think Irana should have won the second she stole Emilioth’th model. That was awethome.

PottyMouth: Tho fantathtic.

A model asks “If you weren’t gonna pick me why were you looking at me the whole time?”

Flipit: He’s looking at you because you look like an old man with long hair.

PottyMouth: Don’t look at me!!!!

Flipit: That Irish model is so…Irish. She’s like a bowl of Lucky Charms. I wish she was Irish enough to smack Jonathan for being mean to her. It might bring color to his face.

PottyMouth: Let’s go get a Guiness! Sorry, Cerri, even showing the judges’ your vag didn’t help me so I went with Old Eyes.

Flipit: That girl who Jonathan sacked is offended that he said his clothes don’t look good on her. Why is she laughing? Jonathan’s like um your ass was giant from fish and chips and I didn’t want to go home because you’re a pig. I want to go home because I suck. Goal accomplished!

PottyMouth: I like I-Ramy’s new hair do.

Flipit: I do too! It’s totally Iran. She’s mad that Emilioth stole her model as revenge. Emilioth: “It wasn’t perthonal it’th jutht that I hate you.”

PottyMouth: Emilioth: Holly kept me in so I immediately dumped her. Actually, I didn’t dump her. I just threw her away. -

Flipit: Emilioth’th washer model had to wear the most hideous outfit in PR history. How could you dump her! And I love that when Emilioth changes models it’s “Nothing perthonal” but when Irina does it she should be stoned in the street.

PottyMouth: That’s what happens in Iran. Duh.

Flipit: Don’t steal from men!

Flipit: Emilioth is such a dick! Even Tim and Nina agree! That look between them is priceless!! They’re like “And….his loss is justified.”

PottyMouth: As if they had any doubts.

Flipit: If Nina thinks you’re evil you have no hope. She’s a bridge troll. Commercial!

Flipit: Chunky ladies like Febreeze.

PottyMouth: That one sure does!

Flipit: Smelling chunky? Febreeze!

PottyMouth: It covers the smell of ass sweat.

Paula Abdul sighting! She’s still with us!

Flipit: HAHAH! Someone should tell Drop Dead Diva that.

PottyMouth: To drop dead?

Flipit: I wanted to like that show, but it’s too much. I didn’t even watch the Liza episodes, so what does that tell you? Glad they’re giving Paula work though. I was worried about her mortgage.

PottyMouth: That’s just sad.

And we’re back! What was the favorite challenge?

Flipit: Mila liked the hardware challenge the most cuz Emilioth tanked so hard on it.

PottyMouth: And here I thought it was because she has a fondness for power drills. I did like Jaysian’s trash bag pants.

Maya says that Jaysian’s use of trash bags for his leather pants wasn’t original.

PottyMouth: Maya is still bitter about trash.

Flipit: I love that she just called Jaysian out on not being original!! Stella made those pants, right?

PottyMouth: Ah yes! I forgot about her!

Flipit: How could you forget? “Get me a hammuh!”

Flamingay gets all offended that model Witchy Poo wanted to wear Irana’s dress instead of his, which “accentuated your waistline like you wanted.)

PottyMouth: His dress also showed her vag. †what’s with all the vag showing this season?

Flipit: That should never happen on such a gay show. Flam calls her out on being two faced, and then he answers by smiling plasticly and being two faced. I love hot pink hypocrite-ism.

Montage of the models trash talking the designers.



PottyMouth: Cerri: I don’t get clothes – I’m a model!

Flipit: That girl is dead on about Jaysian’s lack of talent, but talking like that she deserves to get called out on her fat butt.

Emilioth is offended and says that he never ever talks shit about people.

PottyMouth: I don’t talk shit but let’s cut to a clip of me talking shit.

Flipit: Emilioth never talks about anyone, he just lithpth about them and spits all over America.

Shots of American Psycho/Straight Guy being a bitch.

Flipit: American Psycho was way bitchier behind the scenes I’ll bet. How much of his nastiness is on the cutting room floor?

PottyMouth: The mannequins want Mila to stop looking at them.

Flamingay nonsensically goes off about Mila being an a hole in their team challenge.

PottyMouth: What the hell is Flamingay even saying right now? I need an Flamingay to English dictionary. Aw, Mila says she’s sorry to Flamingay for hurting his feewings.

Flipit: Verbosity was never his strong suit. He sure can wave his finger and roll his head though! I don’t remember him saying anyone could kiss his entire family’s asses! That’s quite a mental picture.

PottyMouth: You don’t remember that?! That was hilarious!

Flipit: I barely remember my own birthday.

PottyMouth: I always remember mine. It’s my own national holiday. That no one else knows about. Or acknowledges. It’s actually way cooler than it sounds. Really.

Flipit: Aw! Happy Birthday whenever, then!

Awkward silence.

Flamingay thanks Mila for being a lady and apologizing and tersely apologizes back. He’s apologizing for telling the Post Mila’s a miserable hag.

Flipit: He dissed her in the Post! LOL! I love him. He acts so nice but he’s the rudest one. He just does it with a smile and then says sorry.

Time chides Flamingay for not being ladylike to Mila.

PottyMouth: I said I was sorry Tim – get off my ass!

Flipit: He’s like a lady. Does that count? Flamingay: “I can’t give her a kidney!” LOL. Seriously he can’t.That thing would only last a week. Too much sodium.

The designers give Tim shit for trash talking everyone on his blog, which is true and one of the most wonderful things about Tim G. Tim insists that he never trash talks.

Flipit: Tim doesn’t trash talk. He truth tells. Super snottily and venomously and scrunch facededly.

PottyMouth: With big words that poor illiterate designers can’t understand.

A model gives her opinion on Jaysian’s clothes being very Miami or La, and Jaysian spews bile.

Flipit: Did he just say that’s why he wouldn’t hire a model with big teeth and thick legs?!?! WOW!!! He’s more of a choach than he came across as.

PottyMouth: Oh no he di-idn’t! Jaysian is a total bitch. And now instead of apologizing he’s going to pretend to cry?

Flipit: Emilioth makes him apologize, and he’s the most evil of the bunch. Wow. Jaysian just totally made an ass out of himself. What a pig. I’m glad he lost.

Pong tells of her experience working with mean American Psycho on their team challenge and starts crying about being talked down to like that.

PottyMouth: Poor Pong!!

Flipit: She’s traumatized! She didn’t forget the show! She blacked it out!

PottyMouth: PTSD.

Flipit: Post Traumatic Sissy disorder.

Tim assures Pong that she shined like gold on the show.

PottyMouth: Her face was shiny from all those tears streaming down it

Flipit: Oh Pong! Don’t cry! Make tiny footies based on the print on the shower rug! Tim ‘s like are you sorry, Psycho? Um, in a long way, NO. He’s sure talking a lot instead of just apologizing. Dick.

PottyMouth: He’s like a method actor; he needs to “understand the process”. Is that actor speak for I’m going to be a raging asshole but don’t call me on it because I’m trying to understand your process??

Flipit: He tried being calm, but five seconds in he’s already shouting. He called her a bitch! No excuse for that! Still, he tries. “I use that word in a negative way about people who don’t know me well enough.” If she had known him better he would have used the c word. WTF? That doesn’t make any sense. This guy deserves whatever people are saying about him. He also deserves his A cups.

PottyMouth: Oh, come on! I call people bitches all the time! But I say it with love about people who do know me well. Uh, okay. He’s a prick.

Pong keeps crying.

PottyMouth: Nina’s like stop crying – come eat a baby. Once you get past the texture they’re delicious!

Flipit: Nina’s telling her to grow a pair. I love Nina. You can’t tell a woman in a horned cap to grow up. It’s just not gonna happen. Ever.

And now for the most shocking moment ever!

Flipit: Emilioth not getting kicked auf for that washer bikini from hell?

No! Maya quitting!

PottyMouth: Quitter!

Flipit: If she had grown out her bangs, that would have been shocking. Tim just said “shocking” like seven times.

PottyMouth: Shocking shocker that shocked me.

Commercial!

Flipit: This has been on twenty minutes already!! This needs to be like four hours long, if only to see how deep Jaysian can dig himself. What a twat.

PottyMouth: Maybe he’ll do us all a favor and start choking himself again. Collier Strong frightens me.

Flipit: Collier Strong is a poster boy for why some guys should wear a lot of makeup. He’s the gay Ray Liotta. I still can’t believe how nasty Jaysian was.

PottyMouth: He came off as bitchy, but not truly evil.

Flipit: No! EVIL! Who the hell is gonna want to work with him now? Unless they open that tourist rocket ship thing. Cuz his line was totally Photon. Or V, the original series.

PottyMouth: He’s just a big baby. He could design costumes for Epcot.

Flipit: He made Asian women look really bad. Did they just show a naked lady on Lifetime?

Flipit: They should have used Drop Dead Diva for that ad.

PottyMouth: Those bush commercials are horrifyingly fascinating to me. The ones where the bushes morph into the shape that the woman shaves her pubes.

Flipit: I’m a fan of horror commercials.

PottyMouth: They have full, square, strip…I wonder if Heidi’s would be the shape of a seal?????

Flipit: Heidi’s is the shape of a big X to try and block him from impregnating her again. Jeeze. How many do you need?

PottyMouth: They’re trying to create a new master race called German Chocolate. Tim’s is an arrow with “make it work” tattooed above it.

Flipit: Tim’s is like a white 70′s fro. You know it is.

And we’re back!

Flipit: Nina’s all “Maya cut the crap. Why’d you really leave?” Answer: Cuz I was too awesome to stay!

PottyMouth: Did Mila keep trying to shave your bangs to get rid of the competition?

Flipit: I think she got sick of Mila staring at her like a bowl of Rice-a-Roni.

PottyMouth: “I’m a sore loser and couldn’t stand being second every fucking challenge!”

Flipit: She ran off with the bangs perv across the street. She’s ridiculous. Valeria also left! For money. Good for her.

PottyMouth: Valeria: I was working for client but they can’t understand me when I say no so I have to work!

Flipit: Why do the designers even care about the models? They all look the same from the neck down. Except for the giant woman.

PottyMouth: And the one with the thick thighs – don’t forget about that.

Flipit: Well she sure as shit won’t ever forget it. Thanks, Jaysian!

The Russian model sobs about Valeria leaving.

I need more screen time! WAAAH

Flipit: Why is that drama queen crying? Was Valeria the only one to take out the trash? Maybe she’s remembering how cold Russia was.

PottyMouth: I won because my friend left – wahhhhhhhhhhhh poor me.

Nina tells the designers they are the most talented group evah!

Flipit: Why is Nina being so nice? It’s like she’s trying to get them into her creepy white van.

PottyMouth: Maybe she ran out of babies and is settling for crybabies instead.

Jonathan tells Nina how wonderful she is.



Flipit: Why is pasty ass Jonathan kissing ass? Nina will never hire anyone with a fauxhawk. He’s delirious. Get him a Vitamin D pill!

Tim says “Au bal de la chance” and bids the designers farewell.



PottyMouth: That was WAY too short.

Flipit: Tim just said balls chance. As in balls chance you bitches will work in this town again.

Montage of Tim-isms.

Flipit: I am going to make this Tim montage into a ringer. Hilarious.

PottyMouth: Trust your viscera. I thought viscera was the stuff you throw away.

Flipit: I thought it was the goop around the placenta. Good times, Potty!! Thanks so much for teaming up this season! It was a good one!

PottyMouth: Thank you! I’ll see you on the next one!

And thank you guys for being with us all season!! Here are some ringtones for you. There’s an m4r file for the iPhones and an MP3 for the rest of you! Just right click on which one you want to download. See you next season!