Project Runway: The Virgin Mary Killings

Welcome back to another season of Project Runway! The last season ended about a week ago, but who’s gonna complain about too much gayness in the world? Not I.

This look doesn’t leave Tim’s face the entire episode.

Jerrell is the first designer we meet, and the first thing I notice is his cut body, because, well, it’s the first thing he wants me to notice.

Alright, I get it. You don’t have a problem with diet or exercise. Why are you trying to make me hate you already?

The second thing I notice is that his shirt seems to be made out of a sarong and he’s wearing a Tommy Bahama hat. I’m not sure how I feel, which is rare for a judgmental person like myself, so I check out his online bio for more info, and this pic blares across my monitor.

A bath robe made into a jacket and a woman’s tube top pulled down below the nipples. The homeless deserve designer clothing too.

He tells us that he designs one of a kind originals for very important people. Like who? Like celebrities! And who else? Saudi Royalty. Those Saudis and their eye for good fashion.

Let me just cut off those sleeves and add a rope belt and you’ll be HAWT, honies!

I’m picturing Queen Noor walking around the castle in a sleeveless old bathrobe wondering why no one invites her to lunch any more. Jarell is a former model who couldn’t afford cool clothes in his early career, so now he makes his own. Get out! You made that ensemble? And I thought all models were retards. My bad.

Blayne is a freelance designer, which means he works at a coffee shop and beat boxes in his free time. He admits up front that he is obsessed with tanning beds, which might explain why he looks like he’s in his late thirties.

The clothes in Blayne’s portfolio are all Diesel knockoffs, so it’s not surprise that he lists the brand as one of his inspirations. And I was worried that there would be no one to carry the greasy haven’t bathed in a week because I’m extremely deep and poetic torch when Diesel faded. Thanks, Blayne!

Joe is the next to arrive at the apartment. He’s a big beefy straight guy, so of course the editors pretty much showed him opening a coke and moved on. True to straight guy form, his bio is sure to mention his wife and daughter, just so dirty homos don’t expect him to string up a sling just because he’s a beefy guy with a goatee who always wears all black and prides himself on making the best leather pants ever.

Joe is a Parsons grad, owns two jean and leather boutiques, and has worked for Ralph Lauren, Pelle Pell, and Bugle Boy. His resume looks impressive, but it might be because he followed the coffee shop guy obsessed with tanning beds. Joe’s one of our token straight guys for the year, but I’m sure there’s a segment of the gay population that will embrace him all the same.

Leather has no sexual orientation.

Next up is Stella, as in wooooooah, Stella, woah! Stella is severe in every way. She looks like a male Cher impersonator, and the first time we see her, she’s marching up the avenue dressed like she’s coming from performing in a matinee of Cats.

I told Mr. Mistofolees to go fuck himself. I got bigga fish ta fry!

Stella is a makeup artist turned designer from Queens, and she tells us that rock stars come to her for advice. She’s dressed Blondie and Joan Jett, but she’ll also dress hookers and pimps if they’re tough enough to wear her designs. I’m assuming that means her prices are reasonable, which is a plus. Frankly, I don’t want to say much bad about Stella right now because I’m afraid of her. Moving on.

Dang, girl. Cher’s impersonating you.

Jennifer

Stella is followed by Jennifer, who is her polar opposite. She’s a giant toothed sweet little white girl who smiles a lot and wears Laura Ashley dresses. I have a feeling Sarah hasn’t found her true love yet, because every piece in her portfolio looks like it was based on Holly Golightly, Audrey Hepburn’s doomed character from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and her sketches look like princess dresses. My initial impression is that Jennifer is one of those girls that reached puberty and then mentally just stopped somehow.

This condition can be caused by a runaway dad, too many viewings of Pretty Woman on cable, or a really shitty boyfriend. Time will tell, I guess, but when I go to her bio page I immediately feel guilty for calling her giant toothed, because she’s smiling big with her mouth closed, like Celie from The Color Purple, and I LOVE CELIE! WAAAHHH!! I’m so sorry, Jennifer!!!

“Everything you done to me, already been done to you.”

Kelli’s next, and she’s a cute blonde girl with an Amy Winehouse thing going on. She says if Betsy Johnson and Vivienne Westwood had a baby, it would be her. No. If Betsey Johnson and Vivienne Westwood had a baby, it would probably be put down before the villagers started rioting.

=

The clothes in her portfolio look like thrift store rejuvs. There is definitely a group of people that digs that shit, but unfortunately for designers like Kelli, they tend to be very poor and don’t really frequent boutiques. They frequent, well, thrift stores. Kelli owns her own boutique in her town which she describes as “cutting edge.” Must have to be pretty out there to get dubbed “cutting edge” in Columbus, Ohio. All assholishness aside, Kelli seems fun and genuine, so I’m psyched to see what she’s got.

A gravelly pack a day voice and one eye that closes independently of the other regularly during conversation. This is my kind of girl.

Terri Stevens is the next to arrive, and she is only shown for about two seconds. She looks like Anthony from Designing Women dressed up like Whitney Houston. The cameras are like welcome to the apartment gotta go.

Did Suzanne Sugarbaker put you up to this?

For more info, I turn to her bio. Terri is a visual manager for Victoria’s Secret. I am not sure what that job entails. Managing the visuals. In the store? In ads? “I had an amazing conceptual vision come to me in my dream last night. Let’s put all the Victoria’s Secret mannequins in…UNDERWEAR!” Silence. Ooooh. Ahhhh. I am just making up her job, I have no idea what a visual manager is. My best guess is seeing eye dog or mannequin dresser.

In Jerry’s bio, he has a fauxhawk, but when he shows up at the apartment, he has a mohawk. I would like to thank him for that, as Bravo has been obsessed the last couple of years with that damn hairstyle. The fauxhawk is to 2008 as the Rachel was to the early 2000′s. There comes a time where we as a society have to come together and just. Say. No. Put the fauxhawk to bed, Bravo.

Next season, let’s shoot for the nonhawk, k?

Sorry about that, but it’s been sitting in me for some time. Back to Jerry. Jerry now has a mohawk, which means he must be a badass. Sure enough, he’s “on the forefront of being a big name in the industry.” Viva la Revolucion, dude. Jerry thinks of himself as a pretty big deal, which means he’s a jackass, and I hope he continues to ridiculously rephrase simple sentences.

On a sidenote, Jerry is the second kind of chubby guy (Joe was the first) wearing all black. Boys, didn’t the girls tell you like five years ago? All black was a myth. It doesn’t work. If you wanna look thin, you have to…be thin. I was shocked the first time a friend commented on my weight. What? You can see that? But I’M WEARING BLACK!

Suede has a mohawk too, but it’s his own kind of mohawk. You can tell because it’s BLUE! He also has a soul patch, but it’s his own kind. You can tell cuz IT’S JUST A STRAIGHT LINE DOWN HIS CHIN! Sometimes people confuse unique with butt ass ugly. Yes, there’s no one else who looks like you. And there’s a reason for that. And Suede? If you’re going to pick your own name, why would you choose something that stains easy and shrinks when it’s wet? The screen is paused on Suede’s face and he hasn’t even said anything yet. I blame my sudden defensiveness on his similarities to Susan Powter, the harsh, hyper weight loss guru washout who tortured my dreams in my early twenties.

You gotta eat, breathe, and move, people!

Suede has designed for Jordache jeans, Polo Jeans, Todd Oldham jeans. Wait one more….jeans. Thank you. Suede has made millions for others so now it’s Suede’s turn to make Suede some money for Suede. Suede likes to say his own fake name, and that’s a really bad sign. Another is that his fashion inspiration is Madonna. I mean, really. Get ahold of yourself, Mary!

When Suede arrives at the apartment, he is greeted by another straight guy. You know Keith’s straight cuz they only showed him for one second or two. Treating people like they’re unworthy of any camera time just because they’re heterosexual is probably wrong, but the reverse discrimination is liberating. Thanks, Bravo!

Would you tell me your name again later just in case it slips? Thanks.

Korto is a designer from Arkansas, and from her portfolio it looks like she loves her animal prints. Like in the Miami matron kinda way.

If The Nanny Goes to Secretarial School look comes in, you’re totally gonna win this thing.

I like her at first, because she’s got the whole Jennifer Hudson after she got royally screwed over but became stronger for it attitude from Dreamgirls going on. She talks in a low, confident tone as she calmly explains to us that she will be the second female winner of Project Runway and the first African American. Good luck with that, love the confident dickishness. You’ll probably wanna stop using animal prints, though.

And I am tellin’ you!

Leanne is from Portland, Oregon, and her portfolio shows a lot of intricate folding and layering, kinda like Christian. Seen it! The thing that stands out the most about her is that she’s got a clothing line called Leannimal. Are you moaning in pain yet? I am.

Next!

Kenly got to the apartment at the same time as Leanne, but I don’t think they even flashed her name on the screen. She has straight bangs and a flower in her hair, and other than having a father who’s a tugboat captain and three sisters, I can’t tell ya much. Kenly’s either very mysterious of boring. More on that later.

The Hays Code’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Daniel is a quiet type and goes straight to his room.

Nice to meet ya, pal!

He is followed by Wesley, who describes his clothes as “diviiiiine”. In middle school he designed his own clothes and was paid by other kids to design for them. LOL. I coulda used a friend like that. Husky didn’t make the cutest slacks back then. Prep school must have been good to Wesley, because he still wears his uniform.

Wesley may seem like a wuss, but you have to have balls of steel to wear this outfit on the streets of NYC. As an adult.

Tim and Heidi invite the designers to a meeting on the roof for the “if you’re gonna jump, do it now” speech. They both look as fabulous as ever. Tim seemed to hit 55 and stay there, much like how Jennifer stopped at puberty, but less sad. Heidi is one of the most beautiful women ever (People told me so), but she’s getting a little too thin.

When you’re wearing one of Nina Garcia’s tacky ass plastic bracelets as a belt, it’s time to go to lunch.

Tim starts off by welcoming them, and for the first time ever (correct me if I’m wrong), he doesn’t announce them as the most talented group of designers yet. Instead, he deigns them the most “diverse”. OUCH. In Tim language that’s “you’re a bunch of circus freak talent starved hack asses”. I think I’m gonna like it here!

I always forget just how stilted and awkward Heidi’s poor English line readings are until she says things like “HA! Let us pop sop champagne boddlez!” Love her. I wonder how many takes that took. “Let’s pop pop champagnes!” No, dammit! Let’s do it again!

After Tim pops a cork off the roof balcony, possibly killing a small child on the street below, he mingles with Emily. Emily’s the pretty one, as far as I can tell, and she tells Tim that so far everything seems perfect. She’s very confident and charming, and will def be one of Tim’s favorites. She seems the most refined so far, which is always a plus to our boy. I can’t wait to see what he has to say when Jerell cuts the sleeves off his first bathrobe and sends it down the aisle.

Heidi, meanwhile, is asking Terri about her style. She describes it as “Aerosmith meets Lauren Hill meets Michael Jackson”. A non working trifecta. Sounds ambitious. Terri tells us that everyone’s gonna be surprised by her speed on the sewing machine. She can make a three piece suit eight hours. But can you make a Twinkie themed dress with only ten dollars for under 10,000 calories? That’s the real test of a designer.

Keith is falling all over himself and sweating in front of Heidi. He tells her that he’s got a rock and roll style and he designs specifically for her. “If Heidi would wear it, it’s good.” Uhulhulhul. Heidi looks, understandably, afraid.

Uh….let’s popagne!

Keith goes on to tell us that he is a self taught talent and unlike some poor suckas who had to spend time in and money on school, he was born with a gift. It must be true, because really deep talented people wear hoodies during their interviews.

The Days of Our Lives single raised eyebrow is just gravy.

Kenly, the girl stuck in the 50′s with the bangs, walks up to Blayne and immediately calls him out on spending too much time in the tanning bed. LOL. He takes it as a total compliment and smiles big, and then a chunk of his face falls off the balcony. Kenly pretends not to notice. She’s a good girl.

For some reason, I’m totally craving beef jerky right now.

The next morning, Tim wakes everyone up at the crack of ass to drag them to their first challenge. Wesley is wearing short shorts and a tucked in pink polo, and I think I love him. We could only be phone friends though, cuz I’m not walking around the mall with that dodo. There are more gay bashers running loose than you might think.

I bet Wesley’s the type of guy that just doesn’t understand why he always gets picked on.

Tim walks them down the street to Gristede’s! Sweet! As you may remember from Season 1, Gristede’s means a grocery store challenge, and since we’re paying homage to Season 1, let’s all welcome a Season 1 guest!

Wait. Marlo Thomas was on Project Runway?

My bad! It’s Chris Crocker!

I’d like to politely ask you to leave dear Brittany alone. Yours truly, Austin Scarlett.

How butch do Wesley and Suede feel right now? Not to mention the poor women. Jennifer looks like a football player next to this guy. Austin tells the designers that he won this challenge with a dress made of corn husks in season 1, which helped launch his career as a tamale wrapper.

Austin talks about innovation and invention and I actually have to stop and wonder when so many esses were added into those words. Just kiddin, Austin! Me love you long time! The designers have a half hour to shop and $75 to shop with.

Jerry goes straight for the bath mats for a “april shower spring rain flower” look, which sounds like a flavor of Glade Plugins. Now there’s a dress I’d like to see. Terri is all about “mop heads, mop heads, mop heads.” Stop justifying your cut and get to work, lady. Korto tells us that she’s a mommy, so she knows how to force vegetables down your throat. Then she gets kale and bell peppers, and I start feeling sorry for her soon to be fly ridden model. Stella gets herself some trashbags….

No shock there…

…and Emily, the pretty girl, spends most of her time playing in the big bouncy ball section, which can’t be a good sign.

Kelli is over in a corner pouring clorox bleach, coffee and dye onto vacuum cleaner bags and coffee filters. To make it sound even more down home and comfortable, she’s adding in thumbtacks to her list of accessories. It’s not often that I feel sorry for models, so well done, Kelli. She admits it’s gonna be “one ugly dress”, but quickly adds “ugly in a great way.” It works for Ray Liotta, but who wants to walk around wearing him?

Daniel is making a “sweetheart cocktail dress” with plastic cups and muslin, Joe is working on an Italian theme with tomatoes, fusilli, and spaghetti (straight pass) and Blayne is doing his best to win tool of the season award by adding “licious” to the end of everything. Jerell’s getting seriously pissed and head roll-ey and says that he doesn’t know what Bryce is trying to sell with his stupid licious thing but he hopes he “puts it back in his case, closes it up, and takes it to the girl next door.” Oh, you witty gays. I pause and try to decide which one of them bugs me most.

Meh. There’s plenty of time.

Leanne tells us how competitive she is, and then she looks around the room and realizes like three other people are using the same table cloths that she bought. She’s disappointed because she really wanted to be different. One thing you definitely are, you little space case, is different. You’re welcome. Ah well, at least you’ve got that bright pink rubber ball.

I’m sure it’ll work out great!

We can’t see what Jerry is creating yet, but he does take the time out to diss everyone else. They’re all just putting crap on top of crap. Vegetables? Paper bags? “Those are all things I just throw in the traaaash.” First off, you have to earn the right to be an arrogant dick head, forefront of being big or not and second, you probably shouldn’t throw away the veggies. It’s like flipping off thin, and it never ends well.

Stella, our male Cher impersonator, opens her boxes of trash bags to realize they aren’t the luxurious thick rubber Glad ones, but the thin crinkly 99 cent store ones. We’ve all learned that lesson at least once, huh? This show is so relevant sometimes. Stella stews and faces the possibility that she might make garbage. Aw. Well, at least you’ll have a bunch of bags to put it in.

Jerell tries to lighten the mood with a rehearsed Tim Gunn impression, and it’s sad. I’m actually missing Santino Rice right now, and for that, I kinda hat Jerell. Tim Gunn comes around to check on progress and starts with Bryce, who’s made a black jacket with a cotton tail thing on the back. It’s frightening, but all Tim says is that it’s a risk. I wouldn’t say anything to Bryce either. He’s getting scarier and scarier by the second. He calls his cotton mullet tail thing “girlicious” and then gets all bug eyed and snorty. I recognize that snort from raves. It’s a symptom of the common cold. And cocaine addiction.

Does it smell like blow in here, or is it just me?

Daniel’s cup dress is looking impressive, but only the top is done and time’s a tickin’. Kelli’s vacuum bag skirt is looking great, but the middle of the dress is unfinished. Tim doesn’t seem too worried about her, though. Especially since Stella still has a blank mannequin in front of her. He offers her the most forced “make it work” in history. Suede has turned an ugly tablecloth into an even uglier dress, but it matches his mohawk, and I have a sneaking suspicion that that’s what he was going for. Tim has a problem with the belt.

That’s all?

Suede worries that without the belt, he will be left with a giant tablecloth, and Tim congratulates him on not being delusional since it is, in fact, just a tablecloth. With blue dog poo baggies shoved around the front in case untrained mongrels are running loose on the runway later.

Korto is a little miffed when Tim points out that her kimono-like dress is just one big yellow tablecloth. She pulls out some kale and cherry tomatoes and he suggests she go all out with those things since they’ve already seen a million paper dresses. She reminds him that she’s the first African American Project Runway winner and to get his bony ass out her way before she runs him down with her new Saturn.

It’s nice to see that after all Jerry’s dissing on the other designers, he’s making a formless piece of crap out of a shower curtain and a tablecloth. Tim tells him to, you know, not suck, and to add insult to injury, he calls him Terry. HAHAHAHA.

Keith has chosen the exact same table cloth as Suede, and he’s making a ruffly hoochie dress out of it. It looks like someone had a sneezing fit in a barbecue joint and threw all their wadded up napkins at a skinny girl.

Tim is not amused, and addresses the entire room. They are almost all using table cloths when they should be proving that they could turn unusual objects into fabric and the judges are gonna call them slackers. Thank God for Tim Gunn. Jerell rolls his head and his eyes like “whatever, bitch” and cements my annoyance. As Tim leaves, he snaps “make it work” in a very threatening tone. I almost got up and cleaned my room.

What do you want from me? They don’t sell bathrobes at Gristede’s.

Everyone’s freaked out by Tim’s freakout, and the general consensus is that they should whip out glue guns and start adding shit left and right. Leanne adds big balls of pink cookies to her pink dress, and I hope there’s gonna be crap dropping all over the place. In every episode, the editors make it look like everyone’s work is gonna be a disaster and then they flip it around and surprise us in the end, but I don’t know if they’re gonna be able to work that out this time.

They’re good, but they’re not that good.

Suede decides to solve his too many squares problem by cutting up little squares and sewing them on top of the other squares. This is definitely the season of the short bus. Meanwhile, Cher hasn’t even started anything. She’s still wandering around whining about how screwed she is. The other designers half heartedly root her on and finally she starts sewing. She’s a Debbie Downer with an added Queens whine, and when she says she’s gonna be “the jackass of the nation”, I believe her. See, Korto? That’s how you honestly visualize to attract your truth.

Goonstruck

The next morning, the designers are worried. Kelli can take everything but Nina treating her like a piece of garbage. Oh, now. You’ll get used to it. They get to the work room and meet their models for fittings and last minute touch ups, and then it’s time for the runway show! Heidi looks like a twink. Is the only time she’s gonna show up looking like a real woman when she’s preggers? She needs an intervention.

Fat bitch.

Heidi introduces the Judges. Kors is still with us, and he’s not completely orange any more. Now from the chin down he’s white. It’s a bizarre two toned look, but it’s nice to see him try something different.

Love the skinbeard.

Nina looks bloody pissed off as usual, and for the first time in a looooong time, she is completely free of static-ey bed head hair! I’m guessing she’s wearing a wig, and I appreciate it. Her new title is Editor at Large for Elle Magazine, which is a snooty way of saying “I Get Paid Until Project Runway Fires My Ass and I’m Forced to Work At Highlights Magazine”. Kidding, she’s working at Marie Claire now while still keeping a title at Elle for the show’s sake, which I’m confused about. Anyway, Nina has three paychecks coming in, so I don’t know what she’s looking so sour about.

Why, you’ve grown a whole new head of hair since last we saw you.

Austin is the guest judge and he’s dressed in a man’s suit. He’s really tough to peg down sometimes. Emily’s dress is out first. She used a tablecloth, balloons, napkins, and a bouncy ball. The dress looks like a pretty, plain slip, but the neckpiece makes her poor model look like she pissed off a king and is about to be served at dinner.

Jerell used a tablecloth, lawn chairs, cocktail umbrellas and koosh balls for his dress. It’s bright and colorful like a big girlie drink, and like those frozen wonders, it’s kind of a sloshy mess. The koosh ball shoulder blade really kills it.

Leanne’s pink cookie/pink tablecloth dress is unflattering and just wrong. Her model looks like a candy striper at a fat farm.

Korto is happy with her tablecloth kimono thing, but her model looks like she’s being grabbed from behind by the Hulk. Jennifer made an adorable girly girl layered dress with paper towels and lipstick, and Daniel’s plastic cup dress was finished and shiny, and fittingly matches a recycle bin. That thing looks like armor. Come to think of it, we could use plastic armor designers in the military, Daniel. At least they’d have something to wear.

Terri tells us how “blown away” she is by her mop sweater, because she took something that is used every day and did something different with it. Crazy! Sweaters are made out of long bits of cloth too, called yaaarn. This shit is INSANE! Next you’re gonna use a table cloth as a cloth skirt. HOLY SHIT YOU DID!

Suede’s papercloth and doggy poo bag dress is just fucking hideous. The bag of poo my dog made this morning was hotter. In both senses of the word. Stella actually pulled through with her garbage bag creation. And by “pulled through” I mean her model isn’t naked like we thought she’d be. And there are worse messes than hers.

Joe used oven mitts, pasta, muslin and tomato can labels for his ensemble, and he’s right when he says it’s innovative. It’s also really, really, fug. He calls this a tribute to Italy, but me thinks he meant Little Italy. Big difference.

Kenly used a dodge ball, a lawn chair, and a tablecloth for her red white and blue outfit, and when she described her style as loud earlier, she wasn’t kidding. It’s sloppy and unappealing and the lawn chair is folding in the front, but again, there are people who fucked up way worse, and her model’s hot.

Jerry’s work is the freakiest. Is it a Virgin Mary tribute? She’s in all white with yellow rubber gloves, so that’s for purity, and the model totally looks knocked up, so there’s that. She looks like a serial killing Saint. I think this guy might have some issues with the Catholic church. Jerry, you’re so symbolic! Or you’re a no talent hack. We all know the truth, but I’ll let Nina be the one to say it out loud.

Wesley used the same yellow table cloth Korto did, but he also used plastic cups and fly swatters. He is very proud that you can’t tell what’s what on the dress, but it’s because if you look at it too long your eyes will burn out.

Blayne is amazed by his girlicious outfit, and I am amazed that he got on this show. The poor girl has drawer liners pinned all over her in no shape, and then there’s what looks like a diaper from her stomach, down and under her hooha, and over her butt. Alright, the producers of this show must have been extremely pissed off this year and they’re lashing out. Right? RIGHT?!? This isn’t funny any more.

Finally, another good piece. Kelli’s marbled vacuum cleaner bag and coffee filter dress looks really pretty, and so does her thumbtack belt. Nice work, lady, and thank you for not sucking. Keith, on the other hand, decided his tablecloth hoochie momma at a picnic dress was too plain, so he cut up a laundry bag and added netting everywhere. Giant difference. Quick thinkin.

Daniel, Jerry, Korto, Stella, Kelli, and Blayne are kept on the runway, and the rest are told that their scores were good enough to stay. Austin loves the originality of Daniel’s dress and Nina likes it too. Kors thinks he could have gone a bit further than just a little blue dress, but he applauds the originality.

Jerry does his best to sell his work to the Judges, but they’re not buying. Kors says his model looks like a freaky bridal nurse, and then he adds that the dress underneath looks like a handiwipe gone wrong. LOL. I would love to see a handiwipe gone right. When you’ve nailed that, you know you’ve gotten someplace. Jerry tells Heidi that this would be worn by a woman out on the town, and Kors says after she left the hospital. HAHAHAAA. Oh, I’ve missed ya, Kors. The Judges basically dogpile this one, and rightfully so. Heidi calls it “very hospital plumber”. I have to note that Blayne is smirking during this critique, obviously thinking he might be handed the win for the entire show based on his maxi pad masterpiece.

The Judges all love Korto’s yellow kimono with the hulk strangle. Sure, she just used a tablecloth, but she added veggies, so it’s ok. All it’s missing is a side of Ranch. They all hate Stella’s trash bag dress, and they love Kelli’s attention to detail and originality. Blaye is left for last, and Nina laughs when he says girlicious. The judges all say that one thing it’s not is boring, and they are too amused by this tool for my taste.

Oh, Kors. Never leave me.

In alone time, they basically repeat the same opinions, but Heidi tacks on “butt ugly” to Stella’s critique and Austin (thank you buddy) adds a “hideous” to Blayne’s. The designers are called back out and Kelli is the winner! She’s so excited that she blinks one of her eyes like twenty times.

I can’t help but shout at the TV when Blayne is kept in, but the Judges make up for it by getting rid of Jerry. YAAAAAAYYYYY!!! Good luck with that whole forefront thing, dude.

So what do you guys think? I am a little bit scared about this season, but in a way, having shittier designers makes for more fun. Or am I just on a first night high? So far this season looks pretty awesome, but as Heidi would say, “not for the right reesins.” And that’s fine by me.