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After last weeks tension filled episode will we get back to a relatively bitch free night of Project Runway? Eh, Not really. Jeff is still on the show so juvenile dickeshiness is sure to follow. That being said the show continues to surprise with it’s challenges and the directions it takes. This week we get a surprise change of venue as the show relocates to the true heart of the fashion world. No not Dubuque Iowa. Paris France. Even I didn’t see this one coming. Of course this is a trend in reality television these days, what with the upcoming season of Apprentice moving to L.A. A season that I will of course not be watching since my beloved Caroline and George are going to be replaced by the talentless parasites known as Trumps kids. It’s kind of like the last season of Beverly Hills, 90210 When Aaron Spelling’s kid Randy became a major character. You just knew the magic was gone.
But I digress. I think this change will be good for the show and it even tied in this weeks challenge. And while I can’t dispute the outcome of the episode, I still wish it hadn’t gone down the way it did.
The designers are met on the runway by a braless Heidi wearing a lowcut top. Before we get to the challenge however, its time to bring out the models. Yeah! Finally we can wash that 200 pound mom challenge out of our mouths for good. Unfortunately since last week no models competed this means we are going to have to send two of them home today.
In further evidence that the whole “switching up the model” show tactic has failed miserably, every designer sticks with the models they have worked with all along. It makes sense. They know their walk, they know their measurements and how the clothes fit them. When it comes down to the final 3 its my favorite red head Amanda (OK, second favorite red head after last seasons Grace), Alex and Danielle on the chopping block. Kayne decides to stick with Amanda because as he tells us “when she walks down the runway, she f*ckin works it.” Amanda is thrilled to the point of doing a spazzed out happy dance when she gets back stage. Cut to one of the models in a diary room interview telling us how Amanda is obsessed with the show. Wait. What? The models talk? Who said they can have diary room interviews? This messes with my head man. Maybe next year they should do a whole second Project Runway show from the point of view of the models. Get all Rashoman. All the behind the scenes cattiness. All the drama. All the bare breasted tickle fights we never get to see but just know deep down in our heats are going on when were not looking. Yeah. They should definitely do that.
With the model selection out of the way Heidi tells them their challenge. This week they are going to be designing an outfit for a hip international jet setter. Of course they all start wondering who it may be. Kayne for some ungodly reason thinks that it might be Tara Reid. The woman can’t even get into clubs anymore so doubt I would call her a jetsetter. But then again, it would kind of be brilliant if it was her. I mean we can all agree Taradise was simply the greatest show ever produced. It showed that she is just as vapid, shallow, selfish, drunk and annoying as you think she is. And it also showed the slow disintegration of her body. When once it looked like this, now it looks like this. Who wouldn’t want to see Laura design one of her low-cut belly exposing shirts for that stomach?
Heidi now done with her tease tells the models that Tim will fill them in on the details. She also says that there are benefits to winning this one that will be revealed in a future challenge. I love it when Heidi teases us. Back in the workroom Tim does his usual “shocking” reveal and tells them that the international jetsetter will be… the designers themselves! Oh Christ another week with no models. This is getting tough. They better make up for it next week by having then design dresses made up entirely of saran wrap or something.
When they find out that they are designing for themselves some are happy with it like Uli, who tells us she already is an international jetsetter so its no biggie. Angela is of course thrilled and jumping up and down. But she does this with every single challenge. Can’t blame her. The flourette queen should have been gone long ago so she has reason to be excited that’s she’s still around. Vincent tells us with his usual constipated look that he’s nervous since he’s never designed menswear before. Form there they have 15 minutes to sketch up their ideas. The jetsetter needs an outfit that’s comfortable and breathable and travels well. Do flourettes travel? Well, were gonna find out. Laura goes with a cocktail dress and Jeff is just beside himself. He’s gonna rock and roll baby.
After the skecthing it’s off to Mood. THere we see Kayne’s white trash aesthetic come out in full force as he picks up the gaudiest looking purple fire print imaginable. The thing is ugly. Like one step above those t shirts with dog drawings on them ugly. Now I start to wonder how his cheesy stuff has made him get this far as well. The horribleness of the fabric isn’t lost on the others as we hear Jeff talk about Kayne’s bad taste and get a priceless shot of Tim in what looks to be a fit of dry heaving when he sees it.
Back at the workroom Uli is back in what Laura describes as another “Uli explosion”. The woman knows her prints. Uli tells us that the dress is for a party girl that you can wear “the whole evening even if you get vasted”. Heh. She talks all foreign like! Vincent meanwhile has stripped down to his boxers (hey, we should all just thank god they were boxers, the last thing we needed to see was Vincent and his nugget pouch) so he can use his pants as a guide. God, where are those models…
Later in the night as they are all slaving away at the sewing machines, Jeff, the poster child for the “Just say yes to drugs” campaign, can’t let go of the last challenge. That’s where he made a horrible outfit for Angela’s mom, insulted her repeatedly and made her cry. Since Jeff wont let it go, Angela buts in and says “if you want to talk to me just talk to me”. Jeff responds with his usual flair and says “”I’m so f*cking frightened when I look at you”. Then he gets all pissy and says he doesn’t want to talk to her at all. THen he says thats shes infinity times infinity ugly and storms off and brings all his marbles with him. Laura, who I am starting to think has become my inner voice on this show, says she’s not surprised that he can’t let it go, “..but Jeffrey’s always an asshole so I’m not surprised to hear it.”
Jeff then lashes out at Angela about how they both conspired last challenge to get him eliminated. Yes of course. Angela and her mom somehow managed to brainwash Jeff into making the biggest piece of shit ever thrown down a runway. It’s all their fault! Jeff continues to push her buttons and then gleefully laughs at how upset he is getting her. Laura once again pipes in that she’s glad she’s not involved because with a one day challenge they don’t have time to “dick around with other peoples personal lives.”
When Tim comes by to check on everyone’s progress he stops ant Jeff station first. Jeff says he is working on his “Rock and Roll blazer”, which is kind of like saying you drive a “Rock and Roll Chevette”. At Laura’s station she says that what she is doing is really different than anything else she has sewn. But from what I can see it looks like a typical Laura outfit. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. She’s a great designer in my opinion. Just not when she wears her own clothes. Then it just looks horrific. So this worries me about the runway show. When he gets to Kayne’s station Tim tells him what we all know. “This looks very Elvis to me”. Kayne’s just nods saying “Oh I know I know” as if Tim saying that was some sort of compliment. Normally when you say you look like a bloated aging hick with a pompadour and rhinestones, it’s a bad thing.
When he gets to Michaels station we see Michael is going all Diddy. Pure white. It’s all very Logan’s Run meets Making the Band. When he asks him about the shirt he is wearing under his jacket and he says it will just be a white t shirt. Tim is bothered by it so Michael decides at the last minute to create a sleeveless shirt himself from scratch instead of going with the jacket.
Then its time for Angela. Wow. I mean what can you say about Angela that we haven’t heard before? She decided to go with a puke brown color for her outfit, and after Malan we all know how successful a choice that can be. When Tim says that it looks a little “Holly Hobby” Angela is actually excited saying that she likes Holly Hobby. Jesus, what does it take to insult these people? “Hey I think what your making looks like something Hitler’s insane poo throwing inbred son would wipe his nose with”. “Ooh I like that. Thanks Tim!” With that Tim says to “Carry on, because I’m carrying myself on”. Oh Tim!
Later that night as they start to work we hear everyone else’s opinions on what everyone is making. Laura being Laura says that although Angela is a good designer “wherever she could stick a rosette she did”. Then Michael echoes that sentiment by talking about how she planted two huge ones right on the but. And man, it is pure Angela. Meaning pure shit.
That night after they are done Kayne and Michael decide to go out for some impromptu walk offs on the roof of the apartment building. Regarding model walks Michael, who has had some modeling experience says “I never turn around, just cuz that’s not cool to me.” Amen brother. Whenever I drive I never turn left cuz that makes you look totally gay.
The next morning everyone shows up to the workroom and Tim tells then that they have an hour to get ready for the show. Jeffrey cant stop talking about how awesomely talented he is and how great his outfit is gong to be. Meanwhile Kayne is using a glue gun to finally stick the giant purple explosion on the back of his shirt. While everyone is busy in hair and makeup, the closely shorn Michael who has no need of the Tresemme hair salon uses this opportunity to finish his last minute shirt. Everyone is still shocked at Kayne’s trashy outfit. Laura says that Kayne has tacky taste that just doesn’t translate to high fashion. Laura by the way, looks positively hot with her hair down. 42 is the new 30.
After the runway show they are brought before the judges. Along with Nina and Michael, today’s guest judge is Francisco Costa, creative Director at Calvin Klein. They start the judging with Uli. Uli live sin Miami eh tells us and that this dress is made for a hip Miami party. The judges like the dress, but think Uli’s style is a littlie one note. They think it works in some situations, but they want to see something else from her.
Next it’s Angela. And the look on Michaels face is enough. She chose as her dress fabric Linen. That’s right, the fabric she chose to represent something that would work for a jetsetter, meaning someone who travels in said outfit, is Linen. The fabric that is eternally wrinkly. And crap brown linen too. And it’s covered with her insane “Angela details” as she likes to call them. Not being content with sticking that crap all over the fabric she is also wearing about 12 different rings and bracelets to boot. Michael calls her out on the fabric. “You’re a mess just standing. So traveling you’re going to almost be a homeless person.” Ahh, classic Kors.
Next we have Laura, looking quite fetching all dolled up in her evening gown. They love it. The only minor problem they find is the fabric that is knotted in the back. The only reason they question it is that it wouldn’t travel well. Next up its Jeffrey. Mr. Rock and roller. Jeff’s obnoxiousness comes through in his presentation but admittedly it’s not a bad design. Except for maybe the “look at me” giant crotch zipper. Trust me Jeff, the real men, if you know what I mean, don’t have to advertise. The judges of course eat it up. They love it.
Then Vincent. A very “minimal” as he calls it, cotton black stretch pants and back top. Its pretty basic and boring and he gets called out on it. When they move on to Michael in his Diddy garb. Michael imagines him going to hang with Diddy in the Hamptons. Maybe listen to some hot tracks from the new super group Danity Kane . Or go for a ride in Diddys rickshaw. He’s wearing seer sucker pants. Which is interesting as I’ve always thought of seer sucker as a brand not an actual fabric. Is this true? What do I know. If Michael Kors says so it must be true. They like it and think it looks great. Then of course we have Kayne. They immediately use the “E” word, meaning Elvis. And they obviously don’t mean it in the nice way. Kors says its way too much and looks like a costume.
With the judging over Heidi tells them that one of them will be out “…but not tonight!”. Get ready for the twist! In order to test out their jet setter ideal they are sending all of them on a trip. The plane tickets are in their apartment and they have an hour to pack and get to the airport. Which is complete horse shit because there is no way in gods green earth you can pack and drive from lower Manhattan to Kennedy Airport and make a flight in one hour. It is physically impossible. The tickets themselves don’t say anything about where they are going so they are all in suspense until they reach the airport. Vincent chimes in thinking that it would be great if they were going to Budapest or Istanbul. Yes of course, lets ship off a bunch of Americans with a camera crew to trounce around the Arab world. I’m sure they would be welcomed with open arms.
When they get to the airport they look on the terminal to see where they are going. The destination is Paris France. Everyone is thrilled. Laura, who has been to Paris numerous times, is actually more excited about the fact that they are flying first class. And first class it is. Luxurious seating, glasses of champagne, personal mini TiVo’s at every seat. First class rules. Before they take off they are greeted there at the last minute by Tim, with his champagne glass in hand. You didn’t think Tim would leave his little lambs behind now did you?
The next thing you know they are in Paris, or as Uli calls it “the former province of Germany”. And you can tell they are in Paris as they pipe in that clichéd Parisian accordion music. I half expect to see Marcel Marceau walk up to the car and do his “trapped in a box” routine. Which would be doubly entertaining since the mans 84 years old. After brief drive through the main sites (the Arch de Triumphe, the Eiffel tower and a huge pile of stinky cheese, they are brought to Parsons Paris. That’s right, just as TVgasm has offices in L.A., Colorado and CT, Parsons has an office in Paris.
They are brought in to what are now there new work areas. At first they are thrilled but then they realize that there are only six tables when there are 7 designers. That’s when they tension starts. Who will be voted out? They will fond out soon enough. Tim brings in their fashion judge for this challenge Catherine Malandrino. After the “bon jours” and French cheek kisses are out of the way they go onto the final judging. Catherine is ere to judge the clothes after they have traveled. She will then add her score to the other judges and come up with a final tally. At least ahts what I think she is doing. Catherine was speaking in such broken English she could have been ordering a turkey sandwich for all I know. And with a side of French Fires! And maybe a salad with French Dressing! HA! Get it?!
With that our last second runway show is on. Most of the outfits traveled well except for Angela’s. Her linen disaster has gotten even worse from the trip over. After the runway show is over we get a Project Runway first. Tim Gunn himself will announce the winners and losers. Does that mean he is also in charge of the Aufing? AS he reads off the manes he tells Laura and Vincent hat they are safe. Then its time for the winner of the challenge. The winner is Jeff. The French love oversized crotch zippers, what can I say. My main man Michael gets in with a close second place. And of course right after the win Jeff simply tells us that he should have won more than one challenge up until now. I mean, He’s so awesome you know? How can they not see it?
Tim then says Uli is also safe. That leaves us with Angela and Kayne. Elvis and the homeless girl. Catherine tells Kayne that he looks “ree-dicolous!” and that Angela looks like she is coming “from anozer vorld!”. I personally think she looks like a pile of merd.
The decision is made and Angela is out. Jeff, being even more of an ass in victory throws some more insults her way as she leaves saying she isn’t a designer but more of a “macaroni gluer”. That’s our Jeff. This outcome is not the one I was hoping for. I mean, clearly Angela’s outfit was the worst but I just didn’t want her to leave until afeter Jeff left. The guys such a jackass I didn’t want to see hi get the satisfaction of seeing her go. Alas the fashion gods have ruled and Kayne and his cheesiness stays.
What did everyone else think are they excited the show is now in Paris? Is there anyone out there that thinks jeff isn’t a complete tool?