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I had a love hate relationship with this weeks episode of Project Runway. Love because it was without a doubt the most entertaining and laugh out loud funny shows of the entire season. The hate comes from the fact that it’s a reunion/clip show. Not that I hate them. I love them and Project Runway is known for its great reunion shows. No, the hate comes in knowing that I have to write a recap of what is essentially, a recap show. It just doesn’t translate well. I mean, would you rather read about a hilarious Tim Gunn montage or just see it? I can only stick in so many cooter jokes before the bloom is of that rose.
So this recap is a little later and a little shorter than the others, and will rely more on some handy dandy clipgasms. As with previous Project Runway reunion shows, it had some fantastic moments. Keith returns and has more conspiracy theories than Oliver Stone on mescaline, Heidi had some classic goofy lines, and we finally find out how difficult it is for the models to stand still in a dress for a half an hour. It’s a miracle that they survived. The show starts with the usual “Our story so far” montage of past challenges and an collection of all the Heidi auf’s, an auftage if you will. From there we go right to reunion stage. Heidi and Tim welcome everyone with a smile. They tell us what we have to look forward to this show. Clips, discussion and fan questions. Also, someone will be named the “fan favorite” and win ten thousand dollars. “Very thrilling isn’t it?” Tim says. “Yes, it’s a lot of money!” Heidi answers. I mean, that’s almost like 10 seconds of runway work for her!
The first thing they ask is how they are being treated on the street. Bradley is unrecognizable in his new clean cut look so he says no one recognies him at all.
Bonnie then tells a story of how someone walked up to her on the street and just said “Oh my god, I hate you!” and ran off. Bonnie’s response was like, concise and revealing;
When they ask the same question of Vincent we get a classic Vinnie answer. “Knowing who your fans are and why they like you is a beautiful thing.” Vincent’s bringing creepy back. Then Heidi asks if it “tuned him on.” Oh Heidi! After a few minutes of chit chat they bring out our final 4. Uli, Michael, Jeffrey and a very pregnant Laura whose breasts have miraculously remained the exact same size.
They start things off with some questions from the fans. The first one asks Laura if she ever wears jeans. She says that her riding pants and boots are her version of jeans and sneakers. Much like how MC Hammer pants are my version of jeans. Then Heidi looks over at Tim and says “I’ve never seen you in Jeans. You’re always very James Bond.” Hmmm, Tim Gunn as James Bond? I wonder….
After a brief rundown of how we got our final 4 we get to our first big moment of the night. They bring back the one and only Keith Michael for the first time since he was booted off the show. He is brought out to rather tepid applause and then Tim shows a clip of when he gets kicked out. When they get back Keith begins his conspiracy theories in earnest. He claims the pattern books were taken from him when he got there and then they magically appeared in his room a week later, and then he got kicked off. This doesn’t sit well with Tim who says unequivocally that the producers do not involve themselves with “hanky panky”. When Keith calls out Tim on him referring to Keith as “rolling over like a puppy” Tim holds his ground and says that that is exactly how he acted (he did) and then says its time to move on to something else.
After the commercial break we get our first clip montage of the night and it’s a doozy. It’s a collection of Tim’s big words. As my momma used to say “He uses his mouth pertier than a 3 dollar whore” and by mom I mean Slim Pickens from Blazing Saddles. We here him say things like “Sturm und Drang” and “caucus”. Check it out.
Then Tim answers a question from the viewers. Does Tim design his own clothes? No, but he does sculpt and paint. Wow. How cool would it be to have a Tim Gunn original? Who knows maybe “Lucy In the Field With Flowers” is a Tim Gunn original and we just don’t know it?
Next is a new clip montage but this time its about the designers. Laura’s use of the term “serious ugly” Robert and “boring”, Vincent constantly telling us how things turn him on and Bradley’s general insanity. Check it out here (I got rid of Roberts boring bit cuz it was, well, boring).
After that Heidi asks how everyone feels about working with Tim. Uli loves him, but then Heidi calls out Vincent on his EW interview where he ripped Tim a new one. She quotes him directly “Tim has been bad-mouthing me ever since the show started because I didn’t choose to bow down to Tim. If he gave me great constructive advice, I would thank him, but if he tried other things, I would dismiss him.” Of course Heidi doesn’t mention the other idiotic things he said in the interview like saying renowned fashion designer Michael Kors “didn’t have a clue. He only related to what he liked, and he’s a simple, pared-down designer.” But hey its only an hour show.
Vincent stands by his statements and then refers to the “blogspots” that have been written about him. Yeah, its “blog” Vinnie. Next he’ll be telling us the internet is a series of tubes. Tim stands his ground saying his blog comments are about the designs and never cheap shots about the designers character. Which is true. And if you haven’t read Tim’s Takes on the Bravo TV blog, you’re missing out. They are great.
Then Heidi calls out Vincent on his comment calling everyone else “amateur designers” Vincent then tries to explain what he meant by “amateur designers” 3 different ways, each one more confusing than the last. Check it out:
After that we move onto some more clips. The first is a collection of Kayne talking a mile a minute with one part showing a word count with him and Miss America. Final tally 932 to 7. Then Tim talks about Malan. He has been the most talked about designer according to Tim. And Malan has been doing quite well since then, even showing at Fashion Week and getting to meet EdHill. Then the subject turns to Malans signature laugh. Even Heidi gets in on the act, introcuding a clip of Malan laughing with her own impression. Check it out:
The next topic of conversation is the mom challenge. At first it starts benignly with everyone saying how it was the hardest challenge, but you can tell from the look on Angela’s face that she is ready to unleash the demons from hell on Jeffrey. And she gets her chance, kinda. When Tim asks him Jeff tries to defend himself by making it look like Angela’s mom was ‘backstabbing” him by not saying she didn’t like the colors of the outfit. When Tim asks Jeff if he ever apologized to Darlene, Jeff says “I don’t know that I have a chance to”. Angela immediately “corrects him” on that point. She says “I asked you to apologize to my mom the morning of the runway challenge and you said ‘I’m not apologizing to anyone’ ” Jeffrey is busted since his response to that is a flustered look and saying something along the lines of it was what it was and it was stressful and that when he said amateur he means not up to a certain level of design and didn’t have a certain prerequisite of design that he owns. Heidi tries to break the tension by saying that in another situation they would have run off together. I find that hard to believe but then again Heidi fell in love with this dude, so anything is possible.
Then Tim shows us as he puts it, the scariest part of the season that has never been seen before. Vincents model getting hit by a bus and almost killed? Gosh no, It’s just Vincent freaking out because someone put his clothes in the laundry and shrunk a pair of his pants.Check it out.
Heidi then brings us to the fan favorite award. The winner of the town thousand dollars is, obviously, Michael Knight. When they announce the winner Michael Kors and Nina Garcia then walk out from backstage with, as Laura hilariously called it, “One of those big obnoxious poster checks”. I love Laura.
Now that Nina and Kors are out there they give the designers a chance to ask the judges questions about the challenges and how they were judged. But first Heidi describes how the final tallies are made and we get to here her mangle the pronunciation of “score” about 5 times. Good stuff. Angela has a question about her dog challenge dress. She wants to know of her “Jubilee Jumbles” story would have changed the way they judged her outfit. Heidi puts it best when she says “It was so hoochy. The top was hoochy, the skirt was too short. It was a hoochy momma outfit.”.
Then they bring up the “controversial” decision about Alison getting booted on the garbage challenge. Listening to Michael explain away his bad decision is like listening to FIBA Official R. William Jones explain why he put that 3 seconds back on the clock and let the Soviets steal the gold medal away from the U.S. in the 1972 Olympics.
Heidi then segue’s into the next bit of clips. This one is probably best because it shows not only a screw up when an alarm kept going off during the judging but a fantastic but with fainting models. Who knew that being a Project Runway model was so difficult? Amanda of course is singled out for her multiple fainting spells. The funniest part is when Amanda is sitting down feeling faint a goofily confused Heidi looks at her and says You have that a lot.” Then she whispers to her “Why do you have that a lot?” Man, that made me laugh. It was the fact that she whispered it and the kind of silly naivetÃ© that it exuded. Oh Heidi. Finally we are treated to Jeffrey’s rancid ass. That was fun. Watch it all here.
With that the show then wraps up with everyone giving their opinions on who they think will win. Then they ask previous season designers their opinions. It’s all quite boring. Especially having to listen to Daniel Vosovich again. Man that dudes ego is bigger than both his huge schnozz and horrible woodcraft bags combined. But we do get a glimpse of next weeks apart one finale episode and it looks awesome. Laura calls out Jeffrey for his perfect sewing and accuses him of cheating. Can’t wait.