More apologies, more delusion and more ass than my 26 inch Samsung can handle. That’s the gist of this week’s episode and it seems almost every episode thus far. That’s okay with me.
Phaedra has settled in nicely as this season’s one liner/apology queen. She stops by Kandi’s boutique with a cake to apologize for bringing Ridickulous to her party and offending Joyce, Kandi’s mom.
Phaedra: I am so sorry. I baked a midget stripper into this cake but I think he died.
Kandi: It’s okay. There’s a midget stuffed into the back of my dress for back up.
Cynthia is expanding her career by learning how to read and showing off said skills as narrator of a runway show.
“Oh my gosh! Every time I move, she moves too!”
Apparently Phaedra and Apollo have been able to move past their issues with Cynthia and Peter because they show up at the runway show to support Cynthia.
Apollo: Pardon my wife. She’s been frozen in this position since the strip club last night.
Cynthia is a complete mess at the runway show. She mispronounces everything and keeps mixing up names and designers. Phaedra observes that it’s nice to look at models and not necessarily hear them speak.
Lady in Background: Wait, she’s not Tyra Banks? This is some bull sh*t!
Lawrence: Oooh, girl. Cynthia is a mess!
Sheree: I couldn’t focus on that Lawrence. I was wondering if I could find a hairdresser that wouldn’t leave half of my head undone.
Cynthia, Mal and their mom get together at the modeling agency. Mal is still upset at Cynthia but has thankfully put on a little more makeup for this argument. She’s not bad looking but last week I couldn’t help but think that she looked a little worn. Now I know why she looked like that; she cries all the damn time! Cynthia confirms that Mal will be her receptionist when she opens the new agency. Mal regrettably agrees to it and Cynthia wants her to promise that she’ll handle this like a professional. Mal lets Cynthia know that this has nothing to do with professionalism. She is merely following behind her big sister, and doing her bidding, like she has for years.
Cynthia, who can’t seem to keep her trap shut, mentions that Peter lost a $40,000 investor. Mal weeps at the thought of Cynthia being broke but Cynthia feels that it’s her duty as a wife to be there for Peter.
“If I don’t give him the money he’s going to jump off that ledge behind us. I mean, I know it’s only the first floor but he’s really old. A fall that short could kill him or at the very least break his hip.”
Next, we get our annual Bob Whitfield appearance. I think Sheree makes him show up once a season so he can get a check out of Bravo. Why else would a man willingly come on TV and basically admit to not paying child support? His logic is that when his kids are with him, they have rooms. When they are with Sheree, they have rooms and she has $15,000 purses. He feels that she’s an able-bodied woman and should get a job (true) but he still has an obligation to the kids. Also, I can understand him being hesitant to pay “child support” when she made it clear in season one that she wanted a seven figure settlement so she could live a certain lifestyle.
“Our daughter needs new clothes. She won’t be wearing size eight shoes for another three years but I can break them in for her.“
“Can someone please tell Ridickulous that it’s rude to finish his act in a public park.”
Their conversation doesn’t really go anywhere. Bob doesn’t commit to paying child support and Sheree says that she’ll take him to court. Then she throws water in his face but it looked like it was about 100 degrees outside so it most likely a great way for him to relive his glory days of being hosed down after a big show.
You know who’s also going to be making guest appearances at Sea World pretty soon? Brielle. Kim too. Ok, I was just looking for something to say because there isn’t much to say about them this week except I’m guilty of wanting that pink room. I barely had any pink stuff as a kid so I have issues.
Kim: If you study very little, drink a lot and do the JV quarterback, this could be you in a few years.
Brielle is concerned that the new baby will rip their family apart. Kim assures her oldest daughter that she will still pay attention to her in between filming a reality show, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes and trolling the society pages for a richer husband should Troy get injured or wake up and realize what he’s done. I was doing some snooping this week and saw that Sweetie has apparently been fired! I wonder if we’ll get to see that this season.
Cynthia and Nene stop at Bar One to check out the place. Cynthia asks Peter if he needs the money but he tells her that he’s Jamaican…he got the money.
Cynthia: That’s great honey! Am I going to have to go “out of town” to deliver “packages” again?
Nene: I’ll be the co-host for your preview as long as I can get to Six Flags for my role in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Sheree pays Phaedra a visit at her office to find out what her options are concerning Bob. Phaedra is amazing in this scene; she wastes no time going into attack mode but manages to do so whilst being hilarious. Sheree is very emotional because Bob doesn’t take care of his children the way he should. I didn’t see any tears because she was pantomiming to save her makeup. Phaedra also dabs at her eyes with a tissue but that was to absorb the venom that attorneys are required to inject each day. Sheree is upset at the thought of the father of her children being in jail if he can not produce the money. Phaedra says that she hopes he likes bologna sandwiches on white bread and mac and cheese with no cheese because that’s what they serve at the county. He can also be captain of the prison football team.
“Do you see this cup Sheree? This isn’t coffee. These are the balls of men that I’ve ruined. A true Southern Belle always wears her pearls to a castration.”
Kim and Kroy go tot the doctor for a check up on one pf those little mini scenes. Maybe it’s because I hate families that I just have no interest in these people this season. Even RHONJ, I really didn’t care about Teresa and Jacqueline being pregnant or giving birth. Kim says that her epidural didn’t work the last time and she will definitely need drugs this time. She also calls women who do not use drugs during birth dumb asses.
Kroy: Are you sure this isn’t just a food baby?
Kandi is at her mom’s house and I really want to slap the wig off of Joyce’s head. This is why mothers should not try to be BFFs with their kids. She barely higs Kandi when she walks into the house and then claims that she hjad to switch up her hair as a “pick me up” after the stripper incident”. Kandi mentions that her mother was with strippers before at Kandi’s BABY SHOWER! WTF!! I love it!! Who in the hell has a stripper at a baby shower?
“Mom, you know when that stripper was at the baby shower you were the first one to rip his diaper off and let him put the pacifier in your-”
“We were on a break!”
“That only works on Friends, mom.”
Joyce has the nerve to say that she was disrespected and hopes that Riley has more respect for Kandi. What does that even mean? Kandi enjoyed the stripper at HER birthday party. Personally, I would have never had a stripper at a party because I just don’t like them but she knows that her daughter is into that stuff. Her daughter has a sex themed show! Things happen at parties attended by freaks!! Joyce was able bodied enough to go to the wig shop and she was able bodied enough to walk out of a room if she didn’t like what she saw. I feel bad for Kandi because she doesn’t want her mother to be mad at her and says that it just the three of them. That really pissed me off because it’s true. Why is her mother wasting energy and time on being mad over something Kandi didn’t do? She throws in that she doesn’t want people to think that she hangs with strippers. That’s what it’s all about. She’s concerned about what people will think but secretly wanted to have her martini shaken not stirred.
Bar One preview: Lawrence mentions that it’s in the hood, the a/c isn’t working and Nene’s supposed ex Charles Grant is there with another woman. Kandi starts digging for info. He claims that he only went out with her once but she was too into herself. Nene is super late and they believe that it was because of Charles’ presence. Cynthia isn’t happy that Nene’s late and only shows up a few minutes before the party ends. She only speaks to Cynthia and Peter. Cynthia says that they were just talking about her and Nene isn’t surprised by that. It’s true though…Nene, like it or not, is still a driving force behind this show. At this point, Phaedra is the only one that can really carry a plot line with her quips alone. Nene mingles, the other housewives and Charles keep talking about her and Kandi and Phaedra are multi tasking,
Phaedra: When I squeeze my boobs together, my mouth opens.
Kandi: You’re my hero.
A little light this week, there wasn’t a whole lot of substance but enough to make an overall decent episode. I also heard that Sheree’s chateau is really her mother’s and she’s pretending that it’s hers for the show. That would explain things. So what do you think about this episode? Is Joyce over the top? Is Phaedra the best thing this season? See you in the comments.
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favoritr lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
For Housewives related facebookery,like our Housewives page!