Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Bar None

Recaps

By L Boogie | Thursday, December 8, 2011 | 4:00 pm | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

More apologies, more delusion and more ass than my 26 inch Samsung can handle. That’s the gist of this week’s episode and it seems almost every episode thus far. That’s okay with me.

Phaedra has settled in nicely as this season’s one liner/apology queen. She stops by Kandi’s boutique with a cake to apologize for bringing Ridickulous to her party and offending Joyce, Kandi’s mom.


Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 1 phaedra and kandiPhaedra: I am so sorry. I baked a midget stripper into this cake but I think he died.
Kandi: It’s okay. There’s a midget stuffed into the back of my dress for back up.

Cynthia is expanding her career by learning how to read and showing off said skills as narrator of a runway show.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 2 cynthia“Oh my gosh! Every time I move, she moves too!”

Apparently Phaedra and Apollo have been able to move past their issues with Cynthia and Peter because they show up at the runway show to support Cynthia.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 3 phaedraApollo: Pardon my wife. She’s been frozen in this position since the strip club last night.

Cynthia is a complete mess at the runway show. She mispronounces everything and keeps mixing up names and designers. Phaedra observes that it’s nice to look at models and not necessarily hear them speak.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 4 cynthiaLady in Background: Wait, she’s not Tyra Banks? This is some bull sh*t!

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 5 shereeLawrence: Oooh, girl. Cynthia is a mess!
Sheree: I couldn’t focus on that Lawrence. I was wondering if I could find a hairdresser that wouldn’t leave half of my head undone.

Cynthia, Mal and their mom get together at the modeling agency. Mal is still upset at Cynthia but has thankfully put on a little more makeup for this argument. She’s not bad looking but last week I couldn’t help but think that she looked a little worn. Now I know why she looked like that; she cries all the damn time! Cynthia confirms that Mal will be her receptionist when she opens the new agency. Mal regrettably agrees to it and Cynthia wants her to promise that she’ll handle this like a professional. Mal lets Cynthia know that this has nothing to do with professionalism. She is merely following behind her big sister, and doing her bidding, like she has for years.

Cynthia, who can’t seem to keep her trap shut, mentions that Peter lost a $40,000 investor. Mal weeps at the thought of Cynthia being broke but Cynthia feels that it’s her duty as a wife to be there for Peter.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 6 cynthia“If I don’t give him the money he’s going to jump off that ledge behind us. I mean, I know it’s only the first floor but he’s really old. A fall that short could kill him or at the very least break his hip.”

Next, we get our annual Bob Whitfield appearance. I think Sheree makes him show up once a season so he can get a check out of Bravo. Why else would a man willingly come on TV and basically admit to not paying child support? His logic is that when his kids are with him, they have rooms. When they are with Sheree, they have rooms and she has $15,000 purses. He feels that she’s an able-bodied woman and should get a job (true) but he still has an obligation to the kids. Also, I can understand him being hesitant to pay “child support” when she made it clear in season one that she wanted a seven figure settlement so she could live a certain lifestyle.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 7 sheree and bob“Our daughter needs new clothes. She won’t be wearing size eight shoes for another three years but I can break them in for her.“

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 8 bob“Can someone please tell Ridickulous that it’s rude to finish his act in a public park.”

Their conversation doesn’t really go anywhere. Bob doesn’t commit to paying child support and Sheree says that she’ll take him to court. Then she throws water in his face but it looked like it was about 100 degrees outside so it most likely a great way for him to relive his glory days of being hosed down after a big show.

You know who’s also going to be making guest appearances at Sea World pretty soon? Brielle. Kim too. Ok, I was just looking for something to say because there isn’t much to say about them this week except I’m guilty of wanting that pink room. I barely had any pink stuff as a kid so I have issues.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 9 kim and brielleKim: If you study very little, drink a lot and do the JV quarterback, this could be you in a few years.

Brielle is concerned that the new baby will rip their family apart. Kim assures her oldest daughter that she will still pay attention to her in between filming a reality show, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes and trolling the society pages for a richer husband should Troy get injured or wake up and realize what he’s done. I was doing some snooping this week and saw that Sweetie has apparently been fired! I wonder if we’ll get to see that this season.

Cynthia and Nene stop at Bar One to check out the place. Cynthia asks Peter if he needs the money but he tells her that he’s Jamaican…he got the money.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 10 nene and cynthiaCynthia: That’s great honey! Am I going to have to go “out of town” to deliver “packages” again?
Nene: I’ll be the co-host for your preview as long as I can get to Six Flags for my role in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Sheree pays Phaedra a visit at her office to find out what her options are concerning Bob. Phaedra is amazing in this scene; she wastes no time going into attack mode but manages to do so whilst being hilarious. Sheree is very emotional because Bob doesn’t take care of his children the way he should. I didn’t see any tears because she was pantomiming to save her makeup. Phaedra also dabs at her eyes with a tissue but that was to absorb the venom that attorneys are required to inject each day. Sheree is upset at the thought of the father of her children being in jail if he can not produce the money. Phaedra says that she hopes he likes bologna sandwiches on white bread and mac and cheese with no cheese because that’s what they serve at the county. He can also be captain of the prison football team.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 11 phaedra at work“Do you see this cup Sheree? This isn’t coffee. These are the balls of men that I’ve ruined. A true Southern Belle always wears her pearls to a castration.”

Kim and Kroy go tot the doctor for a check up on one pf those little mini scenes. Maybe it’s because I hate families that I just have no interest in these people this season. Even RHONJ, I really didn’t care about Teresa and Jacqueline being pregnant or giving birth. Kim says that her epidural didn’t work the last time and she will definitely need drugs this time. She also calls women who do not use drugs during birth dumb asses.

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 12 kim at doctorKroy: Are you sure this isn’t just a food baby?

Kandi is at her mom’s house and I really want to slap the wig off of Joyce’s head. This is why mothers should not try to be BFFs with their kids. She barely higs Kandi when she walks into the house and then claims that she hjad to switch up her hair as a “pick me up” after the stripper incident”. Kandi mentions that her mother was with strippers before at Kandi’s BABY SHOWER! WTF!! I love it!! Who in the hell has a stripper at a baby shower?

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 13 kandi“Mom, you know when that stripper was at the baby shower you were the first one to rip his diaper off and let him put the pacifier in your-”

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 14 joyce“We were on a break!”

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 13 kandi“That only works on Friends, mom.”

Joyce has the  nerve to say that she was disrespected and hopes that Riley has more respect for Kandi. What does that even mean? Kandi enjoyed the stripper at HER birthday party. Personally, I would have never had a stripper at a party because I just don’t like them but she knows that her daughter is into that stuff. Her daughter has a sex themed show! Things happen at parties attended by freaks!! Joyce was able bodied enough to go to the wig shop and she was able bodied enough to walk out of a room if she didn’t like what she saw. I feel bad for Kandi because she doesn’t want her mother to be mad at her and says that it just the three of them. That really pissed me off because it’s true. Why is her mother wasting energy and time on being mad over something Kandi didn’t do? She throws in that she doesn’t want people to think that she hangs with strippers. That’s what it’s all about. She’s concerned about what people will think but secretly wanted to have her martini shaken not stirred.

Bar One preview: Lawrence mentions that it’s in the hood, the a/c isn’t working and Nene’s supposed ex Charles Grant is there with another woman. Kandi starts digging for info. He claims that he only went out with her once but she was too into herself. Nene is super late and they believe that it was because of Charles’ presence. Cynthia isn’t happy that Nene’s late and only shows up a few minutes before the party ends. She only speaks to Cynthia and Peter. Cynthia says that they were just talking about her and Nene isn’t surprised by that. It’s true though…Nene, like it or not, is still a driving force behind this show. At this point, Phaedra is the only one that can really carry a plot line with her quips alone. Nene mingles, the other housewives and Charles keep talking about her and  Kandi and Phaedra are multi tasking,

Real Housewives of Atlanta 1204 15 cynthia portraitPhaedra: When I squeeze my boobs together, my mouth opens.
Kandi: You’re my hero.

 

A little light this week, there wasn’t a whole lot of substance but enough to make an overall decent episode. I also heard that Sheree’s chateau is really her mother’s and she’s pretending that it’s hers for the show. That would explain things. So what do you think about this episode? Is Joyce over the top? Is Phaedra the best thing this season? See you in the comments.


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21 Comments

  1. 1
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted December 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    “Can someone please tell Ridickulous that it’s rude to finish his act in a public park.” LBoogie, the dog is scowling at me cause I just spit beverage all over her!!! Hilarious!

    And what’s with CrossEyed Bob showing up to admit he doesn’t pay child support? Durrrrr….

  2. 2
    Neecy
    Posted December 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Great recap! Much better that the show! I hope this trainwreck gets better soon or I can see it cancelled–NeNe or no NeNe.

  3. 3
    kthxbai
    Posted December 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    ☛ WARNING: @L Boogie’s recaps are unsafe for convalescents. People that are recuperating from anything where it hurts to laugh are advised to take a mess of extra pain pills before reading them.☚

    Phaedra needs to get some bigger underpants. The 1s she’s got on in that cake receiving pic are giving her a donkey booty double bubble.

    Even with all her makeup issues, I’m glad to see Cynthia at least knows to wear blue-violet eyeliner and not black.

    Which all brunettes with black eyes, eyebrows etc are supposed to do. We’re just not supposed to wear a whole half inch of it unless we’re dancing in a ballet.

    Chanel the fade-shaved Pomeranian didn’t get hardly any screen time this week, which pisses me off because it’s my new favorite TV dog. And also the only thing of Kim’s I’ve ever wanted to go steal.

    At least Kroy or maybe somebody at Bravo’s got enough sense to know that the ATL weather is way too hot to make little bitty dogs walk around with a mess of fur on.

    Either the whole Mama Joyce and the Stripper story line is a desperate FAIL attempt to get some kind of justification for having somebody as untrashy as Kandi even on this show, or Mama Joyce has got some bad hormone issues and needs to go get some some stronger replacement pills and maybe the cream too.

    Sweetie was fired?!? Do we know if she’s going to do a spinoff, make a solo album or start a clothing line?

    If Sheree’s baby daddy’s managed to get out of paying child support this long, I don’t know if she should get her hopes too high at this point.

    Aren’t her kids like teenagers with giant feet now? They’ll be legal drinking age by the time Phaedra gets him in that baloney sandwich line. Don’t these people EVER watch Teen Mom?

  4. 4
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Did you guys see what happened to Bob when Sheree confronted him about the child support? He got all shruggy and dismissive, he stopped being able to enunciate, and his IQ suddenly and conveniently dropped to the point that he couldn’t understand or missed the point of what Sheree was telling him. Everything was “Whatchoo talkin’ bout, girl?” and “Nah, but whu I’m sayin’ is…”

    I imagine most deadbeat dads have that act down cold.

  5. 5
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Do you think Phaedra’s “donkey booty” works as well on family court judges as it does on contractors?

    I doubt she could get Sheree out of a parking ticket if it involved more than filing paperwork with a parole officer.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 5:36 am

    I wonder why some Dad’s think that it’s ok to make sure that the child has things when they are with them but they don’t have to have things when they are with their mother. I have never understood that logic.

    So does Sheree’s boy have size 14 cleats that he has to leave at his daddy’s house or did daddy not take his son to get new cleats for the new season. And while we are at it can we make sure he has a haircut.

    I am guessing that NeNe is probably going to have to get a spin off or leave the show because no one wants to film with her so that makes her story line a stand alone. Very similar to what happened with Danielle on RHONJ, which was awful once Danielle left.

  7. 7
    BellaNella
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Love the recaps as usual, L Boog!! I can’t stomach the show anymore so I just read your recaps. Great job, keep it coming..

  8. 8
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 9:15 am

    LOL! This recap continues to be the best thing about this Ridickulous show. (That penis has paid for itself as we are still talking about it) Well, this recap and Phaedra. DONKEY BOOTY!! Hey, anyone who brings gifts and apologies is alright by me.

    Kandi – I will close my eyes and cover my ears. Slap away, girl, slap away… Joyce needs to git sum. Because if you are changing your hair in order to lift your spirits after seeing a “Ripley’s Believe it or not” dick, you might want consider a little sumpin’ sumpin”. That should not be something you are depressed by.

    Cynthia – it is prettier when it doesn’t speak.

    Sheree – well no wonder you like expensive things. That’s what I would be thinking about when I laid back and point my feet to Jesus – pretty shoes. Better than looking at that wonky-eyed dumbass. You both need to quit the fronting, get jobs, and be better parents.

    Kim and a blowfish – separated at birth? You decide. Well, at least no marathon peeing sessions to listen to.

    NeNe – that heiffa did know that the opening the Bar One or None was about the bar and not her? Was Greg laying pipe again and that was why she was late? Or was that something that she learned on CELEBRITY APPRENTICE? Because she was on that show and is now rich! And really, are there no fine ass football players in Atlanta?

  9. 9
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 9:34 am

    @LAC there are definitely fine football players in Atlanta. I.E. Lisa’s husband Ed Hartwell. It’s just that NeNe is not very attractive and therefore no attractive football players want to date her.

  10. 10
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 9:51 am

    @classy drunk – WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? Ed Hartwell – yes, m’am, he was fine! And you are right about NeNe. Where does that child get her clothes? The Big and Whore Store?

  11. 11
    Moli Moli
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 11:15 am

    classy, it is not fair to the father to have to buy 2 of everything. That is not fair in anyway shape of form. My brother paid(he has custody now after a long fight) child support and paid for my niece to go to Catholic school(something her siblings didn’t get to do), had her on his medical insurance since birth, takes her on numerous family trips throughout the year. Why should he buy her clothes for her Mother’s apt and for his house? She lived 1 week at his house and 1 week at her Mother’s house. Her mother also washed all colors in the same washer and used some kind of cheap detergent. What we did was whatever crappy outfit her mother sent her in was washed and she was sent back in it. My niece has been honor roll since Kindergarten she has all the modern luxuries a child could ask for at my brother’s house(which she deserves, never had a problem out of this one…little sister ugh). At her Mothers house she had to SHARE everything ever received, that is not how we do in our family. If it is yours it is yours and it is up to YOU if you will share! We installed a bookcase full of books for her 6th birthday at her Mothers house since she didn’t buy books for her 5 other children. That disrespectful piece of crap allowed her other children to climb the bookcase and WRITE…..yes WRITE(can you believe it) in my niece’s beloved new books. Thank goodness the courts allowed my niece to decide where she wanted to live full time on her 10th birthday(no more child support for big bro). That is our story, but I know men who basically say why should they have to buy clothes for both houses. Makes sense to me IF the child does not require anything from the mother’s house. Sheree’s ex shouldn’t have to buy 4 pairs of sneakers/shoes he should have to buy 2 pairs for his children for his house. He should pay child support and back child support. Classy I would like to know why you think it is fine for the father to support 2 households, I don’t understand the logic. Just like I don’t understand why my brother had to pay child support when my niece lived in both places equally AND he paid all her expenses.

  12. 12
    Moli Moli
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 11:23 am

    BTW, I’m between 2 boys…1 is 5 years my senior and the other is 13 months my junior. Not much ‘forcing’ me to share my girly things and them sharing their boy things. Also, a kid that is 6 and 5 years younger than someone should not be messing with his belongings since they would not/were not age appropriate. Same with my niece and her siblings(our side) 1 is a boy 2 years younger and the other is a girl 6 years younger.

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 11:44 am

    I am not saying that Bob has to support two households. From what I remember Bob said he didn’t want to pay her anything, and that the children had things at his house. Well that’s great but if they don’t see their father that often then what good are those things. From what Sharee has insinuated over the past few years is that Bob doesn’t come around the children and that she is owed the support.

    The situation you describe with your family is much different than what Sharee and Bob’s situation is. If the children are split 50-50 in time then there should be no support required.

  14. 14
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Here’s an idea: if you think a guy’s the type to skip out on child support, DON’T FUCK HIM.

  15. 15
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    @ NWMTV, Per my comment about the 19 and counting, I use the pull and pray method and hope that it all works out. 31 years and counting…

  16. 16
    Robin Robinez
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    All this talk about “things”. OK, if he doesn’t want to pay child support, how about putting $ into a college fund. Neither one of those idiot’s even mentioned that. It was all about “things”.

  17. 17
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    @classy drunk: I’ll be sure to by your future child a nice onesie in green, so it will be gender appropriate either way. :-p

  18. 18
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted December 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    That was my mistake! I pulled but forgot to pray. Lol

    But I was blessed anyway..with a beautiful baby girl. :)

  19. 19
    Beachgal
    Posted December 11, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    I don’t get what the big deal it is for siblings to share. Siblings should share. But I’m glad everything worked out with your niece.
    Bob Whitfield is a loser. Able body female or not, he should pay child support to take care of his kids. I’m sure he has no problem spending that money on women.

  20. 20
    Tmurda
    Posted December 13, 2011 at 4:44 am

    @classy…Ah, the “pull and pray”…CLASSIC. I’m on the pill, but can’t remember to take it half the time, so I end up going with my plan B….which is the Plan B pill. If I happen to be broke, and realize I havent taken my pill in 1-4days, I just take all the ones I missed at once, and rationalize that 4 BC pills must equal 1 Plan B pill or some shit. I’m aware that this is redic, but my BF doesn’t, so that’s what I tell him to shut him up when yelling at me bout forgetting my pill. *sigh*….Crossed fingers for my period in 3weeks!!!

  21. 21
    Tmurda
    Posted December 13, 2011 at 4:46 am

    …Oh, and BTW- THIS SHOW IS HORRIBLE! It makes me cringe to watch it, so iv’e discarded it altogether, aside from ur awesome recaps! THANKS!

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