Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Black Baby Gate

This week, the women wrap up their African excursion and head home to the U.S. to impart all of their newfound knowledge upon the U.S. They all agree that the trip was a learning experience.

Marlo: Where can I meet that Kony guy? Does he make shoes?

Nene: Pssst…I’m very rich.

Kim is at home and is getting really frustrated with Sweetie. Apparently KJ wants attention and love but with Kim’s busy schedule of Farmville, chain smoking and maintaining a steady buzz, she’s exhausted. Sweetie is hanging out at the pool instead of working and Kim is getting annoyed. Anyone else remember when these two would go for a run and then drink beers instead? Yeah. This is what happens when you pay someone to be your companion and you suddenly want them to be an employee. This is also what happens when an indentured servant learns that she’s free. Orange you glad I didn’t say slave? Oh, and Kim politely mentions that Sweetie shouldn’t be by the pool because she doesn’t need a tan. I’m not sure if that was in reference to Sweetie being Black or being Black as hell. Seriously? This is coming from the same woman who later on claims she doesn’t see color. And I get it. Friends joke with friends about things like that sometimes i.e. being extremely pale or burning easily but once again, she’s an “employer” who’s trying to play BFFs with her employee. I’m not defending her, but it’s no wonder Sweetie has gotten relaxed. Wouldn’t you be inclined to chillax if you knew you had enough dirt on your boss to have the ACLU, PETA and Al Sharpton on her ass?

Kim: Sweeeeettttiiiieeee! What are you doing in the pool?
Sweetie: Sweetie is my slave name. I only answer to Bobbi Kristina Shabazz now. 

Kim’s exasperation grows as she chastises Sweetie for not hiring a nanny in addition to the two housekeepers.

Kim: I should have never let you get a perm!
Sweetie: Relax Kim. We’ve got a spare Mexican in the corner. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind strapping the baby on her back when she cleans out the gutters.

“We had an extra Mexican this whole time?”

Yeah, Sweetie literally asked one of the housekeepers to be the nanny and we found out that she actually had nanny experience. See? Sweetie knows how to do her job albeit accidentally.

Cynthia is back home and announces that she’s just finished removing her braids. Ummmm, okay. In other words, the producers had to address the lack of continuity between scenes. Peter is happy to see Cynthia and asks what she brought him from Africa after she gives her daughter souvenirs. Cynthia has to admit that she didn’t buy him anything.

Peter: I gave you $4.00 for the trip and you didn’t bring me anything?
Cynthia: Just be glad I came home.

Cynthia also gives Peter a directive: talk to Nene about bailing her oldest son out of jail. Apparently Bryson needed razor blades and thought the best way to get them was to steal them from Walmart. If you woke up one day and realized you were Nene’s son wouldn’t you take action to end it all too? Peter says he’ll do it. Meanwhile, Kandi stops by her mom’s house to discuss Black Baby Gate 2012. Kandi tells her mother that she doesn’t think Kim is racist at all.

Joyce: Really? No mention of my new hair? I tracked down  Joyce DeWitt, shaved her bald behind a Wawa and sewed her hair into my scalp…but Kim’s important too. Go on.

Kim has invited the ladies to her house for lunch and on the way Kandi and Phaedra decide to check out the site of Sheree’s new mansion. Cue the crickets.

The ballroom is coming along. Nice use of earth tones.

Meanwhile, Sheree is at Kim’s house early so she can set the stage for Black Baby Gate Sheree says that Kandi isn’t a good friend for making those comments about Kim. Kim knows that their relationship is strained due to that whole song stealing thing but she didn’t think that things would get this bad.

“What makes Kandi think I wouldn’t go to an orphanage? I take care of my kids every single day. No one, NO ONE pays their nanny as much as me.”

Kim is really starting to look like her mother, right? I don’t know if it’s the weight loss or age but something scary is happening. Phaedra and Kandi arrive and it is so clear that there is tension in the group. Phaedra brings Kim a present and admires her new jewelry.

Phaedra: Everybody knows that you’re supposed to hastily get married before the baby arrives.

Meanwhile, Nene meets up with Peter and the party planner for he and Cynthia’s one year anniversary. Peter knows he doesn’t have the money for the party but people expect them to have a lavish event. Actually, people expect him and Cynthia to be divorced in the next few years and filing for bankruptcy. He must not read blogs. He takes this time to tell Nene to bail Bryson out of jail. He argues that it only takes a couple of days to learn that lesson. Nene’s not budging.

“You should bail Bryson out and sink thousands into his failed business ventures. That’s what every man needs.”

“Who cares about Bryson? I’m thrilled to be celebrating the one year anniversary of Cynthia being blind to the fact that we’re doing each other.”

At Kim’s house, the girls are arguing about the Black baby incident. It’s over the top and ridiculous. Sheree is still calling Kandi a bad friend, Sheree neglects to mention that she never really defended Kim and Kim leans on her nursing degree to show how much she cares about people. That’s funny. Her nursing degree equips her to be kind to orphans but it couldn’t cure her fake cancer that caused her hair loss, or show her how to raise her new baby, or show her how to gently remove her head from her ass. Anyway, the argument was silly and Phaedra stayed out of it. She also stayed out of her dress. Did you see that? Her breasts looked like a female wrestler’s in the dress she had on…not cute. Did you notice how Kandi ate throughout the entire argument? Ha! She knew that just in case she got thrown out, she had to finish her pasta salad. This is what the argument looked like.

Lip curled, too much hair, finger gun…she’s finally a country singer.

 “What do you mean I’m starting to look like Kroy in a bad wig?”

“You’re a bad friend. Now are you gonna finish that cheese? The kids keep asking for food.”

“I love helping people. I once held a nursing home brochure in my hand!”

“I don’t care if a baby is Black or purple. Some of you people are that freakin’ dark and I’m okay with that!”

“Sorry Kandi but that’s how you get on Season 6.”

I hope this week’s a good one. Phaedra’s embalming, Peter and Mal fight again and Bryson gets some tough love. He’s only getting one new car this year!

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