Let’s keep this short and sweet. The women stopped fighting, did some sightseeing and made it rain in Africa. No, Sheree and Marlo’s chicken dance didn’t result in actual rain; Marlo threw some old White man’s money in the air and shocked the corny bitches who’ve never seen that happen unless a man was self fellating himself. And off we go…
Sheree and Marlo finish up their argument and the groups go their separate ways for the evening. Honestly, I missed the first five minutes of the episode. From what I’ve been told Sheree’s friend Kevin had a flame thrower of sorts at the party and it was dangerously close to the ladies’ heads. I don’t see the big deal. I once had a backyard tiki torch fall on me and I just took my hair off and kept it moving. Kandi, at the very least, should be able to do that. I also heard that they tried to hook Kandi up with his cute friend who claimed to be a producer and actor but hasn’t actually acted or produced anything except Cosmos at a bar.
“I can put put my whole shoulder in my mouth.”
It turns out he’s only a bartender and Kandi loses interest but I know a woman who could use a steady paycheck courtesy of a man.
“Yoo hoo cute friend! You see these earlobes? All they need is one Versace plate and they’ll be stretched to your heart’s content.”
Cynthia, Marlo and Nene go to dinner and Cynthia is clearly not on the Marlo train just yet. It is annoying to have someone mess up the friendship you’ve established with someone. Especially when the intruder has probably been arrested for, well, intruding. When Marlo goes to the bathroom, Cynthia denounces her use of the f-word and doesn’t think the argument should have escalated the way it did. Nene repeats that she can not believe she looks so stupid in arguments. See? All problems can be solved by going on an all expense paid trip. As they leave Nobu, Nene says that they should go drink and put it on Sheree’s tab and I think Marlo had the line of the night when she said that they’d all get arrested for Sheree’s card being declined. I don’t like making fun of people’s money, especially since they spend most of it making the rich richer, but that was a good one.
Later on, the women meet at the club and when Sheree enters, Marlo gives her the finger. Haha! Who even gives the finger past a certain age? It was really petty. Etiquette clearly dictates that a lady passive-aggressively gives everyone a hug except the bitch who sleeps in a lowly town home on an air mattress. Sheree can’t believe it but acts unfazed. Marlo also takes this opportunity to “make it rain” in the club. Everyone made a big deal about it. I guess it’s distasteful or something but that’s how I used to pay for my drinks. Every Tuesday, my friend and I would go to Taste Lounge and this cop would “make it rain” around 11:55 every week. It was so bad that we just started assuming the position. It’s best to crouch low and watch out for stilettos. No lie, I’d pick up $40 sometimes so I appreciate Marlo. It was her subtle way of helping Sheree pay her light bill!
The next day, the ladies are exhausted from partying all night but they have to get on the road for their next stop. Once they get there, they’re taken on a tour of the resort and the women argue over who will take which room. Some are modern and some are antique-ish. Marlo and Nene make it clear that they want the modern rooms and the solution they come up with is to pick rooms out of a hat. Marlo and Nene end up with…the antique rooms. Phaedra lets us know how this all came to be by stating that “irony is so ironic.” She’s stretching the one liners a little thin.
Cynthia: Yah mon. We got dee rooms.
Kandi: Lay off the accent Cynthia.
Sheree: Make it rain girls! I got my hand umbrella out!
The next day, the women get ready for their safari exploits. John, the Albanian creepy guy, has sent Nene flowers and Bravo has sent Marlo a hairstylist to cement her role as cast psycho. Yes, she requested a stylist.
“I’m so glad I bought my Louis Vuitton curling iron to curl my Gucci weave as I lounge in my Run DMC chain.”
“Don’t make me laugh. I’ll wrinkle my Louis Vuitton cape and my new nose.”
Is it just me or does Nene have yet another new nose? And is she getting lighter along with that blond hair? Hmmm…I know she’s on Glee but it doesn’t mean she has to go full on in her quest to look like Sue Sylvester. Marlo is dressed inappropriately for the safari and Kandi & Phaedra make fun of her behind her back lest they end up on the back of a milk carton. The ladies go on their respective safaris and split into their usual groups. Cynthia is getting irritated with Marlo’s behavior and the others are again, spending all of their time talking about Nene. Again, I don’t see why they spend so much time talking about someone they don’t like but whatevs.
Kandi: This would be a good location for my video shoot. I’m gonna sing my country song while I lead a marching band into a field of giraffe shaped vibrators.
Cynthia: Could you subtly ram Marlo’s side of the Jeep into a rhino and just let nature take it’s course?
Sheree: How many elephant tusks you think we can get into our carry on girl? Momma needs a new pair of Aston Martins. Oh, and some tuna for the kids.
Nene: Hey animals! I’m riiiiiccchhhhhh!!!!!
Later, the women go to an orphanage to spread the American idea of giving back which is to buy a bunch of supplies that will help temporarily and book it back to the first spa to relax from all of their sacrifice. I’m not knocking them but it’d be great if this trip led to long term change and not just on their part. It’s also crazy to see so many kids in orphanages and their lack of money and supplies when Africa is one of the richest pieces of land in the world with it’s oil, gold, diamond and other natural resources. Ugh, this show is making me think again. Let me just get back to making fun of these women so I can get back to feeling guilty that I just threw out like 8 lbs of leftovers because I couldn’t bear to eat another carb this week. I suck. So do they…
Little girl: Miss, your tag is hanging out.
Nene: I know! I wanted y’all to learn how to spell cashmere. Next we’ll work on Loubotin.
Kandi: Wow, you can really dance. You’re 21?! Do you like sex talk and overbearing mothers?
Phaedra: Everybody knows that all an African child wants is to play patty cake with a southern belle.
Little Kid: You have pretty hair.
Marlo: Touch it again and I’ll cut you sweetie. Check my charges.
Sheree: Phaedra, put one of these kids in your purse. I’m sure we can sell one to Jennifer Aniston or Rosie O’Donnell.
Phaedra: This is a shame.
Kandi: What, that I look like the Joker dressed like a mummy?
Phaedra: No. That all these poor children’s parents died before I opened my funeral home. I would have made their funerals pop!
Short and sweet people. I know you’ll take care of the rest in the comments. You guys always pick up on way more than I do on account of my ADD and endless fantasizing about Zack Morris. I seriously am in love with that kid and Valentine’s day has only made it worse. That was random and frightening. Anyway, what’d you think. It was a cute episode. Just enough pettiness to keep it trashy and inspiring enough to keep me from hating it. I want to go to Africa ASAP And I can not wait until the Kandi/Kim/Sheree debacle. What’d you guys think? I love the opinions, even the ones that are wrong. Hee hee, I keed ! Keep ‘em coming. Til next week…..
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