Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Out of Africa

Recaps

By L Boogie | Wednesday, February 15, 2012 | 8:08 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Let’s keep this short and sweet. The women stopped fighting, did some sightseeing and made it rain in Africa. No, Sheree and Marlo’s chicken dance didn’t result in actual rain; Marlo threw some old White man’s money in the air and shocked the corny bitches who’ve never seen that happen unless a man was self fellating himself. And off we go…

Sheree and Marlo finish up their argument and the groups go their separate ways for the evening. Honestly, I missed the first five minutes of the episode. From what I’ve been told Sheree’s friend Kevin had a flame thrower of sorts at the party and it was dangerously close to the ladies’ heads. I don’t see the big deal. I once had a backyard tiki torch fall on me and I just took my hair off and kept it moving. Kandi, at the very least, should be able to do that. I also heard that they tried to hook Kandi up with his cute friend who claimed to be a producer and actor but hasn’t actually acted or produced anything except Cosmos at a bar.


“I can put put my whole shoulder in my mouth.”

It turns out he’s only a bartender and Kandi loses interest but I know a woman who could use a steady paycheck courtesy of a man.

“Yoo hoo cute friend! You see these earlobes? All they need is one Versace plate and they’ll be stretched to your heart’s content.”

Cynthia, Marlo and Nene go to dinner and Cynthia is clearly not on the Marlo train just yet. It is annoying to have someone mess up the friendship you’ve established with someone. Especially when the intruder has probably been arrested for, well, intruding. When Marlo goes to the bathroom, Cynthia denounces her use of the f-word and doesn’t think the argument should have escalated the way it did. Nene repeats that she can not believe she looks so stupid in arguments. See? All problems can be solved by going on an all expense paid trip. As they leave Nobu, Nene says that they should go drink and put it on Sheree’s tab and I think Marlo had the line of the night when she said that they’d all get arrested for Sheree’s card being declined. I don’t like making fun of people’s money, especially since they spend most of it making the rich richer, but that was a good one.

Later on, the women meet at the club and when Sheree enters, Marlo gives her the finger. Haha! Who even gives the finger past a certain age? It was really petty. Etiquette clearly dictates that a lady passive-aggressively gives everyone a hug except the bitch who sleeps in a lowly town home on an air mattress. Sheree can’t believe it but acts unfazed. Marlo also takes this opportunity to “make it rain” in the club. Everyone made a big deal about it. I guess it’s distasteful or something but that’s how I used to pay for my drinks. Every Tuesday, my friend and I would go to Taste Lounge and this cop would “make it rain” around 11:55 every week. It was so bad that we just started assuming the position. It’s best to crouch low and watch out for stilettos. No lie, I’d pick up $40 sometimes so I appreciate Marlo. It was her subtle way of helping Sheree pay her light bill!

The next day, the ladies are exhausted from partying all night but they have to get on the road for their next stop. Once they get there, they’re taken on a tour of the resort and the women argue over who will take which room. Some are modern and some are antique-ish. Marlo and Nene make it clear that they want the modern rooms and the solution they come up with is to pick rooms out of a hat. Marlo and Nene end up with…the antique rooms. Phaedra lets us know how this all came to be by stating that “irony is so ironic.” She’s stretching the one liners a little thin.

Cynthia: Yah mon. We got dee rooms.
Kandi: Lay off the accent Cynthia.
Sheree: Make it rain girls! I got my hand umbrella out!

The next day, the women get ready for their safari exploits. John, the Albanian creepy guy, has sent Nene flowers and Bravo has sent Marlo a hairstylist to cement her role as cast psycho. Yes, she requested a stylist.


“I’m so glad I bought my Louis Vuitton curling iron to curl my Gucci weave as I lounge in my Run DMC chain.”

“Don’t make me laugh. I’ll wrinkle my Louis Vuitton cape and my new nose.”

Is it just me or does Nene have yet another new nose? And is she getting lighter along with that blond hair? Hmmm…I know she’s on Glee but it doesn’t mean she has to go full on in her quest to look like Sue Sylvester. Marlo is dressed inappropriately for the safari and Kandi & Phaedra make fun of her behind her back lest they end up on the back of a milk carton. The ladies go on their respective safaris and split into their usual groups. Cynthia is getting irritated with Marlo’s behavior and the others are again, spending all of their time talking about Nene. Again, I don’t see why they spend so much time talking about someone they don’t like but whatevs.


Kandi: This would be a good location for my video shoot. I’m gonna sing my country song while I lead a marching band into a field of giraffe shaped vibrators.

Cynthia: Could you subtly ram Marlo’s side of the Jeep into a rhino and just let nature take it’s course?

Sheree: How many elephant tusks you think we can get into our carry on girl? Momma needs a new pair of Aston Martins. Oh, and some tuna for the kids.

Nene: Hey animals! I’m riiiiiccchhhhhh!!!!!

Later, the women go to an orphanage to spread the American idea of giving back which is to buy a bunch of supplies that will help temporarily and book it back to the first spa to relax from all of their sacrifice. I’m not knocking them but it’d be great if this trip led to long term change and not just on their part. It’s also crazy to see so many kids in orphanages and their lack of money and supplies when Africa is one of the richest pieces of land in the world with it’s oil, gold, diamond and other natural resources. Ugh, this show is making me think again. Let me just get back to making fun of these women so I can get back to feeling guilty that I just threw out like 8 lbs of leftovers because I couldn’t bear to eat another carb this week. I suck. So do they…

Little girl: Miss, your tag is hanging out.
Nene: I know! I wanted y’all to learn how to spell cashmere. Next we’ll work on Loubotin.


Kandi: Wow, you can really dance. You’re 21?! Do you like sex talk and overbearing mothers?

Phaedra: Everybody knows that all an African child wants is to play patty cake with a southern belle.

Little Kid: You have pretty hair.
Marlo: Touch it again and I’ll cut you sweetie. Check my charges.


Sheree: Phaedra, put one of these kids in your purse. I’m sure we can sell one to Jennifer Aniston or Rosie O’Donnell.

Phaedra: This is a shame.
Kandi: What, that I look like the Joker dressed like a mummy?
Phaedra: No. That all these poor children’s parents died before I opened my funeral home. I would have made their funerals pop!

Short and sweet people. I know you’ll take care of the rest in the comments. You guys always pick up on way more than I do on account of my ADD and endless fantasizing about Zack Morris. I seriously am in love with that kid and Valentine’s day has only made it worse. That was random and frightening. Anyway, what’d you think. It was a cute episode. Just enough pettiness to keep it trashy and inspiring enough to keep me from hating it. I want to go to Africa ASAP And I can not wait until the Kandi/Kim/Sheree debacle. What’d you guys think? I love the opinions, even the ones that are wrong. Hee hee, I keed ! Keep ‘em coming. Til next week…..

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Buffy
    Posted February 15, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    LLBA!!! (laughing like Big Ang)! That recap was perfect. The captions for the pictures were golden.
    I’m a Nene fan, and she can do no wrong in my eyes (that is to say she hasn’t yet). So when she was breaking up the fight and looking at Sheree and Marlo like they were insane it really cracked me up.I also like Cynthia because i think she’s really sweet. I also think she’s in love with Nene and i think this episode was the first time i heard a cast member make a comment saying as much.
    I think Marlo is funny for now, but i can’t see her staying on and becoming one of the Housewives, although she does fit the prerequisite of having once had some sort of a relationship with some man somewhere and being shameless enough to be filmed at Bravo’s will.
    Thanks for the recap!

  2. 2
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 15, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Hilarious!! Short and sweet indeed. I enjoyed this episode as well, especially, the visit to the orphanage. All those cute little kids made my uterus sing. I don’t remember who said it but someone made a good point about how these children have so little yet seemed happy and smiling and grateful for what they had. Meanwhile, the cast members are spending their dough on red-bottomed shoes until the bank forecloses on their house. (Sheree, cough, Sheree.)

    During the “make it rain” scene, it wasn’t lost on me that the only ones not too proud to pick up the money were the only two women who have jobs, Phaedra and Kandi. I guess they know the value of a dollar, being that they have to work for the ones they get.
    (Cynthia excluded, she’s earned her keep.)

    I also heard/read a rumor that Kandi is carrying on an affair with on the cameramen on the show. Apparently he has a live-in girlfriend, but Kandi started buying him expensive gifts (it’s been said she loves to splurge on her men of lesser means) and the guy told his gf that he was just using Kandi but then he ended up spending a bit more time with Kandi than “wifey” anticipated, so naturally she took her frustrations to the interwebz.
    I’ll find the link of he rants in the morn…I schweepy.

  3. 3
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 1:58 am

    Great recap!

    I would’ve been driven nuts by Nene and Marlo on the safari too, but I was pretty disappointed in many of the girls’ intellectual prowess, Cynthia especially. There are no tigers in Africa!!! And jesus, when Cynthia asked if they were going to ride the animals… stupidity annoys me

    @sarcasatire, yes please on the dirt link and I did love that Phaedra and Kandi weren’t too proud to capitalize on Marlo’s stupidity. I am no fan of hers and I think bragging about cutting someone with a deadly weapon does not impress me.

    I was impressed with two people who I had come to hate from seasons past. When Kandi said that Sheree is good at ignoring people she was not lying! Not just good at doing it but good at doing it in a way that is not actually aggressive, provoking and designed to make everyone present uncomfortable. Being flipped off and having to be present while someone behaves so atrociously right after a giant fight would not usually make for a quiet night at the club in RHland.

    The other person who is surprising me in a good way is Nene. I don’t know if its having professional advisors or other success or what but when she didn’t become offended or make an issue of the non-invite diss and then reflected a lot on how foolish she must have looked in the past I really warmed to her. I used to be a huge fan until she went psycho hose beast ten times too many last season. Welcome back Nene, I may yet love thee again

    Also I thought the fire guy looked way close too, or at least some of the falling sparks did, but based on the lack of fear from the screechy and otherwise very skittish RHs I think it was the reflection of the flames in the glass behind them that made it appear that way. I know there is enough product and grease and flammable synthetic fibers on those women to make them avoid a MJ moment at all costs!

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:06 am

    I am all for women wearing heels but it has to be in an appropriate setting. I would have even been ok with a chunky heel on the safari but a stiletto? No boo. That isn’t classy or cute. If Marlo and Nene have to be designer laden they can wear CL boots or even Tory Burch boots.

    I have always though that Cynthia was pretty but she was gorgeous this entire episode. I think she was really trying to capture Africa for what it was an not just a vacation.

    I thought the scenes with the children were beautiful and I was glad to see that the women could get along during those moments.

    I HATE Sharee. But she really handled the Marlo situation better than I expected. I on the other hand might have accidentally slipped ex lax in one of Marlo’s drinks.

  5. 5
    sheesh
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Classy
    Visine. You want to put a bit of Visine in her drink.
    Not that I ever would.
    L Boogie. “Hey animals. I am riiiiiiccccchhhh” Perfection!

  6. 6
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 8:34 am

    “Hey animals. I am riiiiiiccccchhhh!!” With that, I died laughing. Thank you L-Boogie. Your recap is perfection!

    Marlo/Marlon – what a stank heiffa. How many times did she watch “Sex and the City 2″? Because that is where she seems to be getting the idea on how to dress in foreign lands. Really, bitch? Silver lame pants, high heels on a safari? And what happened, boo? Did you sprain your wrists running your hands through your weave or adjusting your tuck? Is that why you can’t put on your own makeup and pretend brush your own weave? I am surprised that she didn’t have an entourage with her already. Ya better suck ole d a lot harder!! Go away already!

    NeNe – ok, she is not as horrible. But I am tired of her always turning her nose up and making faces at shit like she is so dainty. And seriously, the reason why you are to observe animals quietly is so that they don’t run away from your loud ass.

    Kandi, girl – seriously, who cares what that fine ass man does or doesn’t do. His is real and you might want to feel that once in a while. No need to take him home with you. Relax…

    (And speaking of relaxer…Marlo, ya stupid bitch!! )

    Sheree – she is a fronting show, but I would have rather gone to that party than be at Nobu with the talls.

    Cynthia – at least she is trying to get with the flavor of the place they are at. And finally some neurons are firing in her beautiful rental space of a head that she would be better with the talls.

    Phaedra – love ya. Organic food? Girl, you do try…

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Everybody knows that you do not make it rain at an establishment in which ones clothes are to be kept on.

  8. 8
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

    classy, that is what I read in my Emily Post Guide for highfaulutin’ heiffas. One does not make it rain where there are fully clothed men and no stage.

    Let’s all try to be ladies here, alright? (picks teeth discreetly)

  9. 9
    Jason
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Once again, these women’s lack of formal education, finesse, breeding, intellectual ability, emotional sense is so glaringly obvious. And obviously the Ugly American in a Foreign Land is no longer limited to fat white people. We’re a daft lot, regardless of the color of our skin. We’re democratically stupid. How reassuring.

  10. 10
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Jason, you had me at the word “daft”… :)

  11. 11
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    @MrsMiaWallace: Here is the link about Kandi and the cameraman: http://cdn.mediatakeout.com/53917/mto-world-exclusive-kandi-from-the-atlanta-housewives-is-a-homewrecker-she-stole-her-current-bf-from-another-chick-explosive-allegations.html

    LAC..hey girl! :)

  12. 12
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Lawd, Marlon (in her spangly disco Hammer pants) looked like she was asked to “Sashay Away” from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

    Cynthia looked extra-pretty this episode – I just find her stunning and would probably get busted out in person for staring at her. Then she’d sik Marlon and her mo’fuckin boxcutter on me and there’s another felony to Google.

    “No lie, I’d pick up $40 sometimes…” L Boogie, besides your recaps, this is one of the funniest True Recapper Admissions evah!

  13. 13
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Phaedra annoys me! I need her off the show, she’s boring and only wierdly semi-interesting when talking about the dead funeral home buisness which is Grim! GET her off the show.
    and Replace her with Marlo Hampton! she’s all sorts of crazy ;)

  14. 14
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    L Boogie I forgot to say your description of picking up “rain” has me loving you dearly.

    Also I would love to have someone compile the dollars spent in the grocery store because I do believe that Phaedra spent significantly the most. Although they were all generous and that is to be commended. However for Marlo to wander around wanting to get kids relaxer kits and wondering if they have hair dryers was particularly frustrating. I felt a deep affinity for the ladies who bought practical things and acted like mommies instead of spoiled wanna-be socialites.

    @sarcasatire – Thanks! I thought more of Kandi :( He sounds like yet another leech

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 17, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Sarcas!!! Hey, girl!

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