I just got home from a church service in which the preacher referenced RHOA. He didn’t have to say much. He simply said that he knew what ladies watched and made a gesture that we all recognized as Redickulous swinging his penis around like a windmill. I have quite literally seen it all. I also saw five women shriek like banshees for an hour and I actually enjoyed it.
Andy starts by greeting each of the women and gets in the first dig of the night when he asks if Sheree is wearing She by Sheree. She says no and that it’s coming soon. That was a season 1 storyline. How is it that Sheree’s story never changes? Child support, clothing line, eviction. Lather, rinse, repeat. It amazes me that this woman has not been able to turn her fair amount of fame into a productive business. I read somewhere that she is not so bright. I always thought she was just lazy but I’m starting to believe the former to be true.
Andy mentions that the women all seem to be label obsessed and Nene denies it saying that clothes don’t define her. She says this right after we see her (and others) wear, open and mention several high end names in a video montage.
Andy: I draw the line at blatant untruths.
Nene: And I’ll just step over it in my Louboutins.
Next is Kandi’s sex obsession. Phaedra and Kim enjoy Kandi’s line of pleasure items. Kandi clarifies that her mother was only upset at Redickulous because straight men were there. We all know what a tough life straight men lead. Good thing someone was there to fight for their rights.
Kandi: My mother still thinks there are straight men in Atlanta and you better not tell her any different.
Of course they want to know why Nene left the party and she says that she left because she’s not into sex toys. I have to say that she and Sheree have been consistent in that for as long as I can recall. They were both least likely to talk about sex and maybe even Kim. Andy digs deeper; Nene says that growth is a good thing and she doesn’t want to hang out with 40 year old gossiping women…much like the reunion she’s filming at the moment I suppose. Nene probably fulfilled her filming obligation and wanted to leave that night anyway. In case you haven’t figured it out, she doesn’t want to be vibrated and doesn’t want a deald-o.
Kandi feels judged and her rebuttal is that Nene stripped and had her ass in people’s faces. Nene says that she was in her twenties and she’s grown since then. I think that Kandi has to understand that selling sex toys isn’t exactly mainstream and there will be some people who are uncomfortable with it. Should Nene have gone to the party and acted the way she did? No, but then we wouldn’t have had anything remotely worth talking about last episode. Also, Kim made the comment last episode that it was clearly a “Kandi party” which sounded judgmental but accurate.
“I don’t care if I’m blindfolded and pressed up against the window of Bergdorf. I don’t want a deal-do up my ass TODAY!”
Kandi is dating a Bravo production guy named Todd. They got to know each other in South Africa and have been together ever since. I’d been hearing cameraman so I’m wondering if Andy gave him a promotion. I’m also wondering if Todd was the guy playing the medicine man who told Sheree she was too old to get remarried. Phaedra somewhat orchestrated the relationship but I think she did that to get on Kandi’s spinoff special: I Fly Above the Wedding.
“I look forward to handling the divorce.”
Speaking of love, we move on to Kim’s scene. It’s always funny to see Sheree so excited for Kim’s engagement but not so much for her daughter’s. Then again, I can’t say that I would’ve co-signed that mess either. Andy immediately lays into Kim and says he’s worried that she’s blowing through money, specifically Kroy’s. Even I can’t agree with that. I don’t know what else Kim does, but I know she makes a decent amount of money and has hocked enough Big Poppa presents to buy Sheree’s whole family mattresses. Kim states that she made more than Kroy last year and they know that this won’t last forever.
Much like lip injections.
Andy questions Kim’s alternative lifestyle and says she did things out of order, baby then marriage. He asks if she’d be less of a slut if she could do it again and she says no. He asks about her ability to abstain from cigarettes and alcohol while pregnant, since she is again, and she claims she never picked those habits up again anyway. Everyone exchanges knowing glances plus we just saw a commercial for the wedding special in which she was sneaking off for a cigarette. I think they semi-ratted her out during last year’s reunion. Kim shares that one of she and Kroy’s big purchases was a boat. I suppose they need it in case their plan to use their 23 nannies, assistants, hairdressers and ass wipers as floatation devices fails. The boat says “Ask, Believe, Receive” on the back.
“I asked really hard for a man that would believe I was on birth control and received 20 years of financial support. Dream big.”
Kim explains that she needed a nanny because her two kids were going to new schools, for which she wanted Sweetie to get them registered, and she took care of KJ for a whole 2 1/2 months by herself, with her parents and Sweetie’s help. And where is Sweetie you ask? They’re still friends. She even went to Brielle’s birthday party. Just a few months ago she was supposedly a verbally abusive assistant; now she’s like an absentee father making a once a year court ordered experience. Mazel.
Andy asks about Kim moving another man’s furniture into their home and she claims that she had Versace china before Big Poppa and she never took his furniture into her marital home. Andy thankfully reminds her of the scene we all saw in which she stated that she had stuff from Big Poppa in storage and she was putting it in the moving van. She claims it may have been a vase that she referred to. I’m still wondering how a single mother, raising two girls on what I presume to be a nurse’s income could afford Versace china? Bottom line, if it wasn’t from her first husband, second husband, or a lesbian DJ, someone else still paid for that china.
It’s Sheree’s turn. She’s still on this child support kick. Bob still has not paid and she’s crying like a woman who refuses to work and spend her money wisely. Either she’s really upset or she got a Groupon for the Larry Storch School of Acting. Sheree felt that Phaedra didn’t take her case seriously. Phaedra said that it was so serious, she brought in another attorney off camera to sit with her and Sheree. This, by the way, is not an uncommon procedure at all among professionals. Since Sheree has yet to work, she doesn’t realize this and feels that Phaedra was not familiar with family law and had to call in backup. Phaedra muses…what does Sheree think she did for Bobby Brown all of those years. Sheree responds “I don’t know what you did…” Remember that as it will be her line of reasoning for the entire night. Anytime someone asks her something she says that she doesn’t know or doesn’t care. I imagine she’s rehearsed that line well when speaking to bill collectors.
Sheree slickly mentions that she doesn’t walk around with $5000 in her purse while taking money in alleyways, a reference to Phaedra taking money in a parking lot from an obvious criminal. I don’t think anyone is surprised to hear that Sheree doesn’t walk around with $5000. If she’d said 5000 soda cans and bottles in a shopping cart, I’m with it. Phaedra gets Sheree to admit that even with a new attorney, Sheree’s case is still in the exact same place. Sheree blames the court system because it’s always the fault of someone else. Phaedra declares Sheree the queen of throwing people under the bus. And this is why we need Phaedra. She gets into just enough drama to stay relevant, handles it calmly enough to be credible and throws in a good amount of ridiculousness to make us laugh.
Sheree: You’re unprofessional in 8 different languages especially Spanish by Spanishee.
Phaedra: I’m also gon’ let you wear the crown of making up businesses that don’t exist.
Sheree: Who gon’ check my Rosetta Stone, boo?
Next question is why Sheree is throwing away money on a ballroom etc… when her kids are sleeping on air mattresses. First, that is a dog pillow not a mattress. Allegedly. I think it’s strange that when Marlo and Sheree had their argument in South Africa that Marlo referenced her kids not having a mattress. Where would she have gotten that information??? Sheree stutters through an explanation on the chateau’s delay that includes some guy, not even a contractor, misappropriating funds and subsequently getting fired. My guess is he wanted funds and Sheree thought that was inappropriate. There is a new contractor on the project and Sheree promises that Andy will be the first one over for tea. He openly laughs at her. I love it when even he can’t maintain the charade.
If Sheree has in fact been fired, you think it’s because they have a semblance of a conscience at Bravo and don’t want to see her humiliated further? I know that she hasn’t had much of a legit story over the years, but dammit! Sheree has provided countless catchphrases, laughs at her expense and awe at her complete lack of self-awareness. I just saw online that her house frame has been put up but it looks like a light breeze could ruin it all. Maybe that’s her story she’s pitching to Bravo. A very precise tornado struck her chateau frame and she’s filing for FEMA funds which Phaedra will totally mess up for her when it’s signed with drawings of donkey booties.
“I look forward to handling the foreclosure.”
When Andy asks what Phaedra saw at the chateau site, Phaedra responds dirt ….and grass. I love that she took a pause to fully encapsulate the wonder that is the chateau. Sheree mentions that there is a No Trespassing sign posted. Love it! Love it! Of all the things she could have said, she chose that. Andy says that Nene disparaged Sheree’s place on Twitter. Nene clarifies that she called it Neverland on Twitter. Not only did Nene stand by what she said, she even corrected Andy so he got the insult right. I can respect a housewife who actually stands behind what she says rather than backpedaling i.e. the infamous “it was a joke” line that so many like to use. Sheree questions why Nene is posting things about her place anyway and Nene says that she saw it on TV. Sheree says that Nene will just have to come visit. Why oh why did Sheree set herself up for that one? Nene immediately asks what’s she gonna visit? Sticks? Hence, why I can still stomach her presence. She makes me cringe half the time but the other half I’m still cracking up.
Nene is asked about her teeth and she denies getting them done for free. She has veneers which is obvious to anyone, Stevie Wonder included. I’ve been analyzing this whole situation and I think that one reason I’m not so anti-Nene is because she’s clearly an insecure person. Since Season 1, she’s been mocked for her physical appearance and she consistently changes it. From the time Sheree made the comment about her teeth earlier this season, it’s clear that she went back and had an adjustment. She did her nose twice, and seemingly took all of the weave out of her hair after Kim called her on that. It doesn’t excuse her bad behavior at all but there’s a part of me that feels kind of bad for someone this insecure.
Nene, in reference to Trump checks, says that she got a fee for Celebrity Apprentice but it had nothing to do with her rich comment. I never thought Nene was solely referring to appearing on Celebrity Apprentice but to the show and the connections that she made i.e. her new restaurant and additional appearances from being on the show. Nene explains her “very rich” comment and somehow threw in that Sheree needs a tooth bleaching. Sheree says that her teeth need to be trimmed down. Then they create a very catchy club hit entitled “Fix ya body, Fix ya face”. It is unbelievable that grown women behave this way but I am so glad they do. It makes my heart do cartwheels in amazement.
Nene asks Sheree, “What’s your status at the bank?” Sheree as usual follows up with and “I don’t care/it doesn’t matter” comment. It just devolves into craziness. Sheree brings up the fact that her kids aren’t shoplifting at Walmart but that’s a technicality. I’d bet between sleeping on dog pillows and being forced to eat receipt sandwiches out of mommy’s Birkin bags, her kids don’t have the energy to walk to a Walmart.
Sheree claims that the issue has relevance because her kids are a reflection of her. No, Sheree got lucky as hell that her kids are not a reflection of her. If I recall, Sheree was arrested for shoplifting twice and for a hit and run in her late teens/early twenties. There is no way Nene could have forgotten that so I wonder why she didn’t bring it up. That’s unusually decent. Nene lets Sheree know that even celebrities shoplift and get in trouble so it has nothing to do with being rich. She says no parent wants anything but the best for their kids AND Brice is an adult. She wants to leave the kids out of it and Kim claims that Nene talks about her kids all of the time on Twitter saying that she has 3 kids and 3 different fathers. Technically it’s about Kim’s magical vag but it could be about the kids too. I think it’s more humiliating to go to school after the entire country knows that your mom is with a married man, can’t spell “kat,” can’t sing, had a lesbian affair, curses like a sailor and encourages them to look at her new man’s butt. That’s just me though.
Kandi is asked about her “snitching” on her Miami trip with Nene and Cynthia. Kandi claims that, get ready for it…drum roll please….it was just a joke. Here we go…Cynthia jumps in and says that Kandi seemed like an instigator. When I watch it again, I realize that Kandi wasn’t really talking negatively, and I hate to say it, but it was probably just a joke. Unfortunately, her joke was in the midst of Kim and Sheree saying nasty things about Nene so it seemed like she was joining in with them. Kim jumps in and randomly says that probably Kandi has the most money out of all of them and doesn’t talk about it. Nene asks how would they know that and Kim says that it’s because Kandi has been in the business a long time. No, it’s because she went to celebritynetworth.com to find out if she could treat Kandi like Sweetie or not. Nene quickly points out that many people from back in the day are broke now and Kandi totally takes the bait and says that she’s not one of them. Kandi mentions that she’s always applauded Nene for making the most of her opportunities unlike some people.
Andy asks if the ladies think Nene has changed. Cynthia says she looks better and is making a good transition. Phaedra did congratulate Nene on the show but doesn’t know if Nene changed because there’s so much division between them. Nene comments that she has a platform and refuses to use it to do nothing in clear reference to the Sherees of the world and Kim suddenly mentions that Nene mocks her rented house. Kim manages to get in that the house was rented because Kroy was a free agent but now they are closing on it. When I tried to watch this again online, there were two parts mentioned. First was Nene living in a house that was under Lisa Wu’s name. Lisa disputed that on some radio show and Twitter. They also seemed to cut out the part in which Nene told Kim to stay off of her timeline. Even Andy Lol’d at that one. And yes, Nene talks over everyone too much. If her points are valid, she should just let Kim say what she wants and then prove them wrong afterwards. And is it just me or is Kandi’s voice like nails on a chalkboard? I like her but her voice is not suited for arguments at all.
On Thursday, it looks to be one big eye roll. Peter and Mal’s issues, Marlo calls Kim a whore and Black Baby Gate somehow resurfaces. What did you think of Part 1. I laughed til I woke the Black baby upstairs. The women are at their best when they’re forced to be in each other’s presence, right? Thanks for watching, reading and commenting!
“I did it! 6,743 tiles on the ceiling. Did I miss my turn?!”
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