Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap

Recaps

By L Boogie | Friday, November 4, 2011 | 2:37 pm | 23 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

Who knew the RHOA had such depressing background stories? I was looking forward to mocking their old faces and hairstyles, and I still will, but there’s a lot of sad stuff to muddle thrugh too. Somehow I’ll find the strength to skewer them. My life is so hard.

real housewives of atlanta nene as a kid 1030Not as hard as looking that this picture though.

Nene’s mom had her at a young age and wasn’t financially stable so Nene had to live with her aunt. Nene held a grudge against her mother but used it to fuel her dreams of one day making a career out of taking her anger out on others. She was a cheerleader, basketball player and member of 4-H in school. That’s an interesting combo. In my high school, the basketball players wouldn’t be caught dead cheerleading for football season and the basketball players would have flipped the 4-H tractor so that’s great that she was able to pul that off.  Nene went off to college in Atlanta and met a guy at a club. She discovered that he was abusive when they were at a party on campus and he pulled off her fake ponytail. He cried, she cried and she knew it was love.

real housewives of atlanta nene in love 1030Bam! My ponytail is gone!

A few months into their relationship, Nene ended up pregnant and he claimed that it was not his. Nene dropped out and went home. Her mom was prepared to reunite with Nene at this point but before she could get there, she passed away. After that tragedy, Nene ended up getting back together with her son’s father. They stayed together for five years until one night he took her from her friend’s house at gunpoint in a jealous rage. That’s just rude! He was arrested that night though and she finally ended things with him. Fortunately, this led to the eventual founding of her charity, Twisted Hearts, which served as endless fodder for those who thought it sounded like an 80′s band or a Valentine candy from Spencer’s.

Nene ended up stripping to support herself and she admits that she enjoyed it, treated the men like ATMs and made so much money that she couldn’t stop. Why do parents always make stripping out to be a bad thing? She ended up meeting Greg “through a mutual friend” at a “martini bar” and he pursued her until she gave in out of boredom. In other words, she met him though another stripper at the club and found a sucker. Professionally, Nene was in traveling fashion shows and she was skinny! I don’t think she’s fat now but I was truly shocked. Nene then got a part in “Fighting Temptations” in which she played a stripper. She was also in a few TV shows until she landed RHOA.

real housewives of atlanta kim z family 1030
I get the feeling that this marriage wasn’t legal in most states.

As a child, Kim was a Navy brat who developed her love for seamen at an early age. She was a good kid but when she got to high school, she discovered the joys of chain smoking and opening her legs to married men. Kim was kicked out of Catholic school for stealing an ice cream sandwich but it didn’t matter because she knew that she would be somebody. After all, she took ballet and jazz as a kid and got cake & flowers after her recitals. According to her, it was like having a wedding every year. FYI Kim, funerals have cake and flowers so let’s not get carried away here and 87 million other girls around the world, myself included, had the same dance experience. It doesn’t mean that you’re somebody. It means that your parents are hoping you won’t be a cow and it guarantees that for at least two hours a week you’ll be doing splits for a valid reason.

After high school, Kim wanted to go to Hollywood but her parents insisted that she go to school. After a year in a nursing program, Kim got pregnant with Brielle on account of her doing the splits in front of the local halfway house and she ended up moving away and worked to support herself. She finished nursing school and in 1999, Kim, her new boyfriend and her parents moved to Atlanta. The couple ended up getting married but they split up a few months later because her husband cheated on her while she was pregnant with her youngest daughter. You’d think that experience would have stopped Kim from being a husband poacher but it probably served as some bizarre inspiration. While in Atlanta, Kim met Big Poppa in a jewelry store and he pursued her all around town. Really? Kim? Kim’s previous face was decent at best and the Barbie doll wig just made matters worse but she must be telling the truth because we all know that he took care of her for a while. Even though I don’t get his attraction, I almost can’t blame her for going along with the program. At 29, I feel like I’ve been through so much to take care of myself that I would welcome an unmarried Big Poppa in a heartbeat. Shoot, I’ll take a Big Momma. Or a Big Herma (hermaphrodite). In 2001, Dumb and Dumber 2 was casting in Atlanta and Kim was in it but her scene was cut from the film becaue they couldn’t fit Dumb, Dumber and Dumberer on the movie poster. In 2009, she was in “The Joneses” but admits that she wanted an easy road to fame and stardom and RHOA provided just that.

real housewives of atlanta kandi as fresh prince
Fresh Prince couture

Kandi’s father and mother divorced when she was young and she lost contact with him. Her mother remarried and although Kandi got along with him, her mother did not and that marriage ended too. Kandi’s older brother was really close to her and took care of her so he provided her with some of the male guidance she needed. He ended up discovering that Kandi could sing and introduced her to the former manager of TLC. Unfortunately, Kandi’s brother passed away in a car accident when she was in high school and it devastated her and her mother.

At the same time, Kandi started to audition for major labels and got a deal with Jermaine Dupri’s So So Def records. In high school, I was in a singing group and we sang a couple of Xscape’s songs. They were really successful but broke up when the inevitable ego clashes began. Kandi channeled her talent into writing for other groups and won a Grammy award for TLC’s “No Scrubs”. What Kandi didn’t share on this special is that her former group members claim that she was having sex with Jermaine Dupri and that led to the clashes. With a name like Kandi, does that even surprise you? As far as I’m concerned, anyone named Brandi, Kandi, Penny or Martha pretty much has their future sewn up and it’s not pretty.

real housewives of atlanta cynthia as a kid
I’ve never seen a cuter…bunch of flowers.

Cynthia was a gangly, mouth breathing, bucktoothed little girl when her parents split and her mom moved the family to Alabama. Her mom remarried and although he provided well, the stepfather was verbally abusive. By high school, Cynthia grew into her big head and teeth and became the first Black homecoming queen of her high school which is impressive in Alabama. She ended up being spotted by a Wilhemina rep and was flown to NYC to become a model.

For some reason, Cynthia didn’t enjoy the horror that was NYC in the 80s. I don’t care what anyone says, I remember going to NYC back then and all I remember is a homeless man covered in ants sleeping on the street. Granted, the apartment I went to was fabulous but the outside was like walking through the waiting room of hell. I don’t blame her for disliking it at that time. She started to doubt whether she could cut it or not.

She continued to model anyway and started making some good money after a few years. She was in a few movies, magazines and TV shows. She got engaged to NBA player Jayson Williams and actor Leon, with whom she had a daughter, but neither relationship worked out. According to Leon, she stresses over everything and he lives in the moment. It turns out that 20 years ago, Cynthia met Peter on a plane but they never spoke again. They met through a friend years later, fell in love and maintained a two year long distance relationship. Eventually she decided to relocate to Atlanta so they could be together and now they’re “happily” married.

This special was cute but I’m ready for the fireworks. When these ladies aren’t playing off of each other, Nene is still entertaining, Cynthia is more brain numbingly dull than usual and Kandi comes across as too accomplished for this. The only thing I didn’t know was that Nene had actually been in sitcoms before. I think it would have been far more interesting to add in delusional Sheree, whose name would have been pronounced with a long /e/ by her family and old friends because that’s really how it’s pronounced, with a dash of Phaedra for jaw dropping idiocy.

About

23 Comments

  1. 1
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    I went to the same college as Phaedra. She graduated the year I started as a Freshman. I met her that same year when she came back as an alum to welcome the new class. It’s so weird to see her on this show. She used to get mentions in the alumni magazine. I haven’t checked them out in a while, but I am wondering if they stopped mentioning her after she started doing this show. I’ll have to check.

  2. 2
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Before I even read this I have to say I was hoping it was being recapped. I loved this special!!! It was over too soon for me! I was captivated! I wonder why Sheree wasn’t on there? And poor Kandi!!! She sure has had her share of tragedy in her young life!!! Here’s hoping for better days for her! She seems so nice! Ok, off to reading.

  3. 3
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    So I took a long break, but came back to read this. HIL-FREAKIN-LAR!!! The introduction for Kim & Cindy (mouth breathing buck toothed!!!) had me screaming!!!! You are hilarious!!
    I certainly never knew that about Kandi & Jermaine Dupree!!!! JUICY!!! I’ll have to look into that!!! I wouldn’t have believed that of Season 2 Kandi, but after season 3 with her Kandi Koated Nights madness, I have no DOUBT that girl was down!!! I might have the season #s wrong, but you know what I mean.

  4. 4
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    What if Jermaine Dupree is Kandi’s baby daddy? She said they met at his 19 year Bday party & if they were doing the nasty, they may not have been that cautious since they were so young. I know she didn’t have her daughter that soon after meeting him, but some years later I think. I forgot at what age she had her daughter, but she said the father was in the business….Why keep who he is quiet?

  5. 5
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Okay so I have nothing else going on. I admit it. I did find a link where Kandi talks about her tryst with Jermaine Dupri (I was spelling that wrong it seems). Doesn’t sound like they had a relationship, just a causal one off thing. Oh well. In case anyone else is interested and has nothing else going on either. :)

    http://www.singersroom.com/news/6204/Kandi-Burruss-Address-Sleeping-With-Jermaine-Dupri-and-Xscape-Break-Up

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    I think as famous as Jermaine Dupri is (much more so than a pre-HWs Kandi), we would’ve heard about him fathering her child years ago. Plus, as he was on HWs last season when Nene interviewed him, I’m also thinking the paternity issue would have come up.

    If the Bravo machine could find a quarter century old book about Beverly Merill, they can sniff out some baby daddy gossip. I’m thinking Kandi’s ex is irrelevant and not worth mentioning.

  7. 7
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 4, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    @Sarcasatire: Very true. Very true. :)

  8. 8
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted November 5, 2011 at 5:15 am

    One other comment I forgot to make: If Cynthia was blowing up like she said, how come I never heard of her at all before this show? When they showed that picture of her which included Tyra, Naomi Cambell, Iman (?) & others, I was surprised. The rest were all household names & she seemed to be their contemporary, but not as well known. Had anyone else heard of her before this show?

  9. 9
    kthxbai
    Posted November 5, 2011 at 7:03 am

    @L Boogie Your recap made me R all over the F Ling my AO! Which I needed to do bad after seeing all the serious and sobering tragedies that happened to these women’s hair.

    I bet they tried to get Phaedra and Sheree to be on there but they refused because they were always stars.

    I agree that Kandi’s too accomplished to be on this show. She’s also just not trashy enough to be on any reality show.

    Just letting somebody put powdered sugar in your jay does not make you qualified to be a bus station skank. There’s such a thing as standards.

    Oh and you forgot to put the other g on the end of Gregg’s name. Nobody knows why he keeps it on there but he does. I guess it’s a Mystery of Science.

  10. 10
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

    @Plathaddict: When you went to school with Phaedra, was she functionally retarded then, or is this a persona she’s created for air time on RHoA?

  11. 11
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Looking forward to the screechfest premiere. NeNe yelling, Sheree fronting, Kim ‘ho-ing, Cynthia putting lipstick on a pig and calling it a marriage, and Phaedra making up southern traditions that no one has heard of. And Kandi – trying to keep a straight face.

  12. 12
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

    @LAC: “Everybody knows you cook collards on the back burner. In the south, front burners are only for rice and boiling water.”

  13. 13
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

    @NotWithoutMyTV, She graduated the year I started so I only met her at a couple of alumni events. She seemed perfectly normal and really intelligent and driven. I’m pretty sure she created this character for the show – but I guess you never really know whether a person’s true self comes out in front of the camera or whether they create a new persona for the camera.
    @Thatswhatshesaid, I had heard of Cynthia Bailey before, but only because she was constantly featured in Essence and Ebony. I know she did a lot of more mainstream publications. But, whenever I saw her in those, I would only think of her as “that model from Essence Magazine.” She worked constantly during the 80′s and 90′s, but it is really rare for a model to reach a level of household name.

  14. 14
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    And she was engaged to Jason Williams, who was an NBA superstar, until that unfortunate incident when he accidently shot his limo driver in the chest, killing him. I read that she and Jason broke up because they couldn’t agree on the pre-nup. I think she and Leon made a batter looking couple.

    Could you imagine Nene, with her people skills, getting along with the other strippers? “Oh no, honey chile, that little cute one ova dere is messing wit my money! How she gone go and get more lap dances tonight? Uh-uh, no way girl, she has got ta go!”

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Oh, sarcas!! LOL!! I am waiting for the southern burial traditions that Phaedra will be letting us in on. “In the south, we always bury our folks who were dancers with one foot in the air. That way, they will be coming into the Lord’s house ready to dance. And we have a sip and see of the casket.”

  16. 16
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Kandi’s baby’s father is supposedly a local producer named Block. You can wiki Block Entertainment.

  17. 17
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Lol, LAC, yours was much funnier!

  18. 18
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Should NeNe really be name-checking “Mr. Trump”? Didn’t she QUIT that show? And didn’t Trump fire her in absentia and make a point of calling her a QUITTER on the show?

    I fell in hate with beached manatee all over again.

  19. 19
    tvdiva
    Posted November 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    I’ve gotta second that, LAC. The foot in the air and the sip & see… too funny!

  20. 20
    LAC
    Posted November 8, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Sarcas – for two seconds, I thought about your comment and wondered if it was true! LOL! But then I watched Paula Deen and all was right with the world.

  21. 21
    kthxbai
    Posted November 8, 2011 at 7:56 am

    @sarcasatire I thought Kandi’s baby daddy was that guy named Leon that from what we saw was every bit as not trashy enough for the show as Kandi.

    Because all we ever got to see was them being good friends and talking about responsible co-parenting.

    Maybe she’s got another baby daddy somewhere that would be more Real Housewives appropriate?

    On WWHL, Wendy Williams said Nene still has 2 places on the bottom where she forgot to get plastic teeth put in. I went back and paused and paused but I think my eyesight is too bad. Did anybody else see it?

    @PlathAddict Being reminded that Ebony and Essence aren’t considered mainstream by everybody in the world by now was a weird and sad ass reality check…

  22. 22
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 8, 2011 at 9:05 am

    @kthxbai: Do you mean Cynthia’s baby’s father Leon? He was cool on the show and seemed responsible and low-key. And it seems like he sees his daughter more often even though he’s out of state than Riley’s (Kandi’s daughter) dad who lives in Atlanta like she does. Riley seems to have not a care in the world for her dad..he seems to be rather unreliable.

    @LAC: lol! Nah, I was just joshing.

  23. 23
    kthxbai
    Posted November 9, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    @sarcasatire You’re right! I totally mixed up their baby daddys! This is so embarrassing.

    I bet people all over the internet are shaking their heads right now and saying even with all my yrs of experience I just don’t have what it takes to be a television viewer.

    And they’re entitled to their opinion. But personally I think it’s Bravo’s responsibility to provide us with memorable enough baby daddys so things like this wouldn’t happen.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.