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Sunday, October 17, 2010
12:00 am
117 Comments
Tagged: beverly hills, bravo, parody, real housewives, recap, TV, tvgasm
Welcome to another edition of the good ole Housewives franchise! This one takes place in Beverly Hills, so let’s see if these tight faced skanks can compete!
“The sun always shines in Beverly Hills, but not on everyone.”
Sad Horns
Disco synthesizer horns! Limos! Class! Well, money. The class part remains to be seen. Frasier’s wife Camille tells us that everything might look perfect, but it’s not. It’s a land of make believe! You must live in a land of make believe if you think your ass looks perfect, Frasier’s wife.
Throw that thing back in the water and get rid of your fishing pole. These are dangerous waters.
As theme music from a Get Rich Buying Foreclosures infomercial from the 80′s plays, the Housewives tell us that the real currency in this town called Ye Ole Beverly Hills 90210 is status. You can get status with giant rings…
Doinking someone….
or even from looking hot! Cut to Camille. LOL editors. I guess they couldn’t put her pic in the actual “doinking someone” part.
The saline in those things could dry the eyes of every contact wearer in an entire football stadium.
One thing I’m going to have to let go of right now is my obsession with fake boobs. It’s hard cuz I just don’t get it. You pay thousands of dollars to carry weight of an obese person all in your chest? WHY? Is it supposed to look better? Cuz all I see is early onset osteoporosis. When Camille’s old her knuckles are gonna be dragging on the ground and those things are gonna be hitting her in the face every time she moves. Have fun with that, Shlemiel.
The only time I get relief is when I let them float.
Taylor: “I seem to have it all!…”
What you seem to have is the maximum legal amount of rubber allowed in one human being inside you. Don’t let Taylor near an open flame or she’s likely to unwittingly become an suicide bomber.
That girl looks like she’s wearing a Julia Roberts mask. She doesn’t look old. But she doesn’t look young. She looks like a hybrid of some sort.
Lisa: It’s all about who you know, and I know everyone dahlingsweetiedahlingsweetie. I loves me some British ladies. If they’re the fun drunk kind (Cat from DC). She looks like a Joan, but she seems like she might be a Linda.
Someone’s got a Claire’s addiction.
Adrienne: “Money is what I have, not what I am.” Deep thoughts. She’s boxing in her intro. I think that is supposed to show some kind of depth of character or something. All the women on Housewives look a little touched up here and there, but these ladies take the cake. It’s like literally watching a fishbowl. They seem to be asking their doctors for movie star faces. I think this girl was going for Gina Gershon.
After
Before
Kim: “I was a child star and…” stop right there. That’s all you needed so say. I already can’t wait to see what crazy shit you’ve got all pent up inside you.
We’re just gonna block out that twitch. Try to smile.
Gorge. Hate her for her hair. I mean how is that fair? Is that real?
Kyle: “In a town full of phonies, I’m not afraid to be me!” I wouldn’t be afraid to be you, either. I’m not you, though, so I’ll stick to being phony, thanks. It pays the bills.
And finally, Camille: “I’m ready to step out of my husband’s shadow and shine.” You know under a blacklight this bitch will literally shine, right? And the last time I saw Camille come out of Frasier’s shadow was on the Oprah show, where Camille spoke up about her irritable bowl syndrome. Frasier looked mortified. Then they talked about Camille’s droppings for the rest of the hour. Now when I see her all I can think of is diarrhea. Sorry but it’s true.
Cut. I gotta go. BRB sorry.
Get to know this shot. You’ll see it a lot tonight.
First up is Lisa. She’s all flirty and sexy and laughy and stuff. She’s wearing a youthful fun hot pink, and she’s got a heavy neckpiece on. I don’t know what she’s trying to hide under there, but we’ll find out soon.
Lisa lives like a queen!
Just so we don’t get off on the wrong foot by assuming that Lisa isn’t hot just cuz she’s the oldest, this is the first shot we get of her:
She’s bringing the breakfast in bed to…her dog. LOL.
Cuter than men, and they shit in the house less.
Lisa is reeeeeeich. She comes with pretty much what you would expect a rich woman to. Huge house, fabulous things, old ass husband.
The Pricetag
Lisa tells us that she married her man when she was 21. Smart move. Always have someone to be younger than. Ken calls her a sex object because “when he asks for sex, I object.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! OK I love her. And I shall be loyal to her until I d…well, until it turns out that bitch be crazy. That always happens.
She only offers sex on Christmas and birthdays. And only his birthday. Hers is “another day off”. HA. Lisa makes frigidity seem downright glamorous. She too has obviously had work done, but on her it’s subtle. I suspect she spent her surgery money on turning her lady parts into an ice maker or some shit.
Clink!
Ken loves his wife and says she’s one funny bitch. I would have to agree with ya, stud. They have two kids, but they’re adults now and they’ve left Lisa with a giant house filled with pink stuff and accidental old man farts. She’s decided that she’ll replace her kids with dogs. Meet Jiggy.
Yes, Jiggy. Her face looks like a chew toy to us, too.
Ken has two dogs too, and this couple loves them some tiny yappy fluff dogs. Lisa’s got another pet, though, and it’s way more expensive than her gay dog. It’s a gay leech!
Cedric the Entertainmeer
Lisa and Ken have owned restaurants and clubs, and Cedric was the doorman at their London gay club. He’s hot, he’s charming, he’s funny, and Lisa doesn’t have to fuck him. Totally worth the expense. He’s going on about how great he looks in his new headshots and shows off his new eyes. Lisa half assed compliments them. They looked taped open.
He asks for more compliments, but she says she could only come up with that one. HA. They’re cute. She tells us that she and Ken have tried moving far away from Leech three times but he keeps following them around. There’s one way to stop that. Lose your money.
The couple has come to love Cedric, and Ken just hopes the guy is really gay. Ken may be married to an ice machine, but it’s the hottest ice machine on their block. Cedric is totally comfortable with his leech status and says he plans on staying right where he is. Gross. But I guess girls shouldn’t be the only ones to suck the lifeblood out of people, not fuck them, and live like queens on this show.
You’re blocking my sun, a-hole.
Adrienne is next. She’s a Maloof girl, which means she’s also for real rich. She does the marketing for the family company, and she has her own money. Atta girl! I say if you’re that rich you should just look fifty. It’s your right! She kinda looks like a bowling ball made out of flesh covered rubber. Sally O’Malley would be mortified.
Go for the turkey, girl!
To be fair, she looked just as rubbery when she was younger. Just with worse roots.
She lists all the things her family business owns: The Kings Basketball team, The Palms casino in Vegas, a rubber factory, a lot of chandeliers, and a brand new framed picture of ole Georgie’s DUI mugshot. One look at this pic and you can kinda see where the surgery addiction comes from. For all we know, Adrienne could look like Meatloaf under there.
Get thee to the rubber factory.
They also own a music label, but you can’t take that too seriously cuz their featured rocker waxes his eyebrows. Janis Joplin is throwing up in her grave right now.
No, girl, no!
She goes into the workout villa to say hey to her plastic surgeon husband (nice move. That’s like me marrying into Mars co) and brag about meeting Obama at some fundraiser she threw. Her husband is a Republican, and he refused to go. She thinks it’s more important that he respect that we have an African American Prez now and look beyond politics and focus only on race. I think we will know that we’ve conquered race issues in this country when rich people stop patting themselves on the shoulder pads for voting for a black person and we can diss our Presidents equally.
Hell, she’s not sharing her money with him so there’s no reason to kiss butt and go to a lame fundraiser. She makes it very clear that she keeps their money separate. I think Adrienne might be too smart to be on a housewives show. It’s gonna be hard to rag on a bowling ball face I respect so much. I mean, I even respect her child rearing, and getting a parental compliment from me isn’t easy.
Add a ma’am to the end of that sentence next time, ya little ingrate!
She throws her kid to the ground like five times. Why? Cuz she can. I thank the Lord my mom is lazy. She was bad enough with the wooden spoon she kept in the glove compartment. And I think as anyone who’s been in a mall lately knows, children need to get their asses beat. Well done, Adrienne!
Adrienne doesn’t have many friends, cuz it’s hard to be rich and trust people. It’s hard to be poor and trust people too. But I guess poor people have it easier because people we meet generally don’t look like they’re about to invade our planet for its natural resources.
She is friends with Taylor, and over triple shot estrogen and embryonic stem cell lattes, A says she’s gonna get a group of girls together to go see the final Kings game of the season. That sounds like torture. Speaking of torture, let’s meet Camille Shlemiel Crane!
Camille’s opening shot is in the shadows, which is a good move, but in it she’s dancing. Not a good move. Or moves. She sucks. How she doesn’t bruise her face with those sacks of mortar I’ll never know. How she doesn’t make any money from dancing? I totally get.
Gashdance
Seriously, Shlemiel is terrible. I hope she goes on Dancing With the Stars next.
You looka likea jaylie feesha stingeen da ayverbodies! Italia salami pizza piea!
Shlemiel was a Playboy model (I mean dancer) and met Frasier on a blind date. The internet tells us this, of course. Not Shlemiel. That Frasier really looks for quality women. He went from a dancer to a stripper to knocking up a makeup artist to a Playboy model. Who says money can’t buy love? Wait! She was a real dancer! She was on Club MTV and has a picture as evidence. I don’t know what this is supposed to prove. She could be either one of these people or neither of them. We’ll need a more recent face, Shlemiel.
I saw on Oprah once that people tell you honestly who they are within the first five minutes of meeting them. Shlem tells us that dace is how she expresses herself. Expect her to be clumsy, uneducated and sloppy. Blame Oprah.
We might think we know Camille cuz she’s married to a celeb, but we don’t know her at all! I know you’ve got the runs all the time. That’s enough for me. Camille is already needy, insecure, starving for a personality, and completely un self-aware, and this is before she finds out her husband knocked up a 29 year old stewardess. The character study we are embarking on together is going to bear some serious fruit loops.
Maloof is gonna hate this bitch.
She has two kids and four nannies that rotate. LOL. That’s the way to have kids right there. One of them is semi cute, but it goes downhill from there.
On Watch What Happens Live, Bobblehead Andy asked Camille if she hired busted ass nannies on purpose so her man won’t cheat. LOL. That guy is so wrong. Well, if she does, it doesn’t work, apparently. Camille tells us that yes, her nannies do pretty much everything for the kids, but that doesn’t mean she’s a bad parent. If those kids don’t thank the Heavens every day for a mother rich enough to hire four homely girls just to wait on them, then they’re bad seeds and should be spanked. Who cares what kind of parent you are? Buy me something and I’ll get over it.
Now let’s watch Camille offer up evidence of good parenting!
Hey….you. Where’s your sister?
I don’t have a sister! I have a brother…
That’s what I meant. Don’t talk back. I’ll Candy Spelling your ass quicker than a sailor in whorehouse.
Brother didn’t make it for this segment, but Head Nanny assures Camille that the kid’s still breathing.
OK go away now.
She shows us her 17 acres. 17 ACRES. Tennis court, pool, Forever 21, Jamba Juice…she’s (married to a) super rich (guy) you guys. And look! It’s Kelsey Grammer of Frasier fame! He’s…just like Frasier. EW. He tells us that he’s been married to Shlemiel for 13 years now and it’s about time she went out and got some attention for herself. It’s hard to tell whether he’s being a dick or not. It doesn’t matter, he’s outta here anyway to do La Cage on Broadway. On the same day that shooting’s beginning for Housewives.
Good luck with this whole reality show thing, hon. I gotta go I’ll be late for my flight.
Camille asks what she’s supposed to do when the kids try and get near her. He hands her a pool scooper and tells her to just nudge them away.
Should I pick up another homely girl before I go, darling face love of my life?
Pretend I don’t taste like the eraser end of a No. 2 pencil right now.
CYA SUCKA!
Everything seems fine as Fras drives off, and Camille tells us that this is her chance to show the world that she’s her own person! Now let’s count how many times she says “Kelsey” this episode.
Taylor is from a middle class family in Oklahoma but she knew as a kid that she was destined for something big. It ended up being her mouth, but destiny is what it is.
Taylor wishes she could be happy as an average Joe in Hannibal MO, but she’s got huge aspirations and an addiction to chemical plastics they don’t have as readily available in Oklahoma. It’s really hard wanting more for yourself, you guys. I think Taylor ordered the Diedre Hall face.
Since we saw Camille dance (LOL), Maloof beat her child, and Lisa refuse to fuck her husband, we start out Taylor’s segment doing something that will give us some in depth character info. She’s getting shit done to her face.
You already look like Betsey Wetsey. What more could you possibly do? Back out of that office slowly, girl!
Maloof has brought her to get some injections from the hubs. Aw, friendship!
You’re not really bonded until you both look like you were created by Pixar.
Maloof freaks out when she sees what her hubby’s done to her poor addict friend.
She says that she doesn’t think Taylor needed the procedure, and her tone hints at an obvious addiction. Taylor says flat out that she has so much work done because she’s worried her husband’s gonna dump her for a twenty year old. She can’t be twenty again, but she can sure as hell scare him into submission by slowly injecting foreign matter into her body until she’s a hundred percent non human. No one divorces a blow up doll. I don’t even think it’s legal to. Maloof barks “very pretty!” at her, but Taylor looks victimized. And really scary.
Her husband is Russel, a venture capitalist. He’s a dick. He starts out their romantic evening by asking “how’s your little company going?”
And why does your face look like a speedbump, woman?
The little company is a high level management company that Taylor keeps out of fear that she’s gonna be dumped any day now and she doesn’t wanna ever be poor again. Man, I really feel for her. Poor thing. All she talks about is getting dumped, and have you ever known a girl like that that didn’t get dumped? They don’t seem to like each other too much. Just rip it off like a bandaid and stand on your own two feet before you fuck with your face one too many times and turn into a lava lamp.
Kim is a single mom with four kids from three daddies. It’s like being back in Texas. But twitchier.
She tells us that her mom gave her wonderful advice: “Don’t make your kids your whole life.” That advice is so wonderful that Kim ain’t gonna take it. Her whole life is her children, and that’s her choice. And that’s our first hint that she’s insane. Then comes her resume. Kim was a child star, and not just any child star. She was the Disney Kid. Beat. You know, the one from Escape to Witch Mountain?
Most prophetic title of all time.
Her stand in was Maloof, back before she met the plastic surgeon.
She lists all her credits, and they’re awesome. And really old. She was superfamous, so she didn’t have a regular childhood. She didn’t go to school, she didn’t ride the bus, her farts didn’t smell. And then her sister Kathy Hilton gave birth to Paris and the downfall of society began. Sure it’s weird being Paris Hilton’s aunt, but it’s way worse for Paris to be Kim’s niece, what with the paparazzi screaming “ICON!” everywhere she goes. Um….I think they might be saying “I CON…’T SEE PARIS. COULD YOU MOVE PLEASE?” She starts crazy giggling and slurs about being an icon and Paris getting all jealous that she’s not the only hooker in this family who can do coke in bathrooms and get famous with no talent. The crazy giggling turns into insane guffawing and it’s official. I love this show.
Snort.
Kim needs a bigger house cuz her lease is almost up, so she meets her sister Kyle and her realtor at a possible place. Kyle tells us that she is responsible for her older sister cuz bitch be crazy and if no one watches her she’ll be wheeling around her neighbor’s yards in a wheelbarrow with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a rifle in the other. This place is too small for Kim cuz she wants all her kids to have their own room. Kyle, as nicely as possible, reminds her sister that she’s worth some Marlboro miles she saved up in the late nineties and she can’t be too picky. Kim starts stuttering and getting all nervous and shifty eyed trying to come up with excuses why she can’t take the place. She’s scared of Kyle. This is gonna be some good times. Does Kyle beat her or something? Creepy sister stories are my favorite.
Kyle calmly tells us that her sister is loopier than a plate of spaghetti and has been a broke friendless wreck since her most recent divorce. So her social skills suck too? Whoever casts these things should be given some kind of award. As if on cue, Kim says that she needs a bigger place in case she decides to have another baby. Kyle almost goes Demi in GI Jane on her ass.
I will kick your ovaries if you even think about it.
Kim doesn’t seem to be kidding. I predict Kyle will push her down the stairs at least once this season.
Lisa tells her hubby that Adrienne Maloof invited her to see the game. She knows Maloof from the hood and is weirded out by her ability to take down a two hundred pound man. “Why would you want to do that?” LOL. Hubby gets excited for a little trip, but Lisa shoots him down and says she’s going with her bf Kyle….
My twin.
Kyle was a child star too! ICON! She was Kim’s stand in before Maloof took over, then she was on Little House on the Prairie and in Halloween. The history stops at 1978, but she still gets to do an interview with A&E about her big movie role. She basically giggles through the interview and says “I was a good screamer.” HA.
She, too, is a bread machine and always has something in her oven. She’s got five kids, and she is in a happy pattern of working for awhile and then making brats for awhile. FIVE? And she looks like THAT? Amazing. I can’t truly make fun of her until I can get over my jealousy of her. I’m a professional something. I will say that it’s weird to see white people breed so much on a channel other than TLC. Whenever she feels screwed over by Hollywood she pops out another. Poor girl’s been beaten down by this town. She’s almost laid a half carton of eggs.
She tells an equally forgotten actor about how she just did some movie with Teena Marie and Teena had a line screaming “you’re mother’s a whore!” at her. Wow. It’s kinda evilly satisfying to know that gorgeous people have miserable depressing lives too, ain’t it?
Do we get paid for this?
We meet Kyle’s kids and they’re not working in a sweatshop or cleaning the house so they’re useless. What’s the point of reproducing if you have to clean your own toilets? Her husband Mauricio is pretty hot, in a slightly more handsome Everybody Loves Raymond kind of a way. He tells us that their only marital issue is that Kyle spends too much money but it’s easier to just let her have her way and stay sane. She has the perfect man too? She doesn’t want him to play golf and he offers her a thousand bucks for every hour he gets to play. OK kinda hard to not hate her right now.
Let’s get to the first meeting! The gals all start arriving to Maloof’s private jet. Kyle brought Kim to try and force her to be friends with people and Maloof invited Camille cuz they’re on the same show together and Bobblehead Andy forced her to. These shows are always a little lame at first as the ladies get comfortable with properly hating each other, so let’s hope someone gets wasted tonight and makes an ass out of themselves to get this ball rolling.
Here’s to all the fights we’re gonna have over shit that doesn’t make sense! Someone get Taylor a straw so she doesn’t dribble all over the place.
Camille tells us that she and Frasier used to fly private all the time but now they try and fly commercial cuz they’re trying to be green. Um, you live in a fucking shopping mall. Don’t give me that green bullshit. You wanna help the world, put yourself in a compost bin and green up someone’s garden. You’re flying commercial cuz Frasier can’t find another sitcom to play himself in.
As the plane takes off, Kyle starts freaking out and acting like a drama queen. Camille looks at her like she’s trash. LOL. Then Camille, Taylor and Kyle start talking about motherhood. Kyle’s got a fascinating breast feeding story and Camille says that she had surrogates carry her brats so she never had to breast feed. Then it’s Kyle’s turn to look at her like she’s trash.
Wait. You can do that? NO FAIR. I’ll strangle this bitch with my stretchmarks.
The plane lands, everyone lives, and it’s off to a fancy lunch. Kim is stressed being around so many strangers, and it’s fun watching her squirm. Kyle starts doing an impression of Lisa’s accent. Everyone’s laughing and Camille says “covuh yoreah rat.” Silence. No one gets it. AWKWARD! I have a feeling that happens to Shlemiel a lot. She explains that it means cover your vajayjay, and Lisa wants to know why she’s walking around without a covered vajay in the first place. Hey, it got her a mall house so let her keep doing whatever’s working. Camille starts going on about how the cast of Frasier begged her to make Kels wear underwear. EW. She tells us “I’m the powerhouse behind Kelsey Grammer!” Her duties include keeping him alive. Well, that I’ll give you. I saw him breathing earlier. As far as being a powerhouse, if you’re counting “Back to You” and “Hank” then you’re a giant fail cake.
Taylor tells us that if Shlemiel wants her own personality then she should probs get one and stop telling stories about Frasier’s giant uncovered man sack. Good point. Camille is gonna be the gift that keeps on giving this season. Kim is still not connecting with anyone, and says it’s because she was such a huge star as a child. You’re looking at this the wrong way, Kim. Camille can get you a bigger house. Be nice, even if it means thinking about Frasier’s rat.
The gals all make it to the stadium and decide that Maloof is their fave since she’s the richest. She’s wealthy enough to get people on the court to make her feel tall and even lets Camille play with them.
Camille loves basketball and midgets and let’s Frasier spend lots of money on both. Hey Camille, who are you married to again? She’s ridic. Hey, there you go! She’s showing her personality! She’s sluttin up on the mascot! Or as Lisa calls it, “the pantomime lion.”
Acting like a bimbo slut is a great way to make friends with older rich ladies! Well done Shlemiel!
Kyle cheers for the other team and Maloof does her best not to beat her ass down. Kim’s still being a freak and refusing to talk, so Taylor turns her back to her and gets on with the day. Good for her. She says that Kim has a wall and she’s not in the mood to climb it.
In case you forgot that there are Bentleys in this town. RICH, DAMMIT!
The next day, Kyle and hubby go to Kim’s place to hang and Kyle says that she promised her dying mom she would deal with Kim’s can of crazy and she’ll stick to it. They’re still arguing about the new house, but Kim gets a little freaked out. Kyle has a husband and money and Kim doesn’t! And Kim even getting on a plane to go out with the girls was a huge step and Kyle should have helped people like her more! Kim, of course, says that she’s a freak because she was a huge STAH! This girl’s next role is gonna be on Hoarders. She seems fucknuts crazy. They yell at each other for awhile and Kyle’s outta there. Well that was a depressing ending.
Overall, a little slow to start but I have a good feeling about this show. These women seem nuts. Thanks for having me, guys. Bbitz will be filling in for me next week so I’ll see you soon!
TV Social
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117 Comments
You my dear are perfect, just perfect.
Wow, I’m so glad I woke up from an ill-timed nap! Seeing your recap just made my madrugada!
I am going to love this franchise. The ladies are all rich (except Kim, who is 90210-poor), but their lives seem so sad. From Taylor just waiting to be dropped for a younger woman in a marriage that’s 80% business, 20% romance, to Kim and Kyle being baby-factories, to Camille being an epic fail of a trophy wife.
No wonder Camille hires scary-ass nannies. We all know how much Kelsey loves him some underage babysitters. The parents of a former babysitter pressed charges against him for statutory rape. So, who can blame her for having plain janes raise her children? She’s a plain jane, too, but skinny with big boobs. Must be the explosive diarrhea that helps her keep her figure.
Kim. Awww, Kim. I want to hug her and shake her at the same time. She’s a tragic figure. I loved you’re ‘Baby Jane’ screenshot…so apt! Maybe it’s because I wasn’t alive when she was relevant that I find it very difficult to believe paparazzi were trying to get a pic of her over Paris. Icon? yea,right. The only icon on this show is Jiggy..I love a balding lap dog. Must be the stress. He’s like Little Edie in Grey Gardens. We can only blame his overbearing mother.
Flying commerical was Camille’s way of being green and Frasier’s way of locating her replacement. We all know over-the-hill men love them some stewardesses. And he knocked this one up before hisdivorce was even finalized. Sadly, she lost the baby and Camille went on the record to say the miscarriage was the result of ‘karma.’ And here I was thinking it was because this air hostess was too poor to rent a ‘baby oven’ to carry the child for her. Gosh, I’ve got a lot to learn. (Then again, you can’t trap a man when you have a surrogate on retainer)
Great recap Flipit, really really good writing.
I must say we finally have a Housewives show that is truely rich. Teresa must be rollin’in her grief, there is no way Juicy will be able to make her look THIS rich even with mob money. Everyone in Atlanta looks positively poor in comparison. And did you see the after show and hear these bitches talk bad about the real houswives of Orange County? I bet Vicki loads up a minivan taxi and runs right over to egg the palaces. Except Kims house, that did look broke down a bit. Seriously she is getting room for each kid and the kids are grown… move out… leave crazy! I dislike a few of them, alright, all of them… Even Leech looks to get into a shouting match with his owner next week in what looks to be a HW’s back yard party… could we be that luckey? I hope so!!!
Uh-oh. Taylor’s hubby filed for bankruptcy a few years ago. Does this mean the Beverly Hills franchise will see foreclosure in it’s future? If so, I can’t wait! (shadenfraude says what?) That what he gets for putting down his wife’s “little company.”
I can only say “wow”. Never have I seen so many Farrah hairstyles in one place, not even during the Charlie’s Angels years. And I want to be Kyle, or at least have her hair (money, house and husband). But she can keep her sister – she’s crazy as a bat’s ass.
One question about the Bentley. I know they can’t show license tags, but shouldn’t there be one on the front bumper? I thought there had to be a front and rear tag in California.
Good Morning! Yes it was to wake and have this hilarious recap up. Way to go Flipit!
I loved Kyle, Lisa and Adrienne, for now. Loved your assessment on….EVERYONE! Especially Camille and Kelsey Grammar. Taylor and Kim are just sad. LMAO @ Giff I thought about Teresa too while watching this thinking she had to salivating at the mouth at these womens wealth. Can’t wait to see how this season unfolds.
Sarcas: LOL at the diarrhea comment. I’m gonna think of that everytime I see her now.
Oh btw, the silver car is not a Bentley, it’s Rolls-Royce. Just sayin’.
Matt, how I’ve missed you!
I definitely got a ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?’ feeling from Kim. When she serves Kyle a dead rat on a bed of sliced tomatoes, then we’ll know shit’s about to get real!
Was it Lisa who didn’t see the benefit of Adrienne being able to flip a 200 pound man? I’m guessing she didn’t grow up with 2 older brothers like I did, because I would have preferred being able to slam one of them to floor instead of passively aggressively hiding the Nintendo controller or eating an entire cookie jar full of Pecan Sandies!
Thank you for the awesome recap! I’m really looking forward to seeing where this show goes.
that was Flipactular!! Took me back to the days of YentaPatrol, sigh. You can tell the new plastic surgery look is high cheekbones, all of their eyes look so squinty when they have injected fillers at the cheekbone.That Taylor is a disaster, does she really think she looks attractive? Matter of fact, when Bravo would quickly pan through the group, I had a very hard time telling them apart. Stepfordish.
Sarcas: I’ve missed you too!
Is it just me, or the four Grammer nannies have the same fucked up eyes? I wonder if they’re all related…
The Maloofs own Interscope which is the label that has Ali Lohan who is Lindsay Lohan’s little sister.
When they had that show Living Lohan that Lindsay wouldn’t be on except for a phone call one time Ali used to talk about the Maloof brothers all the time. They are the brothers of Adrienne because in their culture women keep their regular names and own the Palms.
Some of them were on the show when Dina took Ali to Vegas to work on her debut CD but so far there has only been 1 single dropped that you can see on youtube because of problems with her artisitc development.
@Matt, yes!! They all look like extras from A Bug’s Life. I knew it couldn’tve just been me that thought that, lol.
@Caito: Love your story. I also had two older brothers and since I couldn’t flip them over my back, I also had to seek revenge passive aggressively. Like setting my cat near my brother’s feet while he lay prostrate on the floor, then pinching the cat hard enough that it tore away from my grasp, running the length of my brothers body, it’s back claws shredding his cheek. A dastardly plan, pulled off without a hitch, and I couldn’t even brag about it! (and we know how hard it is for little sisters to keep secrets.. [Keep that in mind everytime Kyle and Kim are on screen this season])
Oh, and my brother’s cheek healed quite nicely with nary a scar.
The line about being phony pays the bills…hahahahah. bowling ball covered in flesh colored rubber? great writing. soooo funny. loled. enough for me to write “lol” and u know how much i hate it.
I got curious about the ages of the women vis-à-vis their looks, so I did a little searching and here are the results:
Camille Grammer – 42 (born Sept 1968) – crap, I definitely thought she was in her late 40’s
Taylor Armstrong – 38 – again, was sure she was at least in her mid-40’s
Adrienne Maloof – 49 (born Sept 1961) – holy cow!!!!! This one I definitely thought was younger than her real age
Kim Richard – 46 (born Sept 1964) – pretty much on the money
Kyle Richards – 41 (born January 1969) – she has a 24-year old daughter, so I definitely thought she was at least mid-40’s, but she looks gorgeous
Lisa VanDerPump – 50 – on her age I can’t decide if I’m over or under. Guess it means she looks perfect for her age. I wish I looked that good in my 50’s
Overall, I gotta say that with the amount of visible plastic surgery between all these women, they do not look younger, they actually look OLDER!!! What a waste of health, time and money… Taylor especially – that poor wench has no self-esteem left, her only self value is surgically attached to her re-arranged face. Girl, get a clue. Poor loser.
I think Taylor should ditch that MoFo. I mean, if you’re that scared of him leaving you for a younger girl, maybe he’s not the one for you? I dunno. I hate LA.
Beverly Hills, I mean.
sarcasatire – I was alive when Kim was relevant & she was everywhere in the 70′s early 80′s. She started in a bunch of Disney movies & then when she was in her teens it seemed like she guest starred on every show on TV. And I still don’t believe the paparazzi were trying to get around Paris to get to her. She seems so messed up now – in her day there were no real paps, or interenet or 24 hr entertaiment news or she might’ve ended up like the Lindsay Lohan of the time
I already LOVE this show! I think Lisa is pretty gorgeous, regardless of what plastic surgery she may or may not have had. Kyle, also gorge. Kim is a wreck and I don’t see her getting any saner, so I think its good that Kyle told her mom she’d look after Kim. I agree, she has Lindsay Lohan written all over her. Actually, she has closet alcoholic written all over her.
I’m pretty sure that I’m down with A so far, Taylor is definitely in need of some self-esteem, but I don’t think she’s a bad egg. Yet.
Camille-go fuck yourself.
Love Lisa & Adrienne. Kim seems very insecure. Kyle is gorgeous but seems Like she’s acting. She was on True hollywood story about Paris. Camille is a joke. Taylor looks downright scary!!?
Awesome, awesome recap!! I’m still re-watching this episode on iTunes because I am GIDDY over getting to make fun of these train-wrecks right into the holidays!!
I love Lisa Van der Pump (could Karen Walker aka Anastasia Beaverhausen have been based on this woman?), and I LOATHE Camille Grammer! I never understand how someone like her, who probably came from an average existence turns into THAT. She’s a monster, I know why they had a surrogate – Kelsey was worried she would have had Rosemary’s baby.
I have so much more to say, but I have to go to bed – Zombie Cheez aka P Cheez
PS – I was a HUGE Kim Richards fan! I practiced her patented 1970′s dismissive hair flip from the Love Boat and Fantasy Island years for HOURS while listening to Cheap Trick and trying on my mom’s Jamaican batik evening gowns.
Dude! Up until tonight, I was extremely proud of the fact that I had never watched even a single minute of any of the Real Housewives shows. All that hard work down the drain as I am watching this bullshit on demand thanks to this hilarious recap. Fuck you, Flipit. Also, I love you and you’re brilliant. Muah!
I want to move into Lisa’s house. I don’t think she’ll even notice, do you? Hell, I’ll service her old ass husband if I can live there.
Fabalou Flipit – this is going to be a great season.
OMG Flipit, love love love love you, this was so spectacular (I laughed so hard when at the “most prophetic title of all time” caption under “Escape To Witch Mountain”. I loved those movies when I was a kid, and then I found them on DVD as an adult and watched them again… and sadly, you could see the wires they were using to levitate shit!
Also, you have to check out this hysterical movie Kim did in the 80′s with James Spader called “Tuff Turf” which is supposed to be all tuff and cool and stuff, but really she just stands around looking skanky. It’s lovely. I highly recommend it. IN any case, awesome recap, you are the best!
love, J-Mo
Kyle’s hair is so unfairly gorgeous. I would give up BBQ Fritos to have hair like that. Ok…that might be taking it to far. But I would really love hair like that.
Taylor is the HW who bothered me the most. She’s only 38 and look 48 because of all the work that she’s had done. I am not against a little nip and tuck here and there, but her face looks like play doh.
Me loves Lisa. People with British accents are always great because everything they say sounds so condescending.
OK, on the seasons previews someone calls someone else out for posing for playboy after OJ?! Wtf is that all about? I couldn’t tell any of the women apart during that fight, lol.
Isn’t there an Edgar Allen Poe story about a woman who injected porcelain into her face and so always had a masklike appearance? Hello Taylor! I can’t really rag on her because there is something tragic on how desperate her eyes look beneath her immobile face.
Kim is absolutely an alcoholic. I don’t get why she is so into her misery. Divorce is horrible but surely in her circle not unexpected?
Anyhoo — pure genius of a recap, Flipit. Your writing always makes my day. Thank you!
Camille is a dancer..whatevah.
I remember her on Club MTV and it was painful to watch her “dancing” which seemed better suited to a summer solstice fertility ritual. Nothing but ass shaking and hair flipping.
Kim Richards is only two years older than I am but she looks aweful! She has that loose skin turky neck thing going on that she shouldn’t have for another 10 to 15 years.
I am liking Lisa and Kyle so far.
Adrienne and Taylor…meh.
@Happy Housewife, I’m sorry to say you’ll probably never be the same, and you’re jumping right into the deep end with the BH Househags…
@J-Mo, my BFF and I used to make Kahlua brownies and watch “16 Candles”, “Valley Girl” and “Tuff Turf” over and over, and over and over while swilling Diet Coke and repeating the dialogue back at each other…
@Classy – Kyle has awesome hair, it’s really healthy and strong looking. I wonder if she’ll strangle Kim with it? LOL. When you were a kid did you ever throw a slip over your head and run around flipping it around like hair? Um…. yeah, me neither…
Taylor looks really weird, she kind of looks like she had Kyra Sedgwick’s face stapled onto her head. I really don’t get the whole plastic surgery thing, you’d think women would look at that as a cautionary tale – the woman is disfigured. But they seem to want to emulate it instead, then wonder why their husbands run screaming from the bedroom to the fresh-faced waitress who pours their coffee in the morning aftermath of waking up to that horror show.
Lisa is awesome. That’s the kind of wealth I watch these dumbass shows for! Instead of marveling at Jill Z’s atrocious taste, or Testostera’s echoing marble mausoleum – I like to calculate in my head how many thousands of dollars are visible in floral arrangements, patio furniture, and Hop Sing-style houseboys like ExCedric. I’m still trying to place his accent, any insight?
I actually feel bad for Kelsey Grammer, I can understand why he fled his house – although he could probably surreptitiously move into the other end of it and no one would know for years. Every woman living under his roof is hideously ugly, and his wife’s pet rat is probably rabid. BTW – Thanks Camille, now whenever I watch “Frasier” reruns I’m going to think about his junk swinging around like two slightly overripe kiwis banging around in my grocery cart in a sweaty plastic bag.
“OK, on the seasons previews someone calls someone else out for posing for playboy after OJ?! Wtf is that all about? I couldn’t tell any of the women apart during that fight, lol.”
@ohralphie – I think they’re at a dinner party, and one of the women points out Fay Resnick and brings up the fact that she posed for Playboy in the aftermath of the OJ Simpson fiasco. People thought it was tasteless that she profited from Nicole Simpson’s murder, and she was shaded as a bad influence on Nicole in regards to drugs, etc.
The only thing that could make this franchise better would be a running commentary from Dominick Dunne… I wish Miss Andy could channel him from beyond for WWHL.
Thanks @Zombie Cheez, for the clarification.
Amazing (or perhaps not) how many star players from the OJ fiasco are now on our televisions, isn’t it?
Any idea on why Camille had surrogates? Was it due to her IBS or vanity? Sad to say I can see her doing it for either reason.
I am completely hooked on this series. These women are legitimately richer then fuck and it’s going to be fun to watch.
@ Z cheez, I used a towel and a small blanket for such shenanigans. LOLOLOL…it would have been my ass had my mother found out I was playing with her slips.
I also agree with you about the wealth. The OC started us out with these supposedly wealthy wummin, but after NY they took a turn and the lives of the ladies were not as glamorous. I want to see people do things that I can’t do. Drop thousands of dollars in a day on shoes, take a private jet to a basketball game, have random gay men living with them for free, etc.
Oh, Flipit, you did good!! Funny, funny recap. Wow, these broads are like manna from heaven. Lisa is hilarious, brittle Jackie Collins bitchy that I think I am gonna like. Camille is a name dropping twat-she is so typical of the vacuous fake titty celebrity wives that think that they are media moguls because they sat their asses at an Emmy show or two. And Camille, Jennifer Beals dance double called and would like you to stop that shit, m’kay?
Kyle – gorgeous and I think would be a blast to hang out with. Kim…jaysus, two things – up the meds and no more sun baking. My God, my HD TV had a couple of shots of her where I could count the skin tags.
Ms. Maloof – is it me or is her head bigger than her body. I dunno… I like that she has her own money. Not feeling the hubby – not just because of his politics, but that I got a goomba vibe off of him.
Taylor – I am afraid to look at her. Not only because she is a vacuous hole of neediness that is wasted on a asshole of a husband, but because she reminds me of those puppets from that movie “Dead Silence” – she could make Michael Myers run the other way…
“Any idea on why Camille had surrogates? Was it due to her IBS or vanity? Sad to say I can see her doing it for either reason.”
“Any idea on why Camille had surrogates? Was it due to her IBS or vanity? Sad to say I can see her doing it for either reason.”
@ohralphie, I’m going with once he jackhammered his nose off the coke mirra, he took one look at Camille and said, “I can survive the coke addiction, but if I ever actually stick my dick into that thing I’m a dead man.” But that’s just speculation, I didn’t actually read that anywhere.
More money for Camille and her Jason-Friday-the-13th-Face means less money for her cheating, amoral, right wing, conservative Teabuggeristani (ex) husband. That means less money for lard assed Sean Hannity. Now that’s the kind of karma I like. Besides, I bet Camille’s annual plastic surgery bills keeps half of California’s economy alive. Now how’s that for a good private sector stimulus package? Kelsey should love it.
FLIPIT THIS RECAP WAS PHENOMENAL. I was reading it in bed and my BF was trying to sleep & I kept waking him up because I was laughing so hard.
I was wondering the same thing about the Camille surrogate sitch – if she really is only 42 and her kids are 8 & 5 years old (I think?) and considering she doesn’t even want to bother raising them (the four nannies thing is beyond redonkulous) it’s a strong possibility it was the vanity factor – then again, maybe she had problems conceiving?
Can’t believe Taylor is only 38!! She really did a number on herself. Poor thing. I feel bad for her because it seems like her self-esteem level is in the imaginary numbers, all that talk about her husband possibly leaving her and junk – she should save herself the misery (judging by how condescending he was to her at dinner, he probably contributes to her insecurity issues) and just leave the dude already.
I dig Lisa, Kyle & Adrienne so far – let’s see how long that lasts.
Can’t wait for this season!!
Ahh bitches with money and Flipit recapping…I’m hooked already. This is what a Housewives series should be (I’m looking at you NJ!).
Maybe if Taylor switched the percentages her husband might not leave her. Her face is horrible! Love Kyle’s hair too but can’t stand it when wummin sling it over their shoulder. I cracked up when Kim started that funny snort laugh when talking about how the “pap” wanted to photograph her instead of Paris. She’s coocoo!
Have to jump on the Flipit bandwagon – excellent recap! And yes, I read somewhere (a few years back) that she got surrogates because of her IBS. Diarrhea say what!! That wench hired women to have her babies (to insure her future income) so she wouldn’t have to get stretch marks. Shallow, vain, bored rich women – gotta love it.
I have to admit, I can’t look at Camille without thinking of her on those IBS commercials either. Pair that along with her vapidness and I’m over her for the rest of the season.
I’ve since re-watched this episode. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lisa! I want to move in with her too. I’ll hang out with Cedric and I won’t even take her car without asking! Come on Lisa, let’s make this happen!
” they’ve left Lisa with a giant house filled with pink stuff and accidental old man farts”
Oh Geezus, Flipit. I love you!
My guess on Camille and the surrogates is: somewhere in between. Pregnancy might not have helped the IBS, but all Camille needed was an excuse to not have to soil her dancing instrument.
I had forgotten that Kelsey Grammars family life read like a combination Gothic Novel/ Horror Movie. His father was shot and killed on his front lawn. His sister was raped and murdered. His brothers, who were fraternal twins, died in a scuba accident. Lordy.
Nothing new to add other than LOVE the recap, Flipit! LOVE that these bitches actually have money. And LOVE Kyle’s hair.
I do think I’m mixed on Camille though… She does come off as a little dumb and shallow. But somehow that seems more excusable to me after all the psychopaths we’ve dealt with on some other shows. I hate Frasier more after reading that he wanted her to be on the show and then ditched her on national TV. Eh, we’ll see though. One episode in, who can tell?
Can’t WAIT for the rest of the season.
When the previews of this show came out, Lisa was given alot of screentime, in all of her glittery fabulousness, and I thought this Housewives was going to be the new Dynasty. But no one else sparkles half as much..they’ve all been sanded down to dull shine.
Now that the show has begun, the biggest drama this season seems to be between Kim and Kyle, with Taylor and Camille getting it from one or both sisters. Kim and Kyle are like those sisters in every neighborhood. They fight and hate one another but will unite to gang up on anyone that messes with either of them. It’s the only time they get along..when they’re a doubleteaming the cute girl down the block for not letting them come to her sleepover.
Does anyone know if the Richards come from a wealthy background, or did all three of these ladies luck out with wealthy husbands? (Kathy, Kim, Kyle)
I hope we see more from Camille’s nannies. I hope they get their own subplot. They are probably privy to some dishy dirt! (I was a part-time nanny in college (aka Nanny #2) and trust me, the things we see and hear…
I remember seeing on THS on E! that Kathy was also an actress and once she hooked up with a Hilton and they got married, she put it on hold to have and raise her children. I don’t know if the sisters were from a wealthy family, or they just happened to meet rich men b/c they were famous at the time.
Me and my sister are kind of like Kim and Kyle though. (Minus the closet alcohol issues and the not-so-closet crazy issues) We may fight, but we totally come united against the common enemy, haha.
Haha, Jeanine. I’m not gonna lie, I always wanted a sister so I could do the same. Just curious, is your sister named Coleen?
Paris once said that her mom had her at 19. So, I’m wondering if it was a shotgun wedding. Did she ‘trap’ her husband? If so, good work! Take notes, Camille, you are a goldigging FAIL.
no prenup actually equals Queen of gold diggers.
Let’s wait until we see what she walks away with before we start handing out such weighty titles. She still was traded in for a younger model and is very bitter about it. Winning a man over with your looks and not taking into account that looks fade, which means he’ll lose interest and leave..makes her a failure on many accounts.
@skatt – that’s crazy about Kelsey Grammer’s family! I never heard that – holy shit. I have to say he was hilarious on “Frasier”, there were a couple of episodes that still kill me when I run across them in syndication.
I’m always kind of curious about how certain types of men end up with women like Camille G. Especially when they seem so obvious about what they want, and as @chem pointed out – no prenup. Kelsey Grammer looks like he’s amassed incredible wealth, I imagine a lot of it would have had to have been pre-Camille. She kind of seems like a Brynn Hartman type, but less homicidal and more bulimic. He just seems like he wants some kind of connection to someone.
I think the most normal-acting women on the show are the also the wealthiest. Adrienne seems pretty down to earth, and has a really solid work ethic. And I was struck by how her husband leaned in to kiss her when she came to see him in the workout room, it was just very unaffected and sweet. They seem pretty family oriented, but not in a cloying way like the Manzo’s.
I can totally see Lisa and Ken piling onto their couch with their dogs and watching TV after dinner. After locking Cedric in the pool house for the night.
Vanity Fair did an article on Paris and Nicky Hilton years ago, right before they really took off but just as they were hitting the Manhattan/Hamptons social scene. They were really young, and people were a little shocked at how much freedom their parents gave them. In the interview it became clear that Paris was being groomed to be the “Star”, and Nicky was being groomed to be the “smart” one. Nicky was already really jaded and cynical by that point, and it was jarring to see how bitter she really was about how the family dynamics played out. Kim and Kyle remind me a lot of that article – Kim was the star, Kyle was the grounded one – they became intertwined in an unhealthy co-dependancy. I think Nicky HIlton has made a HUGE attempt to distance herself from that dynamic, because I think her aunts provided a blueprint for a lifetime of resentment and she saw it very clearly.
I’m really not sure what Kim’s problem is, but I think this episode might be a little misleading when it comes to her. She made an interesting statement about how Kyle crosses her boundaries, and she doesn’t cross Kyle’s. Kyle’s issues with Kim might be less about care-taking and more about establishing control. Kim seemed fine for the most part until Kyle tried to force her agendas on her in terms of the house, and the other women.
I can’t really say her reaction to the the other women was that off the wall. I mean if Taylor sat next to me at dinner, I would definitely make a value judgement about her based on what she did to her face, and I would probably be inclined to maintain some distance – she looks like a caricature of every Hollywood housewife horror story I’ve ever heard.
Thanks flipit.
I agree Chemgal. She is certainly way ahead of most of the gals that married a wealthy guy. Pulling it off without a prenup is pat on the back worthy
TC, Robin
@ Zombie Cheez
There is a book by Jerry Oppenhiemer called Hotel Hilton wherein he says that the Richard girls Mom was a stagemom from hell, and according to him, she also pushed her girls to learn how to “please a man”. She also, according to him, made sure the girls had a “teacher” to accomplish this.
TC, Robin
Kathy Hilton is the Queen of goldiggers in my book. She married an heir to a $500 million fortune and he’s still with her. He didn’t trade up when she hit menopause, he seems to genuinely love her, and she and her children are set for life.
These women want more than money, they want validation. And having your husband leave you for a 29 yr old ( with *gasp!* natural boobs) when you are a 42 yr old woman is enough to give someone a major case of the sads.. money can’t buy you class, beauty, or happiness. And most of all, love.
Or should I say, ‘least’ of all, love.
Aw, I don’t think Kim had a reason to shun Taylor just because her face is so…uh, manufactured. Growing up in showbiz you think she’d be accustomed to all that. I think Kim just has issues with people, probably some kind of social anxiety. I don’t think her “childhood stardom past” is necessarily to blame (I think she just likes to find excuses for mentioning it) but I don’t think she’s necessarily malicious or cold either…just a bit goofy.
As much as I couldn’t stand Camille (especially her false modesty with remarks like “Ohmygod, this going to sound so awful but Kelsey and I flew private all the time” etc.) I actually might have to defend the goldigging thing, just because she was with Kelsey for so long and seemed to have been pretty devastated at the breakup of their marriage. I’m sure his buttloads of money sweetened the deal, but still, 13 years is no small potatoes to hang with someone and nurse them through sickness, etc., just for the payday. I think there was love there. She’s still totes out of control though.
Although I feel the need to add this too – I’m from NYC originally where we had a family business and Camille came into that business once when I was younger (I think she had JUST married Kelsey), and my family found it so refreshing how sweet and generous she was. Of course, that was a long time ago (probably pre-IBS) but just thought it was interesting.
“Aw, I don’t think Kim had a reason to shun Taylor just because her face is so…uh, manufactured. Growing up in showbiz you think she’d be accustomed to all that. I think Kim just has issues with people, probably some kind of social anxiety.”
You’re probably right @BT, but I mostly meant that meeting someone like that who kind of has all of their “stuff” out there can be off-putting. I know I’m guilty of it sometimes, if I see a woman at a party who looks over the top, I generally think they’re trying too hard and will be a lot of work so I keep my distance until I get a better read on them.
“my family found it so refreshing how sweet and generous she was. Of course, that was a long time ago (probably pre-IBS) but just thought it was interesting.” LOL, for some reason that cracked me up! She was an angel… until the bowels of Hell engulfed her in the morass of… IBS!
Sorry, I went off on a little tangent.
@ZCheeze
I can’t bring myself to make fun of Taylor’s face. She is so insecure and admitted that she get’s work done to keep her man. That is just so sad and I wanted to hug her when she said that.
I wonder if Kathy Hilton got a pre-nup? I wouldn’t doubt it considering how young they were when the got married.
But Robin?!? Did you SEE her man, why would she want him anyway? He looks like Toby Radloff! LOL!!!!
http://trashfilmguru.wordpress.com/2010/02/15/killer-nerd-toby-radloff-deserves-to-live-and-you-dont/
I doubt Kathy HIlton had a prenup, she and her husband have been together since they were teenagers; I’m not sure how useful a prenup would be anyway since most of their assets were probably accumulated during their marriage. His inheritance would most likely be administered through a trust and not considered an accumulated asset – but I don’t think there was much money left to him (on a relative basis, he’s still rich) and I think he’s worked to build most of what he has now.
Also – Kathy Hilton is a half-sister to Kim and Kyle.
@Bionic TV: I love your timeline..A pre-IBS Camille was sweet and generous. Could IBS have ruined their marriage?
I agree that she has the sads no matter how much cash in hands she walks away with. She starts out the season vapid and shallow but I’m sure once we see her marriage dissolve we’ll all want to give her a big hug.
Taylor needs a hug, a backbone, and a good sisterly support system to help her leave this unhealthy marriage. I do think she is afraid to leave the lifestyle behind.
Paul Wharton (Whitney!) made a great point to his DC girlfriends. Chris Rock also put it in his latest comedy act. A woman cannot go backwards in lifestyle. And if she’s been living lavishly for years, she will find it quite difficult to fall a few rungs down the ladder. This is why Kim would rather go into debt than rent an affordable 3-bedroom house when she’s always had 5-bdrs or more.
@sarcas, yes Coleen is my sister! She told me she hasn’t put up a comment lately and she’s been pretty busy with work so she hasn’t been on the site, that’s funny that you made the connection!
@ZCheez, I didn’t know that Kathy was only a half sister! Who is the oldest out of all of them? I thought it went Kim, Kathy, Kyle. Inneresting.
@Jeanine, did you and Coleen used to be Blonde Girl and Brunette Girl back in the Laguna Beach days?
Kathy is the oldest and I think her original last name was Avinzano or something, I’ll have to Google it. Then Kim, then Kyle and both of them are Richards by birth. I read somewhere that their mom was the stage mom from Hell.
@Jeanine..I wondered it before but never asked. Tell Coleen we miss her like she misses Jade and Ruby!
@ZCheez- no we used to be flowie623 and jennylovesflowie623. Yes, I know pretty horrible names, but it comes from me calling her Flowers for years (shortened from Colly-Flower, aww) Now I’m usually logged on to facebook so it just puts me in as my real name. I like that though. As you can see from previous names, I’m not that original, haha.
@sarcas I told her that you asked about us being sisters, so I think that might’ve made her more inclined to come back to the site and comment more often! And yes, you know she misses Jade and Ruby! Her preccccccccciouses!
HA-HA!!!
“@ZCheez- no we used to be flowie623 and jennylovesflowie623. Yes, I know pretty horrible names, but it comes from me calling her Flowers for years (shortened from Colly-Flower, aww)”
OMG – That’s so cute. I love that story, and those names are adorable! I’m heading down to Palm Beach in a couple of weeks, will you let Coleen know I will PM her the name of the thrift shop I go to near there? She’ll know what I’m talking about!
@ZCheez- yes, I’ll definitely let her know. I love thrift shops! I’m going to make her take me with her!
Flipit – I only decided to watch this show after I found out you were recapping it and I’m so glad on both accounts! I know someone else has already said it but, love the show, love Kyle’s hair, and love YOU!
ZCheez – 16 Candles – hell yeah!!!
I could not tell these women apart because except for hair color, they all look the same!
I keep looking at Taylor and keep thinking I have seen her before. Does anyone know if she has been on any other show? She looks so familar and her voice sounds familar also.
I’m back! I finally got a job and it has been taking up all of my time…I finally got my dvr down to about 4% and now have time to doother things than work and sleep.
@zcheez you can pm me at flowie623 if you haven’t already.
So I was wondering if anyone knew for sure if ibs can really screw with pregnancy? If it can I better get married to kelsey so I can have a surrogate!
Also has anyone ever seen the wizards of waverly place episode where alex convinces Gigi’s followers to get hit with hammers on the temples to make their cheeks bigger? Taylors plastic surgery looked exactly like that! I didn’t realize that people actually have procedures that make them look like that!
And yes I’m addicted to disney channel shows like I am Bravo…
@Coleen – a friend of mine had no problem with her ibs during pregnancy. She went to a natreopath (think my spelling is wrong on that) a year before trying and was put on some teas and probiotics and got some really great control over it. She met with the ob/gyn and determined everything she was taking was safe during pregnancy. No problems during or even after.
I’m a bit dismayed by someone’s earlier referral to Kyle as a ‘baby maker’ or ‘baby machine’. Its weird how it seems to be politically correct to bash woman who choose to have kids and enjoy being stay at home parents. Kyle, like many other women, seems very happy with her choice to not only have 5 children, but to be home with them. She should be given as much respect for her choice as women and couples who chose not to have children are given. It would never cross my mind to disparage or question a woman who does not have children. I will save all that judgment for women like Alexis Bellino who have kids and then think their roll is done. Or like Camille, who go through the expense of a surrogate and then rather than actually go check on her sick son, asks her daughter and then the nanny how he’s doing.
On a site dedicated to snark and humor, let us realize when a joke is being made. The baby-factories comment was such..a joke, and had no underlying criticisms on stay-at-home moms. Heck, it was made by one!
@chemgal. I don’t have such an issue with a baby making machine comment or someone electing to stay home with the babies… But her reason for having a kid surprised me a bit.. Didn’t she say she had a kid every time someone pissed her off in Hollywood? Why can’t she eat a carrot cake like the rest of us? I hope my kids knew they came into the world because they had balanced parents who felt they would add to society, bring joy to others, and be loved for who THEY ARE, not to prop up mama’s brusied ego.
@Coleen – I know this is ridiculous but I can’t remember the name, just where it is! I’ll ask my dad though, and believe it or not that’s probably the thing I’m looking forward to the most – I try and get down there 3 or 4 times a year and I always have running internal dialogues about what I’m going to find! I guess there’s a great vintage store there too – so I’ll pass that along as well. I’m looking for a vintage Gucci alligator bag, my mom had one in the 70′s and I always loved it – I almost died when she told me gave it to the Junior League thrift shop!!
I wanted to be a stay at home mom; I wanted to adopt those Feed the Children kids because I figured I could feed the children, and they could clean my house – apparently that’s a big no-no on the charitable contribution scene…
@zombie, I am looking for a ‘chanel looking’ suit for next Halloween. I am stealing the idea from country living magazine and going as tippi hedren from the birds. No luck at our local goodwills/salvation army/thrift stores. If you come across one, pick it up for me and bring it on the trip.
I will! And that is an AWESOME costume idea!!!!! My costume idea for this year was to go as “The Other Sister”. Meh.
This year we were supposed to all go as the knights who say ni. my kids fucked me though – now I’m a knight and they are vampires, werewolves and some star wars guy who isn’t even a jedi knight! Little fuckers. I only had them because I was pissed off at the time.
Chem! You should make your kids chop down a tree…..with a HERRING!
Ha! Speaking of herring – I want to know why Taylor’s so freaked out about losing Toby Radloff if she has her own thing going on financially? It’s not like they’re living in the Waldorf-Astoria like Lisa van der Pump… I need to know more about her business, where the hell is @marijai with her up-to-the-minute celebrity gossip?
Ok I must correct myself – I did a little more intel on the Camille Grammer encounter a decade plus ago and apparently it was KELSEY everybody loved, etc. But Camille must have behaved herself because if she was a heinous snatch I definitely would have gotten wind of it.
Anyway, as you were.
Thanks chemgal for the info. I never thought about if that would affect me or not but good to hear that it doesn’t have to be a problem.
Z cheez any info you can get for me would be great! I would love to buy up some rich peoples throw aways!
@sheesh – thank God for other Monty Python fans!
“Lisa van der Pump”: Greatest housewife name of all time. It’s straight out of Soapdish.
@skatt SOAPDISH OMG BEST MOVIE EVER
@sheesh and chemgal – *raises hand* HUGE Monty Python fan here! This guy I used to work with was, too, and whenever I had to give him shift report we would quote lines from the movies.
mmmmmmmmm Carrot Cake……
@Coleen…you are too funny. You know you don’t want kids. If anything, you’re adopting a not-so-bright bald kid named Fred so your nephew can wrestle him.
@chemgal
I must admit that I am not a Monty Python fan. But the Hubby is! So much that he named our precious Cat Monty
And what a puurrfect name for him too! He is so precocious! He gets in all sorts of trouble! But, what can you do? It isn’t like you can spank a cat or anything. I think he knows that I am not into animal cruelty, so he gets away with everything! 
I know it’s already been batted around, but seriously W. T. F. is up with Camille’s nannies??? What did they do, go interviewing at the Spahn Ranch? They al look like the product of a Manson Family orgy.
@Robin, you are so right; never spank a cat! They will fuck you up later on. Actually, I shouldn’t joke. They just had an animal abuse issue on the news and showed some of the cats and dogs – I can’t believe people can hurt animals.
“I can’t believe people can hurt animals.”
I have a menagerie of strays and abandoned little souls, and I’ve picked up a number of dogs that were obviously misused in some way for either crack-house security or dog-fighting in the city. I live out in the exurbs, and people just dump them off, stuff like that just makes me crazy. My pets are part of my family; all they ask for is a warm bed, good food and some TLC, and in return I get unconditional love and affection.
The only circumstances under which I believe in letting someone spank a cat is if it happens to live in my underpants.
@ZCheez ROTF I agree.
@Chemgal, I know what you mean. Have you ever seen the commercial about abused animals with the song “In The Arms of an Angel” playing in the background. ? I can’t reach for the clicker fast enough. I know it is supposed to bring in money, but I can’t get through the commercial..! I donate locally. They always need blankets so that is what I mainly donate along with a few extra’s when I can.
I Hate Michael Vick.
Robin – I know the commercial! Last time I was visiting back home it got me and now I have an automatic payment that goes in to the ASPCA every month! I donate locally as well since the smaller orgs don’t always get all the support they need.
Cheez – agree about the nannies – it seems like the Grammars where going for a certain “type”! Scary, huh?!
“Robin – I know the commercial! Last time I was visiting back home it got me and now I have an automatic payment that goes in to the ASPCA every month! I donate locally as well since the smaller orgs don’t always get all the support they need.”
Way to go kd! And you are right, many of the smaller local places that are working on a shoestring need help too. Many times they are too small to qualify for funding through the spca so they have to rely on private or county funding if it is in the budget. We know how that goes. I wish with all my heart that I had bunches of bucks. If I did, it would make me so happy to fund a place for homeless furbabies.I don’t. So in the meantime I ask folks for old blankets from friends and 4 times a year we take them and whatever we have managed to gather. Everyone within the sound of this post can take blankets to their local shelter. It doesn’t cost anything to donate.
TC, Robin
@ZCheez, that was a great comment about spanking the cat in your underpants. I’m totally on board with that! (For myself of course, I’m sure yours is lovely to spank but I just don’t swing that way!
)
As far as the Grammer nannies, they are really weird-looking, aren’t they? I remember on WWHL Ms. Andy saying something about Camille only hiring hot nannies. If this is the case, where are they? Does she employ EIGHT nannies? We didn’t get to see the four hot ones? B/c the ones I saw definitely look like they were extras from A Bug’s Life.
The ASPCA had an even sadder ad where this cute dog is sitting in a cage and this voice is saying, “My owner beats me all the time. I don’t know why. I thought I was a good dog.” They stopped using it, thank God.
I have four kittens and a mother cat living in my yard, and I can’t get them into any of the local no-kill shelters–all full. I even offered to pay their expenses. I hate to see them live as alley cats, because they are so cute and are getting really tame. Still, I’ll miss them if I do ever find a place for them.
I already adopted a cat that just turned up in my yard, so I, too, am full. There is still some turmoil going on in the house, especially between my oldest cat, Pixie, and the newbie. I am on my way to being a crazy cat lady, I guess.
@Pixie: You and I are the cat ladies! A mama cat would have kittens in my garden, too. I started feeding her because she would tear into the garbage on the sidewalk and it would blow all over the place. Well, she had a few litters in my yard and when the kitties got old enough to wander (4 weeks or so), I brought them indoors so they didn’t wander into the driveway/street. I would let the mom in to feed them several times a day and I used KMR (kitten milk replacement) during the other times. The mom was an alleycat..she loved the streets and would jump into my window box and meow when she wanted in and then scratch at the door when she wanted out. At 8 weeks, I litter-trained the kitties and adopted them out on Craigslist.
It’s helps that they were tamed by being handled..makes them easier to adopt. The litter that was born in my neighbor’s yard would come visit me for food but never let me hold/pet them. One of them, however, brought me a present of a headless bird and sat on my doorstep, holding it in it’s paws.
So sweet when they show their gratitude..
Here’s a vid of my dog’s love affair with one of the kitties.. I had to keep her longer because I hated separating them. True love transcends species.
http://www.youtube.com/user/twohues#p/a/u/0/W5EY1li0Exs
(and yes, my puppy’s paw is deformed. He grew a witches claw due to inbreeding..darn makeshift animal breeders have no conscience. I rescued him from a high-kill shelter because growing a human index finger and pinky wasn’t reason enough to get the needle. And his licks tell me he’s grateful. Not quite like a headless bird but do you think a 3-pawed dog can catch birds? He can’t even catch a girl dog because they look down on his handicap as being somehow genetically inferior. Bitches.)
@Cheez…I’m still here. I haven’t had a chance to watch this episode yet.
Perhaps the Grammar nannies are like the girls at Deja Vu, only Camille hired ALL ugly ones.
@What “I keep looking at Taylor and keep thinking I have seen her before. Does anyone know if she has been on any other show? She looks so familar and her voice sounds familar also.”
ZCheez mentioned that she looks like Kyra Sedgwick. Maybe that’s who you are thinking of? I think she looks like her too.
TC,Robin
Good call on Soapdish, by far one of the most underrated comedies. “It’s a case of brake fluid…bran flavor…brain fever!” LMAO. I die every time during that scene.
I hate teresa. still. always. forever.
OOH! I’ve never had the honor…
I hate Teresa
LOL
Oh Man! This is never going to happen for me! Chemgal, in for the steal!
@Libithina – soooo sorry! Just didn’t want to miss it. I’ll throw the invisible net over mine so no one sees it and it will be all yours.
@Lib, LOL! “Her brain will laterally explore…” “LITERALLY EXPLODE?!” That scene is amazing. I also love Garry Marshall’s line, “There’s a nurse in the restaurant, did I miss a meeting?”
And of course I always think about Celeste yelling at Tawny the costume designer: “Why don’t you just put me in a walker? Just buy a goddamn walker and put me in it!!”
Sorry, I could go on all day.
(Attention: no turbans for Ms. Talbert)
@BT, straight up, you are killing me! But fortunately, I’m a professional, I do things professionally.
Robinez- no it is not Kyra. It is something more than just how she looks, it is her voice also. I could swear she has been on something, I just cannot put my finger on it!
@What? I also see a resemblance to Jennifer Garner.
Chemgal: !!!!!!!!!!! I totally thought ‘Jennifer Garner’ when she was in the Plastic Surgeons office and her hair was pulled back.
I looked her up on IMDB- nothing but this show under her name.
anyone catch WWHL with Hoda and Stankey? My hate meter for Patti, fatt (yes two t’s) ass Stankey has shot through the roof. After a year- she is still team Jill and bashing Bethenny- saying Bethenny wronged Jill. Really? Everyone else has let it go, why not you? Jealous your man dumped you for someone else? hate her….
Pantsonfire: Oh, I can totally see Jill and Patti being the best of friends. Their personalities are one in the same: rude and abrasive. And if you have a problem with it, it’s because you just are somehow threatened by their innate awesomeness.
It’s not them, it’s us.
@skatt. Yeah, I just have to say, she could have been an adult and somewhat politically correct for tv and said we were once freinds, but had our differences, I wish her the best. Instead, she’s poking the bear. I would love to see Bethenny go after Patti on a show, cause those two would create some fireworks. Obviously we don’t know how all of these people operate on a daily basis, and I would hazard a guess, Ms. B. can be aggressive in business, and might have stepped on a few toes along the way, but most successful, rich people, have done so along the way. Some people like Jill have done it their entire lives, having been taught so by their example. I think Ms. B. has made her way to where she is and makes no apologies for scraping together an existence in life. Others… well they marry rich, pretend to be philanthropic and always, always have their own intrests at heart. Hardships like what B. went through make her what she is today. I think Stankey might be a little jealous as Jill. thats OK- I mean Stankey and Jill make a great lesbian couple don’t you think? they both look like drag queens anyway….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelsey_Grammer love that he sticks his dick into anything that moves… Look Out Ichiban!
Oh, and almost forgot. If Camille were really as smart as she thinks she is, she should have hired gay nannies- at least two gay men in those kids’ lives would give them the same love and affection, without worrying Kelsey might impregnate one of them
Ewww! Kelsey Grammer is disgusting! I just read that Wikipedia link and I knew he had coke and booze problems but I never realized he was such a sleaze. Gross. I’ve hated him for as long as I can remember. Cheers was too before my time, I fucking HATE Frasier, and ugh, just him in general. I think Camille is pretty loathsome as well, but she should be thankful she got out of that mess. It is pretty funny that he marries stripper and Playboy models. What does this new girlfriend do? Wiki says that she’s an actress. It would be great if she were an adult actress.
And look at how many of them get pregnant! He seems to just have kids and move on….I feel sorry for the kids. I wonder how much money he pays each month in child support and alimony. He is definitely skank and seems to like really young, skanky women. I hate him and loathe Camille.
@jeanine..the new one is a 29-yr old flight attendant and she’s no looker. He aint pulling the hots ones like he used to. It seems ugly intellectuals like skanks. Bill Maher is the same way. Sexing porn stars is like the nerd’s revenge. A big F U to everyone who picked them last at dodgeball.
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/10/exclusive-another-real-housewives-brawl-teresa-giudices-husband-brother-trade