She extols the virtues of the Master Cleanse. It clears your brain toxins! It takes away bad habits! It makes you thin(nish)! Kyle smiles politely and asks if she can talk shit about Kim, since that’s the reason she drove all this way. Holy Yoli shrugs. She’s invited Twitch to come do the cleanse with her, but Kim has flaked three times! Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on your parents. Screw me three times, I draw you without legs.
Kyle says Twitch just flaked because it’s her personality. Or because listening to an obnoxious housefrau who fucked her way into a Malibu mansion yammer on about how she created everything she wanted because of lemon water sounds like a more horrendous afternoon than the time Twitch got locked in Mindy Cohn’s closet and had to listen to her sob and go to town on Little Debbie’s for six hours in a row.
Jo always gets more liiiines than meeeee!
Yolanda is positive that Twitch’s alcoholism can be cleansed if she’ll just drink this magic formula! The best thing to tell a recovering lush is “all you need to do is drink.” Kyle leaves with a confused look on her face.
Speaking of Kim Twitchards, she’s at home doing the usual. Making her “house man” (WTF?) polish china while she stares out the peephole.
Sure thad loogs lige a ladyonabike bud I ZEE THRU UR TRIGGS PAPARADZIS!
Her life coach comes over. So, a house man and a life coach? Isn’t this bitch supposed to be broke? I think she’s just paying this guy to feel like she’s talking to Wilford Brimley again.
He tells her how beautiful she looks, and he’s right. It could be sobriety, or it could be the age defying resveratrol that’s in red wine.
Twitch bitches about Kyle. She just can’t get over her sister calling her out for being an alchie on national TV. Well, you called her a house stealer! You both used the truth against each other. I’ve heard of worse sibling squabbles. Just imagine this silliness in different times.
You stole my house!
You smell like two buck Chuck!
Life coach tells her that Kyle may have seemed like more of a bitch cuz Twitch was drunk, and Twitch has to think about that. Could Kyle’s horrible personality just be a figment of her wasted imagination? Girl, please. You’re sober now. Does Kyle still have your house? Thank you. Let’s all stop blaming booze for everything. It can actually help in certain situations re: my entire life.
Coach says she needs to forgive and forget, and if she even takes one little drink, it’s all over.
Thank God he didn’t say pills.