Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, OJ killed his wife, whose best friend then cashed in by spreading her legs for Playboy and snagging a book deal.
Also, drunk horse faced Failor Armstrong yelled at Brandi because she was left with a giant debt due to a con she pulled with her husband (she only pulled half the con and should only have to pay half the debt)…
You don’t know what kind of pressure I’m under! These discount fillers weigh more than speed bumps! FEEL FOR MEEEEE!!
…and the dumbass waitress Scheyiayna wants to talk to Brandi for airtime /bigger part in said spinoff /random chance to blink hard and say “like” a lot forgiveness.
We open where we left off: with me staring amazedly at Faye’s Elephant Man face. Who is this woman and what has she done so bad that no one is willing to tell her she looks like a melting Goofy action figure? God bless her heart.
Faye is cruelly calling Brandi out non stop for being a bitch in front of an entire table of women. Someone just smack her. PLEASE. And then stand by with a scalpel, a vacuum and some super glue so you can fix that face. I can barely take it.
Brandi, shockingly the bigger person, leaves without ripping Faye’s throat out. Good for Brandi! Bad for us. Cuz bitch keeps on yammering. “Now Lisa, you know I can’t help but tell the truth!” HA! I know people would accuse Faye of being a lot of things (classless, rubber, Ed Asner in a wind tunnel), but truthful isn’t one of them.