-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- SnoopK8: Okay, first of all, that video was way disturbing. WTF? Secondly, thank you all for all your kind...
- Pegalicious: To me, Tiffany came across as lazy, whiny, self-serving, and selfish, but not...
- PopePhilly: I call dibs on recapping your show! You can call it DWTSW (Dancing With the Sister Wives).
- KRB: We could have our own dance troupe! I love me some bling and rhinestone! This will be like that Jacksons...
- SaraKate77: I DO tap! Like you, I’m out of the loop, and out of shape, but I do tap routines to the beat of...
- Classy Drunk: I am definitely in the minority here. I don’t...
- sam: @Sparkle McSnarkle No, Kanye actually has a big penis, his nudes leaked a few years ago.
- AngryNerdGirl: I think he’s just trying to distract everyone from the obvious fact that he’s a...
- jerseyj: @KimDragon, I agree with pretty much everything you said! Glad...
- Sparkle McSnarkle: I think he has a small penis and is making up for it with a humongous ego.
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
- In case my internet goes down. #top10tv #cheerleading #worlds #espn goo.gl/mPifG 8 hours ago
- Britany reminds me of a lost, saggy diaper baby that you see wandering around at Kmart @HelloAly #modelemployeehttp://goo.gl/LPZ8G@VH1 1 day ago
- Cyrus Beene is my favorite magical sparkle bunny #Scandal goo.gl/83Grt @ScandalABC @jscandalp @georgenewbern @Miss_Jess03 1 day ago
- Nia is a trash bag full of crab-ridden c words. #RealWorld Recap @mtv goo.gl/VFTeG 1 day ago
- Can't take my eyes off you, indeed. #LazarosPackage #AmericanIdol Recap goo.gl/bakRA 2 days ago
- @timmonslisa love to the timms! 2 days ago
- RT @timmonslisa: #FF @sequentcreative @tvgasm @chris_lala @stoopidhsewives @cynjok @crankyashley @C_Copka @H_Outsider @bbwraven @RealityRed… 2 days ago
- "The power of hotness should never be underestimated." #OUAT Recap goo.gl/R26pa @abc @Onceabc @ginnygoodwin 2 days ago
- "How can we miss you if you won't go away?" #DanceMoms Recap goo.gl/rmWvX @DanceMoms @LifetimeTV 2 days ago
- one city. two days. seven strip shows. happy mary, happy me. #sytycd recap goo.gl/uIb7O 2 days ago
- Ingo is the personification of plain oatmeal. #DWTS Recap goo.gl/wLxym 2 days ago
- VIDEO: Amanda's Audition Tape: Hell's Kitchen goo.gl/ILMIQ Amanda takes on the man! @HellsKitchenFOX @amandaohly @betette 3 days ago
- The one time a bedroom will not be featuring tittays on this show. #top10tv goo.gl/Sa7j6 #gameofthrones @hbo @gameofthrones 3 days ago
- Finale - Part 2. Deep breath, we'll all get through this together! #Revenge Recap goo.gl/X7LMh 3 days ago
- Where there's smoke, there's farts. #AmericanIdol Recap goo.gl/jk7CC 3 days ago
- Kim sobs like they pulled McRib from the menu. #DontBeTardy Recap #url @BravoTV @KimZolciak 3 days ago
- Andre looks like we just showed him how Honey Boo Boo's Mama washes her ass. #BadGirlsClub Recap goo.gl/rbzeX @oxygen 3 days ago
- Weird Al reference: It had to happen sooner or later. #BreakingAmish Recap goo.gl/LMS7T 3 days ago
Monday, November 7, 2011
10:39 pm
48 Comments
Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Adrienne took off her rubber Nixon mask,
…Kyle tried to leech off her family’s fame by spreading her legs, reciting lines from Witch Mountain, and popping out little Hilton Hotel soaps,
…and freakishly anorexic Failor took her rage out on Lisa by unhinging her jaw and chewing off a piece of the VanPumpy’s shoulder.
This is for knowing anyone in the media!
Oh yeah. Also Kim Twitchards met a homely meth head mailbox stalker and spent a secret year on Mister Toad’s Wild Ride. If cracking eggs in public service announcements doesn’t scare you into not doing drugs, maybe this will:
Drugs lead to homely husbands.
We open this week back in Adrienne’s basement of surgery, where Paul has set up office.
Watch out for the dismembered toddler with pig limbs sewn onto it.
Speak of the devil! It has a job here! Glad to know American Horror Story will have a happy ending.
Paul is trying to drum up some business, so he’s having the ladies over for even more work. Jesus. How many times can you laser something before it just falls off? I would put a picture of Failor here with her nose photoshopped out, but she’s not onscreen yet.
Kyle is up first. She says that Paul does these little parties all the time to show the women his new products. Samples! It’s like Costco, only way shadier and people in Costco know that there’s no such thing as fixing ugly, which is why they’re buying giant ninety packs of KitKat bars and shit. Kyle is there to get her love handles lazered off. Paul, knowing how to keep a customer insecure enough to come back often, greets her as his little muffin top. HAHA! He shows her the contraption he is going to use, and it looks like one of those claw machines you try to grab shitty toys with.
With enough skill (and quarters), you can win a washed up cackling D Lister with jelly spilling over her jeans!
Kyle gets nervous with the machine and asks how the hell it works. She misses the most obvious question, though, which is if this thing works, why is Paul fat? Don’t take karate lessons from a dude with a broken arm and bruises all over his face. Somehow, the lasers open up a “portal” in the fat cells, and they empty the fat into your blood stream. Bullshit, and I will prove it by scanning my own muffin top in the Ralph’s self checkout line every time I shop during the next month.
Lisa shows up next, and she runs into Failor, who looks just like she did after her first date with Russell.
Ah, memories!
Lisa gives her shit for injecting filler into her face instead of eating. Fail laughs her fake laugh and points at the food Paul left her on the table. Lisa laughs “yeah, but it’s still there.” HAHAHAH. Failor tells us that she really hates when Lisa nags her about her obvious anorexia. Oh, honey. Lisa knows you hate it. That’s why she does it. She hands Fail the plate and watches her take a bite. Fail chews and chews and chews and chews, but her throat won’t let her swallow. Lisa’s not getting anything done, “because I have to work with the public.” OK Evita. She’s just there to see if anyone’s face melts off, which sounds like a damn good afternoon to me.
Wacky clown music is playing, which means it’s time for Twitch! She comes out of her house twitching and hiccuping into her car. Watching how awkward and nervous she is even driving her own car is too hilarious to even describe.
Hey how gum my knugges loog likge Janet Napolitano. Hi Janet! I love your hairgut. Let’s be friends. That uzeda be my favrid show AHHH A SEMI!
Paul calls, cuz Twitch is late as usual. At least this time she’s on her way there and not terrorizing some neighbor with her blowdryer and stories about what it was like to work with that creep Richard Long in Nanny and the Professor. He asks what she wants done so he can get the cement mixer prepped for her arrival, but all she wants is blown up lips. She admits that she was mean to Taylor last year when she called her a blowfish and worries that karma may come back to strike her down and make her look like an extra from The Little Mermaid or worse, Taylor herself. Paul assures her that he can do a lot of damage, but making someone’s mouth the size of a sinkhole isn’t one of them so stop worrying and get your ass here, woman!
LOL
Paul is injecting something called Dysport into Failor, and he describes it as “just like botox” like it’s no big deal. I looked up the side effects. Basically, this drug turns you into Camille.
drooping eyelids
loss of bladder control
trouble breathing
Speaking of, Camille’s not coming cuz Frasier just announced to the world that he’s seeking custody of the kids. Kyle and Lisa call her, cuz there’s no way that skank’s getting out of exploiting her pain on national TV. She goes on a flustered rant about how Frasier is trying to steal the kids, and I don’t blame her for being frustrated. Fifty million is hard enough to live on. If you take away the child support too, she won’t be able to afford any friends. Camille keeps on talking, and Lisa’s like “dahling that’s enough we were just calling QUICKLY to say good luck and all that buhbyyyyeeee!” Click. Poor Shlemiel.
Lisa whips out her iPad and finds an email from Russell telling her that everything is just fine and dandy with his marriage and his business was up 900 percent. LOL! Lisa is confused as to why he would send her delusional mail and no one else, but Kyle keeps her mouth shut. That’s infringing on Failor’s screen time, and she’s a good friend so she’ll just let that one slide. Lisa decides not to fight back and leaves Russ dangling.
Twitch arrives hiccup/giggling about nothing and talks about how much packing she’s been doing. She won’t tell Lisa or Kyle where she’s moving, which I LOVE. Kyle knows this means Kim is moving even further away from her. And who can blame her? If I was Kim I’d be in Rancho Mirage. Kyle drops it and moves on to the big seance she’s been planning at her place. Twitch hasn’t RSVPd because she doesn’t want any spirits coming into her while she’s fragile. Lisa smirks “No one’s coming inside of you, dahling, it’s not that kind of pahty.” HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Kim doesn’t want Kyle finding out all her secrets, basically, which really makes me want to hire this psychic. She must be good. I wonder if she told Kim she would come close to getting impregnated by an arm rest this year.
Kyle won’t take no, but that’s all Twitch will give. Her final argument? “Idz againztd my religion.” LOLOLLLLL!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!! WTF? Cut back to last season, when Kyle and Twitch went together to their psychic friend and giggled and joked like they’ve known her forever. Twitch, though, doesn’t get to see this clip, so she’s sticking to her guns and claiming that she would never ever go to a psychic. She doesn’t do things like that! The occult is satanic and the only place Kim’s worshipping at is the Crystal Cathedral. Lisa is annoyed and tells us Kim has an excuse for everything. Then she does an impersonation of her in Gollum voice. Kim’s voice and Lisa’s waddle make it a sad day that Lord of the Rings has already been shot.
The ring! The riiiiiiiing!
Kyle thinks that Kim is more scared about being around the women on this show than being around the ghosts. And she’s right, if by women she means HER SISTER. Adrienne shows up when everyone’s had their work done, and Failor’s face is too scary for people under the age of 14.
When Taylor is all done getting caulked, she meets the ladies in the waiting room for goodbyes. Lisa calls her out in front of everyone and asks why the hell her husband is emailing her. Taylor gets all shifty eyed and says that he probably sent it to everyone. Nope! Just Lisa! Why would that be? Fail gets more and more nervous and offers Lisa a discount on a new Ford Focus. Lisa doesn’t know what that means, and Fail refuses to answer her question. If she wants answers, she can ask Russell at the seance. What a pussy! She tells us that Russ’ plan was to tell Lisa that everything’s ok and see if that is leaked to the press. He’s like Jessica Fletcher with a bad temper and beaver teeth. Lisa VS Russ? I’m in!!
Twitch takes her turn with Paul while Kyle stays in the waiting room to complain to Ad that her sister is hiding something from her. It’s probably the keys to her rental so you can’t steal her house again. Lisa and Kyle try to convince Ad to convince Twitch to stop being an a hole. Ad can convince anyone. Snow White took that apple and didn’t even think twice.
In her session with Paul, Twitch admits her age (46), and the drugs she’s on. Twitchazone, Plexiglasszone, Crazyfaceadine. Paul smiles and says her loopiness makes sense now because she’s not supposed to be mixing that medication. That’s why everyone thinks she’s a lush. He asks if she’s drinking with the meds, and she slurs that it’s against her religion. Uh-oh. He’s like, um you look drunk right now and you shouldn’t be driving and everyone thinks you’re on drugs cuz you ARE. Kim slurs to us that she’s not drinking at the moment and she hopez she gan staynodrunkzzzz (asleep and having a chasing kitty dream.)
Hey ged bag eer ya giddygat!
In the waiting room, Ad wants to know wtf is going on with Fail and Russ. No one knows. Well, no one will say. Lisa grills Kyle, since she’s the only one close with Taylor. HAHAH. Kyle starts arguing with her and saying that Camille’s close with her too. Uh-huh. I don’t buy that, and neither does Lisa. And Kyle’s being pretty defensive about nothing, so Lisa double air kisses the girls and tries to find validation for the broom she parked in the handicapped spot.
Kyle and Ad go to see Kim, who’s only calmed down because Paul told her he was taking headshots.
There’s a witch on that mountain! Escape! Escaaaaaape!
Twitch tells them Paul told her she is acting like Liza on her birthday because she’s on the wrong cocktail. Kyle suggests she use a different term. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Paul isn’t worried that the medication will get in the way of his procedures today. What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll go nuts? Kim starts babbling about nothing and Kyle shushes her so Paul can start putting in the drywall. She snaps “You’re not my mother!” Good one. Jeeze, Kyle. You think she’s a clown or something?
Twitch is still pissed about it during her diary room session, which means some serious shit goes down at the end of the season when these were taped. Can’t wait! Kyle gets the hell out of there and the drywalling begins. Ad keeps telling Paul to stop because Twitch looks pained. He’s not done until he’s done, and Twitch hasn’t had work before so this could take days. Kim is horrified when she’s sees her karma blowfish lips, but not too horrified to do a number from Dreamgirls.
I am chayayayangiiiiiing!
It’s the day of the Seance party. I predict Camille will be shitting violently til next week.
Kyle starts off the day by calling Brandi to make sure she’s coming. Small price to pay to keep her job, I guess. I wish I got paid to hang out with losers. I’d be RICH. No offense to any of the low life white trash friends I have pretending to read this. Brandi is a little cold at first, but agrees to come and leave the bullshit behind. Kyle gossips with her kid about it, but she won’t say exactly what the fight with Brandi was about because she doesn’t want her daughter to know that she and her sister used dark magic to freeze Brandi’s face into a “what stinks?” position for all eternity.
Bippedy bobbity boo, bitch!
Failor comes over to inform Kyle that she’s pissed at Lisa for telling the entire town she doesn’t have friends. LOL! Cut to Lisa saying Failor has no friends. Camille was the one who told Taylor this. Camille has learned not to be an asshole on TV anymore. The how not to be an asshole on the phone lesson must be a different session. I love this, because Failor is the one who started shit between Cam and Kyle last season with her little private talk in that hotel room. Camille’s getting revenge. Girl’s got some life in her yet!
Fail fake cries to Kyle about how her feelings are so hurt and she’s afraid to confront Lisa cuz look what she did to the last conman who messed with her! Poor Leech Cedric barely got his tell all book deal! Lisa’s just sooooo meeeeeean! Failor is like a pile in litter scared of the pooper scooper coming round to get rid of her. She’s so full of it. You’re scared of Lisa cuz she calls you out on all your fake ass lies and bs, as you should be. There’s a reason flies don’t take naps on swatters.
Kyle tells her that she must confront Lisa, and she should do it in public because being surrounded by people will give her courage. LOL. Who the hell’s gonna back Fail up against Vanderlump? I can guarantee who won’t: SHLEMIEL.
Ten hours later or something, Kyle is still trying to look like Demi. Frumpy Medium shows up and walks around the house with an answering machine from the 80′s or some shit to read the energy of the house. Headslap. It’s evil and most likely stolen. You’re welcome. She starts blabbering about how she’s seeking out magnetic energy. I’ve got a Papa John’s magnet on the fridge. Can you tell me how he died? Did he choke on pizza? PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW. She says there are already a lot of ghosts in the house. I’m afraid that Lisa will be the next one, cuz look who’s here.
The pink ones are ONLY for the hag with the bald rat on her arm.
By the way, do you think Kyle hired a waiter that looks like Eddie Cibrian to be a bitch or just to balance Bernie’s pettiness out with a little prettiness? Either way, I approve. Bernie teaches the waiter how to prepare his desserts, and I’m confused as to why this scene is in here until he criticizes Lisa. Oh get over yourself. If you can’t stand the heat, keep the hot flashes out of your kitchen.
The ladies arrive. Brandi comes limping in and Brandi is showing respect by wearing something only kinda see through that goes down almost to her knees. AW! I guess DD is out of town or something, cuz Camille has showed up with a new Friendployee from the temp agency. You should never, ever call them last minute.
This is my friend “BestIcoulddo”.
Cam hopes that this night isn’t just some sort of revenge for when she had her Medium party. LOL. She may not know Kyle too well, but she knows her really, really well. Faye Resnik is also here, and she and Camille are super fakey sweet to each other. Good to see adults act like adults on a Housewives show. Faye’s not an idiot. She’s gonna write a tell all about Camille’s divorce in 5, 4, 3, 2…
Frumpy Medium sits them all down for some spiel about how she has water for them cuz the glass is always half full instead of empty. Or in case they get thirsty. She starts with Ad. Her dad is all ghosty and stuff and says that Ad is strong and tough but also super girly. Ok ya lost me there. Hey, you guys wanna take a break from the seance and watch Twitch try to teach her maid how to clean a drawer? Me neither. For the record, I’m on Mexico’s side of the great drawer cleaning debate. And for the record again, there are two ads about drag queens. This show knows how to make its cast look more feminine.
Back to Frumpy Psychic. She tells Brandi that she’s gonna have a baby. She already has kids. A little girl? No, two boys. Ah, ok then you’ll have a little girl who will whip out her penis at parties. Then she says that Brandi has some dead family member who was a good person and accrued lots of karma points for Brandi, which would explain her husband leaving her and her leg getting broken. Jesus, this psychic sucks bawls.
Lisa’s grandma shows up and tells her she’s glad that they finally look like sisters. Anyone named Allison in Lisa’s life? Kyle starts cackling about Medium, and Lisa does a hilarious impersonation. Grandma said she was trying to get through to Allison, but Medium was such a negative bitch that Allison wouldn’t listen. LOL. Lisa says Allison was a wretched horrid bitch so it’s no shock that she ignored Granny. Camille looks pissed. LOVE IT.
Patricia Arquette blocked me on Facebook. Let’s just move on.
Frumpy Medium says that Taylor isn’t far behind Camille’s situation. OH SHIT. I take it all back! She tells Fail that her husband is shady and all about money and needs to lose the chump. Speaking of, I thought Russ was coming! He’s probably at home practicing his boxing again. Swinging and swinging and swinging. Kyle’s mom shows up and tells her that she was Kim’s mother in a past life and never let her use the crystal so Kim is still mad and hoarding the crystal now in this life. Frump tells her to stop being such a critical bitch. Kyle’s like um no thanks. Camille’s turn! Her dead family is super happy that Frasier’s gone and half his money was left behind and she hasn’t even had to show her crotch for it this decade. The family also tells her to stop giving lawyers so much money and not to worry because she will have a man soon that doesn’t fuck guys in the sauna.
The next day, dramatic music is playing as Kyle goes to the house of Twitch. Kyle asks her why the move is such a big secret, and Twitch takes her outside so she can’t break anything. Kim starts babbling about pools and lollipops and munchkins and Bible study and Kyle stops her and asks her point blank if she’s moving out of state. No, but she’s moving in with a guy….Kyle narrows her eyes as Frumpy’s “don’t be a critical bitch” rings in her ears over and over. She asks if it’s the same guy Twitch took to Paris’ toe fungus removal cream launch party, and Kim says yes. Kyle gets super upset and does her best to not scream.
Why would Twitch keep secrets from her? Um……I don’t have enough time to answer that now. Watch seasons one, two, and your entire childhood for further reference. Kyle sobs “I don’t think you wanna do this!” HAHAHAH. Kim says it is what she wants. Kyle cries “we don’t even know him!” and Kim very very calmly says that she will get to know him and she’s sick of living for everyone else. Kyle keeps crying and huffing and puffing and trying to come up with reasons why this won’t work. She stutters that she just wants Kim to be happy, and if this is the guy she’s been with for the past year, then how happy could she be? LOL!! GOD! Kim says “You’ve seen the change in me!” Yeah, you’ve gone from a slightly nutty drunk to a schizo fall down pill head. YAY! Kyle does her best to shut up, but she’s Kyle so she can’t. She’s not very supportive, but Twitch seems downright touched that she’s even trying.
Kyle tells us that she thinks Twitch is just shacking up with some homely guy cuz she’s lonely and won’t concentrate enough to learn how a computer works and log into match.com. Well, a lot of people are together because they’re lonely and have no internet access. It doesn’t make them sad, just freer to eat a tub of ice cream in front of their spouse and not feel bad about it. Kim takes her in to meet Mister Toad, and that’s where we get cut off. BOOOOOOO!!! We’ll have to wait until next week for Kyle to notice his sniffling and twitchiness.
Next week, Failor tells off Lisa, but then everyone tells off Failor and Camille grows a pair and brings up the abuse. SCANDAL! I predict that I will be popping some Orville in the micro for that shit. Love, your Frumpy Psychic, Flipit.
TV Social
-
48 Comments
OK< the .gif of waghead Twitchy on page 3 just sent me over the edge, I LOVE YOOOOOOU!
love, J-Mo
“There’s a reason flies don’t take naps on swatters”…poetry, FlipIt!
I, for one, LOVE The Vanderpump, just because she does call people out on their foolishness. And she does it with just the right amount of sarcasm – would so go drinking with Lisa (but she’d have to buy).
Was anyone else proud of Kim for calmly breaking the news to Kyle? It just drove Kyle CRAZY that, for once, she couldn’t bully her sister into doing what Kyle wants – this may be speaking too soon, but this new guy might end up being good for Kim? Now to get her meds tweaked…
Great recap for a so-so episode. It looks like there will be plenty of action next week, though. I don’t care for Kyle this season, but I am glad that she will point blank ask Mr Toad wtf is with the wedding ring. And knowing her, she nag till she gets an honest answer. Anyone else think that its been Taylor tipping off the rags about her divorce, abuse and anorexia?
Thanks again Flipit for a happy start to my workday!
Kyle, what a B**ch. Her sister tells her about something exciting and Kyle makes it about her feelings. No wonder Kim is on so many meds. She isn’t allowed to decide anything in her life without her sister’s approval. I was proud of Kim and the way she handled the giving Kyle the news. She was clear and calm; she knew what she was doing. Here comes Kyle raining on her parade. Can’t she be happy for Kim for a minute. My sympathy to Kim.
@tvsnarkeling — have you seen Mr Toad?
Do real, non-reality TV plastic surgeons ever turn prospective clients away and say “you’ve gone too far already”?
Because Paul? Doing MORE SHIT to Failor’s funhouse face? That’s just taking a big steaming dump on the Hippocratic Oath, right there.
I’m getting a prediction from the spirit world for all the RHoBH bitchfaces: in the next year, forces beyond your control will coerce you into attending lots of parties and events with people you hate. Oh, and Cedric’s drugwhore mother wants to thank Lisa for giving her little boy all those blowjobs, which brought some momentary happiness into his otherwise tragic life.
OMG FLipit, the FIRST LINE???LOL!
Back to reading…
I agree with @Wilma Fengherdu. “There’s a reason flies don’t take naps on swatters” went straight into my Inspirational Quote box. @Flipit’s about to get his own special section of it because this is like the 2nd or 3rd quote from him in there.
The other day at the CVS the druggist was telling this old lady that so many people that hadn’t ever been able to quit smoking found out about electric cigarettes because of Allison the medium, so even though she’s this awful bitch and 1 of the most hated TV characters ever she ended up saving a whole mess of lives.
@Tvsnarkeling I know, right! It reminded me of that scene in The Big C where Kathy tells her best friend she’s dying and the friend goes “Oh God! I’ve never had a friend who’s dying before!”
@Gypsy I made it as far as “popping out little Hilton Hotel soaps” before I had to take a ROFL break and then got all the way down to the toddler with pig limbs before the next 1!
@Flipit either you watch this show with your keyboard in 1 hand and the pause button in the other or you secretly know famous people that send it to you ahead of time.
Either way, thanks for getting it up so fast and making me laugh so much. I can actually feel my mental health improving!
I felt bad for Kyle only in the sense that their relationship is a strange one and I believe she was suffering some genuine separation anxiety at the thought of Kim moving out of state.
I admit I’m a softy when it comes to their sisterhood.
Beyond that Kyle’s objection seems to be almost all superficial. Selfishly worrying about her own needs and once again being critical of Kim and wondering like a “cool” kid why her sister would go for this guy.
Hey, maybe we could all be honest and admit to wondering the same but only to minimum degree. Not to the point that you would deny your friend or sister the benefit of the doubt instead of just summing up your sister as making a pathetic choice, once again.
Oh and I was so glad to hear Kim just gather her thoughts and motor skills enough to tell Kyle to knock it off, already. She wonders why Kim would keep secrets when every thought, utterance, or step is relentlessly criticized by Kyle. It’s enough to make one batshit crazy.
I’ve thought Kim was “rebelling” as Frumpy Psychic said for a while now and maybe that explains a lot. In the end it’s up to Kim to make the right choices for the right reasons but maybe it starts with getting out from under Kyle’s breathing down her neck.
Vanderpump isn’t bothering me. She’s forthright with just enough edge and not too much. She’s not cruel and I don’t believe she’s “preying on the weak” as Kyle said. (Kim thought she heard “praying” and dutifully began one.) She’s been honest about her problem with Taylor to her face, to the viewers, to everyone.
This comment is almost as much as Flipit’s recap, minus more insight and minus the funny.
Still laughing at “Lisa decides not to fight back and leaves Russ dangling.” So sick. Love it!
@Flipit and all who were either on the thread last week or care to check back now, allow me to point out something (please correct me if I am wrong)…
Was it just me or was this re-cap just as timely, hilarious, and full of hidden analogies for all ages to enjoy as per usual? I would say so! But, if my goldfish memory serves me well, I read not see nary a silent faht Ken joke in the mix. (Take that @2Funny or whatever you alias is)
I am going to guess Flipit did that intentionally and, I must say this re-cap was just as amazing as the rest! Thanks for the laughs. I found this too funny (right there with you @Kthxbai) to delve deeper into these crazy bitches’ problems except to ask:
Flipit, was the Demi/Vyle reference homage to Ghost? Because, I was watching this thinking was is Kyle trying to (dress all Stevie Knicks lately) and act like this is a scene from Ghost?
*Also, for those of you who love parodies this one is pretty amazing. I currently live in Boston, if any of you are familiar with the city, this will have you in stitches! It’s also a must watch for fans of The RH franchise (It was also my Halloween costume with a bunch of girlfriends) Enjoy!:
Twitch’s meds list lol. Hilarious recap as always.
UGH typo! *I did not see nary a silent faht Ken joke in the mix.
hiyeee! thanks for reading you guys! did you watch wwhl after the show? lisa was piiiissed at kyle for saying she feeds on the weak. lol! i didn’t even put it in the recap, because i figured kyle was just saying that to taunt failor into confronting lisa publicly, but lisa no likey. love it.
and to answer your questions, i get the show at six pm my time, so that’s why the recaps are up fast. i just block out monday nights instead of getting blotto and watching good wife episodes on my dvr. and there are no faht jokes because ken wasn’t on last night! don’t worry, i didn’t suddenly find class. love to ya
well the meds certainly explain Kimmie— but omgl– how much weight has she lost ??? those toothpick legs—and Kimmie, lovey–please do something about your skin. I hope you dont get the scary veiny thing Kyle has in the outer cirnger of her eye. I could not tlook away from it.
For reference my loves– outer corner of her left eye–hee hee Left Eye
Thanks for the funny and quick recap Flipit.
“she will have a man soon that doesn’t fuck guys in the sauna.”
Could someone please fill me in on this one?
bippidy boppity boo, bitch! Funniest recap I’ve read in awhile!
@labowner It’s a reference to the psychic suggesting Frasier is gay.
Holy handjob, Batman! Kim is dating Ernest Borg9!
Of course, she doesn’t know it, because of the nose candy packed into her snoot…
“Adrienne shows up when everyone’s had their work done, and Failor’s face is too scary for people under the age of 14.” ~ laughing quite loudly at my desk at work. Thankfully boss ducked out early. This kind of stupid shit hits me so funny.
I laughed so loud a cholesterol plaque got jarred loose from the vicinity of my aorta and lodged in my femoral artery. I always wanted one of those canes with the flames on it like House has, anyway…
I wonder what Ernest Borg9 would do if Kyle pulled the same bullying shit on him that she does on Brandy? I bet he’d treat her the same way he used to treat all the bitches in his stable, back when he was a pimp in Philly: he’d break 38 bones in her face with the back of his hand. [Andy Cohen at the reunion: "Wow. That's hard to watch. I think we have that from another angle. Yes. Yes, we do. Let's look at that again. [Shakes head in fake concern.] Wow. Can he hit, Kyle, or can’t he?”
did anyone else notice that Lisa just happened to have an electronic cigarette with her when the frumpy psychic mentioned Alison???
also, someone commented on Born9′s wedding ring. I read that he is widowed.
great recap btw. love the whole “Twitchy” thing.
I am pretty sure even my cat was saying “is this bitch for real?” when kyle was whining, why didnt you tell meeeeee???
kyle made a crack at kim when kim said the seance was against her religion, something about “hi, have we met? im your sister. ” Kim should have said the same damn thing when Kyle asked why she didnt tell her.
Hell, i still wouldnt have told her. If i were Kim, i would go into witness protection and call it good.
Ken slipped in during the seance. Probably just to silently faht.
The wedding ring is interesting. If he’s widowed and can’t bear to remove it, why is he dating Kim for a year? Otherwise it’s got to be a promise ring … don’t think Twitch is quite wacko enough to get married without telling her sisters.
Oh – and by the way, Flipit – thanks for the .gif. Made my night!
Nobody noticed Ad’s horrible tracks showing @ Paul’s party?! PLEASE somebody help her with her HAIR!!!!!!!!!
…..Failor, who looks like she did after her first date with Russell. Loved it. The scenario, screen shot and line sums up Taylor in a nutshell.
I too thought Kyle was stirring the pot by suggesting Failor confront Lisa. Lisa stirred the pot between Kim, Vyle and Taylor ( I know the pot was already at a boil) and Failor instigated the ish between Camille and Vyle. Me thinks both Cam and Vyle are after those two. Failor for being Failor and Lisa for being an under the radar bitch and still for the most part, coming out looking and smelling like a rare english rose.
Lisa was the overwhelming fan favorite last season. Practically everyone’s reputation took a hit, except Ad. I think they’re all gunning for Lisa (in between feasting on Brandi). What a pack of wolves. And Kyle, you all target the weak vulneralbe one. The richer the bitchier. Failor’s turn next week to be publicly confronted and humiliated. Hah. And Lisa’s possibly this season’s odd woman out. This group is truly priceless.
Flipit, per usual too many funny lines to mention. You fabulously funny formerly frumpy psychic.
Oh and Borg9 would be offended by the comparison, Borg had a waaaaay better complexion. I would love to see a Dr. Paul before and after featuring Ken 2.0. Hollywood women have been worked on enough. Pursue a new demographic, middle aged men looking for a shot at their high school crushes or formerly famous available actresses and models.
“Fifty million is hard enough to live on. If you take away the child support too, she won’t be able to afford any friends.” I haven’t finished reading the entire recap yet, but that line cracked me up. Love ya, Flipit!
Ooh, and the Captcha code is 777K, that’s the number of perfection. Coincidence?
Should have finished the page before commenting. “Lisa decides not to fight back and leaves Russ dangling.” You were on fire with this recap.
@MtnMama ROFL Yes! I saw that too!
When Lisa gave him that little pat the 1st thing I thought was Oh I bet he silently farted and she’s trying to remind him in a discrete way to not upset the spirits!
“Bippedy bobbity boo, bitch!” – with that Flipit, I salute thee as the greatest! Anyone comes on here and gives you shit, I will punch them in the baby maker and send them back their home on whore island! (yeah, “Ron Burgundy – Anchorman” was on recently)
Seriously, the recap is great. I feel as if Bravo needs to have some small warning when Kim is on. Her twitchiness makes the “Blair Witch Project” camera work seem static. And also perhaps some captioning. If they show Mr. Toad and Kim together at home, I will have to get some dramamine.
Failor v. Lisa – oh, honey please…previews have that toothpick clattering out as soon as she realized the cheese stands alone. Dumb anaconda…
I liked Lisa’s impressions of Kim and the Medium fail bitch psychic. She almost won me back.
Hi, Gypsy! I loved the RHO South Boston — thanks for putting up the link ! That was super funny. I live in CT. I just told my friend about it, too!
As an aside …I am slightly obsessed with Vyle’s short, fat, wrinkly fingers.
I love how fast these recaps get posted
Kyle’s turned into bitcho numero uno this season – I used to like her, but I’m jumping off the Kyle train. I still love Lisa – yes, she pretentious, judgmental and outspoken. But she has an English accent, so it’s OK. Great recap as always Flipit!!!
Hi Cam, glad you enjoyed it! It is a bit crude but very, very accurate! A friend who doesn’t even watch *gasp* any of the RH’s sent it to me and we quickly got our costumes organized. I wish we could post pix, we came in third at the Halloween event too!
By all means spread the love! Once it hit town, it was all over my FB newsreel!
I think NWMTV has a hatred/fetish over Vyle fingers too, not sure on that though. I never really notice her fingers but she has a funky toe. (See: YOUSTOLEMYHOSUEFOR20KGATE episode) I think Flipit caught a screen grab of it. Funkyyyyyy!
No I just want to get lost in her hair. And maybe go on a cartography sojurn to map all the freckles on her cleavage.
And then remove her tongue so that she can never speak and spoil the whole effect.
@Diane Marie: the electronic ciggie was actually Vyle’s, not Lisa’s. You can clearly see Vyle’s stumpy – very characteristic – fingers passing it to Lisa, and then in the next scene she is taking it back and holding it in her hand. Makes you wonder why did she have it so handy? Was she predicting that Psycho-psychic was going to come up, or did she have a little pre-séance chat with the frumpy one and told her little things that needed to be mentioned for her story line to move as she planned?
@cam: I think her fingers seem way more stubby and knotty because they are constantly being shown next to the beautiful hands of other ladies. Most if not all of them have the French manicure nails, or whatever BH version is of those, so no matter how ugly the hands in themselves the nails make them look longer, slimmer, nicer. Vyle does seem to be the only one from the core group that has her own nails, and she has not been blessed with those narrow, long ones. (I’ve been hating my hands for that when I was young, till I got something else to worry about, dumb s#it me).
Best line of the recap for me: ‘Then she says that Brandi has some dead family member who was a good person and accrued lots of karma points for Brandi, which would explain her husband leaving her and her leg getting broken. Jesus, this psychic sucks bawls.’ Bwa ha ha ha ha ha …. Of, Flip, yu da best!!
Vyle saying Lisa is ‘preying on the weaker ones’ was just fu@ked up. She herself is the biggest fricking bully on the show. I knew that Lisa would be VERY unhappy about it, and I totally understand. I’m wondering how soon Vyle is going to start posting appologies for THAT comment on her blog and calling to WWHL to say how it made her cry when she watched THAT too. What a nasty ho’.
And she’s really loosing points left and right this season – her refusal to tell Lisa that Failor and Swingy zeroed in on her was just mean-spirited. If she were a true friend like she claims, she would have given Lisa a heads up about Failor’s comments. But she’s not only a bully, she is a total fu@king coward, this one. I can’t stand her this season.
So, Kim fired her lazy ass maid and hired this girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY1Pl1zGowc&feature=player_embedded
Kyle really is the new BH asshole. From stomping out of Paul’s office with her hair ablaze when Kim didnt want her advice to making Mama Mauricio’s fukkin heinous surgery all about her, all while clutching her pearls over 4 year old boy peen and pretending to never have heard of crystal meth, turning on the tears because Kim didnt consult her before making a decision.
Kyle is perpetually stuck in 13-year-old girl mode.
I am almost convinced she actually DID ask Camille why anyone would want her around without Kelsey.
how many times can you laser something before it just falls off?
That was no seance. That was just a bunch of tweens playing with a Ouija board.
Flippy-poo…I still love you and your ah-mazing recaps. L-O-V-E!!
Sarcastire, that was no seance, that was some bitch who watched the first season of RHOBH! Honestly, anyone who watched last year could have easily came up with all that bullshit.. That lady is a con-artist. They need to call The Long Island Medium…that lady is FOR REAL!!
When Ken sashayed into the seance, I could have sworn he just came from starring in a stage version of La Cage. Have you noticed how sad he always looks? Almost like he’s aware of his (non) status in Lisa’s life.
Now that Kim’s new man has been introduced, there’s no longer a question about which neighbor’s “blow dryer” she needed.
I just visited Taylor’s Facebook page. She’s promoting a beauty product website and encourages folks to try their LIP FATTENER. Really! Think I’ll order a bucket or so, since I’ve seen how well it works.
Did Kim say, “We’re married?” I was watching this online and I could’ve sworn I saw that in the preview for this ep but it wasn’t shown when I watched the episode. Hmmm… It would explain the rings.
I just wanted to add how much I loved Kim this episode! You can see just how much Kyle manipulates her and bosses her around and now you can see Kim distancing herself and I like it. I like it alot.
Yeah. It’s time for Kim to be her own person. I think Kim got married recently. I thought I just read that somewhere.
I agree that Kyle is Vyle, but addicts have a way of making the people around them look like the bad guys. When Kim started in about “I do everything for other people, now it’s time for me…” warning bells went off for me. In my experience it’s only very self-absorbed people who say that.
Like Kyle?
Yeah. Point taken. Smiling back.
“Lisa was the overwhelming fan favorite last season… I think they’re all gunning for Lisa (in between feasting on Brandi)… This group is truly priceless.”
@Stewinberri: My thoughts exactly. I really believe Kyle is trying to deflect criticism, and it’s not working. Kim’s addictive personality could possibly explain why Kyle would be bitchy toward Kim, but it doesn’t explain her cattiness to everyone else. She outed her sister last season, let Taylor stir the pot, got called on it and now she wants to act outraged when someone else mentions the obvious? It’s all about getting airtime. (Man. She started off as one of my favs.)
So glad the transparency of the psychic’s predictions were pointed out. Yep, she could have watched the show and put together that generic crap.
I actually enjoyed watching Paul consult with Kim like a real doctor; telling her the prescription mix explained a lot of things. He wasn’t being cruel; and he actually showed concern.