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Another week, another installment of the Real Housewives of New Jersey – The Reunion. This is Part 2. Once again, we pick up exactly where we left off. It’s all cliffhangers with this group. Perhaps we have a “Who shot Teresa Guidice?” in our future.
“Don’t you dare bring up my father,” Kat growls at Ter. “Rosie’s gonna kill her,” Mel is stage-whispering. Now Kat’s yelling. Rosie’s shouting in the background and all of the sudden one of the crew busts in with a “She’s walking! She’s walking!” Rosie is on the move people, Rosie is on the move! I can barely contain my excitement!
Everyone keeps yelling so I just keep telling myself to try and stay focused and write down what Rosie says:
“I will rip her fucking head off. I mean it. My father’s untouchable.”
“She better watch her fucking tongue, I’ll cut it the fuck out.”
Well, that’s all I’ve got. I guess I didn’t do as well as I thought. But I also don’t think we could ever possibly underestimate just how much yelling there was to decipher. Back on the couch, Caro is trying to talk Ter down, trying to explain to her that the way she feels now is how she makes others feel. Oh, that’s a nice lesson. For a four year old.
Now Kat’s yelling that Ter’s got “nothing between your ears!” Ter asks for Andy’s help. “Now you guys are just hurting each other,” says Andy mildly. Is she kidding? He’s not gonna step in and break it up until things get violent.
Sure enough, in response to the harsh edict of Andy Cohen, now everyone’s yelling. Caro’s gone from soothing Ter to shouting manically, while Ter and Kat are busy telling each other how disgusting the other one is.
Uh, well done.
And backstage, I’m eagerly awaiting an update from whatever crew member had informed us moments prior that Rosie was on the move – but instead, I get Lauren Manzo squatting in her leather onesie and calming Rosie down! What is this? She was walking! Walking! Now you’re telling her not to freak out?
Good Lord, the 47 pairs of spanx have cut off circulation to her brain.
Lauren tells Rosie to think about the way her Dad would have wanted her to react, and to make him proud. Well, from all we hear about these people, Rosie’s Dad might have wanted her to choke Ter with a pizelle and bury the body under Melissa’s recording studio. In which case, Lauren is really screwing things up right now.
And on the couch, Caro is doing the same buzz kill routine as her daughter. Thanks a lot, you two. She’s telling Ter that this is fifteen minutes, and she’s going to wake up and be alone. Not necessarily – she’s still got your sister Dina, but we can cover that later.