We hear the comment about “Daddy’s sleeping in his own room”, we see Jacquee perpetrating her share of the gossip, and finally – the “my bitch wife” comment. Oh, but we wrap it up with some vow renewals, just to wrap a useless bow around it.
“I want to start with the phone call,” Andy says. Who was Brown Smurf talking to? “Albie,” he answers, thoroughly confusing everyone. Then he revises his answer to “a long time friend of mine”. Ter nods next to him, like a puppet.
Andy says that a lot of people wondered if he was talking to another girl. “If I was talking to a girl, I would have ripped my microphone off,” is Smurfy’s reply. Well. I’m filing that one next to “I wasn’t drunk when I hit the tree, I just did a shot right after”. In other words – if your reason is that you’re ‘too smart’ to have made a mistake like that and you also happen to be a total fucking idiot – then maybe you need to come up with a better reason.
Andy wants to know about Ter’s reaction. She says that she was hurt, but she got over it because that’s not how Brown Smurf normally talks to her. Smurfy does take responsibility for calling her that (and I’m not sure what he called her – I thought we were taking about the “my bitch wife” comment, but THE C WORD is getting tossed around a lot too). He says there was no excuse and he regrets it. “For better or worse,” chirps Ter.
Then everyone’s talking about groaning, and I’m not sure what that’s about at all but apparently Brown Smurf groaned at some point and that was bad. Moving on to more burning questions, like why was Smurfy speaking another language in the incriminating phone call.
Ladies and gentlemen, here’s our answer: “I put the Spanish pizza guy on the phone cause he was having a problem.” Everyone satisfied? Anyone wondering, 1) Didn’t the pizza place close down?, and 2) Isn’t pizza Italian?, and 3) WTF is he talking about???
But Andy just closes the case. Way to cover the hard hitting issues there, pal. Why do I think he let it go so easily? I think he’s fond of Ter and he knows he caused enough trouble by airing it in the first place.
He moves on to Jacquee and asks her if she was surprised at how Smurfy spoke to Ter. She says the name calling was “familiar” to her. Smurfy tells her not to say that, and then Jacquee decides she’s “not going there”.
Brown Smurf turns it back to Andy, telling him that normally when he and Ter fight, they make up a half-hour later. Not this time – it took him three days and some very expensive jewelry. What’d you wind up with Andy asks Ter. “A lot,” she replies smugly.
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