This week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey…they made me dizzy. Literally. I just finished watching and I’m still trying to make sense of everything that happened. So if you’re still confused when you’re done reading, consider yourself completely caught up.
We start off on the Jersey shore, where everyone except the Manzos are getting on a boat. Oh, and except Rosie, who stays home babysitting demon seed Milania and the other kids. Rosie’s all over this episode by the way, and the inevitable posturing for camera time has begun. I’m not happy. Oh wait – Rosie starts the fight that takes up the second half of the hour so actually, I’m totally happy. What was I thinking.
This can only lead to wonderful things. Okay, back to the boat – the Gorgas, the Guidices and the Wakiles sort of make a temporary truce with the help of little Jacquee sunshine, whose pill cocktail has taken her quest for peace to a whole new level. They bond over Caroline’s newfound menopause. Um, whatever it takes, I guess.
But the boat truce is a short one, because THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT is about to reach critical mass. It all goes down at some hippy-dippy Solstice party. And it’s all courtesy of Rosie. If we thought she was our favorite lesbian before, consider the shit storm she starts when she intervenes to tell Teresa how badly THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT hurt her brother.
I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with Rosie, or how she even got involved, but I think this is what happens next:
1. Rosie tells Teresa that she hurt Midge’s feelings.
2. Everyone else sits at a table and talks shit on Teresa.
3. Rosie declares she’s “over it” and moves back to the shit talking table.
4. Jacquee takes Rosie’s place at Teresa’s table.
5. Teresa asks Jacquee if she knows if Mel and Caroline and Kat know about THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT.
6. Jacquee tells Teresa to ask Mel herself.
7. Jacquee goes to the shit talking table, and Mel comes to Teresa’s table so she can explain THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT.
8. Mel says that Brown Smurf “went to jail” instead of the Teresa-sanctioned “went away”.
9. All hell breaks loose.
It turns into a parking lot fight that nearly comes to blows. One of the Kims (I thought Teresa hated all the Kims? I’m so confused. I’M SO CONFUSED!) leans on a car and witnesses the event.
And of course, Mama Manzo sits around with a smug smile and lofty declarations of how she’s not going to engage, while feeding the fire every time someone landed back at the shit talking table. In between telling Lauren what a fat loser with a great personality she is, of course.
Tune in tomorrow for all the action!
Kisses, CB
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62 Comments
Great mini CB! I can’t wait for the full recap. Why was Rosie the only woman not wearing an earring between her eyes at the Solstice party?
“went to jail” is the new “unattended” bbaahhhaaahhhaaa
Who was the wacky chick who spoke to Rosie about her cross (yeah- Rosie almosed decked her)??
@Closetfan– I think it fell off due to a “sweating situation”
Albie’s girlfriend??– I will believe it when I see it– Hooters girls have to be nice to you Albie
Rosie did wear one at first but it fell off. I love how she stirred the pot. I wish she would just deck Teresa.
Teresa is offically insane. Juicy went to jail. The insane bitch needs to get over it. I love how Melissa stood her ground. She did nothing wrong. Melissa looked fierce on WWHL with Miss Andy!
Oh boo hoo fat Lauren Manzo. She is now talking Assley’s place now that Assley was sent to exile. You’re fat…get over it. The only thing I will defend her for was the uncalled for remark from Closet Case Albie about her and Vito’s kids looking like two hairy bairs with flailing arms who breath heavy. They both should have sat on him for that.
And remember, Albie, the Hooters girls help you read the menu because they live on tips, not because they want to be your girlfriend/replacement mommie who has sex with you.
Thanks for such a quick mini cap, for some reason my dvr didn’t record it (even though it looked like it was set) and I was jonesing to find out what happened. Of course usually Bravo plays nothing but refund during the day, of course I have to wait all the way till tonight for the first encore. Damnable you Top Chef marathon!!
Ughhh! DAMN not damnable (who talks like that?) Stupid autocorrect!!
Albie doesn’t have a girlfriend. Big Gay Greg isn’t sharing his man….unless Midge dumps Melissa for him.
If my brother had made that comment about my kids looking like koalas, cameras or not, I would have walked over and punched the ever loving shit out of him. I don’t care how close family can be, you KNOW your sister has body issues and you decide to be a douche and make a funny for the tv. Fuck outta here with that. And Caroline is really annoying this season, the whole mama of the show thing has gotten to her Pokemon colored head. I can’t with her.
What a “fun” episode!
A group of women screaming at one another for 1/2 hour in a parking lot! Must see t.v.!
What a bunch of Neanderthals, the whole fricken lot of them. Imagine bringing your entire family life onto national tv week after week as the kids sit on the sidelines listening to their parents trashing one another in the most vulgar language possible as they call themselves “family”. Unimaginable!
There is not one likable character on this series. And this includes Rosie who for some reason has been brought up from the sidelines to become a “star”. Is her book, cd, or fashion line far behind?
This series has finally “hit the wall”. This could have been said for Season 1 but this season has topped them all. Screaming, hollering, insulting, backbiting, sniping, and for what?
Awful, awful, awful.
Fun fact: Gorja is the term Gypsys use for slutty non-Gypsy girls, as opposed to slutty Gypsy girls.
I’ve always been fascinated by the gypsy sub-culture, and the “Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” series has me riveted. I am, of course, not referring to our own Gypsy.
Teresa drove me nuts this episode. She’s so clueless. I can’t decide if she’s really that blissfully ignorant or if it’s all for show.
I thought it looked like Caroline was going to burst into laughter when they were making fun of Lauren and Vito. I’m wondering if cameras hadn’t been rolling, would she have cracked up along with her precious boys? She is so delusional about her two sons.
Those gypsies really have gall to use the term “slutty”.
Holy sh!t it sounds like I missed out on a good one but alas the Celtics play off game won the battle of what to do on a Sunday night. I’ll have to watch it tonight, thank you for the recap! I am sufficiently dizzy.
@SSC- I know you’re not darlin’, My father nick named me Gypsy b/c I have yet to “settle down” and I tend to move around the country a lot. Definitely NOT b/c I am a slut LOL. The more you know…..*shooting star*
Hey Iona, I hope a fat girl f@cking sits on you! Let’s see you be snarky then. You think it’s so easy being fat? And don’t anyone go on about, “It’s your own fault you’re fat!” Regardless, she’s got to live with a delusional bitch for a mother and insensitive warts for brothers.
Mama Caroline *Is* delusional. She clearly loves those boys more than Lauren. Good looking and successful? Plu-eeze. If they didn’t have a fambly business to go into they’d be selling used cars. in cheap suits.
Teresa is another delusional Jersey beyotch. She just doesn’t understand that she needs to be responsible for her actions.
Tonight we saw almost an hour of evidence on The Real Housewives of New Jersey that Teresa Giudice is completely out of touch with reality. Not that that’s any big revelation, but the vastness of her own little Teresa universe in which she resides and NEVER sees her own flaws or shortcomings was awe-inducing nonetheless. Seriously if there are any real fans of Teresa left…(ones she is NOT paying) then please tell your girl to drop out of the spotlight for awhile and protect her kids from their father. Get a divorce, it is obvious you are angry and jealous of anyone who is not miserable in their own marriage. You are looking busted and melissa is beautiful, young and RICH…I think you are having a mid life crisis!!! You cant go back, but you can get the good Teresa back if you dump your convict husband…or are we suppose to refer to him as vacationing husband? he cheats, lies, scams, and steals….really even a cro-mag skank like Teresa can do better
@2muchbravo this certainly isn’t my fight to fight but, just curious, why the anger at Iona for her comment then you go on to snark on everyone else on the show? Am I missing your humor or are you upset? If so why?
I truly think the topic is fair game. Bitch think’s an 8 zillion dolar juice diet is going to cure her. If we get in the way back machine to Season One Both Caro and Albert were HUGE, then they came back for season two dropping mad duckets on a new wardrobe for Albert6 b/c he lost 70lbs and at the reunion Caro said she dropped 25lbs due to “portion control”, but now her kids are puffing up. Lauren’s attutitude is one of a quitter fueled by her mother’s enabling and her own laziness ( again way back to season One as another commenter said earlier on this thread) . I’ll go so far as to say Lauren is eating her pain and she’s getting selfconscious watching herself on TV around all the other skinny bitches, and is looking for a quick cure. So I stand by OG statement last week, she needs to just get the damn lap band like her parents, lie and say she’s using portion control and be done with it.
And daym right she’s the new Assley with this boring as hell story line. It’s just annoying to watch.
Agreeing with Gypsy, I’m over Lauren. I’ve actually been over Lauren since the boys moved out and she whined for half a season. Anytime the boys get attention, Lauren whines. At the same time, we’re talking about how Caroline cuts her down…Lauren got a bit of that knife in her as well. If I were Vito, I woulda got the hell up and walked the hell out. “Oh she’s YOUR type. I’m not your type.” Bye, then.
Wow. I’m kinda shocked at how much Melissa owned Teresa. I had to hoot at “YES I said it but I said it to my brother ABOUT you, not TO you.” WELL THEN! Why in the WORLD does Melissa think she’s owed an apology? The nerve. The mere THOUGHT.
That and the reason Teresa didn’t bring Joey/Gino/Jogino a present is because Melissa didn’t have a party and there wasn’t a cake. No cake=no birthday. I’m officially swearing off cake.
I’m sorry. I loved every stinkin’ minute of that, poo-stirrers and all. Funny that Tre brought up Danielle, when Tre is taking little small things and blowing them up into huge things that WE NEED CAPITALS FOR, much like Dirty D did. Least she’s not calling people terrorists yet…but hey we’re just on episode three…
If Lauren Manzo fits into size 8, then I’m a size 00.
Chickbomb, you and me both wid’ da dizzies! Mainly listening to Teresa argue her way into a paper bag. I will save my vitriol for the full recap, but I will say one thing: contrary to mommy manzo’s assertions, I have yet to see anything from either of the Manzo boys that makes me think of them as the living embodiments of an AXE ad. Lauren for all her weight issues seems to have had a beau during all the previous seasons. As far as I can tell, she is the only one getting boned on a regular basis while those two doofs are perfecting their ham game throws.
leenie – I think she fits into a size 8, because it’s the rich people clothes. It really seems that the more an outfit costs, the smaller the size you can wear. Like when Jennifer Hudson says she’s a size 4. Uh-uh. If she goes to Target and tries on a size 4 jeans, she ain’t buttoning it. No way.
I feel bad for Lauren, because her mom is so horrible and she laughs when the boys talk shit about her weight. What kind of mom is that? Is she afraid that one day Lauren might look better than her? I know sometimes moms get intimidated by their daughters, but that’s just fucked. No wonder Lauren has such a complex. But, she needs to realize she has Vito and he’s the cutest thing EVER. I love Vito. He could be my backup husband.
That fight was awesomeness. I love to see someone stick up for themselves. It’s like when PeePee O’Hairy got her comeuppance the other day. Finally. Of course, Tree is so clueless that she still doesn’t see the error of her ways and Kim G/B/C/Z backs her up in order to stay somewhat relevant.
I’m loving all the Rosie time. Rosie with the kids was hilarious and just goes to prove that these people are too wrapped up in drama to be decent parents. I guarantee you if I’d acted like those kids at any point in my life, I’d be eating through a straw now.
2muchbravo….Lauren is a whiner. She whines she is fat. Then do something about it. Stop whining about it and work out. She is lazy. She is an obvious quitter going by the fact she didn’t get any “respect” 24 hours after she opened her business at the salon. She is no better than Assley. They both want respect handed to them just like they’ve had everything else handed to them. Poor poor Lauren…she gets to live in a mansion…has never had to work a day in her life…has a boyfriend and somehow her life is bad. I wish my life was as bad as hers.
Doofs? Hahahahahaha awesome!
What a night for Teresa. She looks like a delusion psychopath (that she is) on Bravo all the while while being fired by The Donald on NBC. How she made it to the final 5 on that show is beyone me.
To top it off Melissa is on live with Miss Andy looking downright fierce. Her hair…makeup and dress were just flawless. She was not a tacky North Jersey girl last night.
maybe size 8 is Lauren’s ring size?????
Sigh…I did say last week I was going Team Lauren right????—-small fist pump-Yay Lauren
I’m gonna give Victoria quote of the night though (even over Tre’s million zillion fails)…
“I love my cousins but OH. MY. GAWD.”
I love how Theresa doesn’t understand that …
IF SHE NEVER SAID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, THIS WHOLE SITUATION WOULD HAVE NEVER COME UP.
Ughhh! Fucking. Caroline! “Albie & Chris are handsome and got it all going on…Lauren has a spectacular ‘personality’ and a great boyfriend.” Seriously? FIRST OF ALL, while Albie is passable at best, there is nothing handsome about Chris and what exactly do they have ‘going on’? Lauren is a beautiful girl and that’s all her dumb ass mother should be saying to her. However…I don’t take offense to what they were saying about her future kids because to me it’s just normal family banter. My family and I call each others’ kids ugly and not too bright (to each other, not the kids) all the time and these are kids that actually EXIST! But of course we know we all have beautiful, smart children. So….bleh.
I FLOVE RICHIE! “Are you sure it’s not their boat? I don’t want to get repoed in the middle of the water.” He’s SUCH a DICK and I LOVE him for it!
How cute was Rosie the babysitter? She was so adorably incompetent that I couldn’t stop laughing. Bravo? Rosie ‘Babysitting in Jersey’ not Rosie ‘Pregnant in Heels’…I’m just saying!
I know everyone makes a big deal out of G to the IA who’s cute, but how GORGEOUS is Audriana? Where did she get that beautiful face and big bright eyes from? Joe Guidice? Get a paternity test STAT!
Milania? Classy girls don’t tell other girls that they ‘poo-poo all the time’ sweetie. We don’t admit things like that so that’s why Antonia briefly snubbed you! She ‘s too good for that kinda talk! She’ll leave the crassness up to her father, thank you very much!
Teresa? Your husband got hurt play fighting like a frat boy, which I’m sure he initiated (Bangkok in PC last season comes to mind). Richie didn’t fucking shoot him in the face. LET IT GO. You harping on it won’t make us take your side, feel sympathy for ‘Juicy’, or stop us from praising Richie for inadvertently giving your doucheband a black eye.
Umm Melissa? Joe went to Penn State for 10 days, not the State Penn! Get it straight! Stop saying jail bitch! He wasn’t in a cell! He was in his own private suite on vacation eathing Cel-ery! Thank you very much!.
@TWhit…I forgot Victoria’s little gem! That was hilarious and she sounded like she needed to be rescued from the pits of hell. I can only imagine!
I don’t think Lauren’s a beautiful girl.
@notwithoutmytv…Lauren IS beautiful. Yes, she’s overweight, but she has a really pretty face. Although…beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’m sure you would think some people I feel are unattractive are beautiful and vice versa. To each their own.
Dang, I can’t wait for 9 EST so I can see this MUTHA of an episode. The more I see of the Manzos the less I think any of them are beautiful, their behaviour makes them so ugly. Like I said, two Tre’s and half a Brown Smurf to get of my TV!
I don’t know what team root for so I am on team DISLIKE the Manzos. Dunzo with those annoying Mickey Flickers.
Sounds like NWMTV has a crush on someone…
I’m a die hard fan of NYC and OC. I watch NJ at times. I think it is just alot of nutty fighting and trying way too hard to make it seem like we are watching the Godfather 2010-2012. However, this episode was funny. I really enjoyed Rosie and the attempt at humor. Much needed.
Did anyone else think that scene with Albie showing off the pic of his girlfriend appear to be completely staged? The entire episode was bat shit crazy that I am having a hard time keeping it all straight.
I can’t take Melissa/Joe seriously. They only came on this show to start drama and expose Teresa. Teresa isn’t the brightest bulb in the box but she never pretended to be but she always kept her brother/sister-n- law drama off camera.
I personally want Dina and her husband (or maybe one the other Lauritas) to sneak on the show next season so we can get to the bottom of why half of them don’t speak to Caroline. See how she likes it. Let’s see if we can get some details on what led Jacqueline to punch Caroline in her face.
Ashley(lee)(leigh) is a nightmare but Lauren is prob jealous of her hot mess social life. Apple doesn’t fall to far.
Jacqueline is a follower. So sad. I kinda feel bad for Aschli. Must be hard growing up in family where everyone judges you and your mom is more concerned with fitting in with her in laws then nurturing your own relationship.
@BamA— Tre is a puzzlement—delusional but getting quite a vocabulary– has any noticed her use of the word “malicious” and other SAT words–I smell a drinking game Youse Guys!!!!! Me thinks Tre has been reading alotta court documents.
Man–this is going to be the best season EVER !!!!!!!!!
@Fancy– yes– I love Richie too— he is so funny and doesnot care one whit what he says–truth be told he had me at “Have you ever had crushed nuts?” to his daughters prom date.
And yes Audriana is beautiful– that pretty face and her gorgeous eyes
Audriana and Gabriella( the milk mans kid) both look alike I think they both must be the milk man’s kids….any ways here is a thought, I noticed that once Gia yelled at Milania she actally listened and for once did what someone told her to do. I kind of have a feeling that Gia is the mean older sister, as in you don’t do what I say, I really am going to beat the shit out of you!
Poor Rosie. I would have been cracking open the bottle also if I had that many small children to watch. Also, what is with the no helmets? Shoooot! that bothers me…
Lauren, Lauren, Lauren…SMH. I did feel bad for her and Vito with the Koala bear remark. I used to like Albie. He seemed like he was the nice brother…but now…well I can’t say what I really want to say about him cause I wouldn’t want to offend anyone….
Ps I still think Caroline is the Tword that I called her last week!
I could watch Rosie try to strangle, er, wrangle those kids all night, espeically Miliania. I like the little Demon Seed more and more each week!
And oh, THAT’S it!!! It’s Caroline’s hormones making her hate me, nothing I’ve ever said or done over the past three years!!! Tre, you’re a delusional dumbass.
And what is it with this fambly and parties??
At least no weaves were snatched and no tables were harmed during the filming of this episode.
Did Milania really say that she goes poo poo in the bathtub all the time?
Caroline is horrible to Lauren. Why all the focus on her weight? She’s an adult, let her do her own thing. And the diet she is on is so ridiculous. One shake and she lost 5 pounds and what, 8 sizes? There is no way she is wearing a size 8.
I didn’t even understand Tre’s ‘point’ of the fight and I”m dying to see your take on it! I think what she was saying is she can say whatever she wants to her brother and Melissa can’t take offense if Midge repeats it to her? I can imagine a situation where I’d tell my brother his wife would leave him for a richer/better looking/smart guy and it would be acceptable on any level. Dumbass.
Oh my sweet devil child Milania – I could watch her all day long!
Okay… I am just going to ask what is on everyone’s mind. Is Albie gay? “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” (Seinfeld 1990 something). I never gave it any thought up until now. I don’t know if it was because Tre was under so much stress when this was filming but anyone that has ever watched an episode of The Sopranos or The Godfather movies (1 and 2. 3 was a disgrace but that is a whole nuther convo) knows that “going away” means JAIL. Or anyone that can speak Italian or read. She has to know that right? Right, please tell me the stress just made her so fucking stupid. I am not a fan of Tre or Melissa but I think that Melissa “won” their argument.
This was an awesome episode!!!! Melissa OWNED Theresa in that parking lot. I really think she and her hubbie have a great relationship and it just kills Theresa. I think T’s in love with her brother and wishes SHE could marry him, but let’s save that convo for Maury. I also love how Melissa sticks up for her Joey, she seems very true to him.
Caroline vs. Lauren’s weight is just sad really…..and yeah, I felt like she wanted to join right in with her sons when they were making fun of her. She’s such a bitch to her own daughter……she can’t even compliment her without making some remark like “…..but, she’s chubby”…..”but she’s got a gut”….Ugh.
And why the HELL didn’t Vito stand up for her? He did seem bothered at first, but when Albie showed pictures of his “Pretend Hooters Waitress Girlfriend” he was all too eager to check out the pics.
And I effin LOVE ROSIE!!!!
Here’s my two cents – Theresa is fronting, big time. She has a certain way that she wants everyone to believe that she lives this perfect fairy tale life and if anyone who knows the truth exposes her lies, she flies off the handle and attacks. She’ll make up lies and twists words around until she frustrates the other person. The problem with this is that she’s not smart enough to remember her lies and she gets caught every time. She is also trying to control everyone around her, telling them what to say, etc. She has lost her mind especially since the crap Joe has done is very much public and splashed all over the newspapers.
Kim D is a freaking crack head telling Tree to go run them over. What a POS!
Melissa was articulate (something Tree is not) and totally wiped the floor with Tree during that fight.
Fancyface: I FLOVE RICHIE! “Are you sure it’s not their boat? I don’t want to get repoed in the middle of the water.”
Okay, this made me laugh so hard, so I have to see the episode now!
thisbuggs4U: “Did Milania really say that she goes poo poo in the bathtub all the time?”
She birthed a water baby.
Caroline had to literally bite the inside of her mouth not to laugh at what the boys were saying. I don’t doubt that they all love each other but her sons were bullying her daughter and she allowed it. I think Lauren has been the butt of their jokes her whole life.
@Yeah right– yes I have been missing Dina and methinks she can shed alot of light for us on Caroline–
@Closet– YES– thank you for pointing out the pink/flunked out of law-school gorilla in the room !!!!!! I have suspected it since season one.
And Gasmi– dont tell youse guys are not totally super excited about Caro’s “brother’s gay wedding”
This is the event of the season– I guess we will see the rest of the Laurita clan– I like sister Cookie
Oh– and hey Lauren– good jab at you mother about her hair– “Who did your hair this morning? You look like a rag dog” little paraphrasing but thats the gist
Oh– and I want the earrings Rosie wore to the Solstice party
OH– and Tia– thats NOT where the third chakra is located— third chakra is where your bellybutton is.
OMG– drinking game– every time Lauren snarks back or takes a jab at her fambly we DRINK !!!!!!
I repeat– “Going to jail” is the new “unattended”
Dina is probably stirring as much crap as Caroline. She was the one who dug up the book on Danielle and showed the whole town. She is no angel.
I follow Caroline Manzo on Twitter (don’t judge), and she posts something about every 28 seconds. She put up a picture of Lauren on Sunday loooking GREAT. Super skinny and happy looking. I really hope she did it the right way, and it’s not a result of that ridiculous liquid diet. I know from experience those type of diets will make you lose the weight, but then when you’re off it, you gain even more. And heaven knows I understand your mom being on your case about your weight. It’s even worse that I used to be a size 0. Blah, whatever.
I honestly think Teresa has a low IQ or learning disability. Her inability to form a sentence, speak correctly or understand why the things she does are wrong are all clues. Her “I only spoke Italian for 5 years” excuse is b.s. Her brother, while out of his f-ing mind, isn’t as dense as she is. He’s actually quick-witted and while he’s not exactly articulate, he’s not a cave man either.
Lastly, GO MELISSA!! I am admittedly not her biggest fan, and I don’t believe her martyr act. However, she has every right to go off on someone trying to destroy her family.
How Cawfee just went h a m on this thread! FLOVE IT!
Oh yeah can’t wait for the Dina drama….I so forgot about that. I’m all caught up and ready for the recap.
I agree with Sardini. Teresa is trying to ruin her marriage. Melissa is a pretty girl. I am sure better looking and wealthier men have tried to pick her up while being married to Joe. She stayed Teresa, get over it.
@Sardini– You know she did!!!!!!!! I knew Dina started all the poop with the Danielle book and Caro took the heat for it. And no judging on following her on Twitter–gotta keep tabs on her.
@Gypsy– rofl–
While we’re talking about Albie’s girlfriend…anybody notice when..I think it was Al holding the phone, the only thing that was showing was the girl’s stomach?
Who the hell Albie think he is, Camille Grammer?
@hot cawfee OMG! All it takes is for me to see the word unattended now and I start to ROFLMAO like a little Pavlov dog!
I bet we don’t even know what the fight’s really about. I so don’t believe that’s the 1st time Teresa ever made some remark to Midge about Melissa.
Making the whole episode about that 1 fuss is Bravo’s way of getting us to quit wondering how come they still haven’t shown us any of PebbleNutsGate.
Not to mention how Juicy really got a black eye.
Hey youse guys–last comment until full re-cap-How come Albie and Critterfur can bust on Lauren for her weight but NO ONE busts on Albie’s learning disability???
Anyone think Caroline had a miserable childhood being one of 10 or 11????
I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE all the comments! Y’all crack me up and I really needed the laugh!
Rosie is gay huh? (yeah I’m slow) but now it makes sense why Andy is singing her praises!