Good evening pretties and welcome to a quick update of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. The dramas are coming fast and furious! THE SOLSTICE PARTY has now joined the club. And based on the events of this week, we will now have THE POOL PARTY in the mix. Also making a brief cameo this week, in name only, was my all time favorite – THE CHRISTENING!
So we spend quite a lot of time getting everyone’s thoughts on THE SOLSTICE PARTY. Kat and Lebanese Dilbert think Teresa’s crazy, but still decide to throw a pool party and invite her. Al Manzo thinks it’s stupid, while Caroline brags about how far removed from it she is. All the way at the other table, three feet away where she spent the whole night denouncing THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT.
And then Teresa v. Melissa – Mel reports to Midge during a game of catch in their front yard, while her kids have a picnic on the grass. Not that they were trying to come off as innocent or anything. But, honestly, the worst of it is when Midge compares talking to Teresa to talking to a football.
Brown Smurf however, is not talking shit – he is simply bathing in it. It’s nauseating. Even Teresa seems a bit disturbed. He calls Caroline negative, then proceeds to call her boring, say that Kat looks like a frog, Mel a horse and Rosie…a “butchie Butch”.
More of a man than you’ll ever be, Guidice.
Of course with tensions at an all time high, what better time for Kat and Lebanese Dilbert to throw THE POOL PARTY! It’s literally a staged set for another Guidice-Gorga showdown. It’s the same routine as always, everyone talks to everyone else about how Teresa and Midge need to talk, and next thing you know, it’s a showdown under a pool umbrella.
And it’s a really sad one. I feel sorry for this family, and by that I mean these poor kids. We get minimal Milania today which is disappointing but the baby is all over the place. She and Mel’s kid end up in matching pink swimsuits, which of course Ter blames Mel for copying. It must have been telepathically, cause I don’t really see these two hitting the Garden State Mall together.
Yo, ya got any red sauce I can dip this bread in?
In other news, Al buys Caroline an $80,000 Jaguar for their 27th anniversary, which is really nice! Then they go to the apartment above the Brownstone that the newspapers say is Al’s mafia love nest and tell carefully worded stories about living on love in the attic, in case Bravo is ever subpoenaed . Jacquee talks to Moonface in Vegas and tells us how – and, please make sure you’re sitting down for this part – sometimes, she cries over it.
See you soon for all the action…Kisses, CB
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