Real Housewives Of New Jersey: On Display

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Tuesday, August 16, 2011 | 2:00 pm | 42 Comments
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Christmas and New Years might be over, but the longest winter ever trudges on. There’s still snow on the ground, and we reconvene with the Guidices who are eating cavatelli. Because the pasta choices of the Guidi are very integral to the plot?  A moment later, we crack the case – they’ve made the cavatelli for purposes of a home photo shoot Teresa’s cookbook.

ScreenHunter_04 Aug. 16 10.36
We just had to rent the tables. And the chairs. And the silverware.

ScreenHunter_05 Aug. 16 10.39
Somehow, the bankruptcy courts let them keep this one.

Of course, Milania is yelling and screaming her head off through the whole thing. And of course I would have it no other way! The little baby is busy ripping her baby scrunchy headband off her head. Gia and the milkman’s kid are rolling their eyes out of their sockets. Sorry, but when you’re got a four year old rolling their eyes, you’ve might want to re-evaluate your parenting skills.

Brown Smurf, in a bid for father of the year, yells at Milania to shut up before he hits her. Teresa sits there, perched happily on a cloud of zebra-print delusion telling us how great the photo shoot is because it shows what an “incredible” family they are.  The drama continues past the rented kitchen table and on to the kitchen island, the one part of the kitchen that was not repossessed, as it is cemented to the floor.

Of course, the kitchen island is just another new setting for Milania to lose her mind. Teresa is trying to get her and the milkman’s kid to toss some dough. The milkman’s kid at least tries, but for Milania it’s just another opportunity to scream her head off.

The editor on this shoot is named Frances Zoo Ping Chow. I’m writing it because that’s seriously one of the more exciting parts of this episode. Also, Frances seems to be a  NYC bitch who has no time or patience for the Guidi. She suggests a wardrobe change to calm things down.

After new wardrobe, it’s Gia’s turn to pose with Teresa and her mother. Gia turns out to be an extraordinary sulker, and uses her advanced modeling skills to translate her disgust for her parents quite effectively. “Thanks Gia, I know that was a challenge for you,” the bitchy gay photographer yells to her after the shoot.

heya
Hey asshole, we’ve got people buried under this kitchen, ya want to join the party?

Teresa tells us how important it is to her that this book does better than her last one. Then she tells us how much people love her and how they “relate” to her.  Yes. Sadly, you were not the only one who spent all your plastic and are now sleeping on air matresses. Congrats on being the role model for the dumb and greedy everywhere.

So, on to Kathy and Rich who are having a very long talk about the virtue of their daughter Victoria. Kathy thinks it’s about time they had “the talk”, but Rich refuses to accept that his innocent daughter, who has poster sized portaits of herself all over the house decked out in a sluttly cowgirl outfit and leather could possibly be a bad girl.

vic
Pure as the driven snow.

Rich keeps insisting that his little angel is definitely saving it for marriage, while Kathy informs us that she has “the party gene”, which is the nice way of saying – well, let’s just say I knew it.

So let’s hit up the Wicked Wolf tavern in Hoboken. Chris Manzo is expanding his career horizons behind the bar. Of course every Manzo on earth must come and visit. Tonight, it’s Jacquee, Chris and Ashley – who’s 20 and always trying to scam drinks and who they’re trying to keep away from the bars, but never mind all that.

Also along are Lauren, Albie and the gay roommate who’s trying to become the new gay sidekick, cause they didn’t really have one in the NJ cast. At first he was cute and refreshing but now he’s just annoying.

NeedIsay

Need I say more.

Ashley informs us that the reason why she hasn’t chosen a career path yet is because there’s too much she’s good at so she can’t pick anything. Well, I’d say she’s successfully resolved that issue by doing nothing. From her vantage point of 23 mature and wise years, Lauren tells us that 20 year old Ashley reminds her of herself when she was 20.

dontworry

Don’t worry, you’re parents will buy you a salon too. Then you don’t have to be good at anything except not doing what other people tell you to.

Jacquee informs us that she has recently had a visit from the police – one of Ashley’s friends rolled her car. And the knock on the door from the police shook Jacquee, so she decided to call in reinforcements – Ashley’s Dad and stepmom. Should I point out again that this little intervention to stop Ash from partying is taking place in a bar?

Ash is super happy to see her Dad and her stepmom. She hugs them a lot. They seem really sweet. Everyone’s hugging and emotional and then her Dad tells her that she has some ‘splainin to do. Ashley immediately informs everyone that she simply hasn’t got the time for long lectures. Her punishment is being ordered to brunch the next day.

eggs

I’ll have the eggs benedict with my tough love, thanks.

Dad and stepmom leave her with some lame platitudes about how they love her and want to guide her in the right direction. Seriously, at this point every single person in the cast – past, present and recurring has tried this. Preaching hasn’t seemed to help.

Well, let’s check in with Melissa. She’s usually good for something to say. But even Melissa gets the bore snore treatment today. She invites the witchy sisters over to recount the Playdate of Doom. One of the witchy sisters looks like she’s there only to instigate, and the other one just wears an insane amount of blue eyeshadow. So we get the replay of the Melissa/Teresa passive aggressive playdate. I laughed, I cried – just kidding, I got up, refilled my Diet Coke and sent a text.

The one interesting thing Melissa does is lie. She says that when Teresa saw the recording studio, she said that her brother only built it because he’ll do anything for money.  I think anyone who builds a recording studio in their basement for their wife who refuses to sing in public is probably not expecting a profit. But besides that, Teresa actually said that he only built it for her to keep her home. For some reason, Mel doesn’t tell the witches that part, though.

cool

We are here to listen to this story in an unbiased, non-judgmental way.

Then we hear a story about a medium. Some cousins talked to a medium who talked to Melissa’s Dad who wanted to pass along the message that Melissa’s going to be a staaaaah. Melissa predictably gets “the chills”. “He was the first one to know you would be a star,” the witchy sisters sob. One Bravo camera and you’re a star?

Well, what’s going on the with the Manzos? Laundry, of course. Always a household activity going on at the Manzos. But actually, it’s Caroline’s own personal clothing drive because she’s lost a bunch of weight. And it’s not easy to lose weight “in her world”, she tell us. Yeah. Yours and everyone else’s.

Enter Lauren, who tells us that she just cleaned her closet too. Riveting. Tell us more. So she complains about fad diets where she loses and gains, and honey I understand. Deeply. But I don’t think it’s nice for you to suck up time that could be spent on a Gorga/Giudice brawl on your weight loss issues. Call Jenny Craig. I’m being serious. She’s my best friend and I swear by her.

But Lauren tells us that she doesn’t think she’ll ever feel good about how she looks and Caroline cries and consults her fortune cookie handbook and tells her “Beauty is on the inside!” Then she says something about Lauren carrying 8 pounds in a 5 pound bag. I’m not sure what that means. I think it was just a nice way of saying she’s fat.

So boring, I know. I’m sorry. I feel responsible, like somehow when I took over recapping this it suddenly got dull. What have I done? What have I done?

Okay, well it’s probably not about me, so let’s get back to Ashley. She’s checking out pictures of her other family, and Jacquee tells us she loves how Ash respects her Texas Dad, but it also bothers her when she’s “put in all the work”.

credit

Are you sure you want to be taking credit for that?

And we see the results of all her hard work as she asks Ash if she’s going out that night. The answer is no until Jacquee asks her to babysit, and then suddenly Ash has plans. And what better time then to bring up everyone’s favorite topic, What’s Ashley Doing With Her Life. She doesn’t want to go to school. And she doesn’t want to work. She does, however, want to move to California, where no one works, rent is free and we all just ride around on magic red carpets all day long.

“Do you have a job?” is Jacquee’s first question.

“Well, obviously I’d be working there,” replies Ash. I wonder what she thinks “obviously” means. Jacquee tells her to be realistic – she’s not paying rent and she has family nearby. Things won’t be so easy without that. “Well, I like to learn on my own,” says Ash defiantly.

rent

I will learn how to get you to pay my rent in LA.

Ash tells us that she just wants to focus on herself and not hear parents telling her what to do. Yeah, that get a job crap is always such a downer. She wants a fresh start away from “toxic people” she says. Better fumigate that car Chris bought you, then. It might have some leftover spoiled toxins in it.

Let’s catch up with Kathy and her virginal daughter. They’re winter formal shopping, and Kathy is adorably obsessed with finding her daughter a dress that sends “the right message” so she can attract the “right suiters”. Victoria prances out in a skintight mermaid gown with approximately seven different shades of blue sequin.

“It’s a little grown up,” comments Kathy, “do you know what people will think? Sexy!” she finishes in a furious whisper. I’m sorry, where was Kathy when this chick was posing for posters in her Daisy Duke and S&M costumes? But she doesn’t want boys to get the wrong idea, and warns Vic to never feel pressured to enter into any physical relationship. “I know,” Vic replies offhandedly, mentally scheduling her bikini wax.

And then it’s time to make some money in the Gorga’s basement recording studio. Some guy named K-Mack walks in with his entourage. They are impressed with the setup. They say it’s nicer than some of the places they normally record in. We meet some writer named Ellis and hello what happened to the first writer, Anthony? Did he not connect with the deep meaning of being on display, on display, on display?

Joe comes to the studio – come on, you didn’t think he was gonna lock his wife in a basement with three black guys, although I think it would be a hell of a show if he did. He says that it’s a good picture, but the guys are ugly. Melissa chimes in with an unfinished, “Once you go black…”

joe

You are so not getting locked in the basement with three black guys.

Joe reminds us that he put a lot of time and money into this soundproof jail and he doesn’t want to hear, “I’m tired, I don’t wanna do it.” She better sing, he warns.

joe

Or there’s still space under my sister’s kitchen island.

So Melissa hops into the studio and gets her headphones all arranged in her hair, and the music stars and seasoned pro Mel stands there and says…”What are we doin’?” Why, baking a pie, of course. What else would one be doing in a recording studio?

They tell her to sing, and so finally she sings. It’s not good. K-Mack immediately has his head in his hands. “Does that sound crazy horrible?” she asks. “It just sounded crazy,” K-Mack says bluntly. Joe yells at her to “sex it up!”. One of the entourage mindlessly tells them that “time is money”.

joemel

Too much time and too much money.

But then they get to the chorus, and it gets better. They tell her she nailed it, she thanks Jesus about 100 times and crosses herself. What, no ice sculpture for the occasion? While Mel is busy congratulating herself, K-Mack thanks Joe.

And now, for the best part of the recap – the link to On Display. I am highly ashamed to admit that I love it. I downloaded it. It’s the new Tardy for the Party. Yes, it sounds like it was recorded in someone’s basement, and it’s a little strange that she’s singing about the paparzzi and the perils of being famous before she’s actually famous, but I still love it.

The next stop on the Franklin Lakes Bore Tour ’11 is Powerhouse Gym, a NJ staple. I worked out there in high school. It’s the kind of place where Joey Buttafuoco pants never go out of fashion. They’re there to kickbox because Lauren’s New Years resolution was to lose weight. Heaven forbid she should work out alone – naturally, the whole family has come along for kickboxing. Yes, annoying gay sidekick too.

And this workout scene goes on forever. It even stretches into the stupid Bravo ‘we’re back but we’re not back’ thirty second segment. I have a sinking feeling. I’m getting flashbacks to this exact scene in the Manzo’s basement back in Season One. I remember it distinctly because it was this half hour in the Manzo’s basement that made me change the channel on them for the rest of the season. Someone needs to get the Brown Smurf drunk and insulting Melissa. Immediately if not sooner. This show is starting to hemmorage boredom.

So let’s head to the Double Crown restaurant for more excitement as Jacquee, Chris, Ashley’s Dad and stepmom sit at a table. Ashley is, of course, late. Well, they can keep on waitin’ on her, waitin’ on her, waitin’ on her.

Well, the parents all agree that Ashley might be depressed, and she should only go out on Friday and Saturday nights. They laugh about her being late to her own intervention and Dad jokes that they may as well just tell her “Thanks for being late, we’re already worked out all the details.” Sounds amazing to me, if we get to avoid what comes next.

But we don’t. We do hear more about the move to Cali though. Apparantly, Ash texted Dad telling him she was going. Not whether he liked it or not, but whether he “paid for it or not”. I’m dying to see how that one works. Dad, who is very likable, complains about how she couldn’t even pass one community college class.

ash1

Because I was too good at all of them. I couldn’t pick one to pass.

They do a little more Ash-bashing, and then finally she strolls in “looking like Lindsay Lohan” says Jacquee, which probably wasn’t a compliment. Everyone orders breakfast, and Ash, who’s no doubt been out all night orders a steak. Jacquee jumps right into it, asking Ash what she sees in her future.

Well, the future now includes makeup school. But Lauren, with her volumes of experience, advised her to go to full on beauty school. So much talk about makeup, and these ladies have the worst makeup ever. Even the Jerseylicious girls look better. At least they blend. So for some reason, Ash has beauty school and California logically connected in her mind.

Chris says that it will cost money that she doesn’t have. Ash says she has money for a place, but not for school. Chris says she needs to work towards that. Then he tells her, “Let’s call it what it is – you don’t get out of bed every morning and go to work.” Ashley looks offended. “Love you,” interjects Real Dad.

That annoys me. Why is Chris, who’s not her parent, getting stuck with the actual parenting? Then Chris asks her what her goals are, so he can help her figure out a plan. Ash refuses, arguing that anything she says is going to get shot down anyway. So, there’s a lot more trying to pound sense into Ash’s putty head, they tell her how lucky she is to have family that cares about her, and then she complains about her unpaid job designing t-shirts for Lauren Manzo’s makeup empire.

Then, and this is the best, she tells us how “beyond sick of it” she is. Nothing is good enough for her four parents. Not her internship. Not her job. Apparently, the hours weren’t good enough. 10-2, she complains. Yes, seriously, she complains that they didn’t think working from 10-2 was real jobb-y enough.

They start complaining about how they’re all tired of giving and getting nothing back. Chris brings up the free car, and how everyone gives him a hard time over it. Then he flat out tells her that if it’s not about her, she doesn’t give a shit. I am in love with Chris right now.  Then it gets sad. Jacquee says that she thinks Ash looks at her like she’s a big loser.

And Ash’s response is the oft-previewed, “Well, I’m 20 and I don’t have a kid.” “Oh my gosh,” says the stepmom. I’m not shocked cause I saw the previews, but the look on Jacquee’s face makes me want to cry. She should have slapped her for that, but Jacquee just stands up for herself and tells the brat that maybe she did have a kid at 20, but she also was a responsible person.

Ash tells her she’s missing the point, and then somehow brings up the other two little boys and says that Jacquee chose to have them…and suddenly, I get it. Ash was an accident. I mean, this isn’t new information, but I think it’s the root of her problem. And then I start to feel bad for her. To be surrounded by that much love and still somehow feel unwanted. Where’s Dr. Drew to exploit this moment?

Finally Jacquee snaps and tells her to stop acting like it’s a chore to help them in the house because “we’re helping you, get it?” she ends sarcastically. And then Ash starts crying. Real Dad tells her she has to get the chip off her shoulder and that he doesn’t get the anger towards her Mom. Chris tells her to listen to her father.

Then Jacquee says Ash is the most disrespectful brat she’s ever seen in her life and to get out of her house because she doesn’t need to be living with someone who feels that way about her. Poor Jacquee. Stuck being the most boring person alive, and now this. Jacquee goes outside and shakes with gut-wrenching sobs. I’m not being dramatic, it’s terrible to watch. She sobs that she feels like she did everything wrong and her intentions weren’t that.

Inside, Ash is complaining that she looks like “the bitch” because Jacquee stormed off. “The second she decided to keep me was the second she decided to have that responsibility so it should’t be held against me,” Ash defends herself. Chris says Jacquee feels like Ash hates her for having her at a young age.

Then he goes outside to comfort Jacquee, who’s still sobbing. “I’m done,” she tells him. “I’m done too,” Chris replies, then tells her she has to let Real Dad handle it now. Inside, Real Dad is saying that he would have slapped her if she spoke to him like that. Well, nice sentiment, but not slapping her when she spoke to Jacquee like that only sent her the message that it was totally okay.

phenom

On the bright side, this is the best I have ever seen you look.

Well, this was disturbing. Unfortunately, it looks like there’s more of it next week, but then it looks like we’re rewarded with some tasting party where Teresa unleashes her inner Milania on Melissa.

Until then, I will be on display, on display, on display right here.

About

42 Comments

  1. 1
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Hey, Rich and Kathy? Don’t worry about having The Talk with Victoria. I gave her a hands-on introductory course. You’re first grandchild is going to be half Italian Stereotype and half Ukranian Smart Ass.

    WTF is up with the scar spanning the whole rear of Real Dad’s head? Is that where they stole his brain while he was in prison?

    This whole “Ashley is useless” plot has got to wrap the fuck up, and soon. Is anyone else feeling Hate Fatigue? I GET IT. She’s spoiled and ungrateful. I hate her. We all do. Have for years now. Now, Bravo, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT? If Chris and Jacquee cave next week, my conniption will be epic.

    Those Manzos aren’t the new Archie Bunker family. Bravo can keep right on sellin’ them and their gay mascot, but I’ll keep right on not buying.

    My captcha code was TEAT. That’s my favorite word to spell in Scrabble! As long as I can spell TEAT, the score doesn’t matter. I put that game in the “V” column.

  2. 2
    Alison Zimmerman
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Note to Melissa, -it is medium. Not median. You don’t visit a median, unless you drive your car into it!

  3. 3
    sheesh
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    When TB and were watching this he kept scrunching up his face.
    I asked him what was up.
    He said, “That little girl doesn’t look like the other ones.”
    Then he got real quite and muttered, “She doesn’t even look Italian.”

    If Ashley thinks that her ‘rents are lacking, I’d trade her in a sec for John and Kathleen. She would crawl up into her hideous beret so fast…

  4. 4
    Alison Zimmerman
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    oh, and I totally know what Lauren is going through. Most of you know that last year I lost close to 100 pounds. Even though everyone was telling me how wonderful I looked, and that they were all so proud of me, that is not how I felt! I had a hard time and still do have a hard time with my weight and how I look. Some of it has come back, and to me that is ok. But as long as I don’t gain anymore I will be happy. It is hard to go from the old you to the new you. When I would go shopping I would always go for the size 16, try them on and they would be to big. I would go for 14 and have the same thing happen, until one day I put on a size 8 and was like WTF! needless to say, I am in a 12 again, but I am ok with that. And I look healthier…now for the exercise. That was one thing that I never did while I was loosing weight. Never ever went to the gym…

  5. 5
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Alison that is so great for you. Any weight loss is an accomplishment! I just recently got back from my honeymoon and well let’s just say I haven’t stopped eating since… le sigh! So I’ve hit the gym and am trying out crossfit training and loving it… you should check it out. it’s much more fun than the treadmill. I’ve had only one class and we are sooo sore. We’ve downgraded to just a hike today. Ha!

  6. 6
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Well done, ChickBomb – you didn’t have much to work with, it was a pretty boring episode. So boring I FELL ASLEEP before the big Assley Wrasslin’ (damn!). From your description, Jacqui should have finally buried her Louboutin square up Assley’s ass and be done with her.

    @NWMTV: I’m in total agreement about the epic conniption, and will watch next week’s episode at a bar so I don’t smash my own TV. Or fall asleep again.

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Oh, sweet Ghanesha. You almost had me posting about my significant other’s weight-loss adventure. I used to pick on commenters HARD about the personal sharing. You all will make a female out of me yet! Damn you.

    However, well done, Alison and captain-save-uh-hoe. 62% of Americans are rapidly expanding balls of blubber. Go rogue! Be fit!

  8. 8
    Iona Trailer
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    I bet Real Dad wishes he could get back the sperm he wasted injecting into Jackie that would up creating Assfacely. And why interventions in public restaurants. They should have jacked the bitch at Caroline’s. Jackie should have just bitch slapped her right there after she made the having a kid at 20 comment. Either that or drop her off on Danielle’s door step.

    Teresa finds a way to lower herself each week. Feral Lemur (Milania) is a horrible little child. Gia probably is counting the days until she turns 18 and runs like hell out the front door. Teresa lives in a world of delusion and she doesn’t even realize Juicy has bigger titties than her.

    I don’t care what you all say…I so want to do Big Gay Greg. He’s so cute. Albie Manzo is on lucky bottom bitch.

    I can’t stand Lauren Manzo and her fat mouth. Somebody needs to tell her nobody likes bossy fat girls.

  9. 9
    Iona Trailer
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Oh…I actually liked the final version of Melissa’s song. The producers didn’t have much to work with but I could see that being played in clubs. I find myself liking Melissa more and more each week. She’s stupid of course but I think her heart is in the right place far more often than Teresa. How can any of you like Teresa. She is such a nasty cow.

  10. 10
    Jazzy
    Posted August 16, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Why doesn’t Assley do the obvious and go to art school? That seems to be where her talent is. And in art school she could hang out, smoke dope, and draw some pictures. Can’t she at least handle that?? Her parents would be psyched to have her doing something. I hope Jacquee sticks to it and kicks that ungrateful ass out. Let real dad have her for a while.

  11. 11
    shana
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 4:04 am

    I do not like Assley, she is a trust-fund baby wannabe. I think that Assley’s comment about the ‘not being pregos at twenty’ meant that everyone is freaking out that she is going to screw up her life majorly, but she has avoided the ‘getting knocked up young’ mistake, which her mother didn’t–so stop treating me as anything more than a rich girl who deserves to be pampered and likes to party. She is saying to them: you keep calling me irresponsible, but I haven’t really done anything so bad yet (which is debatable). I get where her annoyance at Jacqui comes from. A mom that constantly tells you how to live your life based on her own past mistakes just makes you feel boxed in, rather than advised. Since she is Jacqui’s big mistake…even worse. Since Assley didn’t choose to be brought into this world–and to a single parent so young, she shouldn’t suffer the constant nagging resulting from the experience. And since they are the parents, it WAS their responsibility to provide for her when she was young–she doesn’t feel that she should owe them her life for it. That said, saying please and thank you and having some manners is a requirement of living in society, and her utter rudeness is intolerable. Jacqui is right: Assley does hate her, but in all honesty, that is because their relationship is more like sister/sister, rather than mother/daughter. The ‘intervention’ needed to happen years ago, when she was young and doing badly in school. Maybe even before that, when Jacqui made her dinner, bought her clothes, took her to school (alert: pay attention Theresa). Assley was never taught manners, a sense of appreciation, or seen (rather than just heard about) the hardships of life. These are concepts that must be taught to the young, and volunteer work a requirement for priviliged children. I think it is Assley’s sense of entitlement that is so gross to witness. The “I am going to make you pay” anger she has for her mother (who just wants Assley to acknowledge her hard work), the not helping with her siblings nastiness, and her acting like nobody else matters attitude is rotting her soul. The art school is a no-brainer, of course that is where she should go (try to get the ‘rents to send you to Paris Assley–now that is something to brag about, not Cali for a year). Jacqui’s point is that she stepped up to the plate when responsibility came calling, but at this point, why should Ashley step up to the plate? She still has a lot of pillows to fall on. I think having to live in a school abroad is both scary and requires effort. It can go either way–it could be a great challenge that she rises to–having to take care of herself (they should pay for her school and housing, but give her almost no money to “party” on) or it can be a flop, but California makeup school is not a good idea–too blase, that girl needs to be part of a program, away from people who let her get away with crap, and away from the bad crowd she hangs with now. The parents aren’t helping, she is not smart enough for regular school, and maybe having to depend on herself for getting her needs met will help her mature. If they have the money–send her away. If nothing else, at least it will get her off our television sets:) Oh, and family therapy is a MUST.

  12. 12
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Assley and her beret should defs go to art school–she has a measure of talent. Whatever career path gets her off the show is fine with me.
    And yes–mother-of-pearl!!!!! What in hell kind of scar is that on Real Dad’s head???
    Milania– don’t ever change–I love you– you had me last week at “old troll”. Pizza dough indeed!!! Get “Gin and Juicy Joe” up to the island and roll that dough.
    Chris Laurita– be the MVP I know you are and kick Assley out of your beautiful home. What ever happened to nice Derek from last season ?? Did he wise up and dump her ??
    Alison Z– good for you– that is quite an accomplishment
    Jenny Craig should grab Lauren Manzo— please before she marries Vito the deli-man ( with a Fordham degree) and seetles into the mountains of arm-pit NJ
    Great recap—–I will refrain from Jaquee b/c it was too sad to see—Assley was a mistake and the cause of her folks marriage. But Jax worked very hard to support her and she doesn’t appear to have missed any meals, nor was her health or education neglected. So you left NV for NJ— yes Mom dragged you cross country from a rathole 1 bedroom apt. to a beautiful suburban home in tony Franklin Lakes—bad mommy.
    But Shana you make a good point– her relationship is more sisterly than parental.Mother and daughter counselling is a must.

  13. 13
    jaimesommers
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 8:38 am

    C-Bomb: Not to nitpick, but Teresa DID say the comment to Melissa about Joe supporting anything that would make money. Teresa is so jealous of Melissa. In the Italian trash version of reality, Melissa is a clear winner. Cuter kids, cuter husband, bigger house, no bankruptcy.

  14. 14
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I’m confused; did I just read that someone thinks Ashley should be sent to Paris over California? I get your theory but, must respectfully disagree with your reasoning. She can’t be part of a program in New Jersey, or California? I’ve moved from the northeast to LA and it was no picnic. I don’t have the luxury of rich parents but, I at least had a plan, and place to live and a job BEFORE I went.

    Why am I explaining myself?

    The point is that girl is a BURN OUT (smoke another one Ash). I don’t talk to my mother because she’s insane and I can still function in society just fine, and, not blame everything on my crazy ass mother. Ashley needs to GROW UP! I don’t see how a “structured program in Paris” is where she belongs and that also begs the question, how would she participate in Family Therapy from Europe?

    Furthermore, sending her off to a continent where there are riots because Europeans don’t want to institute austerity measures will only (if she were bright enough to even understand that concept) show her that loafing, taking siestas, 8 week vacations in the summer and retiring at 55 are ok. I simply do not see how that would help anything. But, hey this is just a reality show and I am just some snarky commenter.

    On another note, although Milania is a terror, it would spice up the show a bit to have a Milania cam to show snippets of during those 30 clips between commercials. That would spice things up. For some reason she is my guilty pleasure of this slow sinking ship of a show.

    @NVMTV-You said it, we were all wondering about it.

  15. 15
    marijai
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Jacqueline said in a previous episode that she and Matt MARRIED young and then had Ashley, and marrying so young was one of the reasons the marriage didn’t last. Ashley saying/implying she is an accident is bullshit and just another excuse to justify her worthlessness.

  16. 16
    shantigal
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 11:53 am

    “Oh, sweet Ghanesha. You almost had me posting about my significant other’s weight-loss adventure. I used to pick on commenters HARD about the personal sharing. You all will make a female out of me yet! Damn you.”

    @NWMTV- a much more achievable goal than making a responsible human being out of Asshatley. BTW, there’s cake in the break room!

  17. 17
    susanl
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Although they seem to go ’round in circles, I think the point they are trying to get across to Moonpie is that if you aren’t going to school at least get off your big butt and get to work. Do something, anything, except party, sleep late and do nothing except interning or part time work.
    Caroline should get Lauren to do what she did, lap band. I don’t believe for a minute that Carolyn lost weight on her own. It might work for Lauren. Some people just can’t lose it with diet and exercise (my husband did but best friend could not). That work out was just silly. How was Carolyn “helping” by sitting around bitching. And what happened to that big gym in their basement?
    Teresa is a big joke! Just can’t stand her! I wish Melly had said “well anyone can write a cookbook” back to her.
    I’m sorry but Melly can’t sing and how is it that she is going to make an “album”? Doesn’t that have to be more than one song?

  18. 18
    StraighttoHell
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    I would like to see Ashley get into an art program as well. She seems to have talent, but I’m getting tired of her whining and lack of ambition.

    I think Victoria is a very attractive girl, and I was laughing hard when Kathy was telling Rich about herself having the same problems as Victoria because she was so obviously fishing for Rich to say Kathy was as attractive as Victoria at 16. Yeah, right. And I too doubt Vic’s virginity. She seems like a nice girl, but pretty vain.

    Oh, and I’m being “serious,” I know some find it incredulous that someone would think differently than themselves. Wouldn’t want a miscommunication in my snark.

  19. 19
    someguy
    Posted August 17, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Ashley you are right all your problems are your parents fault.they need to get that through their sick heads .Keep telling them that I hope they wake up one day.Ashley your parents and the world owe you a living and you know you are the true STAR of the show. You should get the STAR treatment and these people should get off your back.You know what you are doing.Keep fighting the good fight.

  20. 20
    Spelling Counts
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 1:14 am

    @NWMTV…. That scar across the back of Matt’s head is a hair transplant line! Hair is harvested from the back, then implanted up front. I wonder if he regrets not just shaving it all off BEFORE going in that direction. I could be wrong, but I know someone with the same scar (though it’s hard to see, as it’s covered by his hair).

  21. 21
    Atf
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Haha my kid is almost 2 and he rolls his eyes well only at my brother in law I think he senses d bag all over him

  22. 22
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

    @ Someguy, you know I love ya! Agreed.

    For the record we all have our opinions here. I don’t get the undercurrent of huffiness from “some” others. I respectfully disagreed and, countered someone else’s point. I don’t see what’s wrong with that or, how that is offensive. Isn’t that how adults interact?

    @susanl-great observation, on the reunion show Caroline stated her weight loss was due to “portion control”, could be code for Lap-band. You are effectively forced into portion control right? Albert lost a lot of weight too but we didn’t see either of them in the gym sweating it out. I like your theory and if it worked for them, why not give it a try Lauren? If the poor girl is feeling that bad about herself…
    Also, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, feel free to disagree, I think a Milania cam would be awesome!

  23. 23
    Ollybeau
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Bottome line for Ashley: Go to school full time, work full time, or take some classes along with a part-time job. Otherwise you’ve got to move out and pay your own rent.
    That’s it. Done. Isn’t that how it works for most college-age kids?
    I so wanted one of the four parents to lay this down instead of all the talk about “future goals” and “where do you see yourself?”

  24. 24
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 11:08 am

    If that scar is a hair transplant line, what’d they do the incision with, an AXE?

    Do interventions work in real life, and they only fail spectacularly on TV? It seems like if someone has gotten to the point where they need an intervention, they’re probably out of control. So, 10 people, unnannounced, pounce on the dope/booze/addict, tell them they have a problem, and try to reason with someone who STARTED OUT irrational and is now hyper-threatened. Sounds like great TV, but a poor method of helping someone.

    AssFace’s intervention might’ve gone better if they brought in Caroline. She could have used her Stern I-talian Matriarch Voice, bugged her eyes out, and bobbed her head like she was an angry, agitated chicken while she told Ass that she was fambly, but she was no fambly of hers ’til she gets a job that doesn’t involve slurping bum cock in LA.

  25. 25
    Jason
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    All these ladies are the Rose Kennedys of Franklin Lakes. Just look at all the over-achievers they’ve spawned.

  26. 26
    susanl
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    I think I read somewhere last year that Albert did have “the surgery” and that although Caroline wouldn’t say so she did too. And yes, it definitely makes you eat smaller portions so she wasn’t lying on that part she just didn’t tell the whole story.

  27. 27
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks Susanl!

  28. 28
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Sorry, folks. That scar may be from brain surgery. I cannot laugh at it.

  29. 29
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    I’ll laugh for you.

  30. 30
    lOS ANGELES 1993
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I like Kathy and her family, but Victoria gives off a slut vibe. Also she is not attractive she has Kathys bug eyes, not a good look.

  31. 31
    Fan-Ann
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    I think that Kathy believes that her eyes are her best feature; hence the raccoon eyes make-up. And it has been a theory of mine for a long time that a girl just can’t pose for a portrait like Victoria’s if she’s still a virgin….check out her expression.

  32. 32
    Sunshine
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I believe Caroline and Albert did Medi Weightloss. Last season, there was a bottle on the kitchen counter when Caroline was cooking or cleaning. It was one of her many “I’m sad the boys are growing up” scenes. That diet is a 500 calorie a day diet. You get shots of b12 etc… & take pills. It’s doctor supervised and you lose weight pretty fast. I know tons of people who have done it. I recognized the bottle/can right away.

  33. 33
    Sunshine
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Oh also meant to say that victoria’s photos looks like the old time glamour shots. I did those once with my mother. Soooo cheesy- but I was def the big v and my photos looked like that. I didn’t have on daisy dukes, but I did have a feather boa (cringe). I am a product of the unfortunate 80′s. I grew up in FL as well. My high school looked like jersey. Tons of half tops, high top sneakers, bad perms, & acid wash jeans.

  34. 34
    Spelling Counts
    Posted August 18, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    My guess is that those photos of Victoria were taken and blown up to poster size for her Sweet 16 party. They remind me of some that I saw on that “My Super Sweet Sixteen” show. Victoria probably had a big blowout at The Brownstone, with those photos as part of the decor. (must’ve been an especially creepy photo shoot!)

  35. 35
    shana
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 4:44 am

    @ Gypsy: I am the one who said the comment about Ashley going to a Parisian art program and I have no problems with you disagreeing. My comment was based on several firmly held positions about authority and dependence. Ashley doesn’t ‘need’ anyone (why she is such a jerk), because all the help she needs is already provided. My idea about Paris is based on the belief that Ashley needs her immediate resources to be pulled out from under her. Kinda like bootcamp, but since she would never agree to that–and she is too old to be forced–there must be incentive. I chose Paris because of the art connection (I confess, I know very little about the art world), but my focus was on leaving the country. The language, social, and economic differences of a foreign country cause you to mature much faster. It throws you off balance (I am speaking from experience) and causes you to find new ways to communicate and get your needs met. California is just too easy (for a rich girl with no real game plan). She needs to be far enough away from home that if she doesn’t do her laundry or cook herself a meal, then she doesn’t eat and she doesn’t have clean clothes. Plus, you really miss your family when you are so far away from them, and begin to appreciate all you had when you were with them. It is just too easy to hop on a plane from LA to Newark. But Paris? Not so much.

    The school should provide the daily structure Ashley so desperately needs. From what we know of Ashley in the past, she was never good in school. To me it has always been obvious that she would have problems in college–even community college, because if she ditched in high school, never studied and avoided learning as best she could, then she didn’t get her basic education. Without the proper study skills, information background, and drive to do good work, attending college is too hard. Going to school for something you are good at, however, is an opportunity for getting praised, which encourages more good work. But she needs to respect where she is getting the information from or she will just ignore the teachers like she does everybody else. Most importantly, if Ashley respects the teachers enough, they become the missing role models this girl sorely lacks.

    Being in a school program also offers the parents a way to make sure she is getting a place to sleep, a place to eat, but not just handing her a bundle of cash (send the money straight to the school and the doorm/living arrangement, and provide a stipend that just pays for food and toiletries). I am NOT suggesting a lifestyle of jet-setting across Europe, or hotel hopping, etc. I am suggesting a fresh start where no one knows her (and there is no prior garbage holding her back). She will hopefully get praised for her work and be proud because it came from experts. She will have to learn how to function in an environment where there is accountability. Yes, she will drink, yes she will take drugs, yes she will sleep around, but she is doing all that now without any benefits. The hope is that the artistic culture and the opportunity to succeed and change her title from “failure Ashley” to “talented Ashley” will inspire her. Right now everyone in her life talks to her very condescendingly (yes, it is deserved), but just hearing people speak to her without loads of disgust in their voice may help her self esteem. Right now she is the family joke and she knows it, and she plays the part well. Away from home she has the chance for a fresh start.

    A structured school program that promotes artistic expression could also help her express some of the demons she carries around and let her ditch the chip on her shoulder. As far as family therapy is concerned: I said she needed it, but not when. At this point, I think she would be a jerk to the therapist and they would get nowhere in family therapy. Both mother and daughter need to start with individual therapy and then progress to joint therapy (there are therapists abroad too) and as a school provides time off, when she is home, Ashley and her mother could then begin working together, after having been separated for a while and not coming from another recent big blowup.

    Phew! Okay, no more about that wench. I feel bad for troubled kids and kids that come from broken homes, and that is where my concern is based. Ashley as an individual is just unlikable, unrealistic, and frankly very ugly both inside and out. For those reasons I am appalled that I spent so much time on her.

    On to bigger and better!

    Caroline pissed me off these last two episodes. When Lauren was saying that she feels fat and ugly (or something along those lines), Caroline’s response of “beauty is on the inside” or some shit, was not what Lauren wanted (or needed) to hear. Caroline should have said, “You’re crazy! You are beautiful! You have such pretty skin, and eyes, cute dimples and a pretty smile, your body is strong and healthy, etc.” Basically Caroline’s comment just agrees with Lauren that she is bad looking. She is not so good with her daughter (remember that Lexi wasn’t all that good looking, but Dina made her feel pretty and special). Caroline’s (and a lot of the other Housewives) attitude about “saying the truth, whether you like it or not, because that is the job of a friend”, is not something I agree with. The world is plenty happy to knock you down and tell you that you suck or whatever; your friends are there to help support you and encourage you after the knockdown. At least that is my opinion and the way my friends and I operate; much nicer than the Caroline “fambly” speech.

    And lastly, I agree that Kathy should be invited to the New Year’s party at the Brownstone (sorry, this is left over from last week but it has been bugging me), but if they are such good customers that Albert would kill Caroline if she didn’t invite them, then why weren’t they always invited (on the invitation list, their regular haunt every year)? I now agree that Caroline is very much the shit stirrer, more than I ever realized before.

  36. 36
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 7:16 am

    @ Shana-Thank you for addressing me directly. Again, I understand your point. I still respectfully disagree. I think the same could be accomplished in Rehab or an Institution. I think that would be enough structure, positive reinforcement, discipline and accountability she needs. Also, with enough time for therapy and arts and crafts. It’s certainly a very nice idea Shana, and I find it wonderful that you think she could/would appreciate something of that magnitude bestowed on her. I unfortunately do not have the same opinion and that is more than ok.

    Christ, I think Danielle Staub’s kids will turn out more well adjusted than Ashley ever will and those kids have really been taken to task in the broken home department.

    But again, thank you for addressing me directly, VERY cool. 

    Caroline is indeed a pot stirrer. I can speak from experience here. If you are not married off, having babies and cooking by 25 in some Italian American families, to this day, you are considered useless and are treated as such no matter how many other successes you may have accrued in your life. The cultural stereotype is still there to be “barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.” It’s sad but, true. And I feel that Caroline is from the very old school and is raising Lauren with a heavy hand in that regard. I am not a fan of her brow beating unsolicited advice. (Also, remember when Ablie said when his mother likes someone it is the ‘kiss of death’? Because not matter how good the girl is if she can’t make sauce she’s not good. That right there is extremely telling and vile. Imagine telling anyone, never mind Alexa Rae Joel that she’s not good enough because she can’t make Olive sauce? I’d tell Caroline to eff off.)

  37. 37
    Jazzy
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Shana – that’s such a well thought out plan for Assley! PLEASE find a way to send it to Jacquee – she’ll never think of anything that good!

  38. 38
    shana
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    @ Gypsy: No problemo☺. I hear you, but I don’t think rehab would work because you first have to admit you have a problem, and I just don’t think that brat ever would–too busy blaming everybody else.

    OMG! Danielle’s little girl, Gillian? Love her. Her little face and sad little eyes always broke my heart. Now there is a scary household. Last night I saw Danielle on Entertainment Tonight or Extra say how being on reality tv like the housewives show made her contemplate suicide multiple times (comment because of Russel Armstrong’s suicide), but didn’t she sign up for some other reality show–isn’t she on one right now? I fear for her kids, I really do.

    As for Caroline–yeah, I know women like that, they kind of disgust me. That holier than thou attitude, the–you need my approval more than you need G-d’s–philosophy. She is going to be a mother-in-law from hell. Mind you, I have no problems with a woman who makes being a mom and housewife a career; if you can afford it, that is what you want to do, and you enjoy doing it–more power to you. I just can’t stand when someone (ahem, Caroline) thinks she is somehow the boss and authority of everyone else’s family units, when in reality her own family has a lot of problems and she is harsh and judgemental most of the time. You know what, scratch that, unsolicited and stupid cliche advice is always unwelcome, even if your kids turn out great and your hubby isn’t a jerk.

  39. 39
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @ Shana- I agree Ash needs to get to step one.

    That last part aout unsolicited advice, pure gold.

  40. 40
    shana
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    @ Jazzy: Awww, thanks, you’re so sweet:)

  41. 41
    shana
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    @ Gypsy: of course, though, isn’t that what I am doing now on this site, giving loads of unsolicited advice? LOL.

  42. 42
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 22, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    @ Shana-touche. And there we have the first step.

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