Someone’s not placing out of freshman English.
Today’s Bravo fakeout, we see a the little Guidice/Gorga kids doing a fashion show, and Jacquee being a bitch about how dressed up they always are. I think Jacquee and her bedazzled Kohl’s sweaters are just jealous.
And finally it’s time for Caro and Co’s big Sirius debut. They are shocked that they will be working out of 30 Rock and congratulate themselves on being super big time. Then Caro tells us that she has “no clue why people would listen to what I have to say. I’m just Caroline. Nothing great going on here,” she shrugs.
Nope, nothing but a heaping pile of contrived false humility that you can read all about in my upcoming book.
The producer assures them that once they give out the phone number, the Manzos will be inundated with phone calls. Lauren sees fit to mention that maybe someone will call to talk about how Chris is catching up to her in the weight department. Then we hear about how they once posted a picture of a hog on her bedroom door. What a lovely family!
They announce the show in what sounds like an outtake from the community college station and we hear a soundbite about how Caro is the “toughest marshmallow you’ll ever meet.” She greets her audience of approximately five and introduces her family. Chris pounds his chest. Al might be napping, but he also might just be being stealthy.
“Give us a call about dealing with siblings or whatever it is…give us a call,” Caro the pro suggests. We flash back to the producer telling them that the moment they gave out the number, the phones would be ringing off the hook, and then cut to dead air in the studio.
Caro stumbles over her words and laughs nervously. Then she blames the whole debacle on her kids, who were “terrified”. Then she takes a break. The producer is back to tell her that since the calls are not coming in, she’s going to have to solicit them.
And so she launches into the story of the road trip, and how they “went through it all – family issues, friendships going haywire…we went through some stuff.” Groundbreaking radio, no?
And then finally there is a caller! Someone wants to know what was the worst part of the camping trip. Caro reveals that she had to make a decision about what to do with a friendship and when to walk away. So enlightening.
But the next caller brings it – it’s Jennifer from Chicago who wants to know the state of things with Dina. Yes, let’s cover that topic. Caro is very vague. She says that with eleven kids, personalities will not always be on the same page. She says she loves Dina to death, that they’re family, thanks Jennifer for calling and telepathically messages her stealthy husband to put a hit out on the bitch.