Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: It’s ON

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Thursday, August 30, 2012 | 8:16 pm | 33 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

“It’s despicable!” spews Daffy Duck. I mean, Caroline. Sorry, that duck’s the only one I ever knew who said that. Caro goes on to call her a liar, a fraud and a disgrace.

Yo, where’s the waitress?

Okay, back to liar, fraud and disgrace. “Never heard that one before,” says Ter. For knowing me and hanging out with my family members, she tells Caro. Then Caro says that it was hanging out with Ter’s family members that made her realizes how nuts Ter really was. Haha. True. That’s why you should never introduce your family to your friends. 

The Ter turns to Kat and tries to bring her into it somehow. Caro immediately admonishes Kat, the person who started the whole thing, to stay out of it. Oh, please. Like Kat’s going to miss her moment to shine in this bloodfeud. Didn’t you hear what she was saying in the hot tub? She feels left out.

The prayer of Saint Kat.

Caro tells her she wants to be left behind, as far as Ter is concerned. “Not interested in having a relationship with you,” she points at Ter. “I’m starting to think I made a mistake getting involved,” Kat mentions lamely, in what I’d call the understatement of 2012. She comments that Caro really does seem to be done with Ter. “I’m not going to push something that’s not there,” she decides earnestly, her whole hot tub effigy to Caroline handily forgotten. Oh, I think I’ll just stay out of it now, la di da.

Back at the men’s table, Chris Laurita is telling Brown Smurf that he loves him and Ter but doesn’t like the things he hears around town that Brown Smurf says about him. Like what, queries the Smurf. “Well, you told someone I was shady,” says Chris.

Who, asks Brown Smurf? Oh, some bottling guy, is yet another vague reply. Come on, like these folks aren’t prancing around town saying things about the Giudices? I mean, they’re saying shitty things right to the camera, which as far as I know is broadcast to America, so wait, what’s this fight about again?

Then Chris Laurita very, very adamantly insists that if there’s one thing he will not tolerate, it’s being called shady. Because Chris Laurita, sir, is not shady. I laugh out loud at this one. Not acceptable, says Laurita. “Whatever the thing is,” mumbles Brown Smurf. “Don’t talk shit about me,” says Laurita.

Midge says that it wasn’t his argument so he stayed out of it. But he does say that it’s clear that Brown Smurf, like Ter, has accountability issues. Chris and Brown Smurf make up, with Chris once again reminding Smurfy that he is not shady. In fact, he’s actually the best friend Smurfy ever had. Yeah! Who else fake offers to buy your furniture at auction with a bad check?

They literally kiss and make up. “Kiss of death!” yells Midge. Then Midge and Lebanese Dilbert are kissing. They’re all cracking up. It’s sort of a lovable dumbass moment.

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33 Comments

  1. 1
    2muchbravo
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    What a f*cking frustrating argument to listen to! Might as well have been (2) 10-year olds saying, “I know you are but what am I?” There’s no denying Tre is a f*cking dbl talking, scheming moron. But, I can’t stand Caroline’s high and mighty attitude. Seriously, lady?? I don’t think it’s just the cookbook comment. I think it’s every little thing that Tre’s ever done that irritated Caro that has now grown into a giant hate monster of epic proportions. Caroline’s the one who went off sobbing. Tre didn’t. She still thinks she’s right and Caro’s a lunatic.
    I always thought that if you were upset with someone you should explain why. Not just accuse them of doing you wrong and keep them guessing when they obviously don’t know.
    I think I’ve seen every episode of every season and I don’t recall how Caro was instrumental in getting the Gorgas back together. Can anyone enlighten me?

  2. 2
    charis mcarthy
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Kat is the worst of the bunch – she and that greasy pervy hubs of hers. He probably hit on Tre when she was a teen, which explains A LOT about their current relationship. Ugh. Cannot stand that ass or his fake-ass wife.
    Caro, oh Caro…what has become of ye? Get thee to a nunnery and quick! As much as I want to join the Caro hate club, I see a woman who is beyond caring about this housewive’s fake fuckery and is responding in kind. I feel ya fellow menopauser!
    Still a fan of Tre. Most of all because she keeps popping back up from the haters’ blows. I now dub thee Tre-A-Mole!

  3. 3
    hwcrazygal
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Caroliar is batshit crazy along with being the biggest liar in that room! Thank goodness we have their own blogs to use as research as someone on twitter posted. Jac was Teresas friend so naturally if Teresa said things to that Manzoid, I would think she would have said to to Jac, don’t you? Check out this: Say What?? says: August 29,2012 at 6:55 pm From Jacs blog.. May of 2011 I was really sad and (cont) http://tl.gd/j3b18m

  4. 4
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Awesome awesome recap. You really made a lot more sense out of that back-and-forth than one could get even watching it.

    Caroline was childish, vile and despicable. Had I gotten the transcript of that fight I would have reversed the speakers just because Caro always brags about being so above it all and more mature and yet she was the one who was like a dog with a bone, hurling childish taunts at Teresa to keep the fight going.

    I loved the “ooh, my boyfriend is gonna beat you up” moment when Caro was all swollen with fiendish anticipation at Al getting up and regulating… except he then fell asleep.

    Another huge highlight was Lapband Lobotomized Lauren sticking her Miss Piggy nose into it to bring up the 1/16th Italian comment which Caroline at first scoffed at because she is JUST as Italian as Teresa. Then accused her of being FOB (which, seems slightly fresher if we’re comparing nationality stats) and then proudly proclaims herself American. So which is it Caro? You dumb broad, pick a position and stop spewing random bile just because your opponent is dim-witted.

    Chickbomb, I applaud you for being tenderhearted towards sobbing women. I usually am but Caroline realizing she just went psycho bitch and looked nuttier than table-flipper Teresa was the only reason she ran and cried WITH THE DOOR OPEN. And saying “I can’t… I … can’t” dramatically; she should take acting lessons from that hack Gia. The only thing she can’t do is understand why guido trash like Teresa commands bigger checks and fan bases than her. Talk about always being the victim. I’m sure the RHoNJ would’ve erected a statue of her by now except it’s so darn hard to get those TINY features carved.

  5. 5
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 1:41 am

    @ChickBomb ROFL
    I will bitch slap you into next April if you get in the way of me staying out of this I’ve still got Kleenex in my eyes.
    I’ve had to keep Kleenex in my eyes since I read that.

    1st Dance Moms did a reimagining of hip hop. And then the RHNJ cast decides to reimagine Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf!

    Is it supposed to be some kind of appreciation month?

    I missed the meatball contest too. But if 1 of the contestants was made out of chicken no wonder Caroline’s upset.

  6. 6
    Poopsicle
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 4:26 am

    Umm, I’m pretty sure Bravo did another bad crying edit job during the Cuntaline’s “break down” scene. That whole ugly heaving, saying I can’t, is the exact way she was crying during the Season 1 reunion when she was explaining why she could never forgive Danielle.
    As for her calling Teresa a liar, fraud, and disgrace, she should be saying those same things to her saggy skinned husband. Didn’t he LIE about where he lived to FRAUD the tax payers of Jersey for money he didn’t even need, only to have fat ass Christie call him out publicly and fire him making him a DISGRACE!? Talk about tacky glass houses…
    The Manzo kids need to stay out of their mommy’s shit stirring business, those boys really need to pop the big saggy titties out of their mouths and grow the fuck up, as for Lauren, I hope she lap banded that hump on her back too.

  7. 7
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Caro: You suck
    Tre: You suck more
    Caro: You suck to infinity
    Tre: I know you are, but what am I?
    Caro: I’m rubber and you’re glue . . .

  8. 8
    Closet_Fan
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Agreed… “I will bitch slap you into next April if you get in the way of me staying out of this.” Hilarious.

  9. 9
    myhr0049
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 9:24 am

    What about the pumping up of oooo don’t make Albert get involved followed by a quick shot of him asleep in the chair? Don’t wake a sleeping bear…

  10. 10
    Sunshine
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 10:59 am

    You can’t argue with a narcissist and Caroline should realize that and just shut up and forget about it. No matter what Joe and Theresa will never admit they sell their stories (true or false) to the magazines and Theresa will continue to say “it’s a joke!” about every nasty comment she makes.

    Caroline acts all high and mighty and only makes herself look as much like an idiot as Theresa is. They are both horrible to watch.

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Anyone wonder how In Touch is taking these revelations from Teresa that she tells them lies? Do we know if she has done 7 covers already or is she on a new deal with them?

    I’m guessing she will conveniently “lose it” when Joe’s trial starts so they can postpone again. Scum

    Caroline didn’t your parents teach you not to argue with an idiot because no one will know the difference? You can’t reason with a compartmentalizer.

  12. 12
    Benjamin
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Chickbomb, as always, great recap!! Love it.

    However, I must say, I am not sure why you sound so hostile toward Caroline and so sympathetic toward Teresa. I mean, Caro is pretty damn arrogant and high-and-mighty and a know-it-all..but Ter is pure garbage, a liar, a user, just real scum. I agree with your Caro sentiments, but I think you’re being too easy on Teresa!

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Anyone know if they intend to film another season?

  14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Thanks for recapping this shit show ChickBomb. I had trouble following what these insane bitches were going on about. I don’t know if it was the angle of the camera or the way she was sitting but I spent most of the hour marveling about how Caro’s boobs were twice as big as her pinhead.

    Please go home already – I need my Milania fix!!

  15. 15
    caligal
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    http://www.nj.com/morris/index.ssf/2012/08/real_housewives_joe_giudice_pr.html

  16. 16
    caligal
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Doesn’t seem like Joe will be going to jail any time soon.

  17. 17
    aliens.rock
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @ChickBomb – awesome job trying to recap this parody of an argument.
    @11 labowner
    “didn’t your parents teach you not to argue with an idiot because no one will know the difference?”
    Ha,ha, I have never heard this before. Now I know what to mumble to myself when my husband gets on my nerves too much and I am about to blow up…

  18. 18
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    OK–at page 6 and rubbing my head–DAMMIT!!!! Tiny-just DAMMIT!!!!
    As Papa Cawfee would tell me and my siblings when we were fighting “Either solve it right now!! Or forget it!!!” Tiny Caro-Tre apologized for the cookbook and you accepted her apology (in what ever half-assed form it was.) No more cookbook issues-over. Move on now and ARTICULATE what is bothering you. If you cant say it on TV, then SAY THAT. I would tell you to “Shut Up” but the Cawfee kids werent allowed to sat that to each other.

  19. 19
    labowner
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I am wondering if Caroline wants an apology for Punta Cana, but can’t say it on TV.

  20. 20
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    @ 1 TooMuchBravo– the tactic is one I was taught as a wee Cawfee to screw with a boyfriends head–a highschool bf. And oh yeah!!! We have passed out of the COOKBOOK Realm–its gotta be about Punta Cana.

    Albert Manzo– I shan’t call you Stealthy– that is the 8th Dwarf— And you sir are not he.
    Te and her “off the boat mentality” hhmmmmm— yes ma’am and ok. I know alot of Irish like that. As per Season One I was lead to believe that the Laurita brood were not taught to speak Italian b/c their parents wanted them to be more American. OK—so mayhap that is about meatballs and the “1/16th Italian” comment. Shrugging– I will gladly paricipate in a meatball challenge–

    Dina—Dina, Dina, Dina and ya’ll saw him Yes???? The gay intern that Dina “flirted ” with Season 1??? Why that make me happy I am not sure–could be my third pinot–but as much as I think Dina is the s&*# stirrer of the first order and THE BOOK shower at Chateau (gosh– could be why Chateau closed) I do look forward to seeing her. Call me crazy but I like the way her kitchen is decorated–roosters and Peaceful Buddah—maybe Zen Jen will make an appearance too!!!!

  21. 21
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Arrrrrrrrrrgh why did this come out on Friday…see youse tomorrow am after I read the recap for comments….bummerzzzzzzzzzzz

  22. 22
    TWhit
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    @Caligirl IT’S AWAY DAMMIT!!!!

    You know what’s really frustrated me about this whole thing? The stripper carwash comment? Stupid. NO reason to get upset over it, much less start a blood fued. However, the 1/16th Italian thing would have me going sistah all OVER the place. And Lapband is the only one that’s brought it up since…last epi of last season?

    I would have been Team Caro maybe if it were over THAT. But instead it dumb stupid stripper carwash don’t-talk-about-my-kids. Stupid.

  23. 23
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Caroline is so jealous and then sets herself as the victim toward the end by crying, i hope Dina will fill us in on the reason.
    This episode made me see why Tre has a wall up when it comes to her cousin Kat. She is sneaky and innocently deceiving. Loved that Teresea’s brother left with her.

  24. 24
    chicagoslut
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    How anyone can stand Ter is beyond me. I wouldn’t survive being within ear shot from her voice. I’m also terrified by her forehead. Her voice, forehead and that chicken lady dress she wears in the talking head makes me want to sleep with a gun under my pillow.

    As deplorable as I think Ter is Caroline is just as nasty. Caro couldn’t back up her claims and just kept patronizing Ter during the argument. One minute she was accusing her of lying and the next she’s done and too good for the argument. This action keeps circling around and around. Eyes wide–nose in the air, eyes wide–nose in the air over and over again. Caro needs to let it go and ignore Ter if she hates her so much. So what if Ter lies about getting paid by InTouch. It’s a weird lie but she isn’t backing down so let her tell it. I’d also like to know what Caro expected from Ter. Did she think Ter would just fess up and wash Caro’s feet. No she did not. She expected exactly what happened so the viewing audience could see what a “despicable” person Ter is. She made herself look just as “dispittable”.

    The Stealthy Al that fell asleep made me laugh. His secret weapons are his kids and gay sidekick. All would just order them to kick ass. I agree that these kids are still suckling the teet of Manzo, including gay sidekick, but they want to be on TV much more than they want milk.

    As for the snub, my unpopular belief is that is wasn’t intended. I think Ter doesn’t really care or think too much about Kat so she forgot her. It was apparent to me when Ter had that “oh shit” smile plastered on her face when called out. She tried to brush it off and hoped it would go away but Kat had to come and ask her about it because Caro bullied her into it. When Caro said that Kat didn’t have to do that, I don’t think she was thanking her for sticking up for her, I think she was thanking her for opening the door to a chicken fight.

    Jac was sleeping!!!! F**K YOU you cowering turd! No backbone at all! No wonder Chris is doing all the talking heads.

    Melissa–ahhh I don’t care right now. I’m so pent up I’m going to go shit a Jacqueline.

  25. 25
    NewYawka
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    The worst part of this whole freakin episode was when Joe and Melissa Gora LEFT with the nim-rods, Joe and Teresa….just because its his “sister”. All the more reason to NOT go!… Enabling idiots. If it was my sister acting like that, I’d tell her off in front of everyone then I throw her out! Could give two shits. Wrong is wrong. I think Joe Gorga is afraid Teresa will kick his ass….lol.

    Just a bunch of co-dependant, insecure blubbering, greedy, whiney dip shits. So funny to watch!

  26. 26
    Leenieva
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    @chicagoslut I found the most infuriating thing about the episode being Jaqueline’s “sleeping”. Come on you yellow bellied coward, for someone so desperate to be an “individual with her own opinions” , you sure couldn’t get your bitch ass off that couch to take either side. That makes her the worst person in this cast as far as I’m concerned.

    Might be time for a RHNYC style makeover.

  27. 27
    hot cawfee
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 5:47 am

    @19 Labowner– I think you are hitting the nail on the head—or putting the meatball on the sandwich—-time for a Punta-Cana-pology!!! Pronto!!!!!

    @24 Chicago– you are not alone on The Snub–I think also it was unintentional–Tre is self-absorbed to the nth degree. Her fight with her brother is not her fight with her cousin. Its more important for her to have her brother than her cousin. If someone had said something at the table and at the time, Tre would have mentioned Kathy—at the time it was about Tre and her brother.

  28. 28
    2muchbravo
    Posted September 1, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    I’m on board with the It Wasn’t a Snub belief. The three things she mentioned made sense: Chris/Sleepy I mean Jax invited them on trip, DonCarol turned 50 and she and JoGo made upish. Nothing of note happened with zzzzzzKathy. So, she didn’t mention her. She probably would have been criticized if she had tacked Kathy on, “Oh, and Kathy too.” Like, “Oh, I don’t get a big mention just tack me on. Thanks Tre.” She can’t win. And, I think Caro was being a petulant child when she didn’t raise her glass. So, raise your glass and mutter “bitch” under your breath as you smile your evil grin. She made a bigger ass out of herself doing that than Tre did by omitting Kathy from the toast.

    And, yes, it goes beyond the stupid cookbook remark. Has anyone actually read the cookbook comments btw? I didn’t know about the 1/16th Italian comment. My father and his siblings and cousins spoke Greek at home when they were kids but stopped when they went to school. But , my Swedish ancestors looked in the society pages to get “typical American” names for their kids so I doubt they spoke Swedish with them. So, I can see both sides of the immigrant issue.

    Caroline may be looking for an apology for Punta Cana but she won’t get it on RhoNJ. They didn’t even mention it on the show and there were (or maybe still are ) lawsuits involved. So, they may not be able to mention it specifically. But, since the precious Manzo boys were involved it would stand to reason Caroline is pissed at Tre.

  29. 29
    hot cawfee
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 6:02 am

    YOUSE GUYS— RHNJ manzo thon on Bravo today– starts at 9 am est. got my cawfee and going to hunker down– I have been so confused this season–no lie. Thank God for GASMI for keeping it all straight.

  30. 30
    eve
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I am so confused. Why is it okay that Dilbert bothers Teresa, and Caroline and Kathy say is a JOKE. But Teresa cannot use the JOKE excuse regarding the comments on the book.

  31. 31
    kloewent
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I wonder what would happen if one of these people just said, you are right, I am sorry. That might shut someone up!!!

  32. 32
    hot cawfee
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    @ 31 Kloe–ssshhhssshhhh– ixnay on the apology-ay!!!!! The season would be over!!!!!
    But you totes grew up in a house like mine— Say you’re sorry and end it!!

    Just to keep the convo going– but does anyone think/wonder if this whole cray-sitch has alot more to do with Dina, Tommy and Brownstone??? I am certain the Punta Cana brawl had a part but …..gee….its a whole lotta craziness!!!!!

  33. 33
    hot cawfee
    Posted September 7, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Hey Youse Guys– BRAVO is going full RHNJ today– beginning at 830 am est thru about 6pm—I am tuning in– I miss first season Guidices–and am going to keep my eyes peeled for all players–I remember Gregg from season 1 having dinner with the Manzo fambly. And know now to turn away from Dina’s cat Grandma Wrinkles

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