Well, it’s another week in Jersey and you know what that means – foreshadowing of the journey to Napa. Lots of it. If this RV trip isn’t the greatest road trip since The Cannonball Run, I will personally rent an RV of my own to ram through the DIY project that fairy Andy calls the Bravo studio. You’re all invited. I’m not messing around. I’ve always really, really, really wanted an RV anyway. And with that…I bring you the simmering blood feuds of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Ter and the Brown Smurf are in the car and that can only mean one thing – Ter is driving. They’re going to a vineyard, or perhaps a winery, no one’s too sure. All they know is they’re going to drink Bellinis. “You like ‘em right?” she coaxes the Brown Smurf like a little baby. Well, they get me drunk enough, he concedes.
And on that note, Ter launches into the story of how much she loves Bellinis and therefore must formulate her own for the world to enjoy. And then she came up with the name Fabulini! Like Fabulicious, get it? Illiterate branding. We are then informed that Ter doesn’t like anything that tastes “diet-y”.
Oh, but this is no ordinary made up Teresa word. This one’s for the Skinnygirl brand, and Ter mentions it by name. In a stage whisper to the side of the camera, because that makes it not really her fault if it ends up on TV.
It’s a joke, get it? “Diet-y!” Hahahahahah!
And now she wants to brand herself. Aprons, pastas, pastas in the shape of the letters of her name? “Whatever,” is Brown Smurf’s contribution to the brand. We also learn that Brown Smurf lost his wallet, which was later found in “someone”’s car. Ter wants more detail on this “someone” character, and don’t you?
Instead, we get the Gorgas. Or how about the Bore-gas. They’re sitting in the kitchen where the little boy has obviously been spending a little too much time with Cousin Milania, because he’s trying to beat the crap out of his Midge Dad.
Corte, one of Melissa’s black basement loves comes by for a visit. Midge clears the kids from the room and offers his wife’s lover some cheese that he made himself. The concept alone is gag-worthy.
Me make cheese.
Does this sparkly headwrap make me seem like I’m on on display?
Corte tells Midge that Mel is ready to “move forward” and it’s time to shop for a label and a record deal. Midge immediately declares that he needs no record label.
Corte tries to explain that what with being in construction and all, Midge doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about in the record biz. Midge agrees, but thinks if you’re an entrepreneur with balls you can make anything happen. He decides to start an independent record label, which he is sure will turn into a bidding war. Everyone agrees that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and happily proceeds accordingly.
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OMG @ChickBomb this recap is is a prime example of how come I had to make the 0 tolerance no food or liquid in the same room with TVgasm rule. Like a Teen Mom style no contact order.
BTW if you ever sign up for a fit a recap in a Tweet contest,
Everyone agrees that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and happily proceeds accordingly
That 1 sentence will win you the 1st prize nacho supreme crown. With extra acrylicrystals. For just about any episode of this show. And nobody that watched it could say it was anything but a 100% accurate and true summary.
If anybody else watches TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) you’ve known all about what a vajazzle is since like season 1. And unfortunately also a penazzle. No matter how hard you might’ve tried to forget.
“…that fairy Andy…. Really?
Great great recap!
I think you don’t realize that Mel is for sale and it is advertised in her song “On display”. She’s been sitting in the front window for a while now. With a big 75% off sticker on her five head.
I love that you point out the Chris Laurita hypocrisy! I wanted to throttle him when he blithely said his finances were none of Smurf’s bidness. Except his wife now has a full on feud based soley on her maintaining that Ter’s finances ARE her business. WTF
Caroline. She is the ugly unwanted girl in HS that only finds satisfaction in picking favorites among the popular girls and tearing down who she wants to be an outcast. Secret is, she hates them all equally. When she talked about being “so happy” for Mel and Kathy in their biz pursuits I wanted to gag. If either were at all successful she’d be singing a different tune. Her “staying out of it” by constantly watching and judging is maddeningly childish and gauche.
Also that little aside where Caro tried to set up Smurf as some sort of martyr fallen to the evils of Teresa, was so ridiculous I want to smack her mouth.
Thank you for pointing out all the things that made me want to scream and stab and worst of all defend Teresa . Ugh.
@MrsMiaWallace — was that how you interpreted Caro’s interview? I thought it was a reference to a future trip to rehab by the Brown Smurf. Maybe because of Teresa driving him to drink, but all I heard was “Joe’s heading to rehab and Teresa’s gonna be single-momming it soon”.
@Ms Mia– roger that on Caro– I think she was the “ugly and hard to get along with” sister in her big family. (Hey my sisters are a gymnast, a Prom Queen and the head cheerleader/Student Council rep for all four years. I wear glasses and get to be smart and funny–winner winner chicken dinner!!!!).
Tre is spinning slowly out of control–its sad. As much as I want to smack her too, she loves her kids and she loves Joe. She is busting her butt to keep things moving along in the manse. I dont forget her skewed idea of bankruptcy–like a big financial do-over with out any pre-bankruptcy responsibility(ies). I think she doesnt understand that she can step back and do with less. Brown Smurf in prison??? That is a nasty allegation from Tiny Caro–we know the “rumors” about her late father-in-law.
ah, chickbomb…too many lol’s here to mention individually so I’ll just pretend to stand up from the most comfortable sofa in the contiguous USA and give you a standing O….nice job…
Hey youse guys??? Fast question–do we know just when during this season did the show break and film the Reunion??
I’m confused about that cawfee; Caroline said on WWHL that what we are watching now was filmed a year ago and that the reunion has yet to be filmed; why is the footage so old?? She said she has no idea what Ter is up to these days, hasn’t seen her, etc. I doubt that that is true; she is bound to have her spies out gathering info, but still, it is annoying that the show is so behind in taping.
ter’s comment that no one buys books just for desserts is a bit dumb. about half the books in the cookery sections are just about desserts. she’s missing an opportunity. i think i would actually take a look at kat’s dessert cookbook, if she came out with them. everything she cooks on the show looks tasty.
I am really starting to work up the courage to drive to NJ and throat punch Lapband and Cunto.
Tre’s Mom Is not Kat’s Mom’s sister. Tre’s dad is brother to Kat’s mom so the two moms probably didnt grow up sharing recipes but lots of people have the same or similar recipes. Kathy should have said Oh my mom has those recipes too not those are my moms please she was trying to be mean
@myfavoritesunglasses that was my interpretation too that Brown Smurf was headed to rehab. Then I started to think that “someone has to go away” was a reference to a vacay in prison since we know no one is allowed to say the word prison because to quote Ter “we’re old school and everyone just says someone has gone away.” Loved the Fabulini tasting with the ” ingrediences.” the correction by the tasting staff flew right over Ter’s drunk head. I live in the Napa Valley so I’m use to drunk wine tasters, glad they called a car for them. Always enjoy your recaps ChickBomb.
Yep- “going away” = jail or prison. Here in the south, I noticed that they say “they’re working out of town” BWHAHAHA!! The meeting of the meatballs was high-lar-ous!! Although, I’m pretty sure Juicy Joe ripped on Dilbert first by saying he (Dilbert) used to pump gas, that’s when Dilbert said “Oh yeah, well six months ago you were flipping pizzas!” Since on the east coast you always have to pump your own gas, Juicy was referencing back in the day. It slays me that everyone on the show calls them Jew-Dice (even Joey Gorga), Joe and Theresa are the only ones that pronounce it Jew-da-chay and even Theresa slips up once in a while.
AL: No. Communion, otherwise known as the body of Christ, is not a cookie
This whole recap was great, but that line was my favorite. And your friend is right the Eucharist isn’t a cookie. It’s more of a cracker. That’s why there is no whistling in Church.
In New Jersey it is against the law for customers to pump their own gas (Oregon also has that law) so someone who owns a gas station has to, by law, pump gas for customers. I’ve been in Oregon for a couple years now and I still can’t get over how weird that seems to not get out of your car and put the gas in myself. So ‘you pump gas’ in New Jersey isn’t just a euphemism for being in the gas station business, it may actually be what Dilbert was doing if he was on the premises or didn’t own the station. Have we established whether he owns a gas station or more than one or is he just a manager who is fronting for the show? I’ve never gotten that part clear.
Thanks for clarifying the Teresa’s and Kathy’s mom situation. I was under the impression they were sisters but sisters in law still would probably have shared recipes as well. Wouldn’t they?
Any one catch jerky Joe saying they should have made Kathy and Rich go to the back of the line at the book signing?
Teresa classy and book signings don’t go together they also don’t include soft cover books. Real classy fans in that line Teresa.
I’ll take Kathy’s “meanness” over Teresa’s passive aggressive “My kids have better signs at their lemonade stand” attitude.
I believe Caroline was referring back to “Happy wife, happy life” I want it all attitude from Teresa in the first season when talking about Joe.
What did happen to Joe’s June 27th court date? Why is the state allowing him to blow off the court date to be in Florida on another get rich scheme? Teeth whitening from Joe Giudice? I’d rather wash my teeth with bleach.
Just to clarify, there is a difference between personal and business bankruptcy filings.
Seems to me Rich is laughing all the way to the bank with what he learned from Joe Giudice and real estate.
There is a difference between Jackie/Chris commenting or asking about Teresa/Joe’s finances vs Teresa/Joe commenting about theirs. Teresa has been on the cover of multiple magazines at this point talking about her finances. I’ve yet to see one tabloid with Jackie plastered on the cover talking about supporting the family through this rough financial time, although maybe I’ve missed it. Teresa arguing her finances are none of Jackie’s business is as valid as her arguing her life is none of our business. You make it other people’s business when you blast it on TV and magazines. Obviously she’s a little (or a lot) on the slow side and she doesn’t seem to understand this, hence her whispering the skinny girl dig. We can hear you Teresa and Jackie can read and was constantly reading about how bad your situation was while you la di da life is great to her face. Anyone with half a brain would be confused and question how genuine one could be who carries on like that to their “best friend.”
@wow and @labowner I agree there is a big difference between Tre and Juicy’s finances and Chris and Jackies. Tre is running to all of the tabloids crying about her finances. I haven’t seen any interviews from Chris or Jackie about their finances. Chris’s business filed for bankruptcy he didn’t file for personal bankruptcy and I don’t think he forged any of his partners names on paper work.
Folks:
Re: the Mini cap and @labowner’s comment. There is a difference between having to file for personal bankruptcy and a business being forced into or straight up filing for bankruptcy.
Logic dictates and, is actual court ruling that one cannot discuss the details of the company/business/corporate bankruptcy until all the proper documentation has been filed and a period of 120-180 days has passed depending on the process.
So, even if the Laurita’ s wanted to sell their tabloid stories they can’t until it’s over. Where Tre can talk about it all she wants.
Liken it to the fall of Leeman Brothers and all the books that came out AFTER the scandal was resolved. Is Rockawear in bankruptcy? Just asking.
Sorry to be the blowhard on this…I just happen to work in that industry.
I think if given the opportunity the Laurita’s would most certainly sell out but under the guise of ” A source close to the Laurita’s says…” with no direct quotes. It would make them feel better about themselves…IMHO.
Pizelles are the standard issue cookie of Italian Americans everywhere and are generall covered in powerderd sugar, wrapped up in cellophane, tied with toulle and given out at showers, receptions and anniversary parties to the guests.
It took me a while to get though this recap because I had to double up with laughter after each paragraph!
@comment 7 Hot cawfee, the reuinion season 3 was right after the Posche Fashion show they were in the middle of taping season 4 and could not disclose why Jac was not at the reunion.
I think there has been some HEAVY editing since that time. It’s very choppy. I also feel like this Napa thing was oinvested by Bravo after the fall out with Tre and Jac. it just seems out of place.
I have Theresa’s cookbook and most of her recipes are almost exactly the same as my grandmother and mother’s recipes who were both born in Italy…..most nationalities have very similar ways they cook certain foods and I don’t think any Italian family is finding any surprises in Theresa’s books. People without that background ..yes.
I think Joe Guidice is one of the biggest scumbags on the planet who will do anything to make a buck, pass the buck, and not do anything close to work he doesn’t enjoy (flipping pizzas for example)…he tells his wife to shut up when ever there is a question he doesn’t want to answer and has pretty much proven he will and can do whatever he wants ..against the law or not.
Teeth whitening? Now we have to see the f’ing husband’s with products now too? I am getting so tired of these shows…they are not stories any more….they are simply an hour a week of pushing products for sale.
I miss the old days….when they were not all fame whores trying to outdo each other…and that goes for all of the housewife shows…not just NJ….it’s boring. Wake up Bravo..do some recasting or move on to another type of show..
These recaps are awesome….now that’s a talent…..not putting your name on a product that already exists or pretending you can sing, dance, cook or toaster oven better than anyone else LOL
“While Jay-Z is on cloud nine with daughter Blue Ivy Carter, his former pride and joy, Rocawear, seems to be on the verge of chapter 11.
According to the New York Post, the hip-hop clothing brand, which Jay-Z founded in 1999 with producer Damon Dash, laid off half the staff of its men’s and boys apparel division on January 6, one day before Jay-Z’s wife, Beyonce Knowles, gave birth to the couple’s baby girl.
The company cited “economic reasons” for the layoffs in documents filed with the New York State Department of Labor, the Post reports.
Jay-Z sold the Rocawear brand in 2007 for $204 million in cash to Iconix Group, a licensing company that also owns brands such as Candie’s, Ed Hardy and Signature Apparel Group LLC, owned by “Real Housewife of New Jersey” Jacqueline Laurita.
In November, the Wall Street Journal reported that Laurita’s Signature Apparel, which designed, made and distributed Rocawear-branded juniors’ apparel had gone belly up two years prior, was being hit with a lawsuit seeing some $2.8 million in damages from one of its Rocawear licensees, ROC Fashions.
The same month, Rocawear announced that it would start selling $22-a-pop “Occupy All Streets” T-shirts in response to the Occupy Wall Street protests in New York’s Zucotti park, though none of the proceeds would go to support the occupiers. The company reportedly ceased sale of the shirts the following week amid harsh criticism.
Jay-Z has retained an interest in Rocawear as part of his 2007 deal, according to the Post, but his contractual obligations to the brand have expired and the rapper has since refused to promote it amid steady, double-digit sales drops.
“Jay-Z doesn’t do anything without getting paid a lot of money — a lot more than Rocawear is generating,” a source reportedly to the paper.”
Question Mr. Chris Laurita. Why did you need to put he business in your wives name?
From my understanding Chris was in the business with one of his brothers. I believe that is the same brother whose son died and that is the funeral Caroline and Dina did not attend.
Liquid lunch anyone?
@ 20 Gypsy– thanks love!!!! was confused
You are right about the editing–alot of jumping around. Tiny’s hair color keeps changing and Jaxx wardrobe jumps in time shall we say– from winter to summer then fall.
@ 21 Sunshine–me too sigh….I miss first season Guidices. Milania was still a terrorist but Tre was happier and toting the girls all over NJ.
I even miss Danielle–first season D had a few moments of clarity– who remembers he spot-on comment about Asshat–”She wants to be a Manzo”–she hit the nail on the head with that one.
Does anyone know what happened to Derek–Asshat’s really nice and together boy-friend???
^Word up Sunshine!
Lauren doesn’t want to work in order to have a career. She wants to work at having a career, and becoming the next generation of all-day lunching (drinking) NJ housewives. She wants to be Jacq. And Jacq wants Assley to be more like Lauren.
All the kids need new role models.
Guess who has two thumbs and had her first pizzerelli today!
It’s a really thin, but not delicate wafer, that is made with anise with powder sugar.
Eh, it was OK.
Yep went to ItalianFest.
Its like watching a bad interstate pile-up – all these entitled ass clowns think they have to have a business because working a job is beneath them. Watching Caroline go on and on when she talks about Jacqueline and Ashley is so hypocritical. As bad as Ashley is, she quite a bit younger than Lauren Manzo. Why doesn’t the storyline ever reflect that Lauren sits around her parents’ home day after day on her fat butt, not working? Her parents pay for businesses she won’t work at, useless classes, crazy budget-busting diets, lapband surgery – all while she whines how unlucky she is. Why hasn’t she been shown the door?
And its funny about Caroline. During the 1st season, everybody, but EVERYBODY ganged up on Danielle, fans and cast. I felt it was too easy. She’s got so many issues and had to fight everyone – yet her kids were much more well-behaved than anybody else’s beasts. And better looking. And more talented. Caroline was such a Godmother that season, sitting down with Danielle, and everyone else – declaring what everyone should do. It was despicable. And Teresa was (and is) a playground, instigating mean girl.
After Danielle left, they turned on each other and frankly, it was great to see them all get their come-uppance, especially Teresa, who borders on not being human. Caroline actually doesn’t bother me as much as she used to, because she’s lost much of her bite, and is portrayed less as the head of some murderous Jersey clan. I like Kathy and Mel is sort of laughable. Jacqueline fascinates me this season. She’s never had the most personality, but we are watching her slow, only partially hidden slide into depression and alcoholism – and it isn’t being addressed. It was very strange that she seemed to feel that how Teresa was portraying her personal finances was her business. Its the only time Teresa’s anger was justified, but I still love seeing Teresa furious because she feels like she’s being piled-on. How do YOU like it, bitch?
As for the husbands, Chris Laurita seems like he’s trying to find a gig to support his family. A few more cars, plus the freight of paying for Jacqueline’s meds and booze tab is going to sink him soon. Richie Wakile seems to have his fingers in more shady pies than we can count, Joe Gorga is a house flipper? My brother did that and did very well indeed – till the bottom dropped out of the housing market several years ago. Its not clear how Mel and Joe are so loaded. Joe Giudice – I could feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such a sexist, racist piece of garbage, who is getting just what he deserves. The only decent guy seems to be Al Manzo, with a business you can point to. Its his kids that don’t seem to want to emulate his work ethic.
In all, its fascinting to see what the economy has wrought on these excessive, entitled morons, and how they try to pretend it hasn’t affected them in the least.
I do not want this to seem to be mean spirited in any way I am just trying to help you
Seriolosly Joe gorga get you act together and stop acting like a fool. You are a grown man with 3 beautiful children; try to be a better role model. A father that they can look up to and be proud of not embarrassed of.
You are short (not a problem) and obviously have a terribable napoleon complex
Your actions are insulting to ALL American short Italian men
Please stop doing the following
1. Talking about your sex life with your wife all the time and your unit (aka Tarzan) no one wants hear about it—it is very disrespectful to your wife!!
2. Pulling down your pants and dry humping –this is not dancing nor is it funny my friend
3. Your way too old to wear skull caps and tank tops
4. Acting all macho –threatening to beat people up
5. Making stupid uneducated comments—for intense I OWN MY WIFE
6. Please try to work on your grammar and your hard core jersey accent (please get a diction couch )
7. Stop bragging about your money –there has been so many article on line about all the money you owe to so many people… you should not be so quick to talk about Joe Guidice‘s problems . From what I have read and heard you are not so far behind him when it comes to debt.
8. Stop using swear words in front of your children and your wife (this disrespectful to your wife) do you want your children use these horrible words
9. Stop talking about your sister and Joe in front of the kids.
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Someoone posted that Tre was the one that put her financial business out there so it’s up for debate. I remember that differently, it was Danielle in one of the reunions that put Tre’s bankruptcy out there with info she had gotten from Melissa. Nice sister in law, pfft!
If Jacquee and Tre have been friends for 15 years then instead of being insulted and hurt that Tre isn’t sharing her personal financial problems Jacquee should perhaps offer her some support. I swear they must have put out a casting call for the cattiest women they could find.
Whatever happened to , “I’m sorry you’re having problems Teresa. I know we’ve been friends for a long time and I hate to see you hurting. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. ” Not, “She didn’t tell me all the details of her personal finances. How could she call herself my friend? She’s just a bitch. That’s it! I’m done!” Well, if you’ve know Tre for so long Jacquee you know what a small brain she has. Cut her some slack about the articles and just make yourself available AS A FRIEND 0F 15 YEARS SHOULD DO.
And, I hadn’t heard about Dina and Caro’s nephew dying and them not going to the funeral. Seriously? Do they hold a grudge against the parents or something? I just can’t believe adults act like this. It’s not like they couldn’t get off work to make it.
@32 Too much– I hadn’t heard either about the deceased nephew. Tiny said on the reunion (and I think when getting ready for Jamie’s wedding) that she isnt speaking to a couple of her siblings–Dina and I guess now the nephew’s parent. Is this the “family member” that Chris Laurita had financial problems with? Who knows–this lady can hold a grudge.
Awesome recap!
We tend to forget that the men in this show are real boogers, and probably even dumber than their marginally literate wives (I hear Mel has some sort of a college degree, but I’ll believe it when the Republicans ask for the long copy version). They’re walking examples of why our economy’s in tatters – people living high off the hog even when they’re millions in debt, while the rest of us pay our mortgages and bills on time.
@2much a nephew did die but Caro and Dina did go to the funeral. Someone actually had posted someplace (I think the Bravo message boards) what they had written in the guest book at the funeral. It was weird the funeral company had a web page and they posted the link to the guest book for his funeral. I am all for busting on Tiny Caro but unless there is a different nephew who died that rumour simply isn’t true.
Clare S. they didn’t go. Didn’t even bother to mention their grandparents. LOTS OF ISSUES IN THE LAURITA FAMILY.
LAURITA Frankie Laurita, born December 5, 1982, of Manhattan and formerly of Westport, passed away suddenly on October 5, 2008. He is survived by his adoring parents, Joseph and Adele Laurita of Westport; brother, Joey Laurita of Santa Monica, CA; and sister, Michele Laurita of Stamford. Frankie is also survived by his loving grandparents, Frank and Dell Petrone of Westport; uncles, Nick Petrone of CT, Jaime Laurita of IL, Chris Laurita of NJ, Anthony Laurita of NJ; and aunt, Ann Ricks of PA. Friends may pay their respects on Wednesday, October 8, 2008 from 2:00-4:00 and 6:00-8:00 p.m. at the Shaughnessy-Banks Funeral Home, 50 Reef Rd. in Fairfield. Entombment services will take place on Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 1:00 p.m. directly at Oaklawn Cemetery Mausoleum, 1530 Bronson Rd. in Fairfield. Me morial donations may be directed to: St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, 501 St. Jude Place, Memphis, TN 38105, or http://www.stjude.org. To send an online condolence, please visit us at www. shaughnesseyfuneralhome. com. Frankie brought joy and laughter to all who knew him and his smile will be forever remembered.
Whoa @labowner! Thank you.
Jacq is an idiot that is why Rocawear is under her name. She has no idea what her husband is doing and he likely bankrupted himself with his relative and had to put the Rocawear gig under his wife’s name and now they are both sunk and likely forced into a restructuring or bankruptcy.
BTW did anyone notice during the meeting of the meatballs how empty Chris’s wine racks were???? EMPTY! me thinks those were full at one time.
Getting back to Caro, I remember in the first season her stating tha Jacq was a bit sutbborn and didn’t follow the pack when it came to the Mazo-tude towards Danielle and that she didn’t appreciate it and that she would eventually come around.
I despise these people they are the ugliest of ugly. Caro makes Tre look like Fraulien Maria for crying out loud!
Disgusted! I had no idea about the funeral. Who does that?
Gypsy they are a very messed up family. I will acknowledge it has to be difficult with a family of that size keeping to all together. There are 11 brothers and sisters and we have been privy to four plus a cameo or two from mamma Laurita.
@ labowner that is a copy of the obituary but I know for my Grandmothers funeral we didn’t list all of the family members who came to the funeral. We wrote the obituary just a day after she died and honestly my mom wasn’t ompletely 100% when she wrote it. We had some cousins left out who were not happy about it but they still came to the services and the funeral.
I tried to google it and this is what I found, I hope this works
http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3171337&st=5070
I knew I had read this some place 100 seasons ago