The Bravo we’re-back-but-not-really concerns Midge, Lebanese Dilbert and Chris L. talking about when they lost their virginity. Ages 10 and 11 are discussed. You don’t really need me to talk about this, do you?
But when we’re really back, they’re floating the idea of having the women in one RV and the men in another. And then the Brown Smurf arrives, via his driver named Eugene. I presume Eugene’s resume includes a stint as a homeless guy who washes your window with spit outside the Holland Tunnel.
Inside the house, Midge is telling Lebanese Dilbert how it makes him mad that the only reason Ter is talking to him now is because she’s fighting with Jacquee. Dilbert, who has clearly drank the Laurita holy water, calls Jacquee the “sacrificial lamb”. What did she sacrifice? Were there a pair of leopard print leggings compromised in the breakup of this friendship?
And in comes the Brown Smurf. He’s late, and talking about what a rough day he had. Well, I’m not gonna lie. Drunk and unemployed are not what I’d call the makings of a super fun day. Chris L. launches into his prepared speech about how this is a business trip, so no lady shenanigans.
Brown Smurf immediately interjects to say he knows that his wife isn’t talking to any of the other wives. And then he starts blaming things on Jacquee, and how she’s an idiot for getting mad at Ter for what she reads in the tabloids. Wow. Pretty rude commentary about Jacquee in Jacquee’s basement, but not totally wrong.
Chris defends his wife with…Danielle? Huh? Brown Smurf immediately deems Danielle irrelevant. I am shocked for many reasons. Brown Smurf knows the word irrelevant and used it correctly in a sentence. Also, well, he’s right.
Then Chris brings Moonface into it. And Smurfy’s right there with the logic again? He tells Chris that Jacquee stayed friends with Danielle long after everyone else hated her, so she reaped what she sowed with that one. Finally, Chris decides that this is no longer about Danielle.
Everyone’s going to stand up for his wife, Chris finally decides and then changes the subject to Brown Smurf not hearing what Chris is saying because he thinks he’s better then everyone at everything. Well, that was right out of the side of the mouth of Caroline.
Over at Kat’s, she’s baking a pie. It’s really the best part of the show.
Not a cannoli in a cannoli but who doesn’t want pie right now?
Kat points out the tension between Ter, Caroline, Mel and Jacquee, conveniently leaving herself out of the mix. Oh, that Kat from the old neighborhood. Just baking her pies and being so above it all. She just thinks it’s nice that Chris called the meeting.
As for Caro, she’s not looking forward to Napa. She doesn’t want anything to do with Ter. She thinks the only time she’ll have peace is with her own family in her own RV.
Mel isn’t worried about the RV at all. She thinks everything’s cool with her and Ter, and as long as Midge and Ter are good, their RV will just run on sunshine. Of course the minute Ter makes up with Jacquee, the RV will crash into a wall and explode.
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