Welcome back to The Real Housewives of New Jersey. We are immediately thrown into the eye of the hurricane. Hurricane Irene, that is. Is this a sign of a stormy journey on the RV? No. It’s a sign that flights are being cancelled.
But before we deal with that, everyone’s gotta pack. Let’s start with Mel. She’s packing for her and Midge on the RV and the kids at the grandparents. Midge is probably off somewhere eating cheese and figuring out how much how many Ed Hardy shirts he can sell Melissa for.
And then, there he is, with the ever supportive, “Yo, come on!” Well, she’s got just about everything packed, but she’s “stumped” on the camping clothes. She suggests some sparkly shoes. He tells her to pack a sweatshirt. Being on display can be awfully confusing.
Then it’s time for the update on the Guidice packing. It’s the predictable zoo of wild children with elaborate headpieces and makeup smeared faces, tottering around in Ter’s shoes.
But where do they get it from?
This yellow stripper costume with cut outs what sequins for brains wants to pack for the camping trip, by the way. Then she breaks out a bikini with pearls on it. Way to do bankruptcy. We also learn that she’s never “done camping” or “RV’d “ before. Oh, right up there with stringing a literate sentence together .
She would not have chosen this mode of travel on her own, but she’s excited to spend time with her brother. “And Melissa,” she spits out, like she’s choking on a sequin that fell out of her brain and down her esophogus.
As for Jacquee, poor dear’s just trying to get a handle on the simple things. “Is it hot or cold?” she asks dopily. Then she informs Chris that she too is having trouble deciding what to pack. What a shock. Only on reality TV is packing considered such a dramatic event. Jacquee tells us that she loves to camp, but Ter and Mel are “glamour girls”.
Lady, the rhinestone leaves on your shirt are not exactly screaming low-maintenance.
Then Jacquee, earth mother, pulls out a candy striped, sequined tank and asks Chris if he thinks it’s cute. He tells her to take half of what she’s taking. Which is sort of mean cause we all know Jacquee can’t count, much less do short division.
And then we’re back at Ter’s, to fill Brown Smurf in on Kat’s parking lot pastry party. Ter tells him that it was nice to see Jacquee, and she thanked her for inviting them on the road trip. They try and tell themselves they’re going to have a good time, but Ter is quick to remind Smurfy that she’s still hurt.
Over at Jacquee and Chris’s, they’re musing over the fact that Ter acted like nothing was wrong. Gee, that’s not like her at all. She’s always out there bitching and complaining about her greasy smurf of a husband and how hard it is to raise Satan.