In the Guidice/Gorga minivan, they are talking about sex. In the Manzo minivan, they are obsessively tracking each and every minute of their waking nightmare. And they haven’t even set sight on a Guidice yet – of course the Guidice/Gorga van is running an hour late, mainly because they’re killing time at a McDonald’s drive through.
At the airport, Kat is saying how reassuring it is that everyone’s getting along. In the G/G minivan, they’re stopping at the side of the road so guys can pee, because what sense would it have made for them to do so when they stopped at McDonalds? Ter and Mel stay in the van listening to Mel’s music. Ter first prattles on about how great it is to be spending time with her sister-in-law, then informs Mel that she named her songs wrong.
When they finally do arrive at the airport, Brown Smurf does not squander the opportunity to prove what a buff hottie he is by lifting one of Ter’s leopard print “luggages”.Everyone settles into coach, and it’s off to Houston. They land, and everyone’s confused. What day is it? Where are we? What time did we wake up?
Wait, does everyone still hate Teresa?
Then we board the plane to San Francisco and holy crap, what is in Chris Manzo’s hand?
Shameful! What’s the point of spending all Chris Laurita’s money wallpapering a truck with your branding if you’re going to drink regular, old non-sewage water?
And then finally, we touch down in San Francisco in the morning. Most people in the group haven’t been to Napa, much less California before. Caro can’t resist starting up with Ter’s shoes, which are heels and therefore ridiculous for camping. Ter tells her it’s all good though, at least her shoes are “Aztec-y”. You just know she thinks California’s in Mexico.
Do we need pesos?
Oh, sorry – I was wrong. She thinks Aztec-y is Native American. She is informed that they are not going to an Indian reservation. “But we’re out west,” she continues to argue.
So wait, now you’re saying India’s in Mexico?
There’s an Aztec Indian Italian cookbook in here somewhere. Mark my words.
Everyone laughs at what an idiot Ter is and then someone else takes the heat off to ask how come it’s so hilly in California. Then they gather round someone’s phone to watch some forest animals having sex. Everyone seems to be very, very entertained.
Lebanese Dilbert is there with his camcorder saying how everyone loves each other now, but they should just wait until the end of the trip. Listen pal, if all you’ve got to offer is clustering around someone’s phone to watch creature sex, I don’t want to wait until the end of the trip. Just fast forward us there now, please.