They get to the checkout counter, and -
JARTS? What the hell are JARTS? Am I the only one of anyone who notices that these people are all bankrupt? Their homes are being repossessed, furniture’s up at auction…and they’re buying JARTS?
And, for the grand total…$4,410.93
A disgrace. Do you know how many pairs of shoes I could have bought with that? Like, five.
“Do you think there’s enough supplies for the next 36 hours?” Albie deadpans.
“Do you think we should have checked with each other to see what each other go first?” the eternal voice of idiocy, otherwise known as Jacquee, queries, about $4,000 too late.
It’s just not camping without half-dead flowers and a dozen different breakfast cereals.
And then it’s time for the great mozzarella caper. I guess Vito brought some meat and cheese down off the mountain where he brews that stuff. Caro spies it in a box, and races off with it to her RV, even though it’s supposed to be for the Manzos and the Wakiles RVs.
Brown Smurf sees it go down and wants in on the action. “Gimme a sausage and I won’t tell Vito,” he threatens Caro, who giggles like a teenager. It’s contraband, Caro reports. Brown Smurf negotiates a few more meats and then takes off like a smurf in the night.
Lauren is now furious. “My boyfriend went to a lot of trouble to make sure that us and the Wakiles had meat and cheese,” she whines. What’s the diet now, I wonder. One of her brothers grumbles that no one cares. Lauren frankly admits that the Manzos are not good travelers, which actually makes their grumpiness sort of hilarious.
For real girl, what is going on with the makeup? Are all CaFaces going to look like a Guidice kid’s fingerpainting job?
Anyway, Lauren’s ready to kill someone. Outside, everyone is unpacking and unloading onto the RVs. Brown Smurf tries to steal all the Manzo’s camping equipment. The drivers get behind the wheel, and we’re all ready to go.
Except, Ter’s got the shits. Well, it just wouldn’t be a Guidice/Gorga production without this scene. These people just love their bowel movements. Chris Laurita, the leader, heaven help him – is trying to call the G/G RV on his walkie-talkie. There’s no answer. Apparently, getting Teresa to shit is a four person job.
Midge finally answers, and informs the other RVs of the shit crisis. Everyone is thrilled be in on the details. Finally, they head out. Midge rides right over the grass. Brown Smurf, who drives into trees, tells him “that’s not right”.
And the caravan is off! They cruise through the mountains, on the side of a cliff. Kat thinks it’s a good idea that she brought her rosary with her. Then again, they’ve got Gay Sidekick at the wheel, who freely admits he’s channeling “Sandra Bullock in Speed right now”.