Okay, almost out of teary waters. Now we just have to get through witnessing the breakup of a friendship. We relive the life and times of Jacquee and Teresa. Ter is stone faced. Jacquee looks like she’s holding back the water works. Andy asks them how they felt watching that and Ter reverts to her standby statement that her heart is beating fast. This time, it’s cause “it hurts”. The universal swiftly beating heart absolves all in Ter’s world. Accused of setting up your sister in law? Well, if you’re heart’s beating fast, no way you could have been the culprit. Do you miss your ex-best friend? I have a fast beating heart, which means I’m in pain, of course!
Officer, there’s no way Milania could have knocked over that convenience store – feel my heart, it’s beating 500!
Andy says he thought there was hope, based on the talk in the RV. “That’s what I thought too,” Jacquee remarks snidely. But, according to Jacquee but not caught on cameras or verified elsewhere, Jacquee overheard Ter through the window of her RV saying that hated Jacquee and that Jacuqee is, of course, jealous. Jacquee felt that Ter was being fake to her. Yawn.
Then Jacquee said that when Mel and Kat first came on the show, she felt bad for Ter. She didn’t want them there, at which point Ter interjects to say, “Do you see why?” She sort of has a point. Jacquee said all Ter cared about was “exposing” her family, and exposing Mel as a stripper.
“I never said she was a stripper,” says Ter in all seriousness. Well, I never heard her say it on camera, but I would be surprised to learn she never said it at all. i just think it all blurs together in her brain, somehow molecularly connected by the excess hair product that seeped in. Jacquee and Caro are outraged when Ter denies this allegation.
Jacquee in particular quickly destroys all the goodwill she earned in the Nick segment by swearing “ON MY CHILD WHO’S AUTISTIC” that Ter had called Mel a stripper.
“Which I wasn’t,” Mel adds in the middle of everything.
Ter tells Jacquee that she has taken over devil duty this year from Mel in her red dress. ”And you’re green with envy!” Jacquee yells back. Caro is thrilled with the comeback. ”Snappy! Good line!” she encourages Jacquee.
Any hopes for the future, asks the man desperate to keep his franchise going. Well, that’s sort of one big “who knows”, but no one flat out says no so…there is hope.
And where there’s hope, there’s a simmering blood feud.
On to the Manzo kids. This was a big year for them, reports Andy, and for Caro as a role model. We start the flashback with Caro being diagnosed with menopause and Ter laughing that it explains why she’s been such a bitch. Then we hear a little good old fashioned spoiled whining from Lauren about how NO ONE else on earth has to struggle with weight, except her. Yes, Lauren Manzo, you’re the only one. The rest of everyone else on earth is a size 0 who eats cupcakes and red wine for dinner.
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