Real Housewives of New Jersey: Swimming For Peace

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Saturday, May 19, 2012 | 11:48 pm | 17 Comments
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Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

But it gets worse, because then Brown Smurf wants to tell us in the most lovely and polite way possible what he thinks of Ter’s family and friends. Let’s see…Midge is “a little bitch”, Rosie is a “butchy boy”, Kat is a frog, oh and we already know that Mel’s a horse. The Caroline gets called into the mix for always being negative. In the end, Ter decides that her brother broke a confidence and she’ll never tell him anything again. “You don need dem, you got duh powerhouse right here!” Brown Smurf tells her, pounding on his shiny, squishy brown chest.

Over at Mel’s they’re really forcing the purity angle down our throats, which actually does make me think these two spend an awful lof of time convincing us of the fairy tale they’re living, which means something’s wrong. Besides Mel being a former whore. Oh, wait, I’m forgetting about the black guys in the basement – ok, getting off track. They want us to think they’re pure.

Mel and Midge toss a football and the kids sit peacefully on a picnic blanket.  Mel says that she feels bad when she has to tell Midge about the fighting with his sister, because she knows he loves them both. Um, wasn’t Midge the one who started this? Because he loves them both, he wants good ratings for them and I for one applaud that.

There’s another battle cry of how nothing will come between their marriage and children. So let’s go to Jacquee’s! What’s that bore snore up to? Well, she wants to bring THE SOLSTICE PARTY back to where it should be, and that’s on her. Oh yes, it’s alllllll about Jacquee. Hey, that sounds like an 80s sitcom.

So Jacquee thinks that because Ter was asking what Caro and Mel know about THE GOLDDIGGER COMMENT, that was putting her on the spot and being a bad friend. Okay then, where was all this “you’re putting me on the spot!” during the pre-party chicken squawk sesh in Caro’s kitchen? Where was your high horse then?

Then there’s a debate about loyalty, which somehow comes down to Teresa still being friends with Dina even thought Dina and Jacquee are no longer speaking. Stop dangling this Dina thing in front of us and just bring that side mouth shit talker back! The most interesting thing about this conversation is that Jacquee’s wearing a Skinny Italian t-shirt for it.

I’m planning on doing a lot of talking behind your back, but don’t worry, I’ll still promote for you.

While this stupid conversation is going on, we see some action going on outside the window. The there’s a blonde at the door – and it’s Jolene, the airhead lesbian who was hitting on Rosie at THE SOLSTICE PARTY! How fun! She’s their trainer! Oh, and she’s wasted! Oh, this is going to be the greatest training session ever.

First they catch her applying lipstick while she’s counting down their exercises. Then she wanders into another room. In her defense, she did show up in a t-shirt that says “Addiction”.

In a completely unplanned an unexpected moment, Ter gets a call from Kat inviting her to the End of the School Year party. And to innocently tell her that she left in a rush and she wanted to say hi. Lady, you sicced Rosie on her! Cut the babe in the woods routine already.

Ter says that she doesn’t really want to go to the pool party, and she doesn’t want to fight especially in front of her kids, but hey, contracts have been signed. The blood feud must go on. Jacquee points out that the trainer has her pants on inside out, and then it’s time to buy Caro a new Jag.

Yes, it’s the Manzo kids at the dealership acting like Chris is getting the car. Lauren makes some disgusting comment about getting air up her skirt. Ew, what is it with the ladies on this show and the inappropriate brother comments? Al and Caro are driving to the dealership, and Caro’s whining about how she needs 18-20 hours of sleep. Well, 4-6 hours of you is about all the world needs, so knock yourself out.

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17 Comments

  1. 1
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 5:39 am

    LOVED this episode, and Joe Guidice does look like a little pig!
    Great recap!

  2. 2
    NapaNonnie
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Loved the recap. What was that instrument of torture in the bedroom that looked like something from the inquisition that brown smurf was stretching his legs apart with while trashing “horseface” Mel, ” butchy boy” Ro, et al? That was a laugh. He has a gym, why not use it there.. Is it something they can use as a “marital aid” as they used to say in the old days? Oh i know it’s left over from his days as a world class gymnast before he started knocking out his teeth during his drunken routine.

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I hope butchy boy kicks juicy right in the junk! He totally deserves it, then everyone can call him Josephine!

  4. 4
    Beyoncca
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Joe Guidice always says the meanest things about Theresa’s family. I noticed when Theresa and Joey were arguing at the pool party, Theresa said “Joey You’ve Changed”, Joey said “How?” Theresa said ” Your used to be at my house like, all the time, now you never come around”. I thought Joey handled her well, because I would have went ballistic. Theresa seems to be the hardest woman to talk to, with constant contradictions, and double talk, double standards and outlandish lies. I’ve been watching since the beginning and have caught Theresa telling plenty of lies. I wish the best for the Guidice’s and Gorga’s and Wakile”s they all seem to be great families.

  5. 5
    NikkiHughes
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

    “I want to be the glue on the outside so everything falls apart and sticks to the floor.”

    That made cackle very loudly….bwaahaahaahaa

  6. 6
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Chicky B has the Critterfur love !!!!!!!

  7. 7
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Awesome recap my ChickyB!!

    OOOOOOOOOOO–where to begin ??? I have to start with Caro’s 80′s poodle perm–you style maven you!! Took me back–but disconcerting–the jar of Icy Hot on the table–is that better than Desetin for diaper rash??? The more you know!! shooting star

    Joe Guidice and Tre-sigh……I miss first season Guidices with “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, loopy but harmless Tre and full on Miliania–the kid doesnt disappoint.
    But how Teresa can twist and spin a conversation-shades of Danielle Staub-that is on tape for all to see is showing more delusion in her head.
    She doesnt seem to ‘get’ the fact that when people marry, they become a spouse and an in-law and then become parents and aunts and uncles etc. Relationships change. I adore my brother and if I dont especially like my sis-in-law, then I suck it up b/c she is a great mom to the kids and makes my brother happy. His marriage isnt about me—nor is mine about my brother.

    Doesnt Dina get along with anyone???? I miss her–shocked to say—-and I think her daughter Lexi is awesome. I hope they are at (and let me quote Caro) “My brother’s gay wedding”

  8. 8
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:38 am

    OK babies–and also- I was at Uncle Guiseppe’s in Smithtown trying to see Caro and Jaxx. I stood on line for over a half hour and no luck!!!!! No luck and no Black Water sample for me. I am shocked that there are so many people on LI who watch the show and are looking to meet them!!
    I was very disappointed—closest I got was the guy wearing his Black Water tee-shirt—and not the cool one that Jaxx wears on the show.

  9. 9
    featherhead
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 8:51 am

    @hot cawfee – thanks for trying! My friend was shopping at Uncle G’s at 11 am (she doesn’t watch the Howives) anyway she said they were setting up – appearance @ 1pm and there was already a huge line formed.

  10. 10
    trkaelin
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Since when is a margarita a “high maintenance” drink??? Isn’t Sangria more involved? Unless they got it pre-made from one of those jugs. Margaritas are pretty straightforward, no nonsense. I would expect them to be the staple of any pool party. Especially at a kids end of the school year party.

  11. 11
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I’m gonna say it: This episode, when Joe Gorga was talking to Tre…I actually thought he was hot!

    Oh GAWD! I need a 12 step.

  12. 12
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Wonderful recap CB! I too loved the glue comment!

    @ trkaelin, thank you! Exactly what I was thinking, making a traditional sangria is a huge pain and takes soaking or something. Jug o Margarita is pretty simple.

    On another extremely petty and irksome note, when the Manzos kittens were mewling about “how are we gonna get home?” I felt my brain melt. I can only assume it was a bad joke that the editors felt like leaving in because obviously the kids rode together to the lot. In a car. Two cars came to the dealership and the new car leaves. Now there are three adult kids and two cars that need to be driven home. Lauren lives with her parents. So she can drive their car to their house. They drive the new car. The boys ride out on the horse they rode in on. It is driving me nuts and I don’t know why! Those kids are so stupid and worthless!

  13. 13
    someguy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Great recap as always. I thought brown smurf’s end of the work out kick to the bag was great. That kick would land right on the shin of a normal size person,Powerful move Joe really bad ass. Sad to say I think we did see all the kids friends at the pool party.

  14. 14
    baymenxpac
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

    wait wait wait…there were at uncle guiseppe’s in smithtown?! my town?! 5 seconds from my office building?! HOW DID I MISS THIS?!

  15. 15
    labowner
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Do we forget whose house we are at? I am going to assume Miss Kathy homemaker made the sangria before and all one had to do was pour.

  16. 16
    annie Annie
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I think Tre requested a blended margarita rather than on the rocks (were there even margaritas there–I dunno) and when there wasnt any she just seemed pissed. Anyway, Melissa should have just kept the comment to herself.

    Duuuude yes, Joey did look pretty smokin’ at that pool party. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME?!

    Once again, Rosie continues to the the bomb

  17. 17
    annie Annie
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    * Rosie continues to be the bomb

    …sheesh

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