Real Housewives of New Jersey: Swimming For Peace

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Saturday, May 19, 2012 | 11:48 pm | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

They arrive at the dealership, Carol still thinking that Chris is about to buy an $80,000 car. “She looks displeased,” comment Chris, who I’m not gonna lie, is starting to grow on me. I dunno. Do I like fat guys?

Caro goes on and on about how stupid it is for him to buy the car, and then they finally tell her it’s hers. It kind of seems like she might have seen it coming, but she still accuses them of almost giving her a stroke. Lauren takes pictures with her iPhone in a tacky case and the other Manzos wonder how they’ll be getting home.

And then it’s time for the pool party! Or the end of the school year party! Whatever they’re calling it, it’s surely destined to be the site of the next showdown. Kat is worrying that her party is under populated. Her kids usually have tons of friends at their parties, but there are like 5 kids there. We already know the cutie pie son is class president and the slutty daughter blows the basketball team, so where is everyone?

Then Lebanese Dilbert tells us that he told his kids to uninvited their friends so no one gets embarrassed by the blood feud. Then we learn that Jacquee and Caro are also not attending and Kat’s pissed cause she needed potato salad and lemon ice.

So what is up with Jacquee? She’s getting ready to video chat with Moonface. SERIOUSLY??? I thought we banished her to Vegas! I thought we were done. Well, I’m disgusted. So, according to the chat, she’s back to her old ways, going to bed late and getting up early and Jacquee is, yet again, disappointed and – well, what the hell did you expect shipping her off to Vegas? And Jacquee vows to keep her there until she changes her irresponsible, party girl ways.

In Vegas.

The Gorgas are in the car – all except for Midge who is coming when he gets home from work, whatever that is. Mel laments the fact that she has to put on her game face to spend time with family. If they can’t act like grown adults for the kids, then they really have problems. In other words, they really have problems.

The Gorgas arrive and it looks like just a regular pool party. Rosie officiates a race. Lebanese Dilbert feels bad for secretly uninviting everyone from the party, but thinks they should keep kids out of it. ‘Cept his own, of course. Then we learn that everyone thinks Dilbert is good with kids while he dangles a shrimp over Mel’s little baby’s mouth.

With everything peaceful, what better time for the Guidices to make their entrance! They spill out of their jumbo SUV, with Milania defiantly declaring that she likes her hair messy. Come on lil’ hell raiser, today seems like great day for destruction! “Here comes drama,” someone announces as they walk into the backyard.

And the funniest part is that Mel’s little girl Antonia and Ter’s little baby are wearing the exact same frilly, pink swimsuit ensemble. Mel tells us that Ter gets her livid, and Ter instructs her kids to run around kissing everyone. Rosie is tending bar. Ter heads over and requests a margarita, prompting everyone else to call her a high maintenance bitch. I mean, who would dare ask for a margarita at a pool party? So out of line.

But it turns out, the acceptable pool party drink is actually a sangria, which Mel informs us that she ordered, which therefore makes her “easy”. Yeah, we know, Brown Smurf already filled us in.

Rosie appears from behind the bar in her gramma swimsuit and does a cannonball into the pool. Everyone seems to be having fun, so what better time to divert us to the most boring people on earth, the Manzos. They’re at the Brownstone, in the scandalous apartment that Al keeps at the Brownstone. In order to prove that he’s not doing anything illegal or having any kind of affair, they snuggle up on an old couch and tell us how they used to live on love in that apartment over the Brownstone.

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17 Comments

  1. 1
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 5:39 am

    LOVED this episode, and Joe Guidice does look like a little pig!
    Great recap!

  2. 2
    NapaNonnie
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Loved the recap. What was that instrument of torture in the bedroom that looked like something from the inquisition that brown smurf was stretching his legs apart with while trashing “horseface” Mel, ” butchy boy” Ro, et al? That was a laugh. He has a gym, why not use it there.. Is it something they can use as a “marital aid” as they used to say in the old days? Oh i know it’s left over from his days as a world class gymnast before he started knocking out his teeth during his drunken routine.

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I hope butchy boy kicks juicy right in the junk! He totally deserves it, then everyone can call him Josephine!

  4. 4
    Beyoncca
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Joe Guidice always says the meanest things about Theresa’s family. I noticed when Theresa and Joey were arguing at the pool party, Theresa said “Joey You’ve Changed”, Joey said “How?” Theresa said ” Your used to be at my house like, all the time, now you never come around”. I thought Joey handled her well, because I would have went ballistic. Theresa seems to be the hardest woman to talk to, with constant contradictions, and double talk, double standards and outlandish lies. I’ve been watching since the beginning and have caught Theresa telling plenty of lies. I wish the best for the Guidice’s and Gorga’s and Wakile”s they all seem to be great families.

  5. 5
    NikkiHughes
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

    “I want to be the glue on the outside so everything falls apart and sticks to the floor.”

    That made cackle very loudly….bwaahaahaahaa

  6. 6
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Chicky B has the Critterfur love !!!!!!!

  7. 7
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Awesome recap my ChickyB!!

    OOOOOOOOOOO–where to begin ??? I have to start with Caro’s 80′s poodle perm–you style maven you!! Took me back–but disconcerting–the jar of Icy Hot on the table–is that better than Desetin for diaper rash??? The more you know!! shooting star

    Joe Guidice and Tre-sigh……I miss first season Guidices with “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, loopy but harmless Tre and full on Miliania–the kid doesnt disappoint.
    But how Teresa can twist and spin a conversation-shades of Danielle Staub-that is on tape for all to see is showing more delusion in her head.
    She doesnt seem to ‘get’ the fact that when people marry, they become a spouse and an in-law and then become parents and aunts and uncles etc. Relationships change. I adore my brother and if I dont especially like my sis-in-law, then I suck it up b/c she is a great mom to the kids and makes my brother happy. His marriage isnt about me—nor is mine about my brother.

    Doesnt Dina get along with anyone???? I miss her–shocked to say—-and I think her daughter Lexi is awesome. I hope they are at (and let me quote Caro) “My brother’s gay wedding”

  8. 8
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:38 am

    OK babies–and also- I was at Uncle Guiseppe’s in Smithtown trying to see Caro and Jaxx. I stood on line for over a half hour and no luck!!!!! No luck and no Black Water sample for me. I am shocked that there are so many people on LI who watch the show and are looking to meet them!!
    I was very disappointed—closest I got was the guy wearing his Black Water tee-shirt—and not the cool one that Jaxx wears on the show.

  9. 9
    featherhead
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 8:51 am

    @hot cawfee – thanks for trying! My friend was shopping at Uncle G’s at 11 am (she doesn’t watch the Howives) anyway she said they were setting up – appearance @ 1pm and there was already a huge line formed.

  10. 10
    trkaelin
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Since when is a margarita a “high maintenance” drink??? Isn’t Sangria more involved? Unless they got it pre-made from one of those jugs. Margaritas are pretty straightforward, no nonsense. I would expect them to be the staple of any pool party. Especially at a kids end of the school year party.

  11. 11
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I’m gonna say it: This episode, when Joe Gorga was talking to Tre…I actually thought he was hot!

    Oh GAWD! I need a 12 step.

  12. 12
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Wonderful recap CB! I too loved the glue comment!

    @ trkaelin, thank you! Exactly what I was thinking, making a traditional sangria is a huge pain and takes soaking or something. Jug o Margarita is pretty simple.

    On another extremely petty and irksome note, when the Manzos kittens were mewling about “how are we gonna get home?” I felt my brain melt. I can only assume it was a bad joke that the editors felt like leaving in because obviously the kids rode together to the lot. In a car. Two cars came to the dealership and the new car leaves. Now there are three adult kids and two cars that need to be driven home. Lauren lives with her parents. So she can drive their car to their house. They drive the new car. The boys ride out on the horse they rode in on. It is driving me nuts and I don’t know why! Those kids are so stupid and worthless!

  13. 13
    someguy
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Great recap as always. I thought brown smurf’s end of the work out kick to the bag was great. That kick would land right on the shin of a normal size person,Powerful move Joe really bad ass. Sad to say I think we did see all the kids friends at the pool party.

  14. 14
    baymenxpac
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

    wait wait wait…there were at uncle guiseppe’s in smithtown?! my town?! 5 seconds from my office building?! HOW DID I MISS THIS?!

  15. 15
    labowner
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Do we forget whose house we are at? I am going to assume Miss Kathy homemaker made the sangria before and all one had to do was pour.

  16. 16
    annie Annie
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I think Tre requested a blended margarita rather than on the rocks (were there even margaritas there–I dunno) and when there wasnt any she just seemed pissed. Anyway, Melissa should have just kept the comment to herself.

    Duuuude yes, Joey did look pretty smokin’ at that pool party. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME?!

    Once again, Rosie continues to the the bomb

  17. 17
    annie Annie
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    * Rosie continues to be the bomb

    …sheesh

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