And then he points out that he wasn’t around as much as she remembers, because Brown Smurf was so mean to him. Him and Ter are really two of a kind. But of course Ter denies that Brown Smurf was anything other than a perfect big brother role model to little Midge. They talk about what changed. Um, that whore Melissa, duh. Ter basically says that Midge should put her first, and force Mel to get along with her.
Meanwhile, evil Mel is running after Ter’s bunch of kids. Everyone’s shivering, no one has a towel, the baby’s crying…and there’s Mel, super Mom-ing it up while Ter insults her to Midge. Now, she’s down to accusing him of having a relationship with his wife’s family. Okay, so he’s supposed to force Mel to get along with her but he must NEVER SPEAK to Mel’s family?
Then Jacquee and Caro are dragged into it, as Midge points out that Ter is always calling them her family. Somehow, she ends up saying that she doesn’t need anybody. Well, that’s a little off message. Midge tells her that he’s not there to hurt her, but that once in a while she should accept that she’s wrong. Or he should. I don’t know. Whatever. They’re all terrible.
Now we’re talking about how when Midge was having his first kid, Ter was having her third. And she just needs to take care of her kids. Which really doesn’t seem like the best argument at the moment, considering Mel is currently hard at work getting Ter’s baby demon seed to stop crying.
And interestingly, Ter tells us that Gia hated Mel when she first came around. “Kids have good intuition,” she informs us knowingly. Of course. It had nothing to do with dragging away her Tio Joe’s attentions or the fact that her mother couldn’t remember the name Melissa so she just called her ‘the slutty whore who will steal your uncle away’.
She yells at him that he’s not that great, and that’s okay cause Joe doesn’t think that she’s that great either. Midge tells Ter she needs to admit that she didn’t always treat Mel right, and Teresa decides that he is the “meanest brother ever”.
And stay the fuck out of my room!
“Get the hell outta here,” he grumbles to her. And does he call her a bitch??? I think he does. Kat gets the kids out of the pool and Ter storms through the house talking about how “fucking over it” she is. Then she starts screaming for her kids, who are all being cared for by every bitch she hates which really pisses her off. She screams how disgusting and embarrassing the whole thing is. Well, should have thought of that before you flipped that table over, honey.
And everyone’s exhausted and everyone’s over it but guess what? We’re only on episode 4. Well, that’s what we got…sorry to anyone who was waiting for this, but thanks for making me feel loved! Kisses, CB
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
For Housewives related facebookery, like our Housewives page!
To follow my personal tweets, click here.