It’s the Real Housewives of New Jersey never ending road trip. And here we are, in the Russian River Valley. Sounds like a good place for drama to go down. In the Gorga/Guidice RV, Ter is planted in Brown Smurf’s lap and doing a self-photo shoot. She is very critical of how he smiles. Well, let’s review. Drunk. Unemployed. Not sure how he’s gonna make Milania’s bail, when that day inevitably comes. And no one’s accusing this guy of being a good actor.
Of course Ter has a rational explanation for the lack of smiling – Brown Smurf just hasn’t been sexed recently. If he doesn’t get “hanky panky”, as she calls it, because I would sooner be celibate forever than call it that, he gets “cranky”. Aaaaand that’s why he’s not smiling. No misguided sentiments here.
Over on the Wakile RV, it’s finally Lebanese Dilbert’s turn to drive. He’s got his collar popped, and he’s all ready to go. Well, first he tries a couple of excuses to get out of it, but Chris Laurita is not having it. So he slides behind the wheel, tells us how easy it is and the proceeds to nearly flip the RV taking a turn. Drawers are opening, Gay Sidekick’s flailing about…actually, Dilbert’s my favorite driver so far.
And in the RV of misery, in other words – the Manzo/Laurita RV, the Manzos are talking shit. Let’s all collectively gasp in shock. Lauren is reporting that Gay Sidekick is ready to kill Lebanese Dilbert because “he doesn’t stop”. Jacquee babbles nonsensically – do I even need this adverb? No one’s expecting a coherent, articulate thought here, I’m pretty sure.
Anyway, she’s babbling about everyone being friends. Caro, who’s starting to get that wild-eyed, crazy person I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED ON A BUS FOR MANY, MANY DAYS look about her, focuses the exasperated death glare toward Jacquee. “I noticed you slipped away with her last night,” she says accusingly.
Jacquee replays the “where is our friendship” talk for the audience being held captive on the RV. Chris Manzo looks like he’d rather be buried at Uncle Pat’s farm. Over on the Gorga/Guidice RV, Melissa is making the same face. I wonder what’s worse, listening to Ter explain the tabloid biz or Jacquee try to form coherent thoughts. Lucky for us viewers, we get the best of both worlds.
Although, of course I actually do agree with Ter’s point on this. Whatever’s going on it’s between her and her family. Anyone who’s taking Star Magazine as the word of gospel is even dumber than Ter. Enter Mel, with the lofty commentary that “it’s no longer between your husband and you if your on a magazine cover”. It is if you’re just trying to sell magazines. Your reality is our entertainment remember.
Then Mel tells her that people are getting aggravated because she’s bashing them in these articles. Well, this I agree with, just because Ter wants to make a living selling her life stories doesn’t mean everyone else has to be subjected too. But it’s collateral damage.