Mel admonishes her to not give information about the rest of the group when she does interviews, but I doubt she does. I think they just generally make that shit up. Mel seems very happy with the newfound love with Ter. “I like you again,” she tells Ter. Oh, Princess Melissa likes you again. Let the angels sing.
Oh wait, actually hold that thought. Mel wants to make an addendum to her statement. There’s always something in the back of her mind saying Ter’s full of it, but this time she can’t picture it going anyplace but up.
This is how I picture it.
Then she fills Mel in on the grand reunion between her and Jacquee, they laughed, they cried and now they’re BFF again. Mel does not look overly delighted. With Jacquee back in the picture, the clock might be ticking on her truce with Ter. But she does say that it’s a good thing because Jacquee looked stressed.
And over on the RV of doom, Caro is asking Jacquee, “So, you’re in a good place?” Caro is dripping with resentment, but Jacquee happily says she and Ter can still be besties as long as they don’t go “that deep”.
Enter Lauren Manzo, who is some Caroline Manzo in training. She lectures the entire RV on people who are immoral and incorrect and how she, Lauren Manzo, will not be associated with such a person. Bet you Caro was so proud of that judgmental protocol she forgot Lauren was fat.
Jacquee points out that it’s not just her, Chris wants to be friends with Brown Smurf too. Of course, whose furniture will he offer to buy at auction if Brown Smurf has to sell it. Everyone needs a friend more fucked up than they are to make them feel superior.
“Don’t lose sight of what’s in her heart – she’s a bitter, jealous person,” says Caro, clearly wanting to end on a super positive note. Then there’s talk of the “end game” and it is somehow decided that everyone wants to be friends with the Gorgas and the Wakiles but the Guidices can just stay yesterday’s eggplant parmesan.
I’m not sure how this affects Jacquee and Ter’s truce, but I’m also pretty sure Jacquee has no idea what truce means, so I guess, carry on. Back in the Gorga/Guidice RV, Ter is treating us to the vision of herself dry humping the Brown Smurf. How cool would it be if we could Lysol our eyes right now.
Ter wants to know if they can “do it” in the vineyard. Mel suggests that since Ter is such a “media whore”, she should just film it. “That would really put it out there. Nothing like a sex tape to get your career going,” says Mel cattily. I’m sorry now, who was the one the one singing On Display?
They arrive at a beautiful mansion in a vineyard. It’s far more than they deserve. “This is turnin’ me on!” yells Lebanese Dilbert, proving my point. There’s a pizza over, which makes everyone happy. They take pictures, and then head down into the wine cellar where Brown Smurf feels compelled to inform the group that it’s “tiny” and a room like that would cost nothing to make. Well Smurfy, we don’t all acquire our building materials from unattended trucks in the middle of the night, you know.