Ter and Jacquee, newfound besties, tell tales of stomping grapes in Ters’ basement and how their wine came out really good. Aw, first season memories. And Caro just continues to look pissed.
Fucking sunny day in the vineyard.
Back on the bus, everyone wants to know what time dinner is, which somehow morphs into the stupidest argument ever between Al Manzo and the Brown Smurf about whether or not a car wash used to be a KFC. It’s a fight to the death. Who is more old neighborhood??? I have to give it to Brown Smurf though. While Al’s swearing and getting infuriated, Smurfy’s just sitting there fat and drunk and dreaming of chicken.
Back at the vineyard estate, there is an amazing spread of food. Much nicer than these people deserve. I was getting a little hungry watching, until I see Midge prancing around shirtless, that is. Chris Laurita tells us that they vineyard estate people went to a lot of trouble to make them comfortable, so he’s banking on everyone taking it seriously.
Banking with pretend money, right?
They joke that they never want to leave then they strap on their designer sale five inch heels and take off through the vines. They head through a cave, which inspires old school Kat from the neighborhood to tell us how her Grandpa used to make wine in a cave. Of course she chooses to tell us this wearing bubble gum pink lipstick, so I really can’t focus on much more past that.
The drinking begins, and before long the Joes are humping a statue. The vineyard lady is looking at them like all the free Bravo publicity in the world is not worth the price she is currently paying. Caro of course has her nose turned up at the whole thing, but Al Manzo is busy photographing it.
The Joes are told to behave and Caro shakes her head a lot and pontificates about how they shouldn’t act this way on someone else’s property. Hey, remember when they got one of the Kims kicked out of the Gorgas’ Christmas parties? Just popped into my head, cause it was the last time I liked the Manzos. It was their leopard print swan song.
Then it’s time to blindfold Caroline. Well, this can’t be leading anywhere good. And it’s not, it’s leading somewhere totally boring. It’s a surprise birthday dinner for Caro’s 50th. Ter hopes the surprise will make Caro happy. Unfortunately, the only thing that would make Caro happy at this point is taking off that blindfold to find Teresa no longer there.
Her brilliant kids seat her at the head of the table, with the view…directly behind her. They tell her to turn around. She swivels uncomfortably in her chair, while yesterdays eggplant parm sit at the end of the table with a gorgeous view. Smurfy even suggests that Caro should have the view, but the problem with 99.9987% of what you say being incoherent, drunken babble is when you do say something logical,no one will bother listening.