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Wednesday, June 2, 2010
6:41 pm
69 Comments
Stop the insanity! But really, can anyone? Is it even possible to? I am no psychologist and my dealing with mental illness are restricted to bi-polars, narcissists and some Aspergers. I have zero idea what is going on with Kelly. Maybe her brain is like one big smomp and all that candy she eats done rotted it into a giant abscessed tooth. Dunno, but it sure was a dee-lite to watch!
Oh, and thanks to J-Mo, my hero for recapping the last episode for me. He did a stellar job and right before going on a major three state trip. I owe you, sugar! Whatever you want, it’s yours, just not any of my joorey. Some bitch wine perhaps? Let me know. Anyhoodle, I’m all back to normal after a weekend trip of my own and first off, I give you, Ghetto S’Mores:
We were visiting my friend that shall remain nameless and that was his idea of a snack. Do I even need to tell you that he was stoned? He was also super jealous that I was texting J-Mo the whole time since he considers himself my main gay and doesn’t like interlopers. You cannot have enough gay friends, I always say, and this Caribbean trip with the ladies sure could use one too.
How much better and smoother would things have gone if there was a big old queen doling out makeovers and running his mouth about all things fabulous? It would have saved Sonja a lot of grief babysitting Leather the Lunatic, poor thing, and saved Bethenny some tears. Ramona was probably glad, though. Now SHE looks like the sane one. Caaa-razy.
And how is she not hungover at breakfast after slurring all over everyone on the Hooters boat the night before? Did she sweat out most of the alcohol during her Alien dance on the dock? Whatever, they all had a blast, even Sonja despite having Kelly up her ass for the whole trip. What a good sport. I’d have blown a major gasket by now. She’d be dead and I’d be tying rocks to her leather ankles and swearing the others to secrecy.
I don’t remember what all Miss B said about her last year but whatever it was, it really struck a nerve with Kelly. She tries as hard as she can to put her down and minimize her accomplishments, even though her insults are non-sensical. The whole chef vs. cook thing is so contradictory, it’s bananas. She starts it up all over again at the breakfast table by saying that Bethenny can’t be a real chef since she doesn’t work in a restaurant even though they are being fed at that very moment by a chef that does not work in a restaurant.
“How do I know you’re a model? You like like a garment bag to me!”
I assume that means that if she read this recap she’d say that I cannot be a writer since I don’t have a book out and that slogging away on a blog is amatuerish unlike getting paid to ask men on the street if they’re wearing underwear and, who knows? Maybe she’s right. The point is that I don’t care. Why does she care about Bethenny? Ah yes, being made to look like a fool on national TV. Let’s let her try and drum up her own press for a change and see how that works out for her, shall we?
When she pulls that tired cook shit Bethenny informs her that she did indeed go to culinary school and that it isn’t wise to make assumptions and talk about things that you know nothing about. What does Kelly do when confronted by that logic? She says that she doesn’t know that she’s a chef since she’s never tasted her food. That’s right, she just said that she knows nothing about it. Riiiiiight. Color me astounded when the subject of whether or not Kelly is smart comes up again. Positively floored, Gasmii.
Voices rise and Kelly tries to shush everyone even though she’s the one that started it. There’s talk of resetting the conversation which kelly likens to going from a horror movie to Disneyland and Bethenny asks her to please stop because no one can understand her. Kelly’s response?
“Okay, satchels of gold.”
Being the inquisitive type, I googled that. Every link involved Kelly’s own quote or actual gold satchel purses. Was she refrencing a line from a Disney movie or a book that she recently read to Teddy? I am trying to figure out how her mind works and it’s pretty much just as futile as you would think it is.
She makes about as much sense as LuLu without those leather boots. Hey, maybe that’s why she didn’t come on the trip! Maybe her tootsies stank to high falutin’ heaven after months of wearing those things. They’re probably surgically attached.
Thank goodness Alex interrupts the insanity to ask Bethenny what she should text Simon about the proper way to make chocolate waffles back in New York. It was perfect, it diffused the situation AND showed that Miss B knows what she’s talking about, all in one fell swoop.
“Tell him he’s in the midst of a homosexual foodie panic.”
It was too little too late however, and Bethenny retreats to cry on the sofa in front of her laptop. She’s obviously a hormonal wreck, and what the hell is up with all the sugary stuff that Leather eats? She requested peanut butter cookies from the yacht’s chef and eats them for breakfast. The crazy this person possesses is mind boggling.
Later on everyone is outside on the back deck freaking out over the fabulous house they will be staying in once they get off the boat. It’s as huge as Ramona’s muscle boobs are tiny. 11,000 square feet! Wow, Miss Andy done good again. I have to say one more thing. Ramona has a killer bod for 52. Killer! No wonder Jill is always saying that she should cover up. She’s probably green with envy.
Do you think she keeps a list for that?
They arrive on the beach in a skiff and hop into Jeeps with Kelly driving one of them. No thanks. I’ll ride with Bethenny. Actually, I’d probably want to be the one driving, as long as Kelly wasn’t sitting behind me, smomping and plunging imaginary daggers into my back.
The house lives up to the hype. It’s like a designer from Tuscany studied Moorish architecture in Spain, bought some tchotchkes in New York City and plopped the resulting house in the Caribbean. It’s all wood and tile and arches and nooks and crannies. LOVE it. It’s more expensive than my life but whoopdeedo, I believe in reincarnation.
Alex compares it to something out of a James Bond movie and Bethenny is just glad to be in a place where she can finally escape Kelly and her acid tongue of imagined persecution and conjured up slights.
It was also incredibly nice of her to make goodie bags for all the women and place them outside their doors. I’m sorry Goodie TOTE bags, big monogrammed bags full of all the things you might need at the beach. I’d be delighted! Kelly, not so much. She physically flinches when she sees it on her doorstop, dumps the contents on her bed and then collapses on it crying because she just doesn’t understand it, it’s so impersonal or something.
“What the… I specifically asked for Skinny Girl meth!”
Huh? This is like crazy Danielle in New Jersey with the flowers. It was a nice gesture! That’s all! She didn’t put a scorpion in your bed, she gave you some toiletries. You’d think she planted Herve Villiachaise behind a secret panel and he just jumped out at you with a knife and you’re fighting to the death.
She’s funny, this Kelly. She bitches and moans about people being inauthentic because they promote their businesses on the show, which is probably how she viewed Bethenny’s gift, as a promotion. Yet she has no problem calling herself real as she promotes herself as a writer and a model, even throwing herself her own party for a stupid article. Hypocrite much?
You know, I did a little reading when I was out of town and found that some viewers seem to think that Kelly has rubbed off on Jill. Au contraire, my friends, au contraire. I think that it’s the other way around. Jill has been unloading some of that ‘Bethenny’s changed, Bethenny’s bad’ bullshit onto Kelly and all it’s done is feed her paranoia and give her justification for attacking and belittling her. She must have a short memory. Nobody attacks Bethenny and wins, not even Jill.
I understand that as a model, Leather has been to many beautiful places and had luxury at her fingertips. I have too, but to call this magical island villa a scary island where she has no friends? That’s a very real sign of persecution issues. I asked a shrink friend of mine and she said that she is in need of meds, at least 3 sessions on the couch a week for starters and she’s probably on drugs.
Drugs, people. Last year I thought she might be snorting some coke to get over her social anxiety. This year? Could it be crystal meth like some of you said? She rarely drinks. She’s ultra thin, but don’t most meth heads lose their teeth? She must have some industrial strength Jessica Simpson chompers, and if I were one of her friend I’d be planning an intervention pronto.
Instead, Kelly calls Jill to vent. She starts out with impugning her decision to travel right after her dad died. This from a girl that is treating her like shit when she’s in mourning AND pregnant I might add. Here comes that stabbing Norman Bates “ree, ree!!” motion she uses to describe the nightmares she’s been having about Bethenny killing her in her sleep.
Run for the hills, there’s a Psycho smomper on the loose!
Jill says that she’s worried about her as Kelly describes Bethenny as having knives on her tongue. I’m sorry, I LOVED that description. It’s totally spot-on. If someone said that about me, I’d be flattered. I’d send them a nice big gift bag of Paxil and coloring books but Bethenny beat me to it.
For once Jill makes sense, telling her to just calm down and stay away from Miss B. I’m not sure if I believe that she’s truly worried about Kelly but she does admit to not being able to get a coherent thought out of her. She should be calling Ramona RIGHT NOW. Jill’s BFFs with Kelly now, right? She should be frantic for her mental health and freaking out herself.
Not so much.
Kelly says goodbye with “I’m gonna go smomp,” and I feel like force feeding her Xanax. I’m with Sonja on this one. Don’t engage the rabid gazelle in her lolipop carwheel zoo, and definitely don’t feed her any more anxiety, as hard as that is for Bethenny to do when she’s insulting her right and left.
The next morning Bethenny is making breakfast (Sheesh, who told her this was a work trip?) and Ramona tells Alex that she’s looking like a pin-up gal in her one piece suit.
Minus the boobs, I assume.
Nothing about that suit says pin-up to me. It says one piece maillot circa 1982. That’s retro now, I guess. You learn something new everyday. I’M learning that I’m freaking old.
and that kelly is indeed a man
Anyhoo, Kelly waltzes in looking like she’s about to win the gold in women’s paranoid schizophrenic volleyball and informs everyone that she has provided them with a pad and paper which they can use to write their complaints on since it’s more cathartic that way. They can then crumple it up and throw it away or they can collect them for reading later, just like girls in the fourth grade! Not my fourth grade. Is that when Elite or Ford or whatever agency she signed with pulled her out of school? I’m sensing a theme here.
Her big plan for bonding with the women is to take them out to the beach and photograph them with her amateur eyes and all I can say is thank god you don’t need to change film anymore in this digital age, or adjust any f-stops. Otherwise all the photos will end up looking like this-
Alex, you’re looking a little pale there.
Bethenny respectfully declines, and I don’t blame her. Who wants a framed picture of themselves looking exhausted and shell shocked? Kelly will probably draw jizz on the ho-bag print like her good friend Perez. She also says that Ramona is a good friend, and she knows from good people Gasmii. You know, like Lisa Rinna. She knows them intimately from she humping on them at fashion shows.
Ramona wakes up poor, exhausted Sonja and the four of them head off to the beach. I’m not sure how much coffee Sonja needed to rouse herself out of her Kelly induced fatigue but she doesn’t loosen her grip on her mug until they’re practically in the Jeep. I’m with her. If they gave injections of caffeine at Starbucks, I’d be the first person rolling up my sleeve to find a vein.
Kelly is driving (chain up your mailboxes, St. Johnians) and tells the ladies that this photo shoot is her way of one-upping Bethenny’s gifts, I mean her gift of showing them as the beautiful women she perceives them to be.
Okay, so Alex should have red horns and a tail, Sonja should be dressed as a nanny and Ramona should be doing all the imaginary stabbing since that’s what Kelly said she does to her to get attention. It’s all in her Pulitzer Prize winning blog for any of us nobodies to read.
They get to the beach where Kelly thanks them for allowing an inexperienced asylum escapee like herself to take their picture and then dumps a load of lollipops on a towel. Don’t ask me why because it never comes up again. I just figured they were her usual lunch of peyote laced Dum Dums.
Sonja is first and she’s wearing an extremely appropriate animal print bathing suit.
I love cubs and cubs love my money, I mean me.
She looks amazing and don’t shoot me for saying this but I’m going to pull a Jill here and say that animal prints shouldn’t be worn by ladies over 40. It’s too cliche, don’t you think? The whole, “I’m a woman, here me roar,” is soooo tired. Yes, I do own some leopard prints but my excuse is that they’re panties and only one person sees those, and it ain’t Flipit.
Ramona is next and can I say again how un-fucking believable she looks? She practically glows and her body is nice and curvy, even without the ubiquitous househo giant jugs. She smiles and then tries to look sultry by saying that she’s thinking of Mario.
Not while he’s zipping up body bags, I hope.
Ewww. Last but not least is Alex. What she chooses to wear says it all. A big floppy hat and sunglasses, clearly not comfortable having Kelly on the other end of the lens. Leather asks her to recreate her Brooklyn runway walk and that doesn’t quite work on the beach.
She does much better when she takes off the hat and glasses and does the whole “Windsong stays on my mind” wistful beach stroll. An amazing feat since Kelly first called her venomous (after asking her to be a like a snake-duh!) and then kept saying Johann’s name to get her to look soft. No wonder Alex just wanted the whole thing to be over. Shit, I’d laugh with relief too when the weirdness was done.
Only it’s not. Not by a long shot.
I loved this week’s vignette. it satisfied on so many levels, just like a really good 5 star Bethenny Frankel Hoppy meal. First of all, the appetizer. Jill is in Connecticut dressed to the nines and skating in what she calls her first practice in ten years. Puh-lease, ten to one she’s at the rec center daily. So yeah, a nice little lie to get us started.
Second up is the main course where she darts around the ice in that hunched over turtle posture of hers, almost getting mowed down by the likes of Johnny Weir and a couple of other pros.
Where’s a runaway Zamboni when you need it?
Lastly is the decadent dessert when she gets screamed at by one of the coaches to get the hell off the ice because she’s disrupting their jumps. Bwahahaha!! What the fuck is she doing? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m certain it’s some almighty charity event but I bet she didn’t even ask permission. She just assumed that Miss Andy would arrange for her to skate with Miss Johnny and he kinda forgot to mention it. Chalk one up for Bravo! Love it, sigh.
Back in Manhattan, Jill and LuLu are meeting for sushi and gossip.I simply must ask, who invited who? Who will be paying for this chichi dindin? Do they have a gift certificate? Did Jill trade fabric on two for one day, or is this a good old fashioned dine and dash? Your guess is as good as mine with these two skinflints.
“here’s a cockroach..put it in your rice and when I give you the signal, scream….”
LuLu says that she declined to go on the trip to St. John because of Victoria’s 15th birthday. Is that true? I don’t care. It wasn’t very ‘friendly’ for Jill to call her a liar and say that it was just an excuse. They talk about Kelly and her loony phone calls and it’s all “I told her not to go,” and “she walked into the lion’s den,” and how she won’t leave her room.
What? We wish! She left her ‘room’ a little too much if you ask me.
Good Lord, picture Kelly’s head as an actual room and what do you come up with? I’m picturing the rock opera Tommy, tons of baked beans and an iron maiden with syringes sticking out all over the place. Then Kelly’s good friend Gwyneth comes out with Elton John in his platform shoes and stomps old leather into little crystal rocks of meth while Keith Moon sucks on lollipops. She’s even rubbing off on me and I don’t even get high anymore!
No lollipops for these two, though. Just the usual lack of self awareness. LuLu says that Kelly has some guts to go down there alone and then Jill says that she’d never go anywhere that she wasn’t welcome and then proceeds to tell LuLu that she’s planning on going somewhere that she’s not welcome.
Jill is going to St. Barts on Monday and has decided to say hello to all the women on her way down. Why does she think that she would be welcome? Because she’s known Ramona forever, because SHE’S decided that it’s time to patch things up with Miss B and as for Alex? She doesn’t matter. She never mentions Sonja.
LuLu wisely tries to talk her out of it or at least calling first, all to no avail. What Jill wants, Jill gets, right? And I can never get enough of Jill saying that sometimes ‘you’ regret something ‘you’ do, even though she won’t admit to making any mistakes. It’s so……what’s the word? CUNTISH, that’s it.
And Bawby will be there to hold her hand. He’s the one that told her she should have backed off instead of breaking things off in a fit of Jilly behavior. LuLu is now encouraging her to fix things, just not this way, but Jill’s excuse is her history with Ramona and the fact that she’ll come bearing gifts. Well, okay. If you’re bringing presents, great!
As long as it’s your head on a platter.
Isn’t it refreshing to see that LuLu is starting to cut the apron strings and distance herself from Jill a bit? When Jill says that she hopes that she doesn’t have to call her in for reinforcements LuLu said, “You’re on your own.”
“Unless there will be 22 year old well hung pool boys, My Love.”
Now. Take a deep breath and prepare yourselves for ‘Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner’ meets ‘Girl Interrupted.’ Bethenny is preparing a gourmet meal for everyone and the cocktails arrive. Leather passes out photo shoot thank you notes that I assume she dictated to Sonja and then scotch taped Tootsie Pops on, and gets on her cell phone. I’m scared.
I pull the puppy to me and make sure the afghan can be yanked up over my eyes, down a nice big gulp of Big House Red and cross myself just in case. There’s some bad Mojo in the air and it starts up immediately.
The cell phone. The damn cell phone. Couldn’t Leather call her kids before she came to dinner? Ramona asks her to put it away or go into another room. I think it’s her buffer. She’s so nervous around everyone that she purposely chose this moment to call Sea for something to do.
Kelly tells her that this isn’t about her (no shit) and then tells her to lay off. You know what’s weird? Even as I was admiring the tall skinny waiter that brought out the trio of salsas
-somebody please pay him to hit on Kelly. He has a penis and it might shut her up-
I realised that normally I would be aghast at the sheer rudeness of what she just did, but we’re so far past anything normal that it didn’t even phase me to think like that anymore. And why is she always wearing dresses that look like night gowns? Does she think this is a trip with Peter Pan and captain Hook and she’s playing the part of Wendy?
We all know she lives in Neverland.
Ramona is shocked by Kelly’s rudeness and Bethenny gets an earful when she comes out to check on everyone. Already it starts? You betcha. Kelly walks back outside with the ladies as Ramona is trying to explain what just happened, telling her to lay off since she was talking to her kids and then calls them all high maintenance. She then rufuses to quaff one of the hated Martinis, plays with her hair and interviews that she tries so hard to get along with them.
Geez, I’d hate to see what you’re like when you don’t give a damn.
She finally tries some salsa and asks if Bethenny made it all by herself since most chefs don’t in fairy tales. They have sprites and mermaids for that, DUH. Sonja tries to change the subject by talking about her toned down up-do and how she only does Dynasty extravaganza poofs at sea.
I only ever do poofs at sea too. Don’t tell Mr. McSlore, though. That was during my experimental phase. He doesn’t know.
After Kelly compliments Alex’s wavy salt water hair, it reminds her of the Little Mermaid, they all sit down at the table for dinner. Except one thing. It’s fourth grade again and Leather won’t sit across the table from Bethenny. What the hell? Maybe she’s not on birth control and she thinks pregnancy is like the flu and she might catch it from that ho-bag. Too silly, you say?
And lacking the maturity to sit where you are placed is not?
Bethenny gets all riled up again and tells her that she doesn’t have to sit near her. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t have to eat any of her food or even be there at all, and it came off as a little mean. I’ll let it slide though, she’s preggers and we’re not seeing the half of what she put these women through, at least according to their blogs.
Yes, I went back and read their blogs. I’ve been out of the loop and I needed to catch up as quickly as possible. I’m still trying to make sense of the senseless and understand why Kelly would think that she could convince the other women that Bethenny was the one who is psychotic. In my mind it all comes back to Jill, so I’m going to go with that. Well, that and the fact that she eats magic mushrooms while curled up in Teddy’s doll house chanting, “Stop, stop, stop,” to Polly Pocket for sassing her.
Sonja finally switches places with her and a delicious crab cake is served. Everyone except for Kelly compliments which is understandable since she barely touched it and Sonja has to finish it so as not to insult Bethenny any further. Maybe if she’s stuck some gummy worms in it Kelly could have managed to choke it down.
Sonja starts to talk about how she’s wearing all of Ramona’s fabulous jewelry instead of the real diamonds, and isn’t it gorgeous, when Leather cracks, “lovely. so much fun,” in that twisted sarcastic smompy sneer of hers.
Fucking hell, Miss Andy. Didn’t Kelly get the memo about the quid pro quo that takes place on these shows? You promote my products and I’ll show up to your book or magazine article party. Dumb bitch! I give up. If you get any more socially retarded, you are going to end up on a park bench next to the war vet that thinks that the CIA is spying on him through his fillings. You know, the one that pulls out all his teeth while passers-by look on in horror.
Ramona starts to chug her Pinot Grigio and I’ll raise my glass to that, sister, because Leather isn’t done yet. She says that Bethenny’s food just isn’t that good except for the salad dressing. THAT she could parlay into an empire, just like Kelly’s good friend Paul Newman, God rest his soul. Is she name dropping vinaigrette now?
The filet mignon is served and the powers above (Bravo interns) arrange it so that Kelly gets the piece with the string still on it and she has to ask for a steak knife. Bethenny immediately takes it back to the kitchen to cut it into bite size pieces that I assume Sonja will feed to her like she did at breakfast with the peanut butter cookies. We don’t want poor widdle confused Kelly to choke during one of her cartwheels, now do we?
Yes, I lied. Miss B removes the string, throws it back on the grill for a second and then places it in front of her instead of shoving it down her throat, which would have been more appropriate, My Loves. It’s in the book, right next to never taking trips after your father dies or giving frenemies gift bags.
Did you know that Kelly has a chandelier on a pulley, making her super-duper eclectic? That’s funny, my architect brother calls it functional when you have ceilings more than ten feet tall. That way you can change the bulbs without wobbling around on a step ladder. Maybe she fell before she had the pulley and hit her head on an eclectic rock of crack cocaine. Stranger things have happened.
How do you explain those Tijuana plastic surgery tits? Was she reading Crime and Punishment before they stuck the sacks in, fell asleep from the anaesthesia with it on her chest and that’s why there’s a novel sized gap between them? The leather binding just naturally stuck to her leather skin. Oh well. I’m sure they gave her a lollipop afterwards.
There’s something else that Leather does that’s kinda fucked up. She will insult someone and then compliment them, call them a ho-bag and then ask if they’re okay as if she were trying to get her digs in while still appearing to be aboveboard, Countess- style.
Bethenny doesn’t fall for her phony concern. Dinner parties take effort and they can be frazzling, even to the most experienced of chefs. Shit goes wrong. Throw a lunatic into the mix and it’s a miracle she didn’t miscarry.
Everyone noshes on their steaks, enjoying their happy mouths and 5 star meat, and Sonja should know. She had a 5 star chef on her boat, and here comes another stupid argument from kelly about how they all know about the past, let’s talk about “this food today.”
Bethenny tries to explain to her that Sonja worked in fine restaurants and was just trying to give a reference point to her opinion and then jokingly asks Ms. Morgan if she was a hooker.
“No, honey. A gold digger! There’s a difference, silly. Instead of charging by the hour, I charge by the age spots.”
Sonja says that the ones that were considered hookers were the ones that were there just to see the famous people, a tidbit that flies right over Kelly’s starfucking head.
Ramona tells the table that she’s surprised that she hasn’t heard from Jill. Me too. I thought that she was SO concerned about Bethenny. She cried in a pantry, for God’s sake! A lovely upper east side pantry. Oh, the humanity!
When Sonja asks if anyone else has heard from her, Kelly raises her hand, altogether now, Gasmii, LIKE SHE WAS IN THE FOURTH GRADE. And you called HER, Madam Wool Ambassador, not the other way around. Facts, facts, facts, you know.
More yelling and bickering and talking over each other ensues, and Mr. McSlore looks at me over his TPC reports and all I can do is shrug and tell him that it’s all white noise, baby, it’s all white noise. None of it matters when there are carts to be wheeled and lollies to be popped, and the sweet, sweet meth fairy will make it all go away, along with your sanity, your condo, the custody of your children and your giant horse sculpture.
Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ramona tries to steer the conversation over to something she’s been meaning to do, and that is apologize to Bethenny for what transpired on the Brooklyn Bridge. I am really starting to wonder about Kelly’s cocaine dealer’s proximity to St. John when she says that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and then says that Ramona told her everything, even about making Miss B cry.
Ramona sits on the side of Bethenny’s chair to speak to her and then Kelly pipes up with the bitchiness, “Are you having a moment, are you going to make out with the tongue,” just like you might hear from, one more time Gasmii, A FOURTH GRADE BOY.
Ramona asks her to take a time out and Kelly tells her to zip it. That’s right. She told her hostess to zip it.
I take back everything I ever said about you being crazy, Ramona. Everything.
Okay, let’s take a break here as I try again to understand Bensimoron. I think that she is on drugs, I do. I think that she never quite understood the concept of a reality show versus acting. She thinks that everyone around her is performing for the cameras, even as she tries to sell her own persona as being authentic and real.
She lacks the simple self awareness that would tell a normal person not to shush people because they have legitimate careers that they are actually living while she is selling herself as some nebulous artistic modern day Renaissance Pollyanna.
Oh, and there’s that whole elitist misogynist thing she has going on. She sucks up to men because, let’s be honest here, that’s all she knows. It’s basically what she did for a living for most of her working life. She panders to women that she perceives to be in power and then tries to be witty and insult the ones that she needs to believe are beneath her. She NEEDS to insult Bethenny and Alex. She chose sides with Jill because of the rift between her and Bethenny. She can say that she’s forgiven her all she wants but when those paranoid fears of insecurity rear their ugly heads, she needs a scapegoat, a focus to her obsessive mind.
This is how fucked up she is. She gives everyone grief for promoting their brands and yet, her best friend is Shill- the woman who inserts Zarin Fabrics or her book into almost every single show. I’ve never heard Leather say one single word to her for that, nor to LuLu at her book promotion at Bloomingdales. I’m not even sure if she understands that that makes her an astoundingly awful hypocrite, but maybe I should be more understanding.
After all, they don’t teach that at Barbizon.
Leather is so confused and confusing that Ramona and Bethenny get up to take a breather, leaving poor Alex and Sonja with the lunatic again, saying that it’s over. She can’t diffuse Leather anymore. It’s just futile.
The others run off to another room where Bethenny expresses her relief that finally, FINALLY everyone sees Kelly for the crazy person that she’s been saying she is all along. Small consolation when you have to deal with it like Sonja does.
I give her mad props for trying to explain to Kelly that she needs to shut her pie hole when others are expressing their feelings. Kelly just doesn’t understand all this “free to be you and me 1979″ stuff.
Somebody’s never been to bible camp.
I wonder what she was doing back then? She would have been about ten, right? I’ll bet that she was dreaming of kissing Shawn Cassidy and wishing that she wasn’t so gangly so that the popular girls would talk to her and boys would notice the mousy girl with glasses at her lunch table all alone, reading the same Judy Blume book over and over again.
I’m almost starting to feel sorry for her until she sounds like Jill’s mouthpiece again and tells Alex that she’s full of pent up anxiety and anger, and it’s nice to see her relaxed for a change. Woman! You cannot pigeonhole people when you don’t even try to understand where they are coming from!
“I guess to some people social retardation is everything.”
Alex tells her that she’s relaxed because she got a massage and then lets her know that any anxiety she might have been feeling was from HER and her weirdness makes her nervous. Kelly takes this to mean that she’s having nightmares, something Alex never said and she tells her not to be so dramatic.
That’s okay, Kelly’s on a roll and tells them that she threw up before she came there. I don’t doubt that for a second. Whether it’s from actual fear or bulimia, I couldn’t say. I just don’t know how she could possibly have no fat on her when all she eats is candy and cookies.
Things get even weirder as Kelly tells them that she’s afraid that Bethenny will try to kill her since she’s tried to so many times before. She means metaphorically, right? She crosses herself as Sonja tries to bring her back to the topic at hand but Kelly just rambles on that Alex is the one that has issues for being nervous around her, as if she were the only one with the right to be scared of anyone.
Oh. My. God. No wonder they all slept with their doors locked that night. She is scaring me. I don’t think that she recognises anyone’s humanity unless they are famous or fuckable. Do we have another narcissist or Aspergers on our hands? Or is she just on drugs? Who knows? All I can tell is that she is lacking more than sunscreen and empathy. Didn’t she fall off a horse last season? I’m willing to bet that it wasn’t the first time.
Bethenny and Ramona return to the table just as Kelly starts attacking Alex for looking like a Kabuki death dealing, message delivering vampire at the Tru ReNewal launch. Ramona is so flummoxed at this point that she takes the glass of wine that’s handed to her without even looking. I have never seen her eyes bulge out of her head as they are at this very moment, and never with more reason.
“God, I miss my home planet.”
Bethenny says, “Oh, she came in costume,” and then starts losing her shit laughing. Sonja says that they should just stop trying to reason with her and go along for the nutty ride. Alex tries to reason with her, after all this makes what- the third time she’s insulted her today, and then all three of them leave Sonja holding the bag.
I understand that they need a breather from the Kelly rose colored alternate universe of insults and inappropriate observations. She should be a Bluth, for God’s sakes, but they need to stop leaving Sonja alone with her.
Someone tell me why I didn’t sign up for Cougartown like everyone told me to?
Sure, go in the other room and yuck it up over how this is the best dinner party that Bethenny has ever had, all because the lunatic finally came out to play, but think of the poor woman you all have been dumping her on. No wonder she got a DUI in the Hamptons this weekend. I can only imagine how awful it must have been to be around Leather again at the reunion.
At the increasingly purgatorial table, Kelly is crying to Sonja over how Bethenny went after her and her girls in the press. Someone please enlighten me. What is she talking about? Is this another Jill fabrication? I read a lot on these hoes, even before I started recapping them. I don’t recall anything like that.
Sonja asks if she has proof, only to be met with “who else would it be?” Um, how about that guy you freaking battered? How about you did it yourself by acting like Renfield at a spider and fly buffet?
Sonja is being a good sport and trying to explain to her what a joke is when the other girls come back. Things are calm for two seconds before Kelly decides that she needs to tell everybody what the truth is, and Bethenny quotes ‘A Few Good Men’ by saying that she can handle the truth.
I was under the impression that those words were uttered by Jack Nicholson. Maybe I need to get my eyes checked because Kelly has it on good authority that the author of that infamous quote was Al Sharpton. Maybe his face was the last thing she saw before she landed on her noggin at the Polo Club? Perhaps she has one of those picture in picture televisions and she got confused when the court scene happened to coincide with one of Al’s press conferences? Oh wait, I got it!
She’s batshit rubber room, hide your children, throw her in a padded cell, 10,000 volts ain’t enough shock therapy, bride of Manson, daffy as a dung beetle on dilaudid seeing doodie pile mirages in the desert.
No lie.
We endure another round of did she, didn’t she babble to the press and then Kelly says she’s going to run off to her room to get another hit of salvia or PCP after saying she’ll be back to do shots. Which she never actually does, as Sonja points out. She makes them for everyone else and then throws hers over her shoulder like Auntie Mame or hides them behind potted plants.
Well, dammit, that’s her prerogative as a woman! Yes, she actually said that before accusing Bethenny of attacking her friend Goop in the press. Is Ms. Paltrow aware of this friendship? Did they meet in the Hamptons at one of those super exclusive lobotomy parties? I’m SO jealous.
She finally gets up and runs down the hall to her room, laughing that bizarre herky jerky laugh of hers and immediately she reappears with jelly beans. What’s she got, and entire Sweets Factory in her room? I don’t know what you’ve heard but I’ve been told that having that kind of epic sweet tooth as an adult only happens when you are on something like opiates, exstacy and meth.
She offers them some to calm down. I think that it’s finally starting to sink in just how mentally ill Kelly is, even as she tries to criticize Bethenny for travelling so soon after her father died. Ramona says that she traveled right after her mom died and Kelly tells her never to admit to that cuz it’s such a horrible thing.
Sonja asks them to stop playing into her craziness, Kelly tells Bethenny that she’s the human equivalant of sticking one’s finger down one’s throat and that stretches the limit of Miss B’s patience and she screams at her to fucking go to sleep already. Leather recoils in horror.
Sleep? How? You got any ludes?
Lollipops and gummy berries. Crystal meth and clouds of confusion. Paranoia will destroy ya, and they all realize that this isn’t funny anymore. This woman is not stable or healthy. This woman needs help and arguing with her may serve to heighten her neuroses but it isn’t helping.
Bethenny apologizes for yelling at her and they all toast to good things for everyone. The apology soothes Kelly’s nerves, no doubt making her think that she’s won this battle, and bringing her misfiring synapses to a standstill, even if only for a little while, even if only until the next imagined slight or the next lonely night when the chatter won’t stop and the nonsense takes over her lollipop sugar addled brain. Somebody help this woman. I am as serious as a heart attack, or an unannounced visit from Jill.
Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore
TV Social
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69 Comments
Yay! You’re back!! Now back to reading….
Oh, good, a reference to The Who and Auntie Mame. I didn’t know you custom-made recaps, Twunty.
If Kelly isn’t mentally ill, she was having drug-induced psychosis. Whichever it is, Bravo would be irresponsible to bring her back next season, particularly after she’s shown herself to be unaware of her behavior by how she’s handled these psycho episodes of the show to the press.
I loved, loved, loved how Ramona took the wine glass from the waiter. I’m loving Ramona more and more–I’m actually beginning to believe in her renewal, although it might simply be better editing because Miss Andy hates him some Jill and Kelly.
Jill getting screamed at? Priceless, indeed. Thank you, Miss Andy. I’d be so embarrassed by those little skating outfits if I were her.
Welcome back Twunty, after watching this episode all I could think about is when I would get to read your recap. Thanks so much.
Welcome back, Twunty. And I have to agree that the vignette was a lovely, little cherry atop the “Jill sucks” sundae because of the wonderfully bilious anonymous coach. Would that we could find out who he is to send him a lovely bouquet for his efforts and troubles.
His name is Nikolai Morozov and he trains olympic skaters which what he was trying to do until Schill got in the way. Great recap Twunty although nothing could actually capture that level of crazy.
He is my hero.
I know this is a stretch, but when you mentioned Peyote laced dum dums, I recalled and episode of Intervention where the subject was addicted to Fentanyl lollipops. Fentanyl is an opiate with heroin like effects and highly addictive. Kelly’s symptoms are not really those of heroin addiction other than zero body fat and her bag lady hair-do . I really don’t think she’s smart enough to lace her treats with the good shit. For Pete’s sake, she can’t even whip together pancakes from a mix.
Just a good old fashioned psychotic break that we, the innocent viewers, got to witness. You are spot on with Jill feeding the looney bird. Only five minutes of her in this episode and my hate-o-meter done over-heated.
So glad you’re back to enthralling us with your Magical Mystery Masterpiece.
This episode was a mind-blower, I keep seeing the look on Bethenny’s face when she started realizing how truly out of control Kelly was, she really looked terrified.
They all said it was much, much worse than what they showed and apparently Bethenny was concerned enough that she broke ranks and called Jill, so it had to have been really bad. I’m on the fence on the drug thing, but it seems more and more like that’s what’s going on. Did they charter a private plane, because bringing drugs out of the country and into another is insanely risky these days… I don’t know, I think Aspergers but then she’s so crazy and malicious it’s clear there’s another issue. She is easily one of the most bizarre people I’ve ever seen on TV, and I wonder what the real deal is with her ex, and the custody situation. She was scary when she started raving about Bethenny trying to kill her… just a recipe for disaster. I kind of wonder if the production team made a decision to remove her from the situation, the stress and anxiety could have been disastrous for Bethenny’s pregnancy.
I agree Twunty, I think Jill loaded her right up with poison. Now I think she’s going to try and use Kelly’s attacks on Bethenny as a way to create a sympathetic rapport with Bethenny. Jill is so toxic, manipulating someone who is obviously not rational or sane to carry out her agenda is so sick, it’s beyond immoral, it’s another form of victimization. I also think her attacks on Alex were a function of Jill. I read somewhere that it was Kelly’s idea to cover Alex’s face with the hat and sunglasses – it was like she was trying to deface her, or depersonalize her. I felt bad for Alex.
I have to hand it to Ramona, whatever wackiness she has – she is a master at setting boundaries. Ramona seems like she has some serious social chops – no one ever seriously f*cks with her, and she doesn’t have any anxiety about setting limits or stating her opinion. I really love her this season, and she does have an incredible body – she’s so comfortable in her own skin, it’s refreshing to see.
Jill at the ice-rink… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Perfect example of a woman who has no idea how insignificant she is to almost EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET. And why was she wearing a costume to practice in? She’s pathetic.
I’m liking Sonja more and more, the DUI isn’t good though, I hope she’s more careful about that for a lot of reasons. She seems pretty genuine, and I liked how she defused everyone with compassion – it let everyone but Kelly retreat with some grace and common ground, and it gave Bethenny a sense of control back. Once the chaos subsided you could see everyone take a breath, I was seriously freaked out about B’s baby even though I knew everything worked out okay.
Thanks for a great recap Twunty, I’m glad things are better. PS: Your modeling pics are gorgeous, Mr. McSlore is a very lucky boy! LOL.
I don’t know how you re-capped this episode. It felt like getting hit by a truck just watching it. And having to try to make sense of it…oy! (loved the Arrested Development ref)
This episode really upset me. Editing or not…Kelly needs help. She receives a paycheck from Bravo so as I see it she is an employee. They need to get her a medical and psychological evaluation. If she refuses or does not comply she needs to be fired. In any other circumstance they are exploiting a person with mental illness for profit. For me that is just unacceptable.
I read that the producers actually decided she needed to go home and chartered her plane home.
Oh, Twunty, my love! So glad that you’re back! This is like my group therapy session after watching these train wrecks! I’m so glad it’s not just me hiding under a blanket with my box of wine (laying under the spigot makes it easier to watch)
I love Ramona so much! I want her to take me to the Caribbean!
Ugh! Kelly should not be allowed out in public any more!
Hugs!
Twunty, I love you! And I just thought of something. Why aren’t Dr. Drew’s flunkies stalking Kelly for their un-cast celeb rehab 4? I want! Just for the Twunty synergy, really. My call on Kelly is manic episode with psychotic features, aggravated by her kids’ ADD pills she stole.
This episode was a train wreck of EPIC proportions. As for the fentanyl refrence (shantigal),I had to be administered Fentanyl in the hospital once. I looked at my husband to ask if I was breathing (doped up, I know). I could barely move a muscle to open my mouth–literal couldn’t function. Also, the effects last for maybe 10-20 minutes. Kelly seems to wired up for that. I agree with that she may be on meth. It drives hyperactivity and super-aggressiveness. Either way, she is in serious need of psychological help. I kind of worry about her kids. Do they see their mom falling to pieces, too?
Oh Twunty…It’s 5:45 am and I don’t even have time to read the recap, just wanted to say we’re so glad you’re back!
At first I thought Kelly was taking some drug in NYC that she couldn’t take on the plane. What you see is the withdrawal. She was drinking wine instead which helped mess her up even more.
Then I saw how she was still just as messed up and irrational back in NY and back with her tiny little ziplock baggies.
Twunty,
I think Kelly is batshit insane. Like scary, scary, how does she have custody of her kids, insane. I can’t imagine trying to talk to her for more than five minutes.
I thought Sonya handled her very well, and I did like that it finally dawned on all of them just how crazy she is. You could see a switch go off in their heads when that realization truly hit.
Shill getting getting at by that coach was HILARIOUS. Her face at that moment was priceless!
Thanks so much for another stellar recap – when this episode aired I was watching and thinking I knew how awesome your recap on it was going to be; you never disappoint.
SWAK, PottyMouth
Welcome back, Twunty! We need you to get through the craziness of this episode.
Kelly is crazy and on drugs. I don’t know what kind of crazy or what kind of drugs, but it just makes her scary. I don’t blame the other women for locking their doors that night. Even when Sonja said Kelly was crazy right in front of her she didn’t even seem to notice. If you weren’t crazy, wouldn’t that piss you off? And I can’t believe that she is trying to spin her meltdown into an anti-bullying statement. She has to be crazy to think that anyone who saw the footage would believe she was being bullied.
And, Honeybee, I also read that it was the producers who sent Kelly home after that night. Good call on their part. Of course, they were probably more worried about their own liability than Kelly’s health.
I don’t know how Bethanny survived that trip with no alcohol. I couldn’t watch for one hour without wine!
Oh, and Jill getting screamed at by the coach was great. She looked ridiculous in that skating outfit. What is she, twelve? Oh wait, that’s Kelly.
Great recap, as usual, Twunty. Can’t wait for the next one.
Hi all! Thanks for the welcome back, I am so glad to be past (knock on leather) my own drama and tragedy and happy to see it back where it belongs, on my TV. Speaking of which, have you seen the bullying PSA that Kelly did? It doesn’t seem to be for any actual organisation, she just put her camera on a counter and did it in her armchair. Good heavens. What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
I was just getting ready to post about her PSA. That is a whole lot of crazy going on. It took Britney Spears’ handlers quite a while to reign her in, how long will it take for Kelly? I can’t believe we have not heard more about her behavior since the show taped. Have I missed something? The boyfriend beating etc happened previously, but there is no way she hasn’t acted out in public since the fall. That much crazy can’t be contained. I’m sure that she did the PSA because A) she honestly believes she was bullied and B) it is easier to explain her behavior to her children if she has the “excuse” of being bullied, since kids can relate to being bullied. Rightfully so, bullyism is a hot topic in schools now and Kelly is using it.
As the mom of an autistic child and being around a lot of people with Asperger’s at his therapies/developmental programs I think ProdigalCheese is correct and Kelly has a mild form of Aspergers. I also believe she has other mental issues and a possible meth addiction on top of it as people with Asperger’s lack social skill sets and act peculiar, not crazy. I worked at an answering service for years with a lot of younger folks who all used meth and the give away was the amount of sugar they consumed (I believe that is what eventually leads to tooth problems) they would bring in 12 packs of coke/pepsi/mountain dew and drink it one after the other and have jelly beans or swedish fish by the millions in their pockets. I read somewhere that Jill had been taking skating lessons but can’t remember the source of that information. so she is full of poopie caca if she wants us to believe she hasn’t been.
Yeah Twunty is back!!!
Best line…”Well, that and the fact that she eats magic mushrooms while curled up in Teddy’s doll house chanting, “Stop, stop, stop,” to Polly Pocket for sassing her.”……that line describes Kelly in a nutshell. I don’t know if she is on drugs or mental but something is up. As far as the PSA for bullying I believe she actually thinks that is what went down even after she watched the show. Funny how dumb LuAnn and Jill look after befriending this crazy. It just makes Bethanny and her group look that much more right. Ramona is knocking it out of the park this season. The thing I like best about Ramona out of all the other ladies is you never have to question where you stand with her. She is going to tell you exactly what she is thinking and not say it behind your back. It is refreshing on a show like this.
As someone else mentioned I’m really starting to believe in this TruRenewal stuff. If Ramona looks that good at 52 there must be something to it.
Did anyone notice last eposide where Sonja commented that Kelly’s Room on the Yaught smelled like cat pee? She said it like three times. Does anyone know if that is a sign of meth use?
Just out of curiosity, which school of psychology did you all graduate from? What was your G.P.A.? Are you practicing now? Which fields are you specialized in: addiction, social disorders, depression, anxiety, Realhousewifephrenia?
twunty!!!!!!
So glad your back!!! I agree that jill (and probably lulu) are feeding the fires, it would be to easy, what would be hard would be for them to show restraint!!
@chemgal Thank-you for answering that burning question of mine….Is there some connection with candy and meth?
Actually, I did a research paper on the relation between man shoulders, sideways boobs, and leathery skin with the RHONY gene, which predisposes middle aged SMOMPers to a range of debilitating psychiatric disorders and possibly to drug abuse. This was while I was at Columbia. Of course, I only audited that course after the paper was less-than-well-received, but I’m certainly qualified enough to spout off about diagnoses on the Innerwebz.
Twunty – so great to have you back! I’ve been checking this site way too often looking for your recaps of both housewife shows. Great job on the recap, as always. I cannot WAIT for you to get to the recap on this week’s RHONJ, with Danielle’s antics at The Brownstone. I’d like you to forsake all other tasks and your personal life and do nothing but write recaps, okay?! Because I have no life and I live to read your real housewife recaps!
Of course, Kelly was just being funny for the cameras. HAHAHA! I’ll bet everyone’s sides are splitting at the practical joke she played on them about seeming bat-shit, ranting crazy!
The PSA was just ludicrous. I really worry about her snapping and injuring herself or someone else.
NotWithoutMyTV – that was priceless!
I think Kelly is simply jealous of Betheny … She is involved with – now married to – a present,educated, age – appropriate man; she is expecting – now has – a beautiful child that will be raised in a household with two loving, age – appropriate parents; no one questions her intelligence and she is becomming a bonefied success at her choosen career. These seem to be the things that Kelly totally lacks and wants deperately!!!
Twunty!! So glad you are back! These recaps crack me up. I wish I had the patience to watch these hoes, so instead, I just read your recaps! I’m very happy to hear all the drama is back on your TV and you are in better spirits! Now, where can I check out these model pics? I vaguely recall seeing the vodka ad you once mentioned.
Keep up the fabulous writing! Glad to have you back!
Welcome back Twunty!! Couldn’t wait for your recap. I believe you really called Kelly when you said she sucks up to men and panders to woment in power. This episode made me loathe her. I hate it, but I do not feel sorry for her, no I don’t hate it actually. I too was worried about Bethenny’s state even tho I knew she had her healthy beautiful baby. And Kelly’s blogs on Bravo. WTF!! What an idiot. Like everyone else has stated, loving Ramona this season! I too can not wait on your NJ recap on Danielle, and Kelly at lunch with Shill & LuLu…….CRAZY TOWN!
Great recap as usual! I think the issue with Kelly is not that she was taking illegal drugs, but that she is on some sort of behavior-modifying drug normally at home and she forgot it on the trip. She has been somewhat normal this season, prior to the trip of course. I was almost starting to like her, so I thought maybe she was on meds.
Great re-cap Twunty, welcome back.
Definitely drugs. I don’t know if it’s meth–but she’s definitely in the clouds of confusion.
NotWithoutMyTV…
So what are you saying, only MD’s and PhD’s are qualified to recognize and comment on clearly aberrant behaviors? According to your logic, if your kid starts chugging vodka in his bedroom every morning before school it’s not officially a problem until it’s observed by a “professional”?? Huh, good luck with that – and life in general. BTW – this kind of reminds me of talking to Kelly…
I’m pretty familiar with Aspergers, and Kelly has hallmark traits – traits that are widely recognized by laymen, who are often the final factors that push people with problems to get the help they need. Identifying a problem isn’t the same as treating one, but I can sure as hell see without a psychologist on speed-dial, that Jill is a Narcissistic ass who is imploding right on our TV’s every week, and Kelly is in some kind of crisis.
I agree with chemgal – Kelly seems to have multiple things going on, and I believe a drug addiction is totally a possibility. Editors have hours of material to work with, and what they chose to show was her candy/sweets consumption; the “cat-pee” statement by Sonja (which wasn’t mentioned except in Kelly’s room); and Kelly’s bizarre blowouts with the other women. As someone mentioned, Bravo asked her to leave – and they didn’t refer her to a therapist, which is interesting. They aren’t treating like this like a breakdown, they’re continuing to show her in an irrational and unflattering context – if she was truly having a mental breakdown, I think they would remove her from the show as a matter of liability concerns.
Apparently the reunion show is supposed to be a barn-burner as well. I can’t wait… I’m going to grab a glass of wine, my dog, and a copy of the DSM-IV (yes, I read it – big surprise). LOL.
I had to comment about how hard I have been laughing at this so far – only up to page 6 & I couldn’t resist!!! And I do think it’s meth, especially after the “cat-pee” comments by Sonja on the previous episode. This woman has some serious issues. Twunty, between you & the ihatejillzarin blog, I definitely get my fill of laughing at these women!!! (Well, Jillousy, Countless, 7 Kellamity at least!)
I think we are all pretty much pissed about the TV guide article so let’s let everyone know. Bravo cannot be counted on as far as listening to viewers go.
Plan is to email TV Guide and as many others as you like.
Then post on every blog and facebook you can think of like we did with petition. Just copy and paste the following:
——————————————————————–
We, the viewers of Real Housewives of New York are fed up with Jill Zarin and the way she is portrayed in the press and on TV. Just last night she was on EXTRA promoting a book that is well known to be garbage. A. Chandle the #1 reviewer at Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/review/RA5UPKPM4DJAK has been threatened and harrassed by Jill Zarin. Jill Zarin has written positive reviews for her own book under fake names while posting negative reviews to her castmate’s books. She also has a history of doing this with the Fabric store her husband owns.
Please keep this woman off TV and out of the press. It is time for her to pay the consequences for her actions.
Thank You,
Housewives viewers
Bravo is running with an unscrupulous crowd these days. First we get the Kelly Meltdown. Then there is the nut job from RHONJ. AND then the capper of Slade and Gretchen on RHOOC.
When did Bravo start taking their production ideas from Jerry Springer and Maury Povich?
I’ve watched this episode many times, and I don’t think that Kelly is crazy. Drugs may be a possibility, but I think that the real issue is that Kelly is mean, vindictive, and easily led, but she is also stupid and inarticulate which are two different things. I think that Kelly was trying to turn everyone against Bethenny using methods that have probably worked for her in the modeling world. But, those methods wouldn’t work as well with women who are educated and well spoken. Notice how everything went back to Bethenny. Yes, it could be that in her psychosis, she was ultra focused on Bethenny, but I think it was her trying really hard to pull a Jill or Luann and get in digs at Bethenny’s expense. Only, it wasn’t working because she isn’t as smart as Jill or Luann.
I think the stuff about Bethenny trying to destroy her was planted by Jill. If you watch the episode when Kelly confronts Jill about the email because she had called a truce with Bethenny, Jill actually says something about how she can’t understand why Kelly would be friends with someone who went out of their way to destroy her in the press like Bethenny did. At the time, it went in one ear and out the other, but after watching this episode, I went back and sure enough you see where Jill planted that little tid bit in Kelly’s feverish brain.
I think that Kelly went there to be Jill’s eyes and ears only she couldn’t keep up. Notice how in the next episode she says something about it being everything she hates with the banter and the one upping each other. Kelly doesn’t understand witty conversation, she doesn’t understand the way urbane educated people converse. Yes, I do think she finally snapped and lost it. But I don’t think it was because of any great psychological problem. I think that she went on a mission to to turn everyone against Bethenny and keep Jill happy only to realize that she was in over her head.
Great Recap Twunty….so very glad you are back! Hope everything stays on track in your life.
My mouth was on the floor these two episodes (St. John’s) I could not believe Kelly’s behavior. While it was really funny to watch, I feel sorry for her children. I cannot imagine what it must be like for them now that their friends have watched her come unhinged.
I busted out laughing when I got to the blank part of the recap where Alex’s photograph should be. My husband looked at me like I was crazy and I had to show it to him…made him laugh!
Can’t wait for the reunion show!
@PaganChick you too are great at peeling the onion. I think we should all get together and hang out our shingle and get to work. Notwithoutmytv will be in charge of marketing us! I think all you said about kelly is correct, but in addition to mean and stupid (which, I am absolutely an expert at diagnosing as I am exposed to my hillbilly neighbors each and everyday) I think there is something more there. I think Bethenney got the brunt because of a strongly held belief that Kelly has that she is up here and Bethenney is down there and she can’t figure out how Bethenney has succeeded and wants to drop her down as many notches as possible.
Crazy, crazy, crazy. What else can be said?? Very interesting comments, PaganChick. And you’re right, Kelly def doesn’t understand how to banter b/c she isn’t quick witted enough. The other women can do it and laugh, but she just doesn’t get it. But the breakdown she had over the gift bag and the way she was muttering strange phrases makes me think there is something else going on. And her constant sugar cravings must indicate something. Very very bizarre.
I was reading some comments on another board from someone who claimed to be on the trip (as an employee for Bravo) and they said that all the women asked for security to be posted at their doors and they were all scared to death of Kelly. Bravo did send her home so maybe they did offer her some counseling. Kelly herself said that after her divorce that she had such anxiety that she couldn’t leave her house, so I think she is sinking into some kind of mental health crisis. Maybe the press coverage she’s been getting over beating up her boyfriend and being on the show is too much for her. Whatever the case, I will have no respect for Bravo and the other women if they keep doing the show with her. Someone has to say “enough”. I’ve quit watching RHONJ b/c of Danielle’s problems and I won’t watch this one another season if Kelly is still there. It just isn’t right to keep putting her on TV.
I think you’re going overboard in blaming Jill though. No one likes JZ at this point, but you can’t blame her for Kelly’s insanity. I will blame her though if she does nothing to help. She’s declared Kelly to be her BFF so now she better step up and do something to help her. And Kelly’s PSA about bullying is laughable. When was it ever “4 against 1″??? If I were Sonya, I’d be pissed at that since all she did was try to calm Kelly down to see reason.
Twunty, I love your recaps. Glad you are feeling better!
If I recall, Jill even admitted that she did not ask anyone if she could skate, she just went out there. She looked like a total fool, and I have replayed the yelling scene over and over for the laughs.
Jill also seems to think that because Ramona originally invited her on the trip, that she would be welcome unannounced. Surprise! What’s worse is that she knew about the Kelly drama, and thought it would be ok to drop in anyway. As you say, Jill does what Jill wants to.
Kelly – wow. I have no training or reference point for that level of crazy, all I know is that as I was watching it I thought she must be doing drugs. Or withdrawing as pointed out above. When Sonja began saying “clearly SOMETHING has happened here to Kelly” I really thought it was code for “she’s high as a kite, lay off”. I did appreciate her getting things calmed down. The scene reminded me of when K confronted B at the bar last season (I’m up here and you’re down there)- she was so out of control and did not hear anything that was said to her. And I think Bethenny deserves some sort of award, after all the name calling and accusations that Kelly tossed out B really did not react much. I would have gone after her with a steak knife… Kelly’s delusional blogs really say it all. I worry about Sea and Teddie and hope that she gets some help – she needs it.
Ramona and Alex? Class acts this time around.
Big hugs Twunts!!!
My two cents worth: I’m with FloOo; that un-hotmess looked a lot like withdrawal to me. The drinking made it into the freak show we saw.
It is striking that a full 8 months later she still thinks she was “attacked”. I have to wonder if she’s ever watched the episode itself.
I just read Jill’s interview on TVguidedotcom What a twit!
Sonja was right, Kelly needs to get boinked, real hard. Then, besides her giant foot,lollipops & gum berries, something should be insterted in her mouth to keep her from posting YouTube PSA’s.
Haven’t started reading yet, just want to say how happy I am to see you back! Hope everything is getting better for you and your family and just want you to know you were very much missed around here!
Now, on to the recap, which we’ve all been eagerly awaiting!
I am on board with Honeybee. To be honest…unless she was just drunk I don’t think they should have even shown this (sorry to be a Debbie downer). I wa seriously disturbed!! Did anyone else watch the Bravo talk bubble that night? Kelly was on the whole time. She is so full of sh&% and the PSA…nice damage control..idiot.
I know this–I cannot wait for the reunion show and hope they do a two-parter again this year. As for the rest, if there are no consequences for Jill’s slander and Kelly’s instability, I doubt I’ll watch the show next year. I’ll just read the recaps.
Twunty
Love that you are back.
Have no words for the wreck that is Kelly- I wonder how she is with her children??
Was thrilled that Jill was yelled at on the ice by the coach
Funny that she said she was skating with Johnny Weir- as if
Does anyone know where I can watch the episodes online since bravo won’t put the episodes up?
Great recap. As someone who wears a fentnyl patch 24/7, I don’t think we can blame drugs for all of Kelly’s behavior. If it is drugs, I don’t think it’s an opiate. I would guess ecstasy or meth, it’s got to be something that makes her hyper, opiates tend to make you sleepy. Poor Kelly, all wound up and no one wants to skip through the sand with her. I guess you can take the girl out of Rockford, but you can’t take Rockford out of the girl.
I thought it was funny that Kelly thought that Bethenny’s gift bags were so impersonal when they were PERSONALIZED with their initials. What an idiot!
I felt so bad for Bethenny when she went after her at breakfast on the yacht & then Bethenny went over to the couch with her laptop. You could tell she was trying so hard not to cry. I just wanted to jump into the TV and hug her
What I’m saying is that offering arm-chair diagnoses based on heavily edited Bravo footage and from assumptions made based on a drunken ho shrieking about the smell of cat pee is a totally waste of time.
“acting like Renfield at a spider and fly buffet” LOL! So many great references throughout, but this is one of my faves.
I find it terribly sad that six months have passed since the St. John’s trip yet Kelly is still living in her wacko world. It’s obvious she’s gotten NO help in the intervening months. How can that be?
I also thought it was very telling (as well as very mean-spirited) when Kelly was talking to Shill and Countless about the trip and they basically made fun of her about somebody stealing her suckers. Money CAN’T buy you class. Kelly’s just dumber than a box of rocks not to recognize these women for what they are.
Also, the Bravo legal department and the local authorities would like me to clarify my posts here regarding Andy Cohen, Andy Cohen’s head, and my desire to have Andy Cohen’s head and to serve snack foods out of it. I apologize if any parties misconstrued my postings to mean that I wish Andy Cohen mental or physical anguish. In fact, if you are able to bring me his head through a process that doesn’t cause him discomfort, that’s fine. But if you choose to do it by hacking through his pencil neck with a Christmas tree saw while he shrieks like an 8 year old girl, well, that’s YOUR decision. I didn’t TELL you to do that. Note: the reward for the head of Andy Cohen is up to 8 gold dubloons.
That’s now 3 more than for the head of Ryan Seacrest, but 2 less than what I’ll give for the head of Oprah Winfrey.
Wowzers! Well we all know that Kelly has yet to receive any help for whatever is wrong with her. It’s also sad that she could watch the episode and still believe that she was bullied. People that are bullied do not antagonize their attacker.
I think Kelly’s other problem is that she does not understand sarcasm. That would relieve a lot of the tension between Kelly and Bethanny if she could understand that Bethanny isn’t being mean she’s just making a joke.
The odor of cat pee is in the making of meth – not the consumption. Oftentimes that is the tip off to the authorities when people rent hotel/motel rooms to make it. Perhaps that was just a sneaky way of Sonja and Bravo telling us what was happening.
Satchels of gold, NotWithoutMyTV, satchels of gold.
Heavily edited as RHONY may be, the things that are not edited are external pieces of the puzzle that play into my opinions as well.
For example, Kelly’s actions and completely inappropriate responses to the events filmed post facto. She describes them as “hilarious”. If that isn’t an indication of someone who is completely out of touch with reality, then I don’t know what could be.
Kelly was ARRESTED and CHARGED with Assault. She beat her boyfriend. She clearly has an impulse control issue. That isn’t a function of editing, it’s an illustration of a woman who is out of control.
Kelly’s PSA about bullying. You have to be kidding, she BEATS PEOPLE UP.
Jill Zarin was caught red-handed harassing and threatening book reviewers on Amazon. This is incredibly Narcissistic behavior, she felt ENTITLED to cross the line because someone DARED to criticize her.
Editing is still garbage in-garbage out, certain things are captured as stated. The confrontation with Alex at Jennifer’s party was another example of JIll’s Narcissism. She felt entitled enough to speak for ALL the women by threatening Alex with expulsion from THE CIRCLE, this is so far beyond acceptable social behavior in ANY context it boggles the mind. How could any editing shade that statement in way other than how JILL conveyed it?
She also announced Bethenny’s child’s birth without ever consulting with Bethenny, or verifying the information she posted. Then when it blew up all over the internet, she blamed her DAUGHTER. Sorry, I don’t think there’s a parent on here that views that as anything other than sick.
As for editing in general, yes it’s crafted to create a storyline and flow of information. But it’s still just a tool in conveying what people are actually saying are doing. Danielle from RHONJ is perfect example of that, she might be thinking she’s playing along a storyline or character enhancement – but she is still sick. Her actions scream mental illness at every point, going all the way back to how she was portrayed in that book.
I watch these shows specifically because I am drawn to certain types of personalities that choose to be on them, I think there is a definite theme of various Personality Disorders running through all of them at some points – I enjoy armchair analysis, and I think it’s okay to do so. Some watch these shows because they think they’re funny, or just to see the displays of wealth. Whatever the reasons we watch, we all enjoy coming together to discuss our observations and opinions on them – to each their own pretty much sums up my attitude about opinions I don’t agree with.
@ Prodigal Cheez: Fair enough.
Sometimes cat pee is just cat pee and crazy is just crazy…
I was reading that “other” board (TV Without Pity) and ran across an intersting link. Someone with a degree in psychology (but not currently practicing) has written blogs about the various housewives and their possible problems. The link is at http://angelofdevs.wordpress.com/ if anyone is interested – makes for some fun reading!!
Twunty! Let me echo everyone and tell you how glad I am you’re doing better.
I *tried* to watch this episode, but I couldn’t. I could barely watch snippets of it. I’m no psychologist, I’m just an observer, so I can’t say if Leather has a mental issue that isn’t drugs. But what I’ve noticed that is that Kelly’s behavior mirrors that of a former coworker of mine who is a “recovering” drug addict (heavy on the quote/unquote part). It was like watching a checklist – self-centered behavior, unfounded accusations and attacks, crazy, unintelligible talk, so on and so forth. I had to change the channel because watching Kelly made me sick thinking of that coworker and the systematic ways she would try to screw my life up for me after I tried to speak to her about her bad behavior (the way she treated customers, specifically, but the girl did also steal money and tips from others). Kelly might possibly have a form of autism, but I think most of her crazy is linked to drugs. She has that “me against the world” attitude that I’ve noticed from that coworker (let’s call her A) and the drug-using friends that she would bring around.
I had enough trouble being in a restaurant with A, I feel so bad for the housewives having to be in close, constant quarters with Leather. Especially during a breakdown like that. Ooof.
I’m learning a lot from reading everyone elses’ analysis of this situation and the housewives in general. Intellectualizing over a reality show – I love it!
Njgasmifan – That link is CRAZY…in a “can’t look away…morbid OMG” kind of way.
The description of Danielle is on the money.
Someone very close to me was friends with someone that I swore was a sociopath. Eventually they dropped this crazy person like a bad habit. But up to the end of their friendship it was scary. They had a lot of the same traits that Danielle exhibits. However some of the differences were he would create problems so that she would call and depend on him to fix the problem. Isolated her from friends and family, told her that people didn’t like her…it was bad. Eventually she realized he was the problem.
People like this is tricky and use charm to gain people’s trust.
I’m interested in the phenomenon that people “feel bad” for the Housewives. As ElmStreet said she “felt bad for them having to be in such close proximity to Kelly”.
At this point, half the housewives hate the other half so bad that in real life, they wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room together. But they keep signing up for new seasons with each other, and when the producers say “Jill, fly to the Carribean to ‘surprise’ Ramona” or “Bethanny, agree to have lunch with Jill even though you’ve said a zillion times you’re done with her”, THEY AGREE TO DO IT.
They’re not victims is what I’m saying. They are willing participants in the dramaz they keep speechifying about avoiding. They can have their pregnancies revealed, and their fake friendships shattered, and their reputations as business women and parents tarnished, but aren’t they just doing it to themselves? I don’t know if it was that way in the beginning, but now, in some cases, you know that they’re actual acting out their parts. So I don’t feel sorry for them, and I don’t think anyone else should either. No reality show star has earned that kind of empathy. To me, they are actually becoming another form of life. Kind of like sucker vines or zebra mussels: parasitic life forms that add nothing but depend on other living things (like us viewers) for their living.
Njgasmifan- Excellent link, very interesting.
@NotWithoutMyTV – Thanks!
@Njgasmifan – AWESOME link, LOL! Thank you!!
@NotWithoutMyTV – I agree with you about the Housewives knowing what they’ve signed up for, but I think the situation in this episode crossed a line. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, no matter how low they’ve sunk for fame.
im sure her breakdown was drug related but what about perscription drugs? like ritalin or adderall, those make people paranoid and dilusional. it would make it possible for her to take it on an airplane and continue to use it while on vacation. mixing it with wine and everything else doesnt help much. it also keeps people skinny and not want an appitite… just a thought….
Twunty, so glad you’re back and recapping again. Hopefully the craziness and sadness of life subsides for a while and you all have time to heal.
For NotWithoutMyTV: I have an MA in counseling psych, graduated with distinction (a 3.91, since you asked for GPAs). Of course, I haven’t seen these women as clients, so I’d never make official diagnoses. That said, My guess is that what we saw with Kelly was some type of psychotic disorder. I’m leaning towards a substance-induced psychotic disorder with delusions. This doesn’t have to occur while the person is under the influence, from what I remember. It can also occur during withdrawl. I also think it’s likely meth that she’s using (if she is in fact using) because that seems to trigger psychotic behavior in more people than other drugs do.
As far as the Aspergers, I haven’t been around people with Aspergers much. I’ve been looking at the Cluster A personality disorders, specifically schizotypal personality disorder. ProdigalCheese, I think you said you have a DSM? Look that up and see if that fits better than mild Aspergers. It all could’ve been a personality disorder aggravated by stress.