Real World: All in the Family

Well, this season is finally beginning to wind down, Gasmii.  The good news is, after last week’s episode was dominated by MikeMike and Dustin’s stupid fight, this one actually made a lick of sense.  Let’s get to it, shall we?

Previously:  MikeMike proves that even having druggie jailbird parents is no excuse for being an amoral asshole (aforementioned fight with Dustin aside, of course).  Adam receives the old heave-ho from hotel security.  For some reason, this breaks Nany’s heart.  Adam is going to visit and Nany intends to give him her wilted flower.  Also, Nany is searching for her father, whom she has never met.

Currently:  Nany videochats with Adam.  There is much smiling/giggling/missing each other going on, and Adam is coming to visit in a few days.  Nany laments the fact that they were unable to “further their relationship.”

I’ll bet those wall sconces are just as upset that they didn’t get to further their relationship with the wall.

Less excited about the impending resurrection of the devil is Leroy, who thought he’d never have to see Adam again.  You and me both, Roy Lee.  Nany tells us she’s excited to see Adam, but it is hard to concentrate on the manifestation of her daddy issues when she’s in the middle of facing her literal daddy issues.

Nany gets a call from the PI, who sets up a meeting because he has some “results” he wants to “go over” with her.  It sounds like they’re lab partners, which gives me the amusing mental image of Nany attempting science.  If she did, she might finally discover that Adam + C2H5OH = BRAINBLACKOUTMAKETHINGSGOBOOM.  Sadly, show will not learn the nature of these results until Friday at 2:30.  I wonder what these results could be if they must be relayed in person.

I hope the phone does not develop a complex after being deemed an inadequate way to pass along information, which is its sole purpose.

“Friday can’t come any sooner,” Nany says nonsensically.  Or maybe that’s her scientist brain commenting on the concept that time is linear.  Teacup asks if she is nervous, and Nany tells us that she just wants to know because she’s sick of wondering.  Hold that thought.

Out at a bar, Nany tells Roy Lee and some other roomies that she’s wanted to get to know her father since she was 14, and he wanted to know her too but her mother prevented it.  Nany wants her father to know that she’s independent (throw your hands up at circa-2000 Destiny’s Child, Nany!) and pays for all of her bills.  Presumably these include telephone bills and automo-bills.

Roy Lee tells us he’s happy for her but worried that her hopes are too high.  As Nany continues to wax poetic about her dreams, Roy Lee brings her back down to earth and tells her to stop letting guys get the best of her.  Nany tells us that she feels like it’s time to stop with the Bug A Boo’s and be a Survivor.  Also, I don’t think she’s said Jordy’s name since she dumped him like 10 episodes ago.  Clearly that six years meant everything to her.  Roy Lee tells her she looks stupid and then simply says “Don’t.”  He may not have a large vocabulary, but he knows how to make his words count.

Nany tells us that she’s always in a relationship, so maybe she’s not so independent after all.  She doesn’t think she knows who she is without a man.  We cut between Nany in the confessional and Nany looking determined while running on a treadmill, so we know she’s serious.  She claims to be unhappy to have spent the majority of this experience on guys… except for that one night when Teacup was on her.  Clearly, she did not learn all of the lessons she was supposed to from 90′s-early 2000′s pop or she would have said No Scrubs right from the beginning.

What?  I was running out of Destiny’s Child songs… Bootylicious.

Adam has arrived… I know you were all on pins and needles waiting for this moment.  He’s staying across the street because, in case you forgot, he has been banned from the Hard Rock for one year.  Nany will be going over to visit him along with Naomi, Teacup, and Dustin.  I suppose Cooke and MikeRoy had better things to do, which I would rather be watching.  Sadly, we must venture over to Adam’s abode with them, where they are REALLY happy to see him.  Nany says she doesn’t know if she still has the same feeling for him, but it’s nice to see his (unscathed, for once) face.

She must not be THAT confused because she plants one on him in front of the others while Naomi “awwww’s” everyone to death.  The others leave and Adam breaks out his “I’m so nervous to be in the presence of such beauty” schtick.  The commence making out before taking things into the bedroom, where they get to bang without night-vision cameras or microphones in the headboards.

It’s not us you need to worry about, you poor unsuspecting sign.  Adam’s on the other side of that door, and he will shred to bits that which you are trying to protect.

Nany doesn’t even stay the night before doing the walk of shame back home, where she and Naomi discuss the events that have just occurred.  Allow me to transcribe (Naomi speaks first, followed by Nany, back and forth):  ”Yeah?”  ”Yeah.”  ”Bueno?”  ”Yeah.”  ”Muchissimo bueno?”  ”Mmmm.”  Translation: they had sex, it was (allegedly) good, and somehow the N twins think that because they have used the impenetrable (no pun intended) code of the Spanish language, they have fooled us all.

It seems that Friday at 2:30 has arrived, and it is time for the PI’s arrival.  Nany is still nervous and still wants answers.  She awkwardly introduces him to the other roomies before sitting down to “go over results.”  He tells her he has good news and bad news and takes her hand while she starts crying and we go to commercial.

When we return, Nany learns that her father passed away in 2002 and is buried in Connecticut.  That, needless to say, is the bad news, and Nany is shaking from crying so hard… WTF?  Why is Cooke crying?  The good news is that she has 2 half-siblings, one of whom is an 18 year old sister who wants to get to know her.  The PI offers to help Nany with anything she needs, and she thanks him, walks him out, and hugs him goodbye, all while still crying.

The girls cuddle in bed with her to tell her she had a lot of balls to do it and at least now she knows.  Nany tells us she’s never known anyone close to her that’s died, and even though she didn’t technically know him, it still affects her.  Apparently 2002 was the year before she found the letters, so it was before she even planned on finding him.  Well, that was depressing.

Time for da club!  Nothing like a little variety in the real world.

In case you haven’t heard, on occasion Teacup whips her hair back and forth.

Nany informs us that they’re meeting Adam at the Palms (site of the FIRST Vegas season, which most MTV viewers are too young to remember), and she’s hoping she can have fun.  Yeah, nothing like trying to have fun at a club a few hours after learning your parent is dead.  Whether or not she knew him, that is quite the blow.

Upon arriving at da club, the roomies past and present take many shots.  Adam reveals that he has been taking shots of tequila since 10 AM, which Dustin high-fives for some reason.  Adam then goes on to declare that he will be blacking out that night.  Oh goody, something new and different for us!

Fireballs!  At a club called Rain!  A true study in contradictions.

Montage of fucked up/blacked out Adam.  Even Cooke is grossed out by him.  Nany takes the Captain Obvious role for a moment to state that Adam is really drunk and acts like a child.  She tells us that she has come to find this behavior obnoxious despite not thinking anything of it when he was in Vegas.  Apparently absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder.  For some reason, the “relationship talk” comes up at da club, where the subtitles tell us that Adam expected he and Nany would become boyfriend/girlfriend.  Nany tells us that Adam has learned nothing since being kicked out and hasn’t changed at all.

“Oh, you mean, how do I loathe thee?  Let me count the ways…”

Adam spends the cab ride home spouting nonsense about finding a chapel to get married.  Quick, Nany, don’t let this gem get away.  You’ll regret it for never.  Then he decides to try to sneak into the Hard Rock.  I suppose his plan is to hide behind all of those inconspicuous cameras wandering around.  The security guards calmly tell him to STFU and GTFO, at which point Nany finally drags him away and walks him back to his room.  She’s shivering like crazy, so Adam does the chivalrous thing by giving her his hoodie.  You know he totally thinks that one nice deed has earned him a lifetime of blow jobs.

Sure enough, once they’re back in his room he’s trying desperately to get a little action while all she wants to do is leave his drunk ass to go to bed alone.  After some back and forth, Nany finally leaves and goes back to the Hard Rock.  Via confessional, she tells us, “I should have known better.  I have nobody else to blame but myself.”  Hard to argue with that, I supposed we’ll have to wait and see if she really means that.

She joins Naomi and Roy Lee.  RL is making fun of Naomi for sneaking into his bed at night, and Naomi swears that she’s not having sex with him for the rest of the time.  Bullshit, that won’t last 24 hours.

The next day, Adam calls and when Nany answers, he asked what happened the night before.  It’s obnoxious enough on its own, but it’s 10 times worse because the tone in his voice shows how proud he is of himself for being such a badass.  He asks Nany to go get some food with him, but she hesitates and then says she’s “going to the gym.”

Well, I guess it’s better than that “washing my hair” excuse Kelly used to give Zack… I’ll bet Kapowski is Greek for “bullshit.”

MikeMike gets on the phone with his biological mom, who is coming to visit him this weekend with her boyfriend of seven years.  MikeMike tells us he hasn’t seen her in two years, and she’s in bad health thanks to a combination of treatment for her breast cancer and her past drug abuse.  He says he’s nervous because he hasn’t seen her in so long, but it’s easier not to see her because it brings up bad memories. Next, MikeRoy and Nany exchange stories about growing up with druggie parents.  Damn, this episode is depressing.

The roomies head out on an MTV-sponsored trip to the Hoover Dam, which MikeMike is very upset to miss but has to because of his mother’s visit.  MikeMike, you’ve been in Vegas for months.  Surely you could have ventured out there at some point?  On the bus, the roomies comment on Adam’s lack of lesson-learning and Nany says she will not be inviting him back out.

Upon arrival, the roomies comment on the sign showing the state border between Nevada and Arizona.  MikeMike tells us they probably don’t know what the Hoover Dam is, which Roy Lee confirms.  Cooke wishes MikeMike was there to give us random facts, while he tells us that the cement is so thick that supposedly it’s still drying.  Dustin, however, wins this trip with his loogie launch over the edge.  Apparently it took 22 seconds to fall.

It’s too bad Dustin didn’t go to college.  He would have been a HUGE hit in a frat house.

MikeMike hangs around the suite alone until his mother and her boyfriend arrive.  He gives them a tour of the suite and while his mother definitely looks like she’s lived a rough life, her boyfriend looks like he’s good for her.  They head out to get some food and are soon joined by Roy Lee, who has returned from his epic adventure to the Hoover Dam.  Awwww, you know MikeRoy is serious when it’s time to meet the parents.  Mike’s mother goes to take a nap, and he tells us that every time he’s gotten close to her, she’s ended up disappearing.  Aw man, it’s just like every tv show that had a kid with an absentee parent when I was growing up.  The parent would inevitably show up for exactly one episode, and it never ended well for the poor kids.  Because of this, MikeMike is hesitant to get to know her.

MikeMike tells Nany that so far things with his mother aren’t too bad.  Apparently when he was younger, his stepmother used to hide the letters from his biological mother, just like Nany’s mother did.  Although in MikeMike’s case, he thinks it might have been for the best.  Nany tells us that it would kill her to see MikeMike miss out on a relationship with his mother since she never had the opportunity with her father.  She tells Mike that life is short and he shouldn’t waste time or he’ll regret it.  Not that I generally condone taking life lessons from Nany, but she may have a point here.

All is quiet in the house when suddenly the phone rings, the other end occupied by Sir Demon himself (damn, why didn’t I think of that 10 episodes ago?).  Roy Lee calls out to Nany, who is none too pleased to deal with the nuisance that is Sir Demon, so Roy Lee lies and says she’s sleeping.  This tames the demon for the time being, and earns Nany an “I’m proud of you!” from Roy Lee.  Awww, once he realized he wasn’t going to get to bang her, he became quite the big brother figure.  Unfortunately, Nany’s still going to have to deal with Sir Demon eventually.

Yes, Nany, you made your bed, and now you must lie in it.

Suddenly there’s a knock at the door.  Remember that time on Friends when all six of them were in the same room, and someone knocked on their door, and they all looked at each other like “Wait, don’t we only know each other?”  It’s kind of like that.  Well, it can’t be Adam since he is still banished, it’s probably not security since as far as we can tell, all of the wall sconces are intact… it turns out it’s Kenny, that guy they worked with at that Motocross thing during their first day on the job!  I know, I forgot about him too.  Naomi is very excited to see him.

I suppose she’s not too traumatized by her days on the child labor circuit.

Kenny has come to inform our roomies that they will be learning to ride motorcycles the next day.  He is also bearing gifts, which include helmets and personalized uniforms for each of the roomies.

Before we know it, the next day has arrived.  Teacup informs us that Naomi is having the most difficulty.  Man, I love that girl, but she cannot do ANYTHING.  To her credit though, she does try and her mood is pretty cheerful.  Kenny throws her a bone and has their instructor (a retired female Motocross rider) put on Naomi’s uniform so she can fool the roomies and win the race.  The roomies, via confessional, relay their slow realization that they were being duped.  Thankfully Dustin wins (well, he comes in second to the pro), so everyone is happy and no one throws a temper tantrum.

The roomies return to their suite and Nany, still in uniform, calls up her half-sister Ileana.  Ileana reveals that she didn’t find out about Nany until the investigators arrived at her house, and she doesn’t understand why her mother never told her since she clearly knew.  She also tells Nany that their father tried to find her, which makes Nany happy.  Apparently he was a good dad who took her to her softball games, and Ileana offers to email pictures to Nany.  She also says that she’s going to have a relationship with Nany no matter what her mother says, and Nany says she’s glad they got to talk.

Star-crossed sisters… Hey Juliet, untangle that damn phone cord.

Nany tells us it was the best conversation ever as she climbs into bed with Naomi and says they’re going to meet.  I feel like they just met on the sibling version of Match.com or something.  Either way, I’m happy for her.

MikeMike takes his mother and her boyfriend on a walk around the strip and various hotels as he tells us that seeing Nany’s chance for a relationship with her father taken away has inspired him to make more of an effort with his mother.  Whoever cast this season must be shitting their pants with joy.  MikeMike and his mom sit down to play slots together, and he tells us this is the first alone time he’s ever had with his mother.

Talk about your milestones.

They bond and laugh and are merry and it’s all very sweet.

Back at the suite, the phone is ringing and it’s Dustin’s turn to field a call from an increasingly angry Demon Child.  The Demon wants Nany to have the decency to walk over and be straight up with him, so Dustin points out that Demon was “pretty drunk.”  Demon’s response is that “A, I didn’t break anything, and B, I didn’t think I was that drunk.”  While I’m sure his current hotel is grateful for that first part, I’d hate to see what he considers “that drunk.”  Demon says it’s messed up that Nany won’t talk to him and he’s going to call back in an hour.

Dustin tells Nany that Demon called and all he wants is an explanation.  He says that Nany should end things with Demon for her own peace of mind.  Nany says that if she had known things would play out the way they did she would have told him not to come.  Yes, how could she possibly have forseen the completely unpredictable event of Demon getting blackout drunk?  She feels like there’s “no getting through to him” and that going over there will be a waste of her time.  So, presumably she has learned SOME basic facts about Demon after all.

Demon calls again and Nany finally agrees to talk to him.  When he asks what’s wrong, she says she told him, but he was too drunk to remember.  He says it’s cool if she doesn’t want to talk anymore, but it’s fucked up that she’s been ignoring him the past two days.  She tells him she’s changed and he says she didn’t make any effort to hang out with him after they hooked up.  He’s angry that she didn’t talk to him for two days and doesn’t want her to treat him like a piece of shit.

“Well, then, maybe try acting less like such a HUGE PIECE OF SHIT.”

Nany agrees to bring his hoodie to him, at which point he acts like nothing is wrong, asking what they’re doing tonight and telling her he’s “mad tired.”  Apparently our poor little angel has been unable to sleep because he’s been thinking about Nany.  He apologizes for his behavior the other night and Nany tells him she thought they could have fun together but instead he reverted back to his Demon self.  He’s grinning as she lectures him and when she calls him out on it he pulls his “smile when I’m nervous” line back out.

Nany tells him she just wants to be friend, and Demon says he wants more and apparently he thinks he deserves it because he “broke up” with that child he was cheating on and barking orders at the whole time he was in Vegas.  Nany says she feels like a bitch and when Demon tries to tear her down by saying that she should, she looks right at him and tells him he should feel like a “fucking asshole.”  Hell yes, that was awesome!  I love this Nany!  Demon says he wishes he could take it back but he can’t, and Nany says it makes her wonder why she even likes him.  No, Nany, here is where we use the past tense.  Come on, you were doing so well!

Demon claims that they would be “good together,” but doesn’t really have much to say when Nany asks him how they would be good together.  Demon says he’s “never really experienced anything like this before.”  What, a female not following your orders?  Well, here’s hoping this first won’t be a last.  Nany says she has, and she doesn’t think that’s a good thing.  I do not know where this self-awareness came from (then again, I never do in these situations), but let’s just run with it.

“I have fed you half-assed compliments, why will you not do I say?  That is not how this is supposed to work.”

Nany says the more that she learns about herself, the less she is attracted to the Demon type.  So far, she has backed up this statement by being utterly annoyed by everything Demon says at the various After Shows.  Seriously, she treats him like a little dog yipping at her leg and it’s kind of awesome.  They say goodbye and he keeps trying to kiss her but she really just wants to get out of there.  Nany tells us that she finally has closure with her biological father, and she’s moving on without a man.  Did I just switch over to Lifetime?  No, if this were Lifetime she probably would have killed Demon or something.

MikeMike goes to see his mother as he tells us he’s glad she visited since he doesn’t really know her.  He gives her a long, sweet hug and tells us he needs to have a relationship with her, especially since he was lucky enough to get the chance.

Then, suddenly, we get a scene from after the initial shooting of the season.  Have they ever done this before?  It was jarring.  Anyway, Nany meets her half-sister in the graveyard where their father is buried because Bunim-Murray/MTV are subtle like that.  They hug and are excited to meet each other.

Nany is way too happy to be in a graveyard.

Meanwhile, MikeMike’s mom is telling him she doesn’t want to let him down anymore.  She tells him he’s a good kid and she’s proud of him.  Nany and Ileana visit their father’s grave and hug some more.

This is a terrible thing to say, but it looks like Nany may have gotten all of the good genes from their father.

Well, that episode was kind of a downer.  How did you guys feel about Nany’s father story?  Were you happy to see her end things with Adam?  And what did you think of MikeMike and his mom?  Do you want to hug him as badly as I do right now?