Real World: Baby Food and Regret

Previously on the Real World:  Jimmeh and Meathead are BFFLs with benefits.  Ruthie Jr. was unable to realize her dream of being a professional singer due to the perilous hardships of growing up in Dearborn, MI (who may or may not sue me for libel).  Hair stuck Preston’s cigarettes where the sun don’t shine, and Preston gave Hair’s toothbrush a golden shower.

Because you can’t see this too many times.

So, remember all of that organized cleaning the roomies were doing a few episodes ago?  Yeah, that’s over.  The filth is piling up and it’s starting to attract visitors, including a charming cockroach that is probably a better roommate than Hair (who seems to be the only one missing this adventure).  As if to prove my point, after they kill it, Preston leaves it under Hair’s pillow.  For the Cockroach Fairy, no doubt.  Eyes tells us this is beyond normal roommate pranks, and has become vindictive.  He also may have caught Ruthie Jr.’s epic cold because he sounds a little stuffed up.  He makes Preston remove the pest from under the pillow, but unfortunately not much can be done about the pest who sleeps on top of it.

Speak of the devil, Hair arrives home from skateboarding and begins to question Eyes about his toothbrush.  Once Hair brings it up, Eyes decides to be honest, or at least partially honest.  He tells Hair that he heard Preston used the toothbrush to clean the toilet.  Hair tells us he feels disrespected, which is fair enough, but he probably feels disrespected by anyone who isn’t constantly kissing his ass.  Hair appreciates that Eyes told the truth like a “normal human being” even though Eyes didn’t say anything until he was directly asked.

Naturally, even though he has already rubbed Preston’s butts on his butt, Hair still feels the need to retaliate.  He finds Preston’s favorite ratty gray beanie, cuts it up with some scissors, and then throws it out.  Was doing both of those things really necessary?  Pretty sure cutting it up and leaving it for him to find would have gotten a stronger reaction, but then Hair might have to face an actual confrontation, which would result in much pants-pooping on his part I’m sure.

When I put his smokes up my cornhole I was just trying to be nice.

Hair asks Meathead if he knew about it, and Meathead says he didn’t but that’s disgusting and his boundary.  Hair says he thinks he’s going home, and I’m not even going to get my hopes up because we all know it’s a cry for attention and there’s no way he’s actually going anywhere.  Meathead says he should at least punch him and go out properly, which is even less likely.  He asks various roommates if they know where Preston is, and tells them that if they knew and didn’t tell him they’re disgusting.  They bring up Preston’s cigarettes, which Hair says is not nearly as bad.  It may be slightly less disgusting, but it’s still gross and also still the same situation.  Ruthie Jr. tells us he’s hypocritical and tells Hair she doesn’t want to get involved in that kind of drama because she can’t handle it.  Well, someone certainly went on the wrong show.

Hair decides to wait outside for Preston to return from his walk.  The roomies gather outside the house in anticipation.  Meathead calls up to Eyes, who is on his balcony, asking how the nosebleeds are.  Eyes responds with his one-liner of the week, saying it’s the private box suite.  Eyes has the right idea here, because the first few rows are designated as a splash zone due to the wave of tears Hair is sure to cry.

We really need to get a popcorn stand out here.

An unsuspecting Preston walks up and Hair angrily asks him if he did it.  He says he did it, and Hair stands right up against him just like every asshole who tries to act tough and starts yelling at him.  Preston asks if he’s going to hit him, and Hair says he’s thinking about it.  He doesn’t add that he’s pooped his pants at the mere thought of doing so.  He says he should knock Preston the fuck out right now.  HAHAHAHAHA least threatening threat ever!  Notice he said should, not would or could.  He says he wouldn’t do that, and Ruthie Jr. again points out that the cigarette thing is not exactly kosher.

The girls are embarrassed that this is happening in front of their neighbors, and that they look like animals in a zoo.  Since when has a Real World neighbor ever mattered?  Starfish has a rare moment of lucidity and asks them to take it inside because there are people filming on their balconies.  Meathead sums it up magnificently, as always:  “I’ve seen chicks go at it harder than that.”

Hair asks Preston to buy him a new toothbrush head out of respect, even though I think we’ve established that these two do not respect each other.  Preston ignores him, and Hair hates being around Preston, yadda yadda yadda.  Preston thinks they’ve reached a point of no return.

I’m about to pat you on the shoulder really hard right now.

Oh, thank GOD, it’s time for Jimmeh and Meathead.  And ALICE!  That’s Momma Jimmeh, in case anyone forgot, and she’s coming to visit.  She gets all hot and bothered when she says Meathead’s name on the phone, which creeps Jimmeh out a bit.  They call each other Ma and Son, and Jimmeh tells us she’s anxious for them to meet since they talk on the phone a lot and she talks about him a lot.  He tells her about the snow in his hometown, and when she says she would have to drink a lot of liquor to keep her warm, he of course offers to “keep her warm,” if you know what he means.  Lips and Eyes are disturbed/amused by the way he talks to someone’s mother.

Ruthie Jr. tells us she’s been dying to get out of Dearborn ever since she was a kid, since there is no opportunity there for the lifestyle she wants to live.  It’s all John Lithgow’s fault, he banned all singing and joy from the town.  She tells us she belongs here, where she can be inspired by other musicians.  That’s a little selfish, if you ask me.  Shouldn’t she bring music to her sad, barren hometown so that her fellow residents can be lifted from their cold, dreary lives?  Has she learned nothing from Kevin Bacon?

Cut to Ruthie Jr. singing in the shower while Jimmeh tells us they call her Hollywood because she has an amazing voice and they think she should move to Hollywood.  The two of them talk about being from small towns and not having much opportunity.  Jimmeh tells us she thinks Ruthie Jr. is afraid to leave her comfort zone and pursue her dreams.  Ruthie Jr. tells us she feels like she should put herself out there, but she doesn’t know the music scene and needs someone to show her the ropes.

Preston is wandering around looking for his favorite hat, which he thinks he lost because he doesn’t know Hair cut it up and threw it out.  Hair is way too pleased with himself, as he smiles and ponders his cleverness.  And then, Meathead tells him that Preston also peed on the toothbrush.  Hair tells us this makes him insane.  Oh, honey, you crossed that bridge in the first episode.  You are the freaking mayor of Crazytown.  He stands in the kitchen letting the crazy start from his toes and build all the way up, while Meathead watches him, muttering “Don’t take it personally, it’s nothing against you” over and over.  That would be a brilliant plan if Hair didn’t take EVERYTHING personally, and if this wasn’t absolutely something against him.

Jimmeh asks Hair if he’s mad at everyone, and he tells her it was wrong of them not to tell him, which she agrees with.  He then says “the bitch” won’t even apologize.  Jimmeh gives him credit for handling the situation well and not getting out of control, and tells him she hopes he can get over it eventually.

Ruthie Jr. is embarking on her “finding yourself” mission in the form of attending a one-woman show by a local New Orleans woman, and she has invited the other girls to join her.  She tells us live music is always inspiring because she sees other people doing what she wants to do.  She’s practically in tears during the performance, and again in her confessional as she tells us that she wants to feel passion she hasn’t felt since she was a child.  Which reminds of Knocked Up:  “I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.”

No shoes required? I’m in.

After the show, the girls get to meet the woman, whose name is Theresa Anderson, and Ruthie Jr. is shy but manages to tell her that she’s also a singer.  Ruthie Jr. doesn’t play any instruments and is fascinated by all of the instruments Theresa can play.  She says she’s looking for guidance, but she doesn’t want to bother Theresa, except that MTV has already pre-arranged the whole thing so it’s a given anyway.  They say goodbye and Theresa promises to email her.

Alice arrives as Jimmeh and Meathead are asleep together.  She throws on some of his clothes and runs to answer the doorbell.  Jimmeh tells her the house is a mess, and Alice makes the usual parent comments about clothes on the floor and whatnot.  She also throws in a comment about doing crazy stuff on the bed.  Meathead introduces himself, and Alice gives him some shit for not picking her up from the airport in a suit.  Haha, loving Alice.  Jimmeh says Alice was supposed to call her, but instead she was being a creeper and trying to catch them doing something.  Alice continues to give both of them shit about keeping the gate locked and not giving her a key, and Meathead wearing a wifebeater.

The three of them head to the French Quarter to spend the day together, which was apparently Meathead’s idea.  They comment on a poor three-legged dog (seriously, Hair thinks he has it rough- that dog should be so lucky as to have a nasty toothbrush) and Jimmeh suggests a shot.  Meathead starts to make jokes, helps her into a carriage, and just generally charms the pants off of her.  Not literally, yet.

Cockblocker

And from that happy scene, we’re back to this toothbrush bullshit.  Hair tells his mommy about it on the phone, who tells him Preston is miserable.  Hair is happy with himself and thinks it must suck to be Preston.  Actually, it’s listening to you that sucks, but whatevs.  Hair wants to make it clear to Preston that what happened is not okay, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Jimmeh and Meathead cuddle on the couch while Alice watches from a nearby chair.  She calls Meathead out for touching Jimmeh inappropriately, and it delves into them making fun of her excessively padding her boobs.  Then he makes a comment about Alice’s boobs, much to the horror of one of the other roommates (Lips maybe?).  He says he’s gotten to know Alice well enough, and once she started giving him crap back he realized he could have fun with her.  He invites Alice to cuddle and she says he’s getting on her nerves but she clearly loves him.  Jimmeh is happy they like each other so much.

Ruthie Jr. gets an invite to Theresa’s kitchen.  This is more exciting than it sounds though, because that is where she records all of her music.  Ruthie Jr. is excited and says even if Theresa thinks she sucks, she’ll be happy to have a professional opinion.  Yeah, because having a professional tell you that you suck is so gratifying.  Apparently she has a cold, but she doesn’t specify if she’s had it since they moved in.  As many of you have pointed out, she always sounds sick, but now she can use it as an excuse if she sucks.  The roommates convince her to use one of those teapot things that you stick up your nose.  She does, followed by Meathead, Hair, and Jimmeh, and I can’t help wondering if Preston peed on this too.

Hair has now decided to call the police, as we all knew he would, to report Preston.  I can’t help cracking up when the operator asks him, “What’s your emergency?”  I mean, yes, what Preston did was disgusting.  I would be pissed, for sure.  But seriously?

I need a wahmulance.

Yup, seriously, with ominous thunder and lightning and everything.  Two policemen arrive and Hair sends them over to Preston, who is napping on the couch.  They ask if he knows why they’re there, and he says he has no clue.  One of them tries to be menacing as he brings up the toothbrush, and Preston asks “Really, that’s why you’re here?”  Preston doesn’t know what Hair was thinking.  The cops question Preston as the other roommates stand around, shocked.  Eyes tells us Hair is overreacting, and this is “too much, too late”.  He tells us this while inexplicably wearing a bandana on his head.

Preston carefully avoids admitting to what he did while telling the cops about Hair calling him a faggot.  I feel like this is a good time to mention that I have heard a few roommates mention the cigarette-ass thing, but I don’t recall Preston being one of them.  Does he even know?  Eyes tells us that there are real crimes going on in New Orleans and he doubts the cops care that much about this.

Hair is giddy, thinking he’s scared Preston, who claims to not be scared.  The cops tell Preston to come to the station with them, but he knows he doesn’t have to go unless they’re arresting him.  The cops ask the girls what they know about the situation, and all they say is that it’s not that serious and should not involve the law.  Lips tells us that she’s trying not to laugh, but the policemen are laughing.  I’ll have to take her word for it since their faces are blurred out.  The best part is Hair asking them if this is normal, because they’re laughing, and them telling him it’s not.  TAKE A HINT, DUDE.

I feel disrespected. Can you guys send police with faces next time?

Hair goes to the station to make his statement, and Meathead and Preston joke about dropping the soap and jail being paradise for him.  And then, HA!  Hair tries to get in the passenger seat of the cop car until they tell him he has to get in the back.  The rest of the roomies just ponder the ridiculousness that has happened.

The cops bring Hair back and take Preston aside to tell him that he’s not being charged with anything, but they don’t want to come back for any more ridiculous bullshit like this so please act like an adult.  Hair is, as fucking ALWAYS, pleased as punch with his brilliant plan.  He thinks Preston has learned a lesson, and he has “Don’t piss on someone’s toothbrush and let them find out about it.”  Preston wants nothing to do with Hair.  You and me both, Presto.

Jimmeh tells her mother that she thinks the other girls in the house judge her for hooking up with Meathead without a commitment.  Alice says she knew from her first conversation with Meathead that he was just like Jimmeh, and they’re good at keeping each other in check.  She thinks Meathead is the one who will make her able to trust men, whether or not they end up together in the long run.

As Alice is leaving, Meathead tells us she’s a great lady, and tells her it was great to meet her and he’s going to visit.  She says he’s welcome anytime.  Jimmeh is happy with her mom’s visit and says if she and Meathead end up together, Alice would be happy.

Ruthie Jr. arrives for her visit to Theresa’s kitchen, and they chitchat for a bit before singing together.  I’m no expert, but Ruthie Jr. sounds good, better than Cliche (I can’t even think about Douche) and most of this year’s Idol crop.  Ruthie Jr. reiterates how happy she is while singing and it’s what she wants to do.  Theresa is very friendly and encouraging, possibly not just because it’s MTV mandated.  Ruthie Jr. leaves determined to either get on stage or die before she leaves New Orleans, which should be a terribly difficult goal to achieve while on an MTV program, and promises to let Theresa know how it goes.

Sing? Actually I invited you here because I thought you might like to cook me something.

Preston is making himself some breakfast while Hair hovers and chitchats with him, which freaks Preston out.  Hair wraps him in a big hug from behind.  This kid is seriously a sociopath or something.  Preston half jokes that he has no idea what’s going on, so he just stands still and waits for the knife.  After Hair leaves, Jimmeh comes in and when hearing what happened, says they have to start locking their door at night.  She tells us he’s “a weird kid, and weird kids freak me out.”  Amen, sister.  She tells Preston he’s going to die.

MTV has decided to have the roomies do something productive for once, and sends them to a soup kitchen for the day.  Loretta, the woman who runs it, says they’re going to make hamburgers for 250 people, and Jimmeh asks if she does it by herself every day.  She says yes, she spends about 90 hours per week in the kitchen.  Don’t worry, though, the roommates are just here for the day.  I’m sure they won’t offer to help you out again afterward.  A man tells them that Katrina tripled the amount of homeless people in the city, and volunteers are important to keep their doors open.

They see the bunk house, which reminds Preston of growing up with a mother with an addiction, and how they had to stay with other families and it gave him a different perspective on life.  I hope he didn’t pee on their toothbrushes too.

They get to work, and Hair gets grossed out when he has to carry big pieces of meat places.  Loretta tells him to quit it, and remarks to Preston that he’s acting like a girl.  It turns out everyone is actually getting along, though.  I suppose seeing what actual problems are can do that.

Chick fight!

Back at the house, Hair and Preston are outside smoking.  Hair remarks about how much fun the soup kitchen was, and Preston agrees.  He then apologizes for everything getting out of hand and takes the blame, which makes Hair happy.  Preston tells us that usually when he does these things, the people don’t find out so it’s just gratifying to him.  Then he pauses and realizes that’s not a great quality.  Awwww, personal growth.  Maybe you can teach Hair how to do that.

And for at least the third time, Preston tells us that it’s over and they’re not going to do vengeful things to each other anymore.  Except wait a minute, he can’t find his debit card.  Hair giggles on the phone that he threw it out the window and tells us that Preston’s apology does not make them friends.  So much for personal growth!

Ok, so, now that that’s over, can we have minimal Hair screen time for the rest of the season?  He just irritates me to NO end.  He’s unbelievably immature and has no self-awareness whatsoever.  Preston was wrong, but he realized it an apologized, so get the fuck over yourself.  What do you guys think?  Ruthie Jr.’s thing was fine.  She’s less annoying than Cliche, and seems to be more prepared for actual work and the possibility of failure, so that’s good.  Anyone impressed by her singing?  I’ve got to admit, I was.  And last but not least, still find Jimmeh and Meathead thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining, and Alice only helped that.  Anyone else want to go out drinking with Alice?  What did you guys think of the episode?