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Oh hey, remember that bitchy girl who led Captain Needy on back in the second(?) episode? Well, she just decided to call him up, apparently out of the blue since he’s surprised to hear from her. We can probably surmise from this that the roommates have been living in the house for a week or two at this point, right? And we’re almost halfway through the season?
Anyway, Captain Needy is SUPER excited when she agrees to the possibility of stopping by later that night. Oh, this is going to end well. Does anyone else think there’s a chance in hell she’ll actually show up? I’m sorry, you’ll have to speak up, I can’t hear you over all of those crickets.
Mo’Rum and Latoya have written one of them rap songs for the occasion, with backup from Swift and Trey. It’s all about Captain Needy’s alleged date with Alyssa (bitchy girl), and he’s like a kid in a candy store. I hope the roomies really thought she was coming, because otherwise this is just cruel.
Captain Needy gets all EMOtional as he tells RomCom that he’s not trying to bang Alyssa, even though he claims it makes him sound like a bitch. RomCom babyvoices that he likes her. Captain Needy apparently really likes her. Based on what, you ask? Glad you asked! Apparently it’s based on the fact that he can “have a genuine conversation” with her, he says to the girl with whom he’s having an actually genuine conversation. Of course, she already rejected him. Also, all of the footage we’ve seen of Alyssa is her looking utterly bored, throwing an occasional fake smile Captain Needy’s way.
Captain Needy’s not done yet, though! He’s steamrolls on to say that he loves “waking up next to a girl. I love making her breakfast. I love being the reason a female smiles.” HOLY. SHIT. This is getting hard to watch. Apparently she makes his utterly average self feel oh, so special. Good lord, could this guy POSSIBLY be any more of a walking Taylor Swift song?
Hey, remember when Alyssa was going to call “around 8ish?” Well, as of 9:18 it’s become “I’ll call you when I get in.” Yet somehow, this translates into Captain Needy getting dressed up to stay in, vacuuming, lighting candles, and making beds (which Trey the Neat Freak finds “weird”). The roommates all insist they’re happy for him, but are clearly starting to find the situation sketchy.
10:45, and RomCom is practicing her floor exercise to beat the Russians. No one tell her that anyone old enough to be on this show is too old to be an Olympic gymnast. Anyway, the roommates are finally getting concerned about the possibility of the Bitch not showing up. Captain Needy finally stops feeling like he’s being treated as the special snowflake that he is, and begins to mope. Mo’Rum, bless her heart, insists that they head in to town for a bit. Seriously, this isolation is doing them no favors. Captain Needy makes a sad attempt to shotgun a beer and tries not to cry.