Real World Recap: Not-So-Subtle Sexuality

Friggin A, I have been trying to upload this thing ALL DAMN DAY.  Technology hates me.  Well, Gasmii, we’ve reached that all-important turning point in every Real World season:  the politeness has stopped, and the realness has begun.  Whoever had episode 3… pat yourself on the back or something, because you win but I’ve got nothing for you.  Well, I can direct you to the answer to one of your questions- it appears that the Real World house was located in La Jolla.  FYI, Wikipedia tends to be frighteningly thorough with this stuff- I refer to it a lot for fact-checking, especially for Challenge stuff, to make sure I have everything straight.

Previously:  Frank is bisexual.  Frank is also violent, unpredictable, and sensitive, which is a winning combination if ever one existed.  Nate promises that he is okay with Frank’s bisexuality.

The guys hang out and discuss all things Man.  These include, but are not limited to:  tits, explosions, shooting guns, jerking off in cold showers, and growing facial hair.  Apparently Zach (AKA Dime Store Riggins) and Frank are only able to grow perv ‘staches.

You know who can grow a mustache in, like, a day?  Ron Fucking Swanson.  And he damn well did not gain that ability through giving himself facials.

Frank says he usually forms closer friendships with girls, but right now he thinks male bonding is important (in the platonic sense, you pervs).  Dime Store Riggs says Bubbles told him she feels dumber after listening to them talk, a comment he has gotten on more than one occasion.  This is met with manly laughs that bellow into the night.

Dime Store Riggs has a dream: to adopt a piglet for $130.  If Dime Store Riggs is anything like his namesake when interacting with animals, then this is the greatest plan since that time DirecTV joined forces with NBC to make 3 more seasons of FNL.  DSR and Nate do a talking head about how in this day and age, it’s only right that a piglet be allowed to grow up with two daddies without discrimination.

“We laugh in the face of homophobia!  Never mind what’s about to happen in a little while, we’re so tolerant we make jokes about the intolerance of others!”

Also, DSR’s shirt reminded me:  is he a werewolf?  His long hair supports that theory; his inability to grow facial hair suggests otherwise.  Unless part of his facial routine is burning out any hair follicles.  Everyone be on the lookout for bouts of excessive rage when the moon is full.  We’ll figure this out by the end of the season.  Also, speaking of long hair, I fully agree with those of you who HATE long hair on guys (I think I mentioned this in the premiere recap).  BUT when I force myself to ignore his hair (shirtlessness helps), I do think he is a good looking guy in need of a hair cut.

Sam invited DSR to the gay club with herself and Frank.  He sputters a bit until Frank tells him it’s okay to say no thank you, and DSR tells us he doesn’t want to go because he’ll just be a “chunk of meat” to those guys, and he doesn’t want to throw himself “on the fire.”  Why, is he afraid he’ll walk out flaming?

Frank says he’s never been to a gay bar because it’s “aggressive.”  Also, he adds via confessional, there weren’t any where he lived in Vermont, and the “whole gay culture” isn’t really his “thing.”

Might want to tell that to your bandana, bowtie, and pink shirt combo, dude.

Frank isn’t sure about going, but decides to go so Sam isn’t alone.  Bubbles informs us that she, DSR, and Nate will be attending a straight people bar where they feel more “comfortable.”  Frank declares that he’s going to have sex tonight, and since he’ll be at a gay bar, odds are that it will be with a guy.  Nate laughs painfully and DSR looks uncomfortable.

They arrive at the bar, and Frank is hesitant.  This causes DSR to theorize that Frank is really straight and just looking for attention.  Right, because nothing brings more positive attention than homosexuality.  I hear it’s boatloads of fun.  Frank and Sam head into the bar and Nate freaks out in the car, wanting to get the fuck out of there (before he catches the gays, or something?).  Prissy drives away as she tells us she can’t believe how immature her roommates (who are 3-5 years older than her) are acting.  Nate and DSR start listing the manliest things they can think of (again), such as tits, explosions, shooting a gun, and steak.

Inside, even Frank is uncomfortable with the scantily clad dancing men.  Sam can tell he’s not used to it, but they get to drinking.  Meanwhile, the other roomies are audibly relieved to arrive at a bar where scantily clad women are doingn the dancing.  Back at the gay bar, Frank and Sam each find a same-sex partner for making out and dry humping.  Frank decides to bring his guy home, and eventually the other roomies arrive home and are shocked- SHOCKED- to find that Frank is having sex, just like he told them he would.

“Despite being told exactly what would happen, this is my reaction to that very thing happening!  Wait a minute… is THIS what ever happened to predictability?”

Frank tells them not to come downstairs and Nate and DSR hang out all the way upstairs on the roof (if they could hover somewhere above the house, they probably would, just to be farther away).  They continue to freak out and act like this is shocking/terrifying/sickening, with Nate declaring that he not sleeping in his room for the rest of his life.  Does that also apply to his room at home?  Is Nate destined for a life of sleeping on the streets because some guy fucked another guy one time in a room where Nate had rested his rather large head?

DSR reminds us of his theory that Frank is really just a closeted straight guy.  However, he is now 100% convinced that Frank likes guys.  Nothing gets past him!  Nate wants to switch rooms, saying that it would have been okay if it was a girl and he knows it’s a double standard.  He thought he was just worried about walking in on dude-on-dude, but “it’s a whole different ball game now that it actually happened.”

This is a great representation of the current state of homophobia:  in theory, these guys know they’re supposed to accept Frank’s sexuality and be supportive, but in the end they’re still weirded out by the fact that he has sex with dudes, and now they’re forced to face it.  “Gay culture” has, little by little, become more acceptable (can you imagine someone like Zach giving himself facials on camera 20 years ago?)- except for the fact that it involves guy-on-guy action, which is why the guys were okay with Frank’s until now, when it was acted upon.

Bubbles comments that DSR doesn’t want to see Frank with another guy- and neither does she, so she totes relates to him on that level.

“OMG, I totally wear ironic 80′s sunglasses too!  Why are we not yet combining our blessed DNA to make pretty, white, heterosexual, small-town, football-player-cheerleader-two-stepping babies?!”

After Frank has escorted his fuckbuddy out of the house, Sam excitedly asks if he “got it in.”  Sam is definitely a Jersey Shore fan.  Before Frank can even open his mouth, Prissy assures Sam that he did, much to Nate’s dismay.  It seems she walked into the bathroom to find Random Guy’s face plastered against the shower, and Frank confirms that they also did it in the hot tub and in his room.  Nate would like to ignore the whole “sword fight” and pretend it never happened.

Nate asks Sam to switch rooms, but she refuses and also will not get in the hot tub until it is cleaned.  Frank, who was lying face down on the floor, accidentally knocks over a plant as he gets up, heads out to take a shower, and departs with a “fuck you guys.”  Sam, understandably, just wishes the communal places weren’t tainted.  Nate asks Sam if Frank will understand that he’s uncomfortable, but we don’t get to see Sam’s answer.

Frank is fretting that everyone will think he did something wrong, but Prissy (who is watching him shower, I guess) assures him that they’re just not used to seeing it.  She tells him he can’t keep living in the house feeling attacked and apologizing for everything, but they agree that tonight is different.  Frank decides that he will only have sex in his bed from then on, but he will not stop having sex with guys because other people are uncomfortable.  Fair enough compromise.

Frank apologizes to Nate and Sam if he freaked them out, but says they knew it was going to happen.

“Well, you see, ‘knowing’ is a tricky thing…”

Nate says that he needs to “get acquainted to it” and it’s uncomfortable, but when Frank says it’s going to happen again, Nate says he’ll “become accustomed to it.”  Frank looks pretty sad/insulted even though it seems like Nate is trying.  Of course, once he’s going, Nate decides that sex probably happened in his bed and on his dresser, so he opts to sleep in the hammock instead of his room.

The next morning, Sam loudly tells DSR and Bubbles about the unwrapped condom that Frank left in the shower, and DSR looks about ready to puke.  He assures us via confessional that his issue is not the who of Frank’s hookup, but the where.  He confronts Frank about the condom, who denies any knowledge of it despite the fact that (as far as we know) none of the other roomies have had sex yet.  DSR declares Frank “weird” and says he refuses to shower in the tainted stall until Frank cleans it.

“Sex is to be had in bed, under the covers, with the lights off, in the missionary position, for the purpose of reproduction… I mean, the shower, really?  That’s just crazy talk.”

The next morning, Frank senses awkwardness from the way DSR makes his breakfast and concludes that “last night was not okay for everybody.”  I realize this is difficult for Frank, but maybe give them five minutes?  He calls his mom to tell her that even though no one is freaking out, he can tell not everyone is on board with his sexuality.  She reminds him that what he’s doing is not considered “normal” (she even verbalizes the quotes around normal) and that some people have closed minds.  She says she knows he didn’t choose it, but he’s going down a difficult path and needs some thicker skin.  AMEN, Frank’s mother.

She tells him that his family loves him even though he’s an ass sometimes and he tells her she’s a bitch sometimes.  She says she has to be becausse he’s crazy sometimes.  They exchange “I love you’s” and hang up.  Okay, I understand Frank’s daddy issues, but his mom is kind of awesome.  It was a bit harsh of him to say he had no family.

DSR is chilling with Bubbles and Prissy and brings up the shower thing again.  Prissy tries to get him to admit that it’s more than just the unclean shower, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.  DSR says Frank can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants to do it with, but DSR isn’t going to be his best friends.

“I can only be best friends with people who share my interests in manly things like tits, explosions, guns, and steak.  Never mind the fact that Frank and I were discussing these very things recently.  Oh, and facials.  That’s my #1 interest on Facebook.”

DSR insists that it has nothing to do with Frank’s sexual orientation.  Well, he knows the phrase “sexual orientation,” so we have made some progress as a society.  He lists Frank’s other transgressions, such as fighting with the girl at the club, being confrontational in the car, and having sex in communal places.  Prissy asks if this could possibly be resolved with a conversation, and DSR squints at her as if she is speaking Klingon.  He says they’re polar opposites, and he’s not going to be “best friends with everyone.”  Evidently having civil conversation = best friends in DSR’s head.  Also, I assume he means they’re polar opposites because Frank bangs dudes and DSR can never imagine wanting to do such a thing.

The next morning…ish… or something, Nate wakes up on the hammock again and tells us he hasn’t slept in his bed since that fateful night.  He says he isn’t judging Frank or his character, and this is more of a “self-battle.”

Frank sees Sam and Prissy sitting out on the deck, and they invite him to join.  Prissy asks if he’s okay, and he says this is really hard.  He promises them that he’s a “happy go lucky person for the most part.”

When do we get to this “most part” you speak of?

Sam tells us that things are awkward between Frank and the boys, but she hopes they can get through it and be a family again.  Alex joins them and they all go for a walk on the beach, during which we learn that there are bugs near some rocks on the way, and Prissy isn’t wearing underwear so they attack her vagina.

Meanwhile, the white small-town conglomerate has convened.  Nate would like to surf, because that is manly, and Bubbles asks if he talked to them about switching rooms.  Dude:  homosexuality is not chicken pox.  You will not catch it.  RELAX.  Nate says he didn’t have the “ball sac” (what happened to being MANLY?), and that Frank would not take it well.  He continues to claim he’s not judging Frank but it just uncomfortable, and DSR wonders how they’re supposed to treat him now.

Well, for one thing, gay people made it socially acceptable for you to lay around on national television looking like that.  So maybe drop some of the attitude and replace it with a little gratitude?

The hunt for a pet pig is back on, and DSR insists that the pig represents “hope.”  I “hope” that works out better for them than it did for Obama.  He will spare no expense for this pig; he will drive an HOUR AND A HALF to Orange County!  Fun fact:  upon arrival in Orange County, everyone receives a punch in the face, followed by a “Welcome to the OC, bitch.”  Then each person has a choice to have his or her visit narrated by LC or Kristin.  I recommend LC, because Krisin’s voice is just grating.

Where were we?  Oh, right:  DSR located a female pig online, prompting Prissy to ask if pigs menstruate.  See, city girls can be uneducated too!  (They don’t, by the way- and yes, I Googled that to make sure.)  DSR won’t even dignify that with an answer, as he tells us he’s goingn to get a stroller and a carrier for the pig and take it everywhere.  He makes a phone call and finds out that the pig he’s courting is 150 pounds, which sounds a little big for a stroller.  He hangs up, discouraged.

Frank tells Alex that Nate hasn’t slept in their room in three days, and she suggests talking to Nate.  Frank says Nate said he was uncomfortable and has to get used to it.  He’s frustrated because he’s still the same person that Nate was friends with since they got there, and bringing home a dude doesn’t make him different.  Alex again suggests that crazy “talking” thing, but Frank insists he’s not brooding about it even though he very clearly is.  He doesn’t want to be defined by his sexuality.

Frank can’t handle the awkwardness of the house anymore, so he’s relieved when Sam calls him (on a CELL PHONE, again) to meet her out for a drink.  Sam says she knows what Frank is going through, since she’s experienced backlash for liking the same sex.  Frank says he’s so tired of sitting around in silence that he’ll talk to anyone about anything.

“So, THIS chest hair came in when I was 16, right after I saw 300 for the first time…”

Frank tells the strangers about his Nate predicament, and acknowledges that “doing it all over the house” wasn’t a great start.  They asks if Sam is his partner in crime, and Frank says he didn’t think she was, but now she is.  I love that Sam is probably already friends with half of San Diego.  Frank tells them Sam knows what she’s doing, and has been getting with straight girls the whole time they’ve been there.  Ahhh, but the question is:  how many of them knew the whole time that she was a girl?  Sam, in the meantime, has been putting the moves on the bartender and gets her number.

Nate brings home another blonde girl, albeit one who is not named Dana, who is ready for hot tubbing.  Despite Nate’s reluctance, they get into the hot tub and he is rewarded with some quick-cut making out and straddling and whatnot.

In the hammock, DSR says he knew he wouldn’t get along with everyone because he doesn’t have the type of personality to like everyone.  Bubbles says she usually likes everyone, but it’s fine that he doesn’t.  He says he should at least respect people he lives with.

“How many more episodes do I have to listen to you talk about your “manly” feelings before we finally bone?”

Nate changes his sheets in super-speed as he tells us he has to come to terms with the fact that Frank did a dude in his bed (does he know that for sure?  Because that makes his sleeping outside make more sense) since there’s nowhere else to take the chick.  She complains about something (the smell maybe?) and he brings up the dude-on-dude action that took place there.

Frank comes home utterly wasted, stumbling so much that he literally looks like Frankenstein’s monster, and is pissed to discover Nate and Friend in their room.  He tells them to get out, then pushes Nate onto his (Frank’s) bed a few times while still telling him to get out.  Nate and the girl finally make it out the door, and Nate tells Frank “my bad,” which just prompts another “fuck you” from Frank.

Frank follows them out to the “office,” where he knocks over some furniture while yelling in Nate’s face that he’s pathetic.  Nate insists that he hasn’t judged Frank, while Frank is pissed that Nate hasn’t talked to him in three days.  Nate brings out the “uncomfortable” excuse again, and Frank smashes some fine home furnishings.  Alex and Prissy huddle in a corner and worry about Frank’s drunken side.

Frank, this is your brain on drunk.

Alex tells us she is afraid someone is going to get hurt, and she’s tired of being on Frank’s side because he overreacts to absolutely everything.  No kidding.  Nate, somewhat hilariously, yells “we were besties!” to Frank in a desperate plea to get him to stop.  Frank wraps himself in a blanket and sits on the stairs crying.  He says Nate hurt him, which Nate knows.  Nate points out that Frank overreacted, and now there’s shattered porcelain everywhere.  Then Frank knocks something off the wall for no apparent reason.  Good lord, between Vegas Adam, Challenge Jasmine, and now, it has not been a good year for decorations in Real World/Challenge houses.

DSR and Bubbles come downstairs and look a little pleased to find out that Frank has been breaking things.  Maybe they’re hoping to get rid of him?  Bubbles heads to Frank’s room to talk to him while Nate recounts the events to DSR.  The girls (minus Sam, who is MIA at the moment) listen to Frank whine that he doesn’t deserve to be there while he’s rolling around his disheveled bed in his tighty whiteys.  They tell him to stop victimizing himself and that no one wants him to leave.  Methinks DSR might disagree with that sentiment.

Frank is still being his drunk self as Prissy tells us she’s starting to get fed up and doesn’t know how much longer she can defend Frank’s behavior.

Meanwhile, Bubbles is starting to get less subtle in her seduction of DSR.

Frank is drunk, crying, and talking about going home.  Even DSR tells him not to make this decision in this state and to just go to bed.  DSR tells Frank that this is not how a man handles his shit.  Oh, good, attach his masculinity.  That will help the situation tremendously.

DSR sits down in the confessional to roll his eyes and sarcastically tell Frank to stay.  Then, just in case we missed that subtlety, he says he could care less whether Frank stays or goes, then gets up and walks away.  The girls agree that Drunk Frank scares them, and Alex says he should only stay if he stops drinking.

The next morning, Nate’s date is still around and compliments him on how he handled the situation.  Alex recounts the events to her boyfriend on the phone, and he says it’s not fair to everyone else in the house for Frank to act like that.  Prissy tells Sam what she missed, and Sam can’t believe that Frank is still pulling this shit despite her efforts to make him feel better.

Frank calls the house, and luckily Sam answers.  She asks if he’s coming home, and he doesn’t know, so she agrees to meet up with him.

Sam is like Frank’s own personal Teen Help hotline.

Sam collects Alex and Prissy and they head to the park to meet Frank.  They sit down for a powwow in the grass and learn that Frank doesn’t remember the night before, which is SHOCKING.  They tell him about all of the shit he broke, and that he turns into a different person when he’s drunk, and constantly yells that no one cares about him.  After hearing that they’re concerned for everyone’s safety, Frank apologizes even though he acknowledges that “I’m sorry” doesn’t sound like much in this situation.  They say he shouldn’t drink if he’s going to stay in the house, and he promises to drink less.

Alex assures him that everyone wants him in the house, which might be a little generous, but if anything his “everyone hates me” schtick is probably the most annoying thing about him, so it’s best to curb that feeling as much as possible.  She thinks if Frank sticks around, he can have the best growth experience of his life.  They asks what he wants, and he says to go home.  After some awkward silence and confusion, they manage to clarify that he means “up the street” home.  They’re happy, and then they notice a pot-bellied pig nearby.

Might I recommend bringing him home as a make-up present for Dime Store Riggins?  Hakuna Matata and all that.

Frank says he needs to move back home and show that he is more than just a “drunken rampage.”  He’s not sure how the other roomies will respond, but he’s hoping it will work out.

Frank comes home to an enthusiastic greeting from Sam.  I’m kind of loving her.  Nate tells us that he’s not avoiding Frank, but he’s not going to go out of his way to talk to Frank.  He says he’s made drunken mistakes, so he won’t hold that against anyone else.  Apparently they make up, because the next thing we see is them hugging.  Bubbles asks if he’s back and sane, which he assures her he is, and she hugs him nervously.

He apologizes again and Bubbles tells him it’s time to put his money where his mouth is.  Frank assures her that he’s going to start going to therapy.  DSR arrives and Frank apologizes, but DSR tells him to just apologize to the girls… because their fragile selves had to witness his drunken rampage?  Oh, however will their weak souls handle such an atrocity?  DSR, unsurprisingly, tells us he could care less about Frank coming back.  Frank can tell that DSR is not his biggest fan and is, of course, deeply hurt by this.  Dude, not everyone loves everyone.  Be glad your other roomies are there for you; your neediness is a big part of what is turning DSR off in the first place.

Frank decides that the next stop on Apology Tour ’11 is taking all of the roomies out to a fancy dinner so they can spend some time together.  Alex is still a bit upset, but appreciates Frank’s gesture.  Frank suggests they get bone marrow for the table so they can all “suck a bone.”  Hey, guess who hates that idea, and also fancy meals?

“Listen, dude, you can suck all the bones you want, but get me a cheeseburger.”

Prissy tries to cheer everyone up, but Sam tells us that Nate is “way too quiet” at dinner.  Could drama be afoot?!  Nate tells us he’s still trying to cope with “Frank’s decisions and Frank’s actions,” and says he doesn’t know what’s going to happen.

Later that night, Nate wakes Frank up to tell him that dinner was awesome, and he knows he’s going to piss Frank off.  He apologizes for making Frank feel like he owed Nate dinner, but Frank knows they’re “best friends.”  Nate apologizes for being a homophobe, and Frank acknowledges that he could have done things differently too.  Perhaps a SOBER conversation would have been a good starting point?  Nate says he wants to go to a gay bar with Frank and Sam to conquer his fear, because if he was afraid of snakes, he would jump into a pit of snakes.

That’s… kind of an apt comparison, actually.

Frank tells him it’s “a lot of snakes, and a lot of fish, and they all want to touch each other.”  The besty roomies share a good laugh over that one, and Frank tells us he’s happy to have Nate back.  Yay, progress!

Next week:  Nate eats some nasty shit and pukes.  Prissy cuts Frank’s hair, maybe fucks it up, and gives him the cause of his meltdown for the week.  Nate cries, much to Sam’s surprise.  I’m a poet, and yes, I know it.

This was a good episode, I thought.  It’s such an accurate representation of homophobia in our society today.  Dime Store Riggins knows he’s supposed to be accepting, but he’s still wildly uncomfortable, so he hides it by blaming other things Frank does wrong (most of which are at least somewhat valid).  Twenty years ago, he would be the one giving Frank a swirly.  Nate is at least a little more open-minded, and more self-aware, so he’s willing to make an effort to accept Frank’s sexuality.  Twenty years ago, he would be standing awkwardly next to DSR, not wanting to give Frank a swirly but not about to speak up to stop it.

Bubbles, who knows.  I doubt she cares one way or the other, and is just using this to get closer to DSR.  Prissy and Alex both grew up in cities (it’s probably worth noting that they are also both minorities), and seem to accept the situation easily.  Sam, of course, understands what Frank is going through on a different level, even though it is a bit different between the two genders.  But the biggest problem of all is that Frank very clearly hasn’t accepted his own sexuality, which makes him more sensitive to everyone else’s reactions.  Based on the After Show, it looks like Nate and Frank end up friends, while DSR still wants nothing to do with Frank.  Nate, Prissy, and Sam all earned points this episode, DSR lost some, and Bubbles continues to just float through the air like her namesake.

One last (unrelated) note:  I kind of want to retroactively give credit to Meathead from last year’s New Orleans season.  Since he’s so much like Nate, his friendship with and acceptance of Preston was cool.  I can’t help wondering if the fact that Preston was so comfortable with his sexuality by that point played a part; maybe if Frank wasn’t still figuring himself out, Nate would have an easier time with it.  Either way, it should be interesting to watch as the season goes on.  What do you think about everything?