And now, let’s travel all of two states away to meet our next roomie:
Who, you’ll be happy to know, is a diva and likes to booty-pop. Always with the bucking of the stereotypes, MTV.
She and her family seem nice, and she’s excited to greet the next roomie (who is from the next state over):
Whose level of attractiveness fluctuates wildly from scene to scene.
Both pairs of roomies get “special deliveries,” which inform them that they will be going to the Virgin Islands. Naturally, they’re all pretty damn excited. Trey informs us that he’s never been outside the main land of the U.S. Robb has also never seen anything more tropical than a North Carolina beach. Marie immediately decides to stop eating (spoiler alert: and start drinking!), and reminds Robb’s little sister that cursing is bad on her way out the door. Trey wonders aloud where the Virgin Islands are, and on that note we’re treated to the opening credits.
And now we meet this season’s variation on the emo/punk/”rocker”/goth/scene/etc. person:
And yes, his Bahston accent is thicker than the holes in his earlobes.
Anyway, he grew up in the projects and never thought he’d have the opportunity to do something like this or go anywhere, ever. He’s an electrician during the day, but apparently needs a night job at Forever 21 also, so it would seem electricians do not make enough money to survive. Note to self: you weren’t going to become an electrician anyway, but now you definitely shouldn’t. Also, this guy works at Forever 21? Seriously? Was Hot Topic not hiring?
Brandon wants to meet new people and go exploring. Shhhhh, no one tell him that Magellan and co. already found everything. It’s bad enough he’s stuck in an incompatible retail job, I can’t stand to see his dreams crushed just yet. For now, let’s meet:
It’s good to know MTV still can’t find seven people in all of America with different names. Or any that don’t live on the northern half of the East Coast, apparently.
Although last time we had people of the same name it was in Vegas, and it was awesome, so maybe this is a good sign? And while the East Coast does have a larger percentage of the population than most of the country, it still amazes me that so many Real Worlders are from here, including six out of the seven this year.
They introduce themselves and we learn that Swift (he goes by Swift; does that make other Brandon Sluggish?) comes from a well-educated family and is proud to have graduated from a college in Philly. They’re starting to become bros already, but along comes their final roommate to interrupt:
Poor Laura, looking like she’s pushing 40. Must be the stress of representing the other 90% of the country.
Laura informs us that she was an awkward little caterpillar who, in her junior year of high school, discovered makeup and hair dye and suddenly started getting attention from boys. Oh, well, good thing she got that out of the way just in the nick of time. Talk about a late bloomer, finally figuring it out at the ripe old age of sixteen. That was a close one. As if to prove her point, Sluggish Brandon instantly develops a crush on her.
They attempt to bond for a moment by throwing the football Laura was carrying in one hand. (The other hand contained a teddy bear. This Laura girl is truly a study in contradictions, starting with the fact that her hair seems to have been almost every color that comes in a box at one point or another.) Before long, though, a man pulls up on a boat requesting “a Laura and two Brandons.” Evidently the only way to reach their house is by boat. That’s going to make it hard to catch a cab. I hope MTV is giving the poor islander who has to schlep these mofos back and forth at 3 AM a nice tip.