Real World Recap: Three Pairs and a Baby

Recaps

By VirginiaApple | Friday, June 29, 2012 | 11:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real World, Recaps

And now, let’s travel all of two states away to meet our next roomie:

Who, you’ll be happy to know, is a diva and likes to booty-pop.  Always with the bucking of the stereotypes, MTV.

She and her family seem nice, and she’s excited to greet the next roomie (who is from the next state over):

Whose level of attractiveness fluctuates wildly from scene to scene.

Both pairs of roomies get “special deliveries,” which inform them that they will be going to the Virgin Islands.  Naturally, they’re all pretty damn excited.  Trey informs us that he’s never been outside the main land of the U.S.  Robb has also never seen anything more tropical than a North Carolina beach.  Marie immediately decides to stop eating (spoiler alert: and start drinking!), and reminds Robb’s little sister that cursing is bad on her way out the door.  Trey wonders aloud where the Virgin Islands are, and on that note we’re treated to the opening credits.

And now we meet this season’s variation on the emo/punk/”rocker”/goth/scene/etc. person:

And yes, his Bahston accent is thicker than the holes in his earlobes.

Anyway, he grew up in the projects and never thought he’d have the opportunity to do something like this or go anywhere, ever.  He’s an electrician during the day, but apparently needs a night job at Forever 21 also, so it would seem electricians do not make enough money to survive.  Note to self: you weren’t going to become an electrician anyway, but now you definitely shouldn’t.  Also, this guy works at Forever 21?  Seriously?  Was Hot Topic not hiring?

Brandon wants to meet new people and go exploring.  Shhhhh, no one tell him that Magellan and co. already found everything.  It’s bad enough he’s stuck in an incompatible retail job, I can’t stand to see his dreams crushed just yet.  For now, let’s meet:

It’s good to know MTV still can’t find seven people in all of America with different names.  Or any that don’t live on the northern half of the East Coast, apparently.

Although last time we had people of the same name it was in Vegas, and it was awesome, so maybe this is a good sign?  And while the East Coast does have a larger percentage of the population than most of the country, it still amazes me that so many Real Worlders are from here, including six out of the seven this year.

They introduce themselves and we learn that Swift (he goes by Swift; does that make other Brandon Sluggish?) comes from a well-educated family and is proud to have graduated from a college in Philly.  They’re starting to become bros already, but along comes their final roommate to interrupt:

Poor Laura, looking like she’s pushing 40.  Must be the stress of representing the other 90% of the country.

Laura informs us that she was an awkward little caterpillar who, in her junior year of high school, discovered makeup and hair dye and suddenly started getting attention from boys.  Oh, well, good thing she got that out of the way just in the nick of time.  Talk about a late bloomer, finally figuring it out at the ripe old age of sixteen.  That was a close one.  As if to prove her point, Sluggish Brandon instantly develops a crush on her.

They attempt to bond for a moment by throwing the football Laura was carrying in one hand.  (The other hand contained a teddy bear.  This Laura girl is truly a study in contradictions, starting with the fact that her hair seems to have been almost every color that comes in a box at one point or another.)  Before long, though, a man pulls up on a boat requesting “a Laura and two Brandons.”  Evidently the only way to reach their house is by boat.  That’s going to make it hard to catch a cab.  I hope MTV is giving the poor islander who has to schlep these mofos back and forth at 3 AM a nice tip.

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Bring on the Hipster Doosh brigade, VA! Why is Ging wearing a wool cap in St. Thomas? Cuz he’s a Hipster Doosh.

    I need to watch this again to get a good feel for it but I’m glad you’re back to recap our fave reality show!

  2. 2
    plockeness monster
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    VA IN THA HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

    I don’t know if I like any of the cast members yet. Obvs, Captain Needy is pretty fucking awful. Can’t wait until he starts drinking the hard stuff. It’ll be like when Nate was watching the fireworks and crying, except no one will care.

    LaToya’s last name is “Jackson.” Boom.

  3. 3
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    ^Gotta repeat it, when you told me Latoya’s last name I smiled all damn day! Thanks Plock!

  4. 4
    carol
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Great recap. Knowing that their is going to be an awesome recap after each episode is like having the best ‘after-show’ ever, except the recaps are filled with snarky gold, insightful comments & observations, and great photo captions.

    Seriously, do they roommates never have to go grocery shopping while in the house? Does Costco deliver to the Virgin Islands? Who has that much peanut butter? And it was all the crunchy kind. I hope they aren’t as isolated as it seemed in this first episode. Maybe they just didn’t go exploring. Or that they live on the other side of the bay, but can get to the main part by car/taxi.

    Love the nicknames so far. Ging/Ginger is just so obvious be so great. He is sort of like the Jolly Ginger Giant. Cpt. Needy is scary. I am pretty sure he left his ‘journal’ on the table because he wanted his roommates to see & read it. People that are actually messed up tend not to leave such personal stuff just randomly around. I agree that his ear holes are odd. I have never understood why someone would do that.

  5. 5
    Liz
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I actually kind of felt bad for Capt. Needy. He needs to get his crap together ASAP and everything, but he is one of those people who feels like an outsider, so he either acts out or tries too hard to be accepted, which only makes him more of an outsider. I dunno, that’s just kinda sad. He’s like their Screech or something.

    About the peanut butter – peanut butter is pretty uncommon outside of the US (as I understand it), so it could just be that they got them a ton of peanut butter because there is no way to get peanut butter otherwise, and alot of Americans get kind of weird about there being no peanut butter when they go other places. It’s like a weird security blanket. I could just be talking out of my ass but that’s my theory.

  6. 6
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

    OMG, Liz!!!! He is the RW Screech. That’s awesome.

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I found this link that I know all RW fans would find interesting, about previous cast members.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/watn-photos/real-world-cast-members-gallery-1.92861

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Good move MTV put a freshly recoved addict into this situation – gosh nothing bumps up the ratings like a relapse or fingers crossed another suicide attempt. Surely there had to be a plethora of doosh bags without drug or suicidal tendencies.

  9. 9
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    @plcokeness – Aw, thanks! I get a good one out every once in a while.

  10. 10
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Damn, I meant to type plockeness! Though pl cokeness is pretty cool too ;)

  11. 11
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    @ Derek – I don’t even remember some of those Real World-ers! Thanks for the link.

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:28 am

    So, while on vacation on the MA seacoast, rumors are running rampant that Screech isn’t from “Southie” (the MOST proud and roughest borough of Bostob proper, Charlestown being a close second). Faux pas Screech, faux pas indeed. Whitey Bulger himself is PISSED. Kidding….maybe….

    Unfortunately, I’ll have to rely on word on the street as Screech it out of my demographic (yep I’m old) But I’ll pass on what I can.

    I can make an educated guess we’re going to hear a lot more about Oxycontin, Suboxone and Screech’s need for positive or negative attention.

    But, so far nothing can trump Ginge punching himself in the head.

    So excited VA, thanks for the recap!

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:55 am

    YAY!!! VA it’s good to see you.

    I thought the same thing about many of the people on this show. In some scenes they were cute and then in other scenes they looked like hot garbage.

  14. 14
    Zedd
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Considerthis – I thought the same thing. And being a recovering addict himself why would he even WANT to put himself in that situation unless he wants some attention. Kinda ticks me off because everytime they have the goth/scary outsider they’re always whiny little bitches.

  15. 15
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    “hot garbage” – love!

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