Real World Recap: Three Pairs and a Baby

Recaps

By VirginiaApple | Friday, June 29, 2012 | 11:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real World, Recaps

After arriving at their own island, the roomies explore their large, comfy looking house.  This is always the point in the season when I wish I could go on this show and live in a giant house with many assorted comfy seating areas practically for free. 

Then they show the hot tub, which will soon be filled with STD soup.

Laura (who I keep wanting to call Marie, so I’ll probably need to think of a nickname for her) calls the three bed room, and the Brandons claim a two bed room for themselves.  Then she wants to start drinking, but the guys think they should wait for the others.

Meanwhile, Marie and Robb have landed.  When they’re greeted with complimentary rum, they waste no time in NOT waiting for the others.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they got drunk on the plane, because why not?  When they stop for liquor on the way to the house, Marie especially is definitely drunk.  She is my kind of girl. 

Back on the private island, Sluggish Brandon is telling Swift and Laura that he shouldn’t drink too much hard liquor because he is a recovering drug addict.  Apparently it started when he did a line with a “really hot girl” at a party, and then it was a cycle of coke and heroin, but he’s been clean for six months.  Small town Laura is taken aback by this since her rebellious friends get their yucks from smoking cigarettes.  Swift, meanwhile, respects that Sluggish is up front and honest about everything.

Latoya and Trey have finally landed, and she feels like Michelle Obama, calling Trey “Barack without a tan.”  Their complimentary rum doesn’t seem to go down quite as easily.

Try some Portuguese fire water or ouzo and see how those go down, wuss.

Trey very earnestly passes along to Latoya a warning he picked up on the airplane, which is not to wear anything shiny in the water due to the potential danger of attracting barracudas.  She cracks a joke about lip gloss and it takes him a minute to get it through the haze of his paralyzing fear. 

Marie cracks a Gilligan’s Island/Ginger joke as she and Robb arrive on their island.  During intros, she is disappointed to learn that Swift’s nickname is just his last name, so she can’t just suddenly start calling herself Swag.  Silly kids, don’t even know that you’re not allowed to make up your own nickname.  Someone needs to catch some Seinfeld reruns.

And finally, the last two arrive and the last round of introductions are over.  We learn that Latoya is single, and that Swift and Ginge are the messier of the guys, so they decide to room together, breaking up the epic Brandon Bromance almost immediately.

The roomies all get straight to enjoying the pool and hot tub.  Big shocker, Robb is attracted to Marie.  Swift and Trey start discussing how much they can bench, leaving Brandon feeling left out.  In addition to being tattooed and pierced, it’s also obvious he doesn’t exercise much.  He’s not fat, the other guys are just brick houses.  It’s definitely a “which of these things is not like the other” situation.  He continues to crush hard on Laura, but she’s busy noticing that Trey is rather attractive.

Robb and Marie bond over their matching Hakuna Matata tattoos, which basically means that she mocks his and says hers is better.  She says she’s mean, but it’s okay because he appreciates her sense of humor.  Or, more accurately, what passes for a “sense of humor” when she’s drunk. 

The girls discuss the possibility of bringing guys home, although none of them seems to think it will happen.  Marie isn’t terribly impressed with the selection among the roommates.  Famous last words.  Laura doesn’t want to hook up with a roommate because it will be awkward, but she can’t keep her eyes off Trey and declares she’s in trouble.  FAMOUSER LAST WORDS.  I give it two episodes, max.

Update:  Latoya still doesn’t like rum, and offers her rum punch to Marie, who’s been drunk for many hours.  I feel like this “Latoya doesn’t like rum” thing is a continuing storyline worth keeping an eye on.

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Bring on the Hipster Doosh brigade, VA! Why is Ging wearing a wool cap in St. Thomas? Cuz he’s a Hipster Doosh.

    I need to watch this again to get a good feel for it but I’m glad you’re back to recap our fave reality show!

  2. 2
    plockeness monster
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    VA IN THA HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

    I don’t know if I like any of the cast members yet. Obvs, Captain Needy is pretty fucking awful. Can’t wait until he starts drinking the hard stuff. It’ll be like when Nate was watching the fireworks and crying, except no one will care.

    LaToya’s last name is “Jackson.” Boom.

  3. 3
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    ^Gotta repeat it, when you told me Latoya’s last name I smiled all damn day! Thanks Plock!

  4. 4
    carol
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Great recap. Knowing that their is going to be an awesome recap after each episode is like having the best ‘after-show’ ever, except the recaps are filled with snarky gold, insightful comments & observations, and great photo captions.

    Seriously, do they roommates never have to go grocery shopping while in the house? Does Costco deliver to the Virgin Islands? Who has that much peanut butter? And it was all the crunchy kind. I hope they aren’t as isolated as it seemed in this first episode. Maybe they just didn’t go exploring. Or that they live on the other side of the bay, but can get to the main part by car/taxi.

    Love the nicknames so far. Ging/Ginger is just so obvious be so great. He is sort of like the Jolly Ginger Giant. Cpt. Needy is scary. I am pretty sure he left his ‘journal’ on the table because he wanted his roommates to see & read it. People that are actually messed up tend not to leave such personal stuff just randomly around. I agree that his ear holes are odd. I have never understood why someone would do that.

  5. 5
    Liz
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I actually kind of felt bad for Capt. Needy. He needs to get his crap together ASAP and everything, but he is one of those people who feels like an outsider, so he either acts out or tries too hard to be accepted, which only makes him more of an outsider. I dunno, that’s just kinda sad. He’s like their Screech or something.

    About the peanut butter – peanut butter is pretty uncommon outside of the US (as I understand it), so it could just be that they got them a ton of peanut butter because there is no way to get peanut butter otherwise, and alot of Americans get kind of weird about there being no peanut butter when they go other places. It’s like a weird security blanket. I could just be talking out of my ass but that’s my theory.

  6. 6
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

    OMG, Liz!!!! He is the RW Screech. That’s awesome.

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I found this link that I know all RW fans would find interesting, about previous cast members.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/watn-photos/real-world-cast-members-gallery-1.92861

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Good move MTV put a freshly recoved addict into this situation – gosh nothing bumps up the ratings like a relapse or fingers crossed another suicide attempt. Surely there had to be a plethora of doosh bags without drug or suicidal tendencies.

  9. 9
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    @plcokeness – Aw, thanks! I get a good one out every once in a while.

  10. 10
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Damn, I meant to type plockeness! Though pl cokeness is pretty cool too ;)

  11. 11
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    @ Derek – I don’t even remember some of those Real World-ers! Thanks for the link.

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:28 am

    So, while on vacation on the MA seacoast, rumors are running rampant that Screech isn’t from “Southie” (the MOST proud and roughest borough of Bostob proper, Charlestown being a close second). Faux pas Screech, faux pas indeed. Whitey Bulger himself is PISSED. Kidding….maybe….

    Unfortunately, I’ll have to rely on word on the street as Screech it out of my demographic (yep I’m old) But I’ll pass on what I can.

    I can make an educated guess we’re going to hear a lot more about Oxycontin, Suboxone and Screech’s need for positive or negative attention.

    But, so far nothing can trump Ginge punching himself in the head.

    So excited VA, thanks for the recap!

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:55 am

    YAY!!! VA it’s good to see you.

    I thought the same thing about many of the people on this show. In some scenes they were cute and then in other scenes they looked like hot garbage.

  14. 14
    Zedd
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Considerthis – I thought the same thing. And being a recovering addict himself why would he even WANT to put himself in that situation unless he wants some attention. Kinda ticks me off because everytime they have the goth/scary outsider they’re always whiny little bitches.

  15. 15
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    “hot garbage” – love!

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