After arriving at their own island, the roomies explore their large, comfy looking house. This is always the point in the season when I wish I could go on this show and live in a giant house with many assorted comfy seating areas practically for free.
Then they show the hot tub, which will soon be filled with STD soup.
Laura (who I keep wanting to call Marie, so I’ll probably need to think of a nickname for her) calls the three bed room, and the Brandons claim a two bed room for themselves. Then she wants to start drinking, but the guys think they should wait for the others.
Meanwhile, Marie and Robb have landed. When they’re greeted with complimentary rum, they waste no time in NOT waiting for the others. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got drunk on the plane, because why not? When they stop for liquor on the way to the house, Marie especially is definitely drunk. She is my kind of girl.
Back on the private island, Sluggish Brandon is telling Swift and Laura that he shouldn’t drink too much hard liquor because he is a recovering drug addict. Apparently it started when he did a line with a “really hot girl” at a party, and then it was a cycle of coke and heroin, but he’s been clean for six months. Small town Laura is taken aback by this since her rebellious friends get their yucks from smoking cigarettes. Swift, meanwhile, respects that Sluggish is up front and honest about everything.
Latoya and Trey have finally landed, and she feels like Michelle Obama, calling Trey “Barack without a tan.” Their complimentary rum doesn’t seem to go down quite as easily.
Try some Portuguese fire water or ouzo and see how those go down, wuss.
Trey very earnestly passes along to Latoya a warning he picked up on the airplane, which is not to wear anything shiny in the water due to the potential danger of attracting barracudas. She cracks a joke about lip gloss and it takes him a minute to get it through the haze of his paralyzing fear.
Marie cracks a Gilligan’s Island/Ginger joke as she and Robb arrive on their island. During intros, she is disappointed to learn that Swift’s nickname is just his last name, so she can’t just suddenly start calling herself Swag. Silly kids, don’t even know that you’re not allowed to make up your own nickname. Someone needs to catch some Seinfeld reruns.
And finally, the last two arrive and the last round of introductions are over. We learn that Latoya is single, and that Swift and Ginge are the messier of the guys, so they decide to room together, breaking up the epic Brandon Bromance almost immediately.
The roomies all get straight to enjoying the pool and hot tub. Big shocker, Robb is attracted to Marie. Swift and Trey start discussing how much they can bench, leaving Brandon feeling left out. In addition to being tattooed and pierced, it’s also obvious he doesn’t exercise much. He’s not fat, the other guys are just brick houses. It’s definitely a “which of these things is not like the other” situation. He continues to crush hard on Laura, but she’s busy noticing that Trey is rather attractive.
Robb and Marie bond over their matching Hakuna Matata tattoos, which basically means that she mocks his and says hers is better. She says she’s mean, but it’s okay because he appreciates her sense of humor. Or, more accurately, what passes for a “sense of humor” when she’s drunk.
The girls discuss the possibility of bringing guys home, although none of them seems to think it will happen. Marie isn’t terribly impressed with the selection among the roommates. Famous last words. Laura doesn’t want to hook up with a roommate because it will be awkward, but she can’t keep her eyes off Trey and declares she’s in trouble. FAMOUSER LAST WORDS. I give it two episodes, max.
Update: Latoya still doesn’t like rum, and offers her rum punch to Marie, who’s been drunk for many hours. I feel like this “Latoya doesn’t like rum” thing is a continuing storyline worth keeping an eye on.