Real World Recap: Three Pairs and a Baby

Recaps

By VirginiaApple | Friday, June 29, 2012 | 11:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real World, Recaps

Brandon tells Laura that he feels like the outsider because while he already “loves” the other guys, he’s not the athletic type.  She listens to him have issues for a bit and then tells him she’s there and promises they’ll have fun.  I’m sure he thinks they’re bonding deeply, but I think this is just the polite before the real.

Tattoos and piercings are one thing, but I cannot take anyone seriously with those RIDICULOUS EAR THINGS.  This is something I will never understand.

They head inside and we learn that Laura was dating someone, but they broke up because she was coming on the Real World.  Definitely a wise decision, and one she doesn’t seem broken up about in the least.  They she breaks out her “adoption stuff,” so we learn that Laura is adopted and wants to find her biological parents.  Brandon goes all Sensitive Guy High Voice as he tells her he doesn’t like that there’s a large “ADOPTED” stamp on the paper.  And with that the size of Brandon’s crush on Laura can no longer fit through his earlobe holes.  (Yes, this will become an ongoing unit of measurement in these recaps.)

Swift, Marie, Latoya and the Ginge have a conversation about ranking girls.  Apparently this must be done on “straight physicality,” thus dismissing the longstanding myth that guys normally rank girls based on the nuances of their personalities.  We also learn that Swift will hook up with a 7, but will not wife her.  An 8, he will wife.  What an important distinction.  We do not get the crucial ruling on a 7.5.  Latoya calls him cocky and determines that she will be the one to wise his ass up.  She also gives her simple ranking system:  “look good,” “a’ight,” and “no.”  Simplicity FTW.  What else do you really need?

Laura puts on a ridiculous outfit in order to flirt with Trey, and he’s rolling with it so he clearly likes her as well.  Apparently she usually has a minimum height requirement of six feet, but she’s willing to overlook this important rule for her roommate with whom she is most definitely going to hook up and have subsequent awkwardness.  Brandon, of course, is already feeling like a loser who can’t compete with Trey.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I already want to tap that so badly that it’s going to happen even if she’s dressed like this.”

Brandon later snaps (yes, already) and strips naked while jumping into the hot tub (to prevent shrinkage, I suppose), yelling for attention all the way.  Is attention really satisfying if you have to beg for it?  The other roomies are mildly amused and/or uncomfortable and all I can think is that this must have been one loooong, epic night, because every time we see the roomies they’re in a different part of their massive house/yard.  Brandon’s next move is to throw all of the empty beer bottles into the pool, to give it a “rock star” ambiance.

The roomies are now hanging out in a tree, in case you thought I was exaggerating about them constantly being in different places on the property.  Robb and Marie are still best friends, so Brandon “jokes” about getting kicked out of his room with his BFF Swift.  This is all a nice segue for Swift to bring up a long log of poop that was left, unflushed, in his toilet.  After Brandon denies it, the blame somehow lands on Marie.  She’s too drunk to care, but later claims via confessional that she has no idea what they’re talking about.

Trey is still utterly confused about geography, although I’m sure he’s not the only East Coaster who gets “Oklahoma and Nebraska confused.”  Trey asks about her nationality, giving her the perfect opportunity to casually bring out her adoption papers for the second time on the first night with these strangers.  Trey comments on the bluntness of the first line of a letter from her birth parents, which was written the day after she was born but didn’t reach her until six months ago.

“Is this totally turning you on yet?  This is totally turning you on, right?”

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15 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Bring on the Hipster Doosh brigade, VA! Why is Ging wearing a wool cap in St. Thomas? Cuz he’s a Hipster Doosh.

    I need to watch this again to get a good feel for it but I’m glad you’re back to recap our fave reality show!

  2. 2
    plockeness monster
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    VA IN THA HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

    I don’t know if I like any of the cast members yet. Obvs, Captain Needy is pretty fucking awful. Can’t wait until he starts drinking the hard stuff. It’ll be like when Nate was watching the fireworks and crying, except no one will care.

    LaToya’s last name is “Jackson.” Boom.

  3. 3
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    ^Gotta repeat it, when you told me Latoya’s last name I smiled all damn day! Thanks Plock!

  4. 4
    carol
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Great recap. Knowing that their is going to be an awesome recap after each episode is like having the best ‘after-show’ ever, except the recaps are filled with snarky gold, insightful comments & observations, and great photo captions.

    Seriously, do they roommates never have to go grocery shopping while in the house? Does Costco deliver to the Virgin Islands? Who has that much peanut butter? And it was all the crunchy kind. I hope they aren’t as isolated as it seemed in this first episode. Maybe they just didn’t go exploring. Or that they live on the other side of the bay, but can get to the main part by car/taxi.

    Love the nicknames so far. Ging/Ginger is just so obvious be so great. He is sort of like the Jolly Ginger Giant. Cpt. Needy is scary. I am pretty sure he left his ‘journal’ on the table because he wanted his roommates to see & read it. People that are actually messed up tend not to leave such personal stuff just randomly around. I agree that his ear holes are odd. I have never understood why someone would do that.

  5. 5
    Liz
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I actually kind of felt bad for Capt. Needy. He needs to get his crap together ASAP and everything, but he is one of those people who feels like an outsider, so he either acts out or tries too hard to be accepted, which only makes him more of an outsider. I dunno, that’s just kinda sad. He’s like their Screech or something.

    About the peanut butter – peanut butter is pretty uncommon outside of the US (as I understand it), so it could just be that they got them a ton of peanut butter because there is no way to get peanut butter otherwise, and alot of Americans get kind of weird about there being no peanut butter when they go other places. It’s like a weird security blanket. I could just be talking out of my ass but that’s my theory.

  6. 6
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

    OMG, Liz!!!! He is the RW Screech. That’s awesome.

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I found this link that I know all RW fans would find interesting, about previous cast members.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/watn-photos/real-world-cast-members-gallery-1.92861

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Good move MTV put a freshly recoved addict into this situation – gosh nothing bumps up the ratings like a relapse or fingers crossed another suicide attempt. Surely there had to be a plethora of doosh bags without drug or suicidal tendencies.

  9. 9
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    @plcokeness – Aw, thanks! I get a good one out every once in a while.

  10. 10
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Damn, I meant to type plockeness! Though pl cokeness is pretty cool too ;)

  11. 11
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    @ Derek – I don’t even remember some of those Real World-ers! Thanks for the link.

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:28 am

    So, while on vacation on the MA seacoast, rumors are running rampant that Screech isn’t from “Southie” (the MOST proud and roughest borough of Bostob proper, Charlestown being a close second). Faux pas Screech, faux pas indeed. Whitey Bulger himself is PISSED. Kidding….maybe….

    Unfortunately, I’ll have to rely on word on the street as Screech it out of my demographic (yep I’m old) But I’ll pass on what I can.

    I can make an educated guess we’re going to hear a lot more about Oxycontin, Suboxone and Screech’s need for positive or negative attention.

    But, so far nothing can trump Ginge punching himself in the head.

    So excited VA, thanks for the recap!

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:55 am

    YAY!!! VA it’s good to see you.

    I thought the same thing about many of the people on this show. In some scenes they were cute and then in other scenes they looked like hot garbage.

  14. 14
    Zedd
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Considerthis – I thought the same thing. And being a recovering addict himself why would he even WANT to put himself in that situation unless he wants some attention. Kinda ticks me off because everytime they have the goth/scary outsider they’re always whiny little bitches.

  15. 15
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    “hot garbage” – love!

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